Soon Enough

"... Jesse… Hey..."

"Cheer up…"

Jesse kept his body laid over the cafeteria table as Juri shook his shoulders.

"You can't sulk forever, come on."

Jesse groaned, rolling his head away from Juri to hide his face in his other arm.

"I can and I will."

Taiga sighed as he took a bite from his lunch. "I warned you, didn't I? I knew you shouldn't have gotten so excited. You should have asked him first."

"What's the point of it being a surprise if I ask him beforehand?" Jesse whined into the table. "It wouldn't be a surprise at all!"

Taiga just shrugged to himself as he continued his lunch. "You could have at least asked if he was free…"

"I just didn't think Kochi was going to reject so blatantly," Shintaro chuckled, trying to lighten the mood but only managing to dig the knife deeper into Jesse's side.

On the 20th, Jesse had proudly handed Kochi an envelope, prompting him with nothing but "open it" and a smile.

Kochi had told him to make his move.

So he did.

He tried.

He planned a whole Christmas trip for the two of them with enthusiasm.

He found a resort. He booked their tickets. He planned their meals. He even planned their walk. He planned it down to the second where he hoped they would kiss under the Christmas starlight decorations without a soul in sight to ruin their moment.

Jesse was so excited, he wouldn't stop talking about it, raving about his glimmering and gleaming image of what would happen on the 25th to the point where even Juri was going to bed first, throwing his pillow across the room to shut his roommate up.

Everything was supposed to be perfect.

And it was.

Until the moment Kochi opened up the envelope, squinting at the dates of the tickets and returning it to Jesse with "I'm sorry."

It didn't help that the sting of the rejection only worsened when the other 4 pretended they didn't see anything once he returned to their table in the bar with the envelope still in hand.

Now the envelope just laid uselessly on his dorm room desk.

"Why don't you just help him at the bar during Christmas? Won't you at least be spending time with him?" Hokuto asked, returning to his seat beside Taiga after putting away his tray.

Jesse turned his head, resting it on his arm as he finally showed his face, releasing a deep sigh.

"No… I already promised my mom I'd come home for Christmas… With my dad being American and all that, it's actually kind of a big deal if I don't have any other plans."

They all gave a sympathetic hum, out of ideas and words to ease Jesse's regret as Juri smoothly changed the subject, leaving Jesse to continue sulking.

"Well, I'm going back to see my family. You are too, right Shintaro?"

Shintaro nodded, finishing off the rest of his bowl. "Mhm. We like to spend it together. Thankfully, it's not too far. Did you get your 4 brothers presents already?"

Juri plopped his chin in his palm, looking over to the person beside him. "Yes and no, we usually just pass each other money and call it good. How about you?"

"No presents," Shintaro chuckled as he traded his empty bowl for his glass of water. "Just some things for the puppies."

"Ohh nice. I'm sure they'll be happy." Juri returned his usual lazy smile before looking to the other side of the table.

"What about you, Kyomo?"

For some reason, Taiga sounded nervous as he set down his chopsticks.

"Ahh, uh my parents decided to go to Hawaii for the holidays."

"Oh! When are you leaving?"

"They left last week."

"You're not going?"

"Uhh… No…"

Juri raised a brow.

"You're staying home alone?"

Jesse didn't like the silence that followed. He knew that Taiga was just trying to be nice, but the drawn out pause just made it more painful.

Thankfully Hokuto pulled the trigger, mercifully putting Jesse out of his misery.

"He's staying with my family."

"My parents wanted to see him again anyways."

Shintaro gasped and shook Taiga's arm, jostling the other in his seat.

"You met his family???"

"Yeah, I did! Cut it out!" Taiga huffed as he tore off Shintaro's grasp. "It's just convenient… If I had gone with my parents, I would have missed weeks of school."

Taiga quickly reached past Hokuto to shake Jesse's arm. "It just happened to work out this way, okay? Don't feel bad…"

If Jesse could have melted into the table, he would have.

He just wanted to spend Christmas with Kochi.

It didn't feel like that was such a big ask.

He really did love to see his friends happy. It just sucked when it had been so long and they had moved nowhere.

Jesse was pretty sure Kochi liked him.

At least from what Taiga told him and how Kochi spoiled him, it seemed like he did. But even after he tried to take steps forward as he was told, Kochi took steps back.

He couldn't figure out what it was.

Maybe it was him but maybe Kochi still lived by his words.

Kochi just wasn't looking for a relationship right now.

Jesse let out a deep breath as he stared at the ceiling of his childhood home, laying spread out on his bed that was a touch too small now, but was just as comfortable as it was when he was 10.

Christmas was almost over.

Approximately 1 hour and 8 minutes away from being over.

His stomach was full of his mom's food and his heart was brimming with his family's love.

It was fun. He enjoyed laughing and playing games with his sister as he cracked jokes with his dad. The Christmas dinner his mom made was delicious as always as she placed more servings onto his plate.

Jesse really did love spending time with his family.

But he couldn't help but wish that his original plans would have panned out.

He knew he couldn't brood over it forever but… he really just hoped this would have been his chance.

Of course, Hokuto had gone through hell and things with Kochi had been considerably less painful than his experience, but if Hokuto's relationship with Taiga was a slow burn, then things with Kochi were barely a smolder.

Jesse just wanted to add some gas to the fire.

But instead, it felt like he added a bucket of water.

He groaned as he rolled onto his side, reaching out to gather his phone on his side table to open up and reread the exchange of messages in their group chat from earlier.

