I've been with him for as long as I can remember. I've said in countless interviews about his existence, the different reasons and excuses that I make to describe him. In fact, I can't. I can’t describe him enough. For a while, I had a crisis. I don't know what he is to me.
I never said we were friends. Heck, we never hung out outside of work. It's exactly like those business relationships people have in a normal white collar job.
He’s not like my college friends, or like the other people in my friend groups that I joke and play with.
I’ve said that if we weren't idols like we are now, we would never meet. not even as high school kids.
He would be on the other end of the spectrum, I wouldn't find him, he wouldn’t find me. Like the neighborhood kid that you saw once and never again, mezmerised by a presence so fleeting you think it's a dream.
Maybe it's because I can’t imagine him being anything else besides what he is now.
But if we were high school kids, he would be the one that had one or two friends around. I'd be in that big group of friends, and I sometimes see him in the corner of my eyes, silently pondering on something or having nothing at all in that head of his.
Nonetheless, he’d be beautiful, I would catch all the moles on his nose, cheeks, and neck, a constellation. The slightest movement from him would make me turn my head away. I don’t know why, but it would be what makes sense to me at all times.
I’d see him with earphones on, tuning in to the latest idol song charting, smiling and humming along. Sooner or later, he's gone from the classroom, in pursuit of his dreams.
And from that day on, I’d only see him on the big billboards up in the city, where I would be with my friends on a week out.
I’d stop for a second and look up, “oh hey, it's that guy from class”.
My friends minding their own business up ahead of me, they’d say “didn’t catch that, Fuma, who?”
“Him,” as I pointed towards the platform up in the sky, our heads turning as we looked.
“Oh, Nakajima? damn, he sure did become an idol” one said.
“I barely knew him in class, it's like he wasn’t there!” another said.
Their remarks would be rather weird to me. Well, he wouldn't be as popular compared to the ones in the basketball club or band, or those who completely drown themselves in girls around class, but to me, if you look close enough he has a certain charm no other person had. He’s pretty.
And for him to be unleashed in the world of idols, celebrities, showbiz and anything in between, was like god’s will. He was meant to be there, and let the world be blessed by his being.
Talking about divinity, he’s sometimes untouchable.
What if it's just me? Holding back myself afraid to touch you, as if any hands will taint him of his holiness.
Nonsense, he’s merely human.
like how I see him hurt many times, and that doesn’t mean he’s weak. I believe he’s amazing. Ever since debut, he never changed, falling hard on the ground is nothing to him, he will rise up, smiling, stronger and beautiful as ever.
this would always be your destiny, no matter what kind of universe we’re in.
“Fuma,”
“If you’re not there, it's kind of scary”
“So, please. Always stay by my side?”
Of course, of course. It's already written within all the earth’s resources contained.
It surely took a moment for me to realize that in any lifetime and given time, the string that connects us wouldn't break.
I was meant to be here, to see you be so cherished, adored, to be loved.
“Fuma,”
“You know I love you, right?”
Yeah, I do.
My absolute is you, your only is me.