Hyunjin missed Seoul, and he missed his parents but he liked Japan and his aunt and uncle were okay too. Besides he knew this was good, it meant his mom could get better and he could go home soon. But he still missed Seoul, and Japan was hard. It was hard to read Kanji and he wasn’t very good at the language still, and he didn’t have any friends. But it did mean he could climb up onto the roof of his aunt and uncles cafe and sketch the scenery of the city around them in the quiet afternoons. He loved it up there on the roof. It was quiet, he could see everything, all the way to Nameless City one direction and if he squinted, Daruma in the other. And none of the neighborhood boys bothered him when he was all the way up here because there were easier targets. Of course that didn’t stop them at school. But Hyunjin would take what he could get.
Voices sounded down below and he watched as a chaotic crew of boys in various blues and messy clothes made their way up the street, pausing in front of the cafe before splitting up. The highschool boys, they were loud and violent, but they never bothered his aunt and uncle’s shop and Hyunjin never had to worry about them because they never had any interest in fighting with people that weren’t a decent challenge. Apparently it wasn’t fun, not that Hyunjin’s schoolmates agreed with that.
He turned his attention back to his sketching as the noise of the highschool boys filtered out and disappeared down below on the street. He loved his art, it was one of the few things he had managed to hang on to from back home. Art and music were so much a part of him that Hyunjin wasn’t sure who he was without them.
“Yikes, what happened to your face kid?” asked a voice startling Hyunjin away from his sketch. One of the highschool boys had climbed up, he had his phone out like he was planning to take a picture of the street but he was looking at Hyunjin, his face twisted in something almost like concern.
“Sorry?” asked Hyunjin hesitantly, worried about angering the boy by making him repeat himself. The older boy just moved over and crouched down next to him.
“Your eye. What happened?” he asked gesturing to his own face. “Someone hit you?”
“Oh. Yes,” said Hyunjin nodding.
“Parents?” asked the highschooler grimacing and Hyunjin shook his head.
“Eomma and appa are home in Seoul. Aunt and uncle are nice,” said Hyunjin pointing down to the shop below them.
“Oh, you’re the Hwang’s nephew,” said the boy surprised. “Schoolmates then? How bad off is the other guy?” Hyunjin shook his head at that and absently shaded in a section of his sketch.
“Can’t hit him back,” he said. “I’m not strong. He’s very big.”
“Well, size has nothing to do with it,” said the guy shaking his head. “Look at me! I’m pretty small still. I’m the best fighter in the entire high school. You just gotta have the fight in you to go for it. Don’t let them knock you down and keep you there. Who cares if they hit you, if it hurts, if you land on your ass. Stand back up and hit ‘em back.” The older boy accented his statement by punching his own fist into the opposite hand. Hyunjin chewed on his lip.
“I’m scared,” he said finally and the boy sat down next to him.
“Yeah. Sometimes it can be scary, yeah? What if they really hurt me this time? What if I’m the one that gets in trouble. What if I only make it worse,” said the older boy. “But, you’re missing something important here. Guys that pick on other guys smaller than them, that they know won’t fight back. They’re cowards. Every single one of them. You stand up and you punch them back even if you get in trouble, even if it hurts you more than it hurts them, it will scare them more than they have ever scared you.”
“You think?” asked Hyunjin hesitantly.
“No never. Seiki says it’s detrimental to my mental health,” said the boy grinning at him and Hyunjin found himself giggling at that. “But I know that’s what’ll happen. I’ve seen it, I have experience! Trust your senpai, yeah?” Hyunjin wrinkled his nose at that.
“Hit them back,” he repeated looking down at his own hands, they were too small, too slender. They looked breakable, like artist hands.
“Yeah,” said the boy nodding and picking up one of Hyunjin’s hands, carefully curling his fingers into a fist, moving his thumb so it was in the right position not to break.
“Like this. Then make sure you hit with these two knuckles,” he said. Hyunjin nodded looking at the way his hand was in a fist.
“Hit me,” said the boy and Hyunjin looked up at him surprised.
“Hit you?”
“Yeah, go on. As hard as you can. Like you really mean it,” he said. Hyunjin hesitated before hitting him in the arm as hard as he could.
“Okay, less rotation, pull your elbow back and keep it tight to your body, you don’t want to be too loose or you’ll be easy to grab,” said the older boy showing Hyunjin the motion gently, moving his arm as he talked. “Try again.” Hyunjin nodded and did, trying to keep his arm following the motion the older boy had said.
“Nice! Remember, these knuckles take the hit okay? You don’t want to break your fingers, you need those for drawing,” said the high schooler grinning at him. “Hit me again.” Hyunjin did and the highschooler beamed at him.