Shintaro:
Merikuri!!!

Shintaro:
Merikuri from Chii-chan too :)

Attached was a photo of Shintaro, grinning ear to ear with a large fluffy dog looped under his arm.

The dog also looked happy with a still tagged plush toy in its mouth.

Juri:
merikuri~

Juri sent a sticker of a Santa celebrating, contrasting his bland response.

Hokuto:
Merry Christmas!

Jesse:
Merry Christmas guys!! Any presents?? Photos plz if you do

Juri:
mom got me a watch

The photo was just of Juri's arm. It was blurry, but you could still see a silver watch on his thin wrist.

Jesse:
looks sick!

Jesse:
I think

Juri:
ww ty

Shintaro sent a sticker of a character rolling and laughing.

Taiga:
Happy Christmas!

Taiga's message was followed by an emoji of a baked chicken.

Taiga:
I got a bottle of sake from Hokuto's mom.

From the photo, the sake seemed to be locally produced with its simplistic but hand designed label.

Shintaro:
Okay, but what did Hokuto get you?

It was obvious that Shintaro was eager to pick on the rather private couple.

At this point, if they hadn't been Jesse's closest friends, he would have shut off his phone and ignored it until tomorrow, but he had stayed engaged with the chatter.

Taiga:
This.

The pajama set in Taiga's lap looked soft.

At this time of night Taiga was probably wearing it now, sleeping peacefully next to his boyfriend.

Juri:
lame

Hokuto:
Shut up.

Hokuto:
Jess, what did you get?

Jesse had sent a photo of his small cluster of gifts his parents and sister gave him.

Juri:
dang a brand name wallet??

Jesse:
My dad helped my sister get it for me

Jesse:
She knew I had been eyeing it for a while

As they talked spiritedly, people coming in and out of the conversation as they discussed what they ate and what they received, along with a short argument about whether Hokuto would actually wear the scarf Taiga gave him, there wasn't one response from Kochi.

Shintaro:
?? Nothing from Kochi yet?

Taiga:
The bar can get pretty crowded on Christmas.

Taiga:
He serves a lot of people who aren't welcome home anymore.

Taiga:
I'm sure he's just busy.

Those messages had been sent around 3 hours ago and there was still no reply.

Jesse had even sent him a message privately with a sticker saying merry christmas, but only got the note next to his text that said "read".

There was a pang of guilt in Jesse's chest when Taiga mentioned Kochi's work, feeling that he should have stayed there to help, but it was Kochi himself who insisted that he return home.

He knew he shouldn't feel bad, but the thought of an overworked Kochi still made him feel regretful.

Jesse sighed as he dropped his phone and laid on his back, placing his hands together in a prayer towards the ceiling.

"Dear…… Santa."

"It's a little late, but all I want this Christmas is to see Kochi Yugo at least once."

"Please."

"I promise to give you a beer afterwards."

"Or something."

He laughed to himself as he began to joke around, dropping his hands onto his chest and muttering in a half hearted playful tune "Just kidding..."

Jesse sighed again.

Just a bit longer…

He couldn't be far from winning him over, right?

Even if he wasn't, he was ready to do everything he could to ensure it.

He knew Kochi liked him, so it wasn't like he was forcing himself on him.

He just had to wait a bit longer until Kochi was ready.

Hopefully next Christmas, they could spend it together.

Jesse closed his eyes, ready to fall asleep.

Tomorrow would be just another day and another step forward, he hoped.

Maybe, he could offer to take over the bar for a day so Kochi could rest…

…

Jesse's eyes shot open when his phone pinged.

He didn't even know who it was, but he scrambled for his phone, rolling onto his stomach to lean over it and see what the notification was for.

Jesse read the message out loud.

"... Christmas may be over but the deals haven't-..."

Jesse's arms collapsed from under him, dropping his forehead onto his screen as he buried his face into his sheets.

If his sister's room wasn't next to him he would have exhaled a loud groan.

It was just a stupid email advertising their after holiday sale.

Why was he getting all excited?...

Kochi was probably already asleep.

There was no way he would-

His phone rattled against his skull.

Blurry eyed, Jesse raised his head to look at the message that glowed on the screen.

Kochi:
Merry Christmas

Kochi:
Are you awake?

Yes.

YES.

Jesse's hands almost shook as he unlocked his phone to answer.

Jesse:
Yes Im awake

Kochi:
Do you have a minute?

A minute. An hour. A day. A lifetime. Jesse had all the time in the world if it was for him.

Jesse:
Yeah

Jesse:
Whats up?

His phone began to ring with a call.

Jesse didn't know if he had ever pressed a button any faster.

"Hello?..."

"Hey."

Kochi's voice sounded soft.

It wasn't unusual, but it still made Jesse's stomach turn with concern.

"Hey… Everything alright?"

"Yeah, everything is fine."

"I uh… I just wanted to apologize for not being responsive."

Jesse sat up, adjusting himself to lean against the headboard of his bed as he listened with his phone still pressed against his ear

"No, it's no problem at all, Taiga said you would be busy… You must be tired."

Jesse fell in love with Kochi's laugh the first time he heard it and fell in love with it every time after, even when it was gentle and quiet over the phone.

"It was busy, but I'm alright. It's nothing I haven't done before, but I have to admit, I felt a little spoiled having you around… It's been a while since I've worked a busy night alone."

The way Jesse's hand tightened around his phone mirrored the squeeze in his heart as Kochi spoke.