“That’s it! See you can totally do this,” he said brightly, ruffling Hyunjin’s hair as he talked. “It’s not hard. Fighting is easy, it makes way more sense than most people do you know? And around here? You need to fight, violence is the only language people around here understand. Especially the school kids like us, yeah?” Hyunjin nodded at that.
“Remember, maybe it hurts, maybe they’re bigger, maybe you get in trouble, get back up and hit them again,” he said seriously.
“Get up and hit them back,” repeated Hyunjin. “I can do it.”
“Definitely! I’m gonna be back to see how it goes,” said the boy, “what’s your name?”
“Hyunjin,” said Hyunjin nodding.
“Okay, Jin-chan, I’ll be back later this week. I’m Murayama Yoshiki,” he said nodding once. “Kick some ass, alright?” Hyunjin smiled and ducked his head but nodded. Murayama ruffled his hair again and then stood up, stretching before climbing down the fire escape to get back to the street below, apparently forgetting about taking his picture.
Maybe they’re bigger, maybe they hurt you, maybe you get in trouble. Get up and hit them back. Hyunjin had held onto that. The first piece of advice he had ever had from someone, the first thing his brother had ever taught him. How to punch properly, and that no matter what happens you get the hell back up and smack the shit out of whoever tried to knock you down. Coming back to Seoul had been interesting. His mother was healthy again and he was home and he got to be around his parents and go shopping with them and spend time with them and make up for the time they lost. His dad had gotten the promotion at work and they were suddenly swimming in excess cash and moved to a really nice part of town and Hyunjin had never felt more out of place in his life.
The people his parents associated with on a daily basis were fine and all, but they were pretty fake and their kids didn’t make sense to Hyunjin at all. He missed Japan, missed Oya and the rough and tumble boys he had grown up with. He didn’t know how to be part of this new group of boys, he didn’t fit. Sure he was pretty and he looked the part, but he stuck out like a sore thumb.
But the determination that had come from his time in Japan, it carried on into his life in Seoul now. Training at JYP had been the only part of coming back to Seoul that made any kind of sense. Trainees were just like the boys back home, just without the physical aspect, Hyunjin knew what to do with trainees. He knew how to do classes, working until he couldn’t and then working more still, he could do the evaluations, and he stood out. Of course he did. The determination to get up and hit them back had been his mantra since middle school. This wasn’t anything new.
Being roped into Bang Chan’s group though? That was new. That was something that Hyunjin wasn’t sure how to fit into. The other boys were all a little rough around the edges, a messy mixture of too many personalities and not enough experience communicating differences. Hyunjin wasn’t sure how he fit here. But he’d be damned if he let a couple of other boys with no experience take his best shot at debuting from him. Not that he wanted to take theirs either. This working in a team thing was hard.
Felix was the easiest to get along with. Hyunjin understood Felix, he knew what it was like to be the odd one out, the one that was struggling in a completely new place with the bare minimum of understanding the language. And Felix was fun and funny and cute, and Hyunjin loved him. He liked Hyunjin’s art, and he always wanted to dance and Hyunjin was happy to put in as many extra hours in the dance studio with him as he could.
Minho logically would be the next easiest to figure out, but he was closed off. He wasn’t anything like Hyunjin’s hyungs back in Japan. He wasn’t anything like Chan or Changbin either. He was snippy and sarcastic and all hard sleek edges. He was the most experienced dancer in their little group and Hyunjin admired the hell out of that, but he wasn’t about to let a little more experience intimidate him. He had faced scarier things, he knew what he was doing and he was good at it. He could pick up and learn what he didn’t know and if Minho could teach him more, then that would be even better.
He and Felix had a standing time to work on choreographies for the official debut that they always did together, every afternoon after school classes and after the trainee classes of the day. Making it through the survival show had only been step one, sure they’d all been handpicked to be part of the group at that point, but they weren’t a group. Now they were and spending time with members of the group was going to be Hyunjin’s best bet at staying in the debut line up. Felix always beat him to the studio so it was weird to push the door open and find Minho in there fiddling with his phone, looking like he was marking something.
“Oh, hey, Jin,” said Minho glancing up at him. “Here for extra practice?”
“Yeah, Felix and I always meet to run the choreographies together after classes,” said Hyunjin dropping his back and shucking off his jacket. “Are you marking?”
“Yeah, for the new one they’re trying to teach us this week. The choreo doesn’t match the rhythm right and I’m fiddling with it,” said Minho absently. “Isn’t Felix usually in the building by now? He has something in the afternoon.”