He should have stayed…

"I'm sorry. I should have helped-"

"No, it's okay. Your family is more important."

"But what about yours?

"It's fine. I'm planning on seeing them next week for new years."

"... Then let me help this week."

"Shouldn't you be relaxing?"

"I want to help."

I want to see you.

Was what Jesse really wanted to say but cowardness was so much easier.

Jesse could see his smile as Kochi laughed.

"Alright. I look forward to it then."

The call fell quiet for a moment as Jesse fought himself for what to say, hearing what he thought sounded like a breeze on the other's phone.

But before Jesse could find the right words, Kochi spoke first.

"Hey… Can I be a little selfish?..."

Jesse nodded, crossing his legs as he replied.

"Of course."

"... I want to see you."

Jesse's heart could have exploded.

He almost thought he was dreaming.

Kochi never said anything like this.

He nearly asked for him to repeat himself as Kochi talked over him.

"Are you able to come outside?"

All Kochi heard in response was a distant thud and clatter followed by a muffled groan.

"... Jesse?"

The phone clattered again as Jesse recovered it from the floor, rubbing at his throbbing knee that had collided into the ground after he had tripped and fallen off his bed.

"Yeah- Just hold on-"

Jesse found whatever sweatpants he could find, shoving his legs into them over his pajamas before taking whatever coat he had to zip up to his neck and swiftly, but quietly, sped to the front door.

When he swung open the door, panting and out of breath, he wasn't sure what he would find.

It all didn't feel quite real as he stood there, white puffs leaving his lips with his phone still pressed against his ear as he watched Kochi look over to him with his phone still at his lips.

Kochi was really there, waiting in his thick leather winter jacket as he leaned against his motorbike.

His helmet was hung up on the handlebar as the bike sat parked on the street outside of Jesse's family home.

When Kochi smiled and spoke, his voice from his lips layering with his voice from Jesse's phone.

"Hi."

Jesse walked towards him, eyes wide with amazement as Kochi hung up the call.

"... How-"

"I asked Juri for your address. That guy really does have loose lips."

Jesse just watched the stream of white that came from Kochi's lips as he chuckled and pushed his phone back into the pocket of his jacket.

His heart was pounding in his ears.

"Come here."

Jesse obeyed without question, approaching Kochi as he held out his hands, the tips of his fingers pink from the winter chill.

"They're cold."

It didn't even take a second before Jesse wrapped his hands around Kochi's, heating his icey skin in his warm palms.

They both watched their hands as Jesse shared his warmth, the temperature of their skin slowly coming to match as the cold left Kochi's fingers. They stayed in the comfortable quiet, the streets empty and the neighborhood around them asleep, leaving what felt like the world just for them.

Kochi spoke softly, not wanting to break the silence as Jesse shifted their hold, heating Kochi's neglected palm and thumbs.

"... I'm sorry I didn't say anything…"

Jesse shook his head, squeezing Kochi's hands in his.

"No. No, it's okay…"

"I-... I'm really happy you're here…"

Kochi smiled to himself as he squeezed back.

"I also want to apologize for something else."

Jesse was hesitant as he looked up, seeing Kochi's eyes still lowered as he spoke.

"... I know you've been waiting and I know I've been keeping you waiting… and that's not fair to you."

"I told you I wasn't interested in dating and that wasn't a lie… I was so caught up in Taiga's worries and my work, I hardly had time to think about anything else."

Kochi shifted his feet.

"People say I'm kind but-"

Jesse cut in.

"You are-!"

Kochi spoke over him.

"I'm not."

Both of them let out a quiet sigh, Kochi's ending with a soft smile as his fingers tightened around Jesse's hands.

"If I was kind, I would have let you go months ago."

"But I didn't."

"I kept stringing you along without an answer."

Jesse clenched his jaw.

He wanted to say Kochi was wrong, that he did nothing bad but he knew Kochi wouldn't take any of that as an answer.

Kochi continued.

"I should have said no and let you move on to someone who could answer you with confidence instead of just keeping you around to boost my own ego."

"But… you know-..."

Kochi let go of Jesse's hands to spread them flat against his, holding their palms together.

Slowly, he interlaced his fingers with Jesse's as Jesse just watched him in silence with his heart ready to burst from his chest.

"I… missed you today…"

"I didn't realize how much I had grown used to you being around… I found myself looking for you when you weren't there…"

"So, I guess what I wanted to say was if it's not too late-"

When Kochi looked up at him, Jesse didn't know he was already leaning in.

It was like he was locked in a trance as Kochi's fingers fell from their hold to spread out smoothly against his chest. Their cheeks brushed as Kochi's chin raised.

If the winter hadn't chilled it, he wasn't sure if he would have ever felt Kochi's lips against his cheek if they hadn't been so warm on his cold skin.

Even the breath Kochi whispered felt hot against his ear.

"Merry Christmas, Jesse."

It didn't matter.

It didn't matter that it was 10 minutes past midnight.

Jesse was breathless.

He couldn't even bring himself to move after Kochi set his forehead on his shoulder.

He had never been this close to him before.

Sure, there were moments where they would bump shoulders in passing or reach around each other to grab what they needed from behind the bar, but never like this.

It had never been intimate like this.

"I'm sorry I couldn't go on your trip."

"But all I want from you this Christmas is just for you to wait a bit longer."

Jesse fought the words out of his mouth as his throat croaked.

"How much longer-?"

Kochi idly ran his fingers along the edge of the zipper of Jesse's coat as he bit back his laugh.