“Yeah, he always beats me here,” agreed Hyunjin nodding and frowning. “You haven't seen him?”
“I’m sure he’ll turn up,” said Minho shaking his head. Hyunjin frowned at that. He had a bad feeling.
“No. He always beats me here. He doesn’t take his time in the halls,” he muttered. “Maybe I should see if I can find him.” Minho frowned at that and shoved his phone in his pocket.
“You think something’s wrong?” he asked. “How much trouble could he get in here?”
“It’s not like trainees are particularly nice,” muttered Hyunjin. “I’ll be back in a minute. You can stay and run the choreos with us?”
“Yeah, yeah sure. I’ll come with you, help you find him,” said Minho nodding. “Two people are better than one right?” Hyunjin nodded at that. If Minho wanted to play hyung and come help him find their dance line maknae then far be it from him to keep that from happening.
“Okay,” he agreed before leading the way out of the studio.
“Channie said you’ve been having trouble with Hannie,” said Minho after a few minutes of them walking in silence and Hyunjin scowled.
“He’s a bully,” he muttered. “Though I can’t say I’m being particularly nice either. We’ll work it out. I just don’t know how he ticks yet, if I can’t figure him out I can’t figure out how to communicate with him.”
“He’s scared,” stated Minho and Hyunjin frowned.
“Of me? He’s better at everything other than dance, he shouldn’t be,” said Hyunjin shaking his head. “He’s an ass, but he’s right about that. And he’s not exactly wrong saying I’m only here for my face, everyone says that even some of the staff. Fuck that honestly, I worked my ass off for this.”
“He says that because he’s worried he doesn’t measure up,” said Minho, “he’s targeting things he’s worried will be the reason he doesn’t make it. People say lots of things about Hannie, he’s brilliant, he’s good at everything he picks up, but people don’t say he’s the visual. They don’t ever have anything nice to say about his looks, just that he looks like a chipmunk, that he has squishy cheeks.”
“Fans like squishy cheeks,” stated Hyunjin frowning.
“He’s still scared. And Chan says, him and Changbin both actually, they’re the only people that Jisung’s ever been friends with. You’re right, trainees aren’t exactly nice, and Jisung’s brilliant, he’s an easy target,” said Minho. “I’m not saying he’s right. He’s an ass but you’re an ass too. You said you didn’t understand him, well I’m trying to help.” Hyunjin frowned.
“I’ll think about it,” he said finally.
“About Han?”
“About how to approach this,” explained Hyunjin vaguely. He frowned as he turned a corner and noticed a knot of trainees laughing together at the end of the hallway.
“Did you see his face? Such a baby. There’s no way he’s going to last as an idol.”
“Those stupid spots too. No one will like them.”
“His looks don’t match his voice at all either.”
“He’s way too small. No one will ever take him seriously.”
“Yah!” yelled Hyunjin moving over. “Where the fuck is Felix?”
“Eh, why would we know? He’s not our groupmate,” said one of the bigger boys scowling down at Hyunjin, Minho stepped up right beside him.
“We’re looking for him. Have you seen him,” he stated calmly and firmly, though Hyunjin could hear the edge to his voice. He had a kind of authority that Hyunjin had never quite managed. More like Cobra than Murayama, Hyunjin and Murayama they were too alike in too many ways. But Minho seemed to have Cobra’s natural ability to command attention.
“The twerp? The little foreign kid? He went running past a while ago, sobbing like a baby,” said one of the other boys mockingly. Minho scanned the group, his sharp eyes causing more than one of them to pull back slightly.
“Leave our groupmates alone,” he stated firmly.
“We didn’t touch the kid,” said the bigger boy rolling his eyes and Hyunjin stepped up to look him right in the eyes, the height difference obvious at the closer proximity.
“Lucky for you. Do it and see what happens. I dare you,” he stated before stepping back and heading down the hallway, the trainees yelling after them but no one following them.
“What the hell was that Hyunjin,” stated Minho on his heels.
“They’re cowards,” explained Hyunjin. “Give them a challenge and they’ll back right down. Come on, Felix has to be close by.” He turned a couple corners before finding the nearest bathroom and trying the door. It was open and he stepped inside. Soft sobs were hiccuping off the walls, someone clearly trying to stifle the noise. Hyunjin walked down the stalls until he found one that was closed.
“Felix-ah?” he asked crouching down and putting his hand under the door. Felix grabbed it tightly, still trying to stifle the cries.
“You okay?”
“ No ,” said Felix sounding watery, Hyunjin could see that the younger boy was sitting on the floor with his knees pulled to his chest, his backpack abandoned.
“Felix?” asked Minho setting a hand on the door. “Can you open the door please?”
“Minho-hyung?” muttered Felix softly. He hesitated a moment before unlocking the door. Hyunjin pulled him to his feet and out of the stall, Minho grabbing the backpack as they moved over towards the sink.
“Hi, Lixie, what happened?” asked Hyunjin gently, carefully maneuvering Felix so he was sitting on the countertop. He pulled out a couple of towels and carefully helped Felix wipe the tears from his face.
“Sorry. I’m stupid,” said Felix.
“No you’re not,” said Minho quickly. “Emotions are valid and you’re hurting.”
“No I am,” said Felix softly. “I am not learning fast enough. I do not understand. They keep saying I should have stayed eliminated, they are right. I will not be ready.”
“They’re stupid and they’re jealous,” said Hyunjin firmly. “You’re brilliant and you’re amazing and you’ll be four times as successful as they ever will. You’re learning Korean way way faster than anyone should expect you too.”
“He’s right. Your Korean is really good and improves by the day,” said Minho nodding. “I couldn’t learn English like that.”
“Sorry,” said Felix softly.
“You’re okay,” said Minho wetting a towel and carefully pressing it to one of Felix’s eyes. Hyunjin copied him and did the other.
“Helps with redness and swelling,” said Minho when Felix made a confused sound. “It’s not my first time crying in a bathroom.” Felix giggled wetly at that and Hyunjin smiled.
“You should have seen Hyunjinnie when we found those trainees, Felix-ah, I think you’re his favorite. He yelled at them, it was like watching a tiny kitten hiss at a lion,” said Minho cheerfully. Felix giggled again at that.
“Hyunjin-hyung is brave,” he said.
“Not as brave as you,” said Hyunjin. “I wish I had that kind of bravery. I came home to pursue music rather than try to pursue it in Japan. You came to a country not knowing the language to chase your passion, that’s an insane amount of bravery.”
“Stupidly brave,” said Felix and Hyunjin chuckled at that.
“Yeah, stupidly brave,” he said. “That’s the only way you’re stupid, okay.” Felix smiled at that and Minho pulled his towel away, Felix’s eyes looking far less red and puffy already.
“You were in Japan?” asked Minho looking at Hyunjin who nodded.
“Lived with my aunt and uncle there for a long time,” he said calmly. “Dad was taking care of mom and I was still young enough that they didn’t want me to have to grow up and take care of myself too fast. Mom is healthy now and dad got a promotion and I passed JYP auditions so I came home. I left a lot of people behind. It’s weird because Japan is home too now and I’m not really sure where home is anymore.”
“Wow, sounds scary,” said Minho softly. “You’re brave.”
“Told you,” said Felix.
“Nah, just too stupid to let bigger people, trainees or adults, push me around,” said Hyunjin shrugging. “My brother taught me a lot of things in Japan but he didn’t teach me how to back down when a fight is too big.” Minho laughed at that and Felix burst into giggles, Hyunjin grinned. This was right. He could figure this out. Sure Minho and Felix were completely different from him and from each other, but they were starting to make sense. He could totally do this.
Their first group evaluation had been exhausting. It was draining and while they did phenomenally as a group, acting like they knew each other and were brothers when most of them were still awkwardly trying to go around each other in the dorm was too much. Then Jeongin’s voice had cracked because of course it had, he’s still a teenager and he’s growing up and it was bound to happen sometimes, but one of the vocal instructors had made a face and Jeongin hadn’t been able to pull himself out of the down turn in attitude that had caused the whole time and even in the car on the way back to the dorm. Seungmin and Minho seemed to be quietly trying to come up with a plan to help with that and disappeared into the kitchen when they got home. Changbin had grabbed Jisung and pulled him off to find a laptop because the raps weren’t good enough and they needed to perfect them before the next eval and Chan watched them go, looking like he wanted to join them, but turned and looked at where Felix was quietly dragging his feet towards his dorm room and headed after him quickly.
Which meant Jeongin had headed towards his room and Hyunjin hesitated as he kicked off his shoes. He wasn’t a hyung, he didn’t know how to be that for Jeongin, but he knew that whatever Minho and Seungmin’s cheer up plan in the kitchen was, wasn’t going to be fast enough and he didn’t want to leave their maknae alone. Felix looked like he was sulking and stuck in his head again and Chan would be the best to help pull him out of that, so Hyunjin dropped his bag off in his room and grabbed the giant oversized jacket that he had stolen from Murayama ages ago and pulled it on. It felt like home and comfort. He eyed the hoodie at the edge of his bed and grabbed it too.
“Jeongin-ah?” called Hyunjin knocking once on the door when he got to the other room.
“It’s open, hyung,” called Jeongin sounding exhausted. Hyunjin opened the door and stepped inside, the maknae was on his bed, one headphone in and the sheet music in front of him.
“Hey,” said Hyunjin awkwardly as he made his way over and climbed up onto the bed to sit with him.
“It was just a bad day, hyung, that’s all, don’t worry about it,” said Jeongin quickly.
“I’m not worried about the music,” said Hyunjin shaking his head. “But I am worried about you. Because my noisy mischievous dongsaeng that likes to pick on his hyungs got really quiet and polite on the way home and that’s definitely not a good sign.”
“Isn’t it better like that. Maknaes are supposed to be cute and young and polite,” said Jeongin scowling. “Everyone says so. Cutesy and soft and nice and lovable and playful and easy to pick up and boss around and all that maknae shit that I’m so terrible at. My singing is the best thing I’ve got and I’m not about to let one bad evaluation ruin that.”
“I don’t have younger brothers but I’m pretty sure that’s all BS,” said Hyunjin rolling his eyes. “Besides, we like you. If we wanted a maknae like the stereotypes we’d have found one, but we want you because you’re perfect for us. Who’s telling you you aren’t?”
“Fans, comments, managers, trainees, everyone,” said Jeongin rolling his eyes. “It’d be easier to list who isn’t.”
“Well then do that,” said Hyunjin. “Who isn’t?” Jeongin hesitated finally looking up at him.
“You aren’t,” he said after a beat. “Seungmin and Minho hyungs either, they seem happier when I’m mean to them. Felix-hyung isn’t, even though he’s too soft to be mean too. Han-hyung hasn’t said it either actually, or Changbin-hyung.”
“And Chan-hyung?”
“Chan-hyung picked me, he hasn’t tried to change me, just help me grow,” muttered Jeongin frowning.
“Whose opinion do you think matters then?” asked Hyunjin. “Ours? Or everyone else? Whose opinion do you care about.” Jeongin is quiet for a bit.
“Yours,” he said finally. “You’re right, you all like me like me and not like a stereotype maknae. But that doesn’t change that my evaluation was bad. I need to fix that, I need to work on it.”
“You’re still growing,” said Hyunjin bluntly. “Voice cracks are going to happen. Probably not for much longer, but they’ll happen. It’s part of life. Besides if Chan-hyung can pull two of us back from elimination on a survival show I think he can make one voice crack disappear.” Jeongin huffed a quiet laugh at that.
“I still don’t want to do it again,” he said.
“Then we accept that it might happen because you’re a growing boy who is going to be taller than all of his hyungs one day and we don’t work on it while we’re in a bad mood because it’s not good to associate things you love with a bad mood, and we come back to it at another time,” said Hyunjin firmly, pulling the sheet music away from Jeongin as he talked. Jeongin didn’t fight him on it.
“I don’t want to disappoint you,” said Jeongin after a beat.
“You can’t,” said Hyunjin. Jeongin shook his head at him.
“You don’t know that,” he said. “How can you say that.”
“You have a younger brother, yeah?” Jeongin nodded.
“Could he ever do anything to disappoint you?”
“Well, I mean he could but it would have to be pretty drastic,” said Jeongin after a few minutes.
“It’s like that. Except that we picked to be your brothers,” said Hyunjin, “so you like really really couldn’t ever do anything to disappoint us.”
“You’re sure?” asked Jeongin sounding small and young, not like his usual confident self.
“Trust me, Innie, I’m a maknae too,” said Hyunjin holding his pinky finger out to link with the youngest’s. Jeongin linked his with Hyunjin’s then looked up at him.
“You’re a maknae? You’re an only child,” said Jeongin.
“Biologically,” agreed Hyunjin nodding. “But back home in Japan, I have like an entire school of older brothers, they’re so cool. My aunt and uncle over there don’t live in a great part of town, it’s not a wealthy area and it’s pretty dangerous, the highschool is violent. The kids that grow up over there, they don’t speak any other language you know? Violence is how the adults in their lives communicate, it’s how the other kids communicate, it’s what you learn. Well some tiny Korean kid who barely spoke Japanese and was only good at art and dance wasn’t exactly a great fit, my brother took me under his wing, made sure I got through middle school and the first year of high school, made sure I knew how to fight back and never give up even if it hurt, he showed up to all of my dance stuff and always supported my art stuff. It didn’t matter that he didn’t get it, that it didn’t make sense to him and when I left him and the others for Korea again for JYP they weren’t disappointed. I couldn’t have done anything to ever disappoint them, they were proud. So very proud, I’ve never seen him look that excited to send someone off to the airport. He’s my brother, and his friends, his gang, they’re my hyungdeul too. Like we’re yours.”