"I don't know, I can't promise-"

When Jesse grabbed his shoulders to push him back, Kochi nearly jolted as he kept himself steady against his bike, locking eyes with Jesse's determined gaze.

"Then by my birthday."

Kochi stammered, thrown off by Jesse's sudden fire.

"H-huh?"

Kochi blinked as Jesse's grip tightened on his arms.

"I'll make you fall in love with me by my birthday."

It had been a while.

Kochi couldn't even remember the last time it happened.

It must have been forever ago since his heart had skipped like this.

All Kochi could do was laugh as his cheeks grew warm.

"What the hell… What are you even saying?"

Jesse held back his frown.

"I'm serious. I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna do whatever it takes next year."

Kochi pushed Jesse away by his chest with laughter still on his lips as his eyes dropped away from Jesse's. "Stop messing around."

The push made Jesse step back, but he moved right back in.

"I mean it. I'll start now. I swear by my birthday, I'll have you fall in love with me."

Kochi smiled, crossing his legs as he pushed his hands into his coat pockets.

"Really? How are you going to do that?"

"Like this."

Jesse's body moved by instinct.

He gave himself no time to consider if it would be a mistake.

But as he took Kochi's cheek, bringing their eyes to meet again, he knew that it was about time for him to act as the man Kochi told him to be.

Kochi's breath hitched as their lips met, the touch warm after he had been chilled by the evening breeze.

It was gentle and brief, but the way Jesse sighed into the kiss told Kochi that he had been waiting forever for this moment, regardless of how momentary it was.

As Jesse pulled away and Kochi's eyes fluttered open, the burst of bravery left Jesse's chest as his ears began to burn red.

He covered his face with the back of his hand, trying to keep his voice sounding confident in his speech

"I-I'll take that as your Christmas present this year, so next year-"

"Alright, I got it."

When Jesse looked over his hand, he saw Kochi kicking up the stand of his bike as he mounted it.

"Huh-? W-wait-"

Jesse held the handle of the bike as if it would delay Kochi's exit as unhooked his helmet from the bar.

"It's late- Why don't you stay-"

The bike roared to life as Kochi tugged on his gloves.

"I have to go. There's things I have to take care of at home."

Jesse sighed, defeated as his hand slipped from the bike, destined to watch Kochi leave him once again.

But before he could get any more disheartened, the tap of Kochi's knuckles under his chin made him wince and raise his head back up to the other to see his smile.

"You should get some sleep too."

"After all, you need all the energy you can get if you want a chance to kiss me like that again."

The way Jesse stammered and struggled to find a response made Kochi laugh as he placed and clipped on his helmet.

"Merry Christmas, Jesse."

The bike revved again.

"I look forward to falling in love with you."

That did it.

That made Jesse completely malfunction.

He froze in stunned silence as Kochi gave his cheek a gentle pat before driving away, Jesse's eyes watching the other fade into the dark night before his face dyed scarlet.

By the time he got his sputtering brain to work well enough to reach his bed, he curled under his blanket, still dressed in his winter clothing as his body felt hotter than it had been during mid-summer.

He touched his knuckles to the back of his lips, trying to memorize the touch until he could have it next as his mind was already crafting scenes of Kochi professing his love to him for his dreams.

He will do it.

By his birthday, he will absolutely make Kochi fall in love with him.

He’ll be sure of it.

In 6 months, Jesse was absolutely sure that Kochi will be his boyfriend.

As Jesse fell asleep, Kochi drove home on his bike, smiling as the winter breeze brushed his skin and filled his lungs.

He had made a brash decision coming here.

The whole time he drove over, he wondered if he should turn back and just wait patiently for when the tall boy would appear before him again.

But something kept pushing him forward.

Maybe it was just how much he had missed him working Christmas night alone or maybe it was the photo Taiga had sent him of Jesse laying defeated over the cafeteria table.

Well, it wasn't really important now.

He had said more than the "Merry Christmas" he had intended.

"By June, huh?"

Kochi laughed to himself as the wind whipped past him.

June 11th was the due date.

"I guess I'll tell him then that I'm already in love with him."

Jesse had sworn.

Just after midnight on Christmas day, Jesse had sworn that he would make Kochi fall in love with him by June 11th, and for the last six months, Jesse had spent every moment he had with Kochi trying to do exactly that.

… Though that didn't mean the last six months had been exactly successful.

Only a few days ago, as Kochi was about to turn around and head out the pantry door, Jesse had put himself in the door frame, nearly making Kochi crash face first into his chest.

From the way Kochi exhaled a slow sigh after nearly cursing as he rebalanced the onions and carrots that filled the steel bowl in his arms, Jesse felt like he should be calling Human Resources on himself for harassment.

"Jesse… Could you please move?" Kochi had frowned, trying to lean past him, only to have Jesse move his wide frame in his path. "It's late and I just want to finish prepping for tomorrow."

"I'll let you pass only if you let me kiss you–"

"No, Jesse."

"But Kochi—"

He wasn't sure how Kochi was able to trick him so easily every time, falling for Kochi's feint right before smoothly slipping under Jesse's left arm and leaving Jesse with another failed attempt.

Jesse was doing his damn hardest to man up as Kochi told him to from the very beginning, but of course, it was a whole hell of a lot easier said than done.

While he may appear and look like a social butterfly, deep down inside, this kind of thing was far from his nature. At his core, he was still the painfully shy boy that hid behind his father's long legs when meeting new people, and when it came to confronting his crush, he still preferred the classic, non-confrontational method of slipping a letter in their shoe box and running away before he was seen.