“That sounds rough, hyung, I’m glad that you had them,” said Jeongin eyes wide. “They still love you? Even though you left them?”
“Yeah. I hear from them all the time,” said Hyunjin nodding. “Yoshiki-hyung and I talk every sunday. This is his jacket. It makes me feel better when I’ve had a rough day because it’s big enough to swallow me and it’s his. He’s too far away to take me out to walk around the neighborhood and vent until I feel better, to haul me up over his shoulder and run around until I’m laughing so hard I’m crying, but I have this and it makes me feel safe.”
“And that’s yours,” said Jeongin clearly jumping to the right conclusion. “Don’t be awkward about it, hyung, give it here.” Hyunjin laughed and handed over the hoodie to the maknae who immediately pulled it on and flopped back on the bed.
“Ah, perfect. It’s like Hyunjin-hyung is with me but I’m not being smothered,” he said cheerfully and Hyunjin let out an indignant noise before flopping on top of him. That’s how Minho and Seungmin found them, in their brothers’ jackets cuddled on top of each other poking fun at the other. It was perfect and Hyunjin loved how he was starting to slot into place with his new group. And the way that Seungmin immediately joined them in the pile and started poking at both of them slotted right into place too.
“Oya, Jinnie-chan,” called a familiar voice and Hyunjin perked up from where he was sat at the counter near the kitchen in his aunt and uncle’s cafe.
“Ota-san,” he called cheerfully, grabbing his bag with his sketchbook and bolting to the front of the cafe, happily slamming into Murayama who laughed and tousled his hair roughly.
“Auntie, I’m taking Jinnie-chan, we’ll be back before dark!” called Murayama.
“Hey! Murayama! You take care of my nephew!” called Hyunjin’s aunt.
“Of course, auntie,” called Murayama cheerfully before pushing the door open and leading the way out into the street.
“Your eye is bad again, Yoshiki-hyung,” said Hyunjin looking up at the older boy as they walked.
“You should see the other guy, Jinnie,” said Murayama cheerfully. “All patched up and everything.”
“But you are still hurt from the Chiharu fight,” said Hyunjin seriously and Murayama just laughed.
“If I don’t fight while I’m hurt I’d never have a chance to get better, brat,” he said. “Come on, you want noodles? It’s on me today.”
“You don’t have money for noodles,” said Hyunjin accusingly. “It’s on Seiki-san.”
“Hey!” complained Murayama pulling Hyunjin into a noogie causing Hyunjin to laugh and try to wrestle his way away from the bigger boy. He had gotten used to playing rough around the Oya boys, but he could tell that Murayama was always extra gentle with him.
“Your hair’s getting long Jin-chan,” said Murayama tugging a lock gently before releasing Hyunjin from the headlock.
“Yeah, some of the guys at school think it makes me look girly but I like it. It’s pretty!” insisted Hyunjin bouncing slightly as he said this.
“What if you get in a fight, huh? You’re not going to be able to see anything,” said Murayama.
“Doesn’t matter! I’ll still hit them harder,” exclaimed Hyunjin enthusiastically causing Murayama to laugh. The older boy pulled the bandana off his own head and pulled it down over Hyunjin’s eyes causing the younger boy to complain loudly before pushing it up so he could see. Murayama paused in the street to adjust Hyunjin’s hair around the headband.
“There, now you can see where you’re hitting, tiger,” he said grinning at him. He ruffled his own hair quickly to shake it out from where it had been laying in the headband.
“But you don’t have one now,” said Hyunjin.
“Eh, I can find a new one,” said Murayama shrugging. “Come on, race you to the noodle shop.” He shoved Hyunjin lightly before taking off down the street. Hyunjin yelled in outrage, claiming it was cheating, but took off after him. The wind carrying both of their laughter as they ran.
Fighting with Jisung didn’t get easier. Hyunjin knew it was because the other boy was scared but so was Hyunjin. He hated being scared, it was exhausting, but Jisung pushed all his insecurities. Hyunjin wasn’t exactly good at controlling his temper, he was good at fighting for what he wanted and what he believed in. But not fighting? He wasn’t good at that, he didn’t know how to do that.
Why their managers had decided they needed to share studio time to work on raps for the debut, Hyunjin didn’t know. It didn’t make any sense. Their fights certainly didn’t go down sharing studio time, they just got more explosive.
“Okay this! This isn’t working!” yelled the manager with them. “You two need to sit down and figure out how to work together or this is going nowhere. You can’t keep coexisting like this, it’s hurting both of you and it’s hurting your group.”
“He’s the one that keeps acting like he’s so great,” snapped Jisung. “I’m so done. Sharing this with someone like him, who’s only here for his face.”
“Fuck you,” snapped Hyunjin gripping his pants tightly, so he wouldn’t hit the other boy. This wasn’t Japan, he wasn’t at Oya, he couldn’t hit Jisung it wouldn’t help anything, that wasn’t how they communicated. “I worked my ass off for this. Just because you think you’re the greatest thing since G-Dragon. Maybe I can’t rap like you, but that doesn’t mean I’m bad. And I can sing just as well as you can and I’m a better dancer than you’ll ever be. So shut the fuck up, I’m not your punching bag so either actually punch me or shut up.” Jisung was fuming and stormed out of the room.
“Fuck,” yelled Hyunjin dropping his head into his hands. He hadn’t meant to lash out like that. Jisung always looked so hurt when he yelled back but he couldn’t not yell back.
“I’m serious you two have to figure out how to communicate,” said their manager looking exhausted. “You’re practically adults, you have to figure this out on your own.”
“I know! I know, I just. I don’t know what to do! He picks at every part of me like he can see right through me and it’s terrifying, okay? I’m not good at this. I don’t, I don’t understand. I can’t not get angry back and I can’t help it,” said Hyunjin.
“You’re both in the wrong,” said the manager. “You’re never going to get over this if one of you doesn’t extend an olive branch.” Right. An olive branch, a peace offering, Hyunjin could do that. Someone had to or they weren’t going to go anywhere. It was worth a shot.
“Okay,” said Hyunjin nodding. “Okay.” He took a deep breath and stood up, adjusting his headband as he walked a worn old blue bandana gifted from a brother years ago. His courage when he needed that extra bit to do something hard, like this. Sure Murayama’s advice usually fell along the lines of hit it until it makes sense, but that wasn’t going to work here. And in this case, doing the braver scarier thing was offering to make peace with Jisung. He hurried out the door after him, he probably had headed to the bathroom or towards wherever it was that Changbin and Chan were holed up today. Both of which would be to the left, so he headed to the left hoping to catch up with Jisung before he started to try and go home.
A quick scan of the bathroom told him that Jisung wasn’t in there so he kept hurrying down the hallway and then to the stairwell, sticking his head out on each floor. There was no sign of Jisung. He stopped on one and was about to leave when he heard a commotion around the corner. It could be Jisung, maybe. So Hyunjin hurried around the corner to look quickly. It was a knot of trainees. Hyunjin was about to go when what they were saying caught up to him.
“You think you’re so good just because Bang Chan and JYP think that you’re some kind of prodigy.” Definitely Jisung. Hyunjin hesitated. Sure, Jisung was his groupmate but he had also been awful to him. No. Hyunjin wasn’t leaving him, sure they weren’t friends but that was Jisung, his groupmate.
“Hey!” he called moving over and pushing his way into the knot. “What the hell are you doing!”
“What, you don’t want the perfect little prodigy out of your way?” asked one of the trainees.
“Yeah he’s kind of a brat and he’s an asshole and he’s so obnoxious, but he’s my groupmate and you stay the fuck away,” snapped Hyunjin. A couple of the trainees scoffed but backed down. But the tallest and biggest exchanged a look and laughed.
“You think you’re scary huh?” asked the one that was clearly the leader.
“Jisung, are you okay?”
“What are you doing?” asked Jisung and Hyunjin glanced back to check on him. There was a bruise forming on his cheek.
“Are you okay?”
“Yeah I’m fine, it’s nothing new,” he said trying to push Hyunjin away. “Go you’ll just get in trouble too.”
Maybe they’re bigger. Maybe you get hurt. Maybe you get in trouble. But get up and hit them back.
“So what,” said Hyunjin with a scoff. “Worth it.” He shoved the biggest guy standing in front of him.
“I said back the hell off,” he stated firmly. He was done with trainees in this company causing problems for his group. If this gang was going to give him a chance to let rumors spread, great, it may finally get the others some relief too.
“And what are you going to do? Hit me?” asked the boy. “And risk getting your pretty little face ruined. What happens then? The only reason your in the group is gone.”
“Says you. How long have you been a trainee?” asked Hyunjin incredulously. “I don’t think you’re qualified to comment on what does or doesn’t make me an asset to the group.”
“You’re a little bitch,” said the bigger boy his fist balling up.
“Hyunjin, Hyunjin, what the hell are you doing,” hissed Jisung. “You’re going to get hurt.” Hyunjin focused on the boy in front of them, hoping that Jisung would stay behind him and stay out of the way.
“Yeah? Gee wonder what that would make you?” said Hyunjin with a laugh. The bigger boy practically growled at him and took a swing at Hyunjin who grabbed his forearm and snapped his fist of his other hand into the boy’s nose. The boy howled in pain and his friend lunged for Hyunjin, who didn’t manage to block that hit, but swung back twice as hard. The other boy’s nose crunched under his fist and Hyunjin forced himself to keep his face neutral. Grinning while he punched some trainee’s lights out wasn’t going to win him any points, this wasn’t Oya. He shook his fist out and glanced over the rest of the trainees.
“Anyone else want a broken nose and a trip to hospital? Or are we done?” asked Hyunjin.
“What the hell is wrong with you?” cried the first boy, hand over his nose doing nothing to stop the bleeding.
“Stay the fuck away from my groupmates,” he stated stepping closer. “You should go get that checked before it permanently causes a crooked nose. Wouldn’t want to ruin your best asset right? You’re sparkling personality isn’t going to get you anywhere.” The trainees scattered, quickly and Hyunjin shook his fingers out before turning to Jisung.
“Damn, they got you pretty good,” he muttered reaching to poke at Jisung’s cheek before beaming at him. “But it doesn’t look like it’s going to swell!”
“What the hell, Hyunjin,” cried Jisung pushing him away but not harshly. “What was that! Why would you do that? They weren’t even harassing you or Felix. It’s not like it’s the first time they’ve caused me problems either.”
“That doesn’t make it okay. What do they even say to you anyway? You’re twice the artist they’ll ever be,” said Hyunjin rolling his eyes. “Come on, you should ice your cheek so it really doesn’t swell.”
“How did you even do that? They were like twice your size,” said Jisung letting Hyunjin throw an arm over his shoulders and lead him towards the stairs.
“I’m good at throwing a punch,” said Hyunjin.
“But he hit you too and he’s bigger,” said Jisung. “You just.”
“Got up and hit him back,” said Hyunjin shrugging, echoing his brother from all those years ago.
“I don’t get it. You have this determination to succeed in whatever it is you’re doing, dancing, debuting, fighting some giant trainee in the hall,” said Jisung shaking his head. “It’s like nothing ever shakes you, nothing gets to you. You’re untouchable.”
“That’s not true,” said Hyunjin. “You get under my skin so so easy. I yell at you because you piss me off, you make me insecure.”
“I piss you off because you make me insecure,” muttered Jisung. “You’re like perfect. Sure your rap isn’t as good and your singing could use some work, but you're a brilliant dancer and you’re so pretty. Like what I wouldn’t give to be that kind of elegant. And you just, you never stop, Hyunjin. I’ve never seen you doubt yourself and your ability to learn something once. You just make your mind up and do it. I could never have stood up to those guys like you did. Hell they hit me and I never even tried to hit them back. You broke their noses.”
“My brother taught me to punch when I was in middle school,” said Hyunjin with a shrug, “by the time I got to highschool I was a pretty big fighter. I don’t mind getting hurt, you get used to it, and a couple of trainees that don’t even know how to punch without breaking their fingers aren’t exactly going to do much damage. I learned to fight in Sannoh area in Japan, kids down there fight with broken bottles and metal baseball bats. There are scarier things than a few trainees.”
“No wonder nothing scares you,” said Jisung shaking his head. “Guess we really are all stray kids, huh.” Hyunjin snorted at that.
“Yeah in some way or another,” he agreed. “And Jisungie, it’s not about nothing scaring me. Especially not those trainees. Guys like that, they pick on people smaller than them because they’re easy targets. They’re cowards and they’re mad that we’re doing better than them. You threaten to stand up or break a couple noses? They’ll scatter in the wind faster than you can say debut.”
“I can’t do that,” said Jisung shaking his head. “I can’t risk losing this and they know it.”
“I’m going to tell you exactly what my brother told me, okay? Maybe they’re bigger than you, maybe they hurt you, maybe you get in trouble, if they knock you down stand up and hit them back.”
“Hit them back. If they knock me down I’m not getting up,” said Jisung and Hyunjin laughed.
“Yeah you will. How many times have you come back with a better harder rap because one of the coaches or JYP himself didn’t like the first one? How’s that different? That’s scarier. Get up and hit them back. That’s it. That’s the whole secret. Why do you think I never stop no matter what? I get up and I hit them back.” Han shook his head at that but let Hyunjin drag him back to the studio to keep practicing. Something changed in their relationship that day, suddenly they had some kind of common ground, a secret they shared.