But Jesse had run away from Kochi before and he knew how that ended.

Just the memory of that day at the bar, when Kochi had pushed his body back into his seat with just the ends of his fingertips, made the hair on Jesse's arms stand on end.

No, he had to be forward, regardless if it took every fiber in Jesse's being to not simply scurry away like a scared mouse every time Kochi met his eyes. He had been able to kiss Kochi once before out of sheer will and blinded bravery and Jesse had hoped that it would work again.

But no such luck yet.

Every day after that Christmas night had only led to a string of failures, leaving Jesse with only one day left on the night of June 10th.

Jesse groaned and threw himself back into the plush couch, sinking into the cushions with his chest deflated.

"Hey, there's still tomorrow, Jess!" Juri laughed into his beer bottle, watching his friend submit to an early defeat. "It's not all over yet! You have this whole plan tomorrow, just have some faith."

"You don't know what it's like, Juri!!" Jesse whined, ignoring the attempted hush Hokuto tried to express with his finger pressed to his lips. "You have no idea what it's like to constantly strike out over and over! People say that crazy people repeat the same thing over and over, expecting different results, and if that's true, then I'm absolutely insane!!"

Hokuto sighed as he kept his voice low, attempting to readjust the volume level of his friends to avoid noise complaints. "I'm sure your persistence isn't leading to nothing… You said something happened during Christmas, right? Kyomoto told me you asked for his address."

"Yeah, but nothing has changed since then…" Jesse huffed, throwing his arm over his eyes. "That could be the one and only time before Kochi throws me away like trash…"

"Alright now you're being a bit dramatic, don't you think?"

He rolled over in protest of Juri's words, clutching a pillow in his arms as if he was in his own home.

"I can't believe I even have to room with you guys…"

Hokuto and Juri glanced at each other, Juri shrugging as Hokuto sighed.

They were surprised as Jesse was.

Jesse had built this whole trip around being alone with Kochi.

When Kochi had said yes to going to a ryoukan for his birthday, Jesse had really thought that this would be his chance, that this was finally the huge leap forward he needed to make Kochi Yugo fall for him.

He had a surge of determination, knowing that these were his last days before his deadline and if anything were to happen, then they would absolutely have to happen now. He was on a high, seeing the light at the end of the tunnel where at the finish line, was finally having the love that had only built since Kochi saved him from starving on the street.

Everything was going to fall into place. Jesse knew it had to. It was now or never.

But when he saw his other four friends at the front of the bar where he and Kochi agreed to meet before their trip, weights were strapped to his ankles, sending him plummeting down.

He couldn't even feel the pitying pats of comfort Shintaro placed on his back as he led him lifelessly into the back of the van.

What Jesse thought was him finally pushing his boulder to the top of the hill was only Kochi standing at the top, waiting to kick it back down the steep hillside with Jesse along with it as it only got worse.

The quiet romantic drive Jesse had envisioned with just the two of them was broken as Taiga took the front seat with Kochi at the wheel, sending Jesse to the back seats with his friends.

The cute expressions of marvel Jesse had been waiting to see on Kochi's face as they went sightseeing were stolen as Hokuto and Kochi talked using large words about the history and natural geographies that Jesse didn't understand.

Even as the group began to discuss lunch, Kochi was too busy juggling what Juri and Shintaro would and wouldn't eat instead of what Jesse would have hoped to have been a peaceful meal of him treating Kochi to anything and everything he liked.

Jesse truly always pushed himself to be a positive person, but the final straw that broke the camel's back was the door key Kochi placed in his hand bearing a different number than the one Kochi held in his own.

"I'll be sharing with Taiga and Shintaro. It's okay if you're with Juri and Hokuto, right?"

No!!!

No, it wasn't okay!!!!!!!

Jesse wanted to scream at the top of his lungs.

He wanted to complain and whine like a child, demanding that Kochi shared a room with him like he had waited for for weeks. He wanted to shake him and beg him to be alone with him just once on this godforsaken trip! He didn't want to be with Juri and Hokuto, he had years to be with Juri and Hokuto!!

There was no one else he wanted to be with besides Kochi and only Kochi alone.

But he only nodded, submitting like a faithful dog.

"It's fine."

Jesse wanted to yell into the pillow.

Even in a yukata and after a hot soak in the hot springs, he had never felt more tense.

Not even the beers Juri brought back from the vending machines in the common room could bring him out of his despair.

"Are you not mad you're not sharing with Taiga, Hokuto?? Aren't you upset too??"

"Well…" Hokuto lowered his drink from his lips. "We share a home so…"

Jesse didn't need to hear the rest of Hokuto's sentence to understand as he tightened his grip on the pillow.

God damnit , he envied Hokuto's relationship so much.

"Hey, come on, Jess, there's still time," Juri said, getting up from his seat to shake Jesse's shoulders. "You can go on that walk to the outlook with Kochi and have that nice dinner we reserved for your birthday, it'll be great! You'll have lots of chances to be with him!"

Hokuto sighed, setting down his beer that was only half empty after the other two had already cracked into their second. "We came along because we thought you wanted us to come along for your birthday. I had no idea it was only supposed to be the two of you, Kyomoto just told me Kochi asked us to come along."

Jesse groaned, burying his face further into the pillow, his voice muted and muffled into it.

"That only makes me feel worse."

It was like Kochi was punishing him for trying, intentionally pushing him away at every moment they could have been alone.

The smile on Kochi's face when he gave him the door key felt particularly spiteful…

Hokuto glanced down at his phone, checking the time as Juri rubbed Jesse's back.

They shared a look, Hokuto taking his phone into his hand before Juri hooked his arms under Jesse's, pulling him up in his seat.

"Hey, let's go take a walk around."

Jesse did his best to weigh down his body, making Juri's thin frame struggle to keep him upright.

"I don't wanna."

"Come on, Jesse! We can even go see the other three."

"No—"

Hokuto came over to help after sending his text, taking Jesse's other arm, and finally lifting their tall friend to his feet, though he immediately collapsed himself into Juri, nearly bowling him over.

"Don't you wanna see Kochi??" Juri grit through his teeth, fighting to keep him and Jesse up before Hokuto pulled back their ragdoll-like friend by his waist. "Let's go see him!"

Jesse released a deep defeated breath from his chest, letting Juri put his disheveled yukata back into place.

"...... Fine…"

"Only if we get to see Kochi."

The three of them kicked on their slippers before Hokuto grabbed the keys as Juri pushed Jesse out the door.

To describe Jesse as listless was an understatement.

He was more comparable to walking dead as he stared at the square of Juri's back, following mindlessly through the halls of the inn.

He just… really had hoped this would be the day he and Kochi could finally take a step forward.

Jesse just wanted to feel that his six months of efforts were actually worth something.

He thought that Kochi may have had feelings for him, he had let him kiss him after all, but what Jesse thought would be a slow incline to their relationship ended up just being a dead flat line.

Nothing changed and nothing moved, no matter how desperately Jesse wanted to change it. He wasn't a man who believed in destiny and he always trusted that he could make the path of his future lead to where he wanted it to be with hard work and determination, but he was on the verge of losing all hope.

Maybe Kochi hated him. Maybe all those words about waiting and needing just a bit more time were just all lies to string him along for his cheap labor for just a while longer.

Maybe this had all been worthless.

Maybe he should just–

Jesse blinked when his path behind Juri was stopped by a sturdy body between them.

"... Huh?"

He barely had time to process that it was Shintaro before he heard a door click open and Shintaro firmly gripped his shoulders.

"Sorry, Jesse! Have fun!"

Jesse stumbled as he was nearly thrown through the door, his panicked mind only able to turn to look at his friends through the entryway before Taiga planted his hand on his chest, giving him one last shove to bring both of his feet fully inside the room.

"Don't fuck it up!" Taiga said with a smile before promptly shutting the door in his face.

Jesse shut his eyes, the burst of air from the closed door washing past him.

There were a million and one questions and confusions running through his head as he stared at the dark wood of the door, about what was going on, what just happened, why he was here and what were his friends doing.

But the moment a hand set on his arm and Jesse turned to meet the eyes of the person whose hand it was, every single one of them vanished from his mind, leaving only his name on his lips.

"... Kochi."

The other man smiled before he tugged at Jesse's arm, making his feet stutter under him as he followed after him.

"Wait– Kochi what is–"

"You must be tired."

Jesse stammered. "I-I am- or uh I'm not– I uh—"

He was falling apart.

He had been waiting for so long for a moment like this with Kochi, only illuminated by the golden glow of the solitary lamp and the silver light from the full moon in the clear night sky, but every slick line or suave word he had prepared in his imaginary practices with himself had vanished as he lost himself in Kochi's smile.

He was in love.

Christ, he was so helplessly in love with him.

Every part of his body sparked with a deep affection from just listening to Kochi laugh as he pulled him down beside him on the small couch.

"You're a little early, but that's alright. Did you have fun today?"

Jesse could barely process Kochi's question. The light touch of Kochi's fingers along the back of his neck that led his head down onto Kochi's shoulder made every remaining inch of his functioning brain go haywire and fry in sparks.

But even so, he couldn't keep himself from turning his head into Kochi's shoulder, burying his nose into the fabric of his borrowed clothes.

"I–… I did…"

Kochi chuckled, rubbing Jesse's arm slowly, warming his skin under his touch. "You don't have to lie, you know."

"You're easier to read than a book."

Jesse whined softly in his throat, unsure if he was more embarrassed by his childishness or the honesty he couldn't hide in his expression and posture as he hid his face against Kochi's yukata.

"So…" Kochi asked again. "Did you have fun?"

"... No…"

Jesse circled his arms around Kochi's waist, clutching his hands into Kochi's clothes with his ears burning red as he mumbled into his thin shoulder.

"No, I didn't."

"I wanted it to just be with you."

"I love our friends but I wanted it to be with only you."

"I wanted to spend my time with only you–! I–"

Jesse felt like his cheeks could have started a fire with how hot they became when Kochi laughed.

"I'm sorry… I just wanted to pick on you one last time until…"

"... Until what?..."

Kochi checked his watch.

Once he had ensured that it was 12:00 AM on June 11th, Kochi pressed a kiss on Jesse's crown before cupping his cheek and leading his face from his shoulder to press another to his lips.

Jesse didn't know that it was physically possible for him to turn more red as his mind burned and his body froze, making Kochi laugh as he kissed him again.

This time, Jesse kissed him back.

"Happy birthday, Jesse."

Kochi pushed him down, their legs tangling as Jesse raised his chin, impatient for their next kiss to which Kochi quickly gave, slipping his hands under Jesse's craned neck.

Jesse looped his arms around Kochi, pulling him close to him as Kochi rolled his lips into his, slowly savoring each second together before they softly came apart to join for another.

He felt like he was on cloud nine. Like he was in heaven. Like he was dreaming.

Every kiss that followed was better than the last as he caught the soft flesh of Kochi's lip between his own before Kochi rocked them together again for the next.

God, if it really was a dream, he prayed he would never wake up to a reality where he was in his hotel room, staring at the ceiling with Hokuto and Juri beside him.

He couldn't handle that.

This must have been real.

This all had to be real.

Especially as Kochi pulled away, gazing down at him with his lips tinted pink with his image nearly glowing from the moonlight on his back.

"I love you, Jesse."

"Kochi, I lo–"

Before he could return his words, Kochi covered his mouth with his hand, silencing him as he smiled.

"... Can I say something first?"

What other choice did Jesse have besides nodding a yes?

Kochi told him he loved him.

It didn't matter what came next.

His chest was swelling and his heart was soaring.

He held Kochi's cheek, brushing just the ends of his dark hair behind his ear as he listened, already becoming lost in the glimmer of Kochi's eyes.

"I've… never dated a straight boy before."

"But I've never dated anyone who loved me so deeply."

"In all honesty, I'm scared of how much I've already fallen for you. I've seen my fair share of broken hearts at my work and I resent the idea of being one of them…"

"So promise me one thing, Jesse Lewis…"

Jesse nodded, slowly drawing his fingers up and over the hand covering his lips, his eyes not daring to part from Kochi's heated gaze.

"If you take me, you take me forever."

Forever.

Of course , forever.

There wasn't a single doubt in Jesse's mind that he wanted to have Kochi with him forever.

For months he begged to have Kochi for just one weekend, a day, a minute, a second, even just a bare moment where Jesse could have all of him.

If Jesse was given forever, then he would take forever and more.

And he made sure to tell Kochi the moment he drew Kochi's hand from his jaw to kiss him again.

"I love you, Yugo," Jesse said between their lips.

"I'll love you today, tonight, and tomorrow."

"Even after you grow tired of me, I'll love you."

"I've loved you for so long, I'm not sure if I know how to stop."

Kochi smiled as he buried his fingers in Jesse's hair, leaning into each kiss and taking what he had wanted to steal for months every time Jesse laughed.

"Then never stop."

They only kissed for a while longer with Kochi wrapped in Jesse's long arms as Jesse melted into each caress Kochi trailed along his neck, his collar, and his shoulders from his fingers sliding smoothly under his yukata.

Jesse never wanted it to stop as he tugged at the back of Kochi's clothes, drawing it down and exposing the curve of where his neck met his shoulders, his skin softened by the springs nearly gleaming in the moonlight.

But when a knock tapped at the door, Kochi regretfully pulled away, nearly making Jesse groan in frustration from just the seconds he lacked Kochi's touch.

"Hey, let's get the door," Kochi whispered as he began to push himself back upright, only to be held back from the firm grip tightening around his waist.

"No-"

Kochi laughed, leaning back down to collect Jesse's head in his arms, burying him into his chest.

Even just Jesse's selfishness was adorable.

"Come on, just for a little while."

Jesse shook his head, nuzzling himself further into the loose folds of Kochi's clothes.

"I've had enough time away from you," Jesse said, his voice muffled in the warm fabric. "I'm not wasting another moment–"

Kochi pressed his lips into the mess of Jesse's unstyled hair. "You promised me forever, right?"

"Then don't worry, we have forever to spend together."

Jesse's hold tightened again, his heart warming from the feel of Kochi's chuckle vibrating in his chest.

"Just one more kiss…"

Kochi smiled as he pulled back, propping himself on his elbows as Jesse was already leaning in.

"Just one more."

One more long drawn out firm kiss and Jesse finally let go, allowing Kochi to rise to his feet and answer the door after adjusting his yukata.

When the door opened, he found his friends waiting patiently, discussing quietly with each other in the entrance.

"--could be having se—ohhh Hi Kochi!!"

The sentence Kochi only heard the start of from Shintaro's mouth rolled into a greeting once the youngest noticed the eyes of his other friends look from him to Kochi behind him.

Kochi just smiled as Hokuto raised the bag he had in his hand.

"Everything go as planned?"

The laugh Kochi gave was enough of an answer.

"Come inside and see."

Jesse was just sitting up and fixing the tie on his outfit when Shintaro charged in, quickly sliding in beside him on the couch and throwing an arm around his shoulders.

"Hey!! Happy birthday, big guy!!"

The others followed in, paying their own greetings with a wave and their own "Happy Birthday"s as Jesse blinked, feeling oddly vulnerable with his friends entering the room he and Kochi had just exchanged and expressed their intimate romantic feelings, but the smile Kochi gave him as he shut the door behind Taiga made it all vanish in a flash.

Even Jesse was surprised by how Kochi just being there fixed everything.

Hokuto set down the bag on the low table, lifting the box from inside as Juri frowned, twirling a lighter in his hand.

"You know my birthday is in four days, right? Am I going to get this big of a celebration?"

"Do you want a party as big as this?" Taiga asked, putting the same emphasis in his words as Juri while placing a variety of drinks for all of them to share.

"Hell, if someone was willing to do it for me, then yeah of course I'd take it!"

"It's a little too soon, don't you think?" Shintaro grinned as he stood Jesse up before pushing him to the table with his friends. "It's kind of troublesome."

Juri clicked his tongue, crossing his arms while watching Hokuto reveal the small cake within the box. "It's always been like this, the three of us get lumped together in one big birthday all the time. We're not going to do anything for Hokuto's birthday either, are we?"

"I wasn't planning on it," Kochi said, putting his hand on Jesse's back to lead him to sit on the cushion set before the center of the table.

"I knew it. It's always like this."

Hokuto sat down, hiding the empty box on the ground beside him. "I guess this would be a bad time to say that I'm busy next weekend."

Juri looked at him, the cup full of tea Taiga held out to him only just making it into his hands. "Huh?"

"I'm taking him to Kyoto."

Juri looked over to Taiga who cut into the conversation, still casually pouring drinks and passing them across the table.

"I should have never helped you guys get together."

"Just light the cake already, Juri!!"

Jesse watched his friends talk and play, Shintaro waving his hand in a big motion to push Juri to just move on while Taiga grinned and Hokuto let out a rare hearty laugh from watching Shintaro try to forcefully guide Juri's wrist to the candles.

Truly, as much as Jesse wanted them all gone today, he loved his friends. He valued them more than anything in the world.

And now that he had Kochi at his side, Jesse felt he could never complain about anything ever again.

Jesse laughed from his chest that was near to bursting with warmth and love as his friends sang him a messy happy birthday before he was covered in streamers and ribbons from the small party poppers they burst over him.

The sweetness of the cake couldn't compare to his friends he loved dearly as they talked and laughed through the late night, Jesse's cheeks nearly sore from smiling while under the table, his fingers were tightly intertwined with Kochi's.

What started as a nightmare became a fantasy that was better than his wildest dreams.

Jesse couldn't have been happier.

As it started to near the early morning, Taiga packed away the leftovers of the cake and drinks while Shintaro yawned and stretched his arms.

"It's about time for bed, huh?"

Juri nodded, rubbing his eyes with his fingers before sluggishly getting onto his feet.

"It's way too late. Is Hokuto even still awake?"

The early sleeper had his head cradled in his folded arms, his glasses tilted askew from his sleep he claimed to be only 'resting his eyes'.

Shintaro chuckled, taking the bag of garbage Taiga handed to him as he stood. "He's long gone."

Jesse could also feel his eyelids growing heavy. The sugar from the sweets had given him a temporary boost of energy, but the crash that followed along with the beers digesting in his stomach made him unaware of just how much he had leaned himself against Kochi's shoulder.

"You can leave the rest." Kochi spoke in a soft voice, waving for Taiga to leave the unused plates and forks by the door so could busy himself with his bigger problem.

Taiga nodded a thanks before he knelt beside Hokuto, shaking his shoulder to wake him.

"Hokuto. Hey. Wake up. It's time to go."

Hokuto's lungs inhaled deeply as he stirred, his eyes only barely blinking open for a second before closing again with his slow tired sigh.

"Taiga?"

Even the sidebar conversation Shintaro and Juri were having came to a pause as Hokuto mumbled in a voice they never heard before.

They all knew Hokuto and Taiga were dating, but it was almost surreal hearing Hokuto call him by the name he only ever used in private.

If it wasn't from the way Taiga immediately flustered, then the brisk movement Taiga made to cover Hokuto's mouth before he said anything else made it hard not to laugh.

Jesse tried his best to stifle himself, sealing his lips with the back of his hand as he felt Kochi lean into him, his body also shuddering from his restraint.

Taiga turned away to hide the pink growing on cheeks as he released Hokuto's mouth to circle the hand that went to circle around his waist up onto his shoulder to lift Hokuto from his seat.

"Come on, Hokuto. Let's go–"

As Taiga heaved him up, Hokuto woke up just enough to stand, but not enough to keep himself from leaning heavily into Taiga's side and hiding his face in his shoulder.

"Embarrassing…" Shintaro chuckled as he pretended not to notice how Hokuto took Taiga's hand in his half-awake state.

"You keep your mouth shut."

Jesse was also nearly asleep, getting lost in the comfort of Kochi's warmth on his side until Juri opened the door, the sound of the latch coming loose breaking through the haze of his mind.

"Wait–" Jesse started, the others turning to him while he swiveled in his seat.

"What about the rooms? Isn't this Shintaro and Taiga's room?"

Taiga just smiled.

"You haven't figured it out yet?"

Jesse blinked.

Shintaro smiled with pride. "Tricked you, didn't we? The room is just for you two. Kochi planned it."

Juri waved past the space between Taiga and Shintaro, already mostly out of the door.

"Get some sleep, you two."

"We'll be out of your hair tomorrow."

Once the door closed behind them, the room was once again left with only Jesse and Kochi within it.

The shocked gaze Jesse had directed towards the door turned, moving to Kochi beside him as Kochi smiled.

"... This was planned?"

Kochi nodded.

"All of it?"

Kochi nodded again, chuckling as he slipped a hand along the side of Jesse's neck, settling in his hair behind it.

"Our friends coming along?"

"Mhm."

Kochi gently led Jesse to him, Jesse following without hesitation, drawing close.

"The car?"

"Mhm."

"Even you avoiding me all day?"

"Yes."

"Even the rooms?"

Kochi laughed lightly, pulling Jesse down over him, onto the tatami flooring and scattered floor pillows, with his arms looped behind his neck.

"Even the rooms."

Each moment Jesse had alone with Kochi made him want to etch every second deep into his memory.

He wanted to remember every detail.

He wanted to remember the curve in Kochi's lips and the sparkle of the moon that glistened in his eyes through his long lashes.

He wanted to remember this love, this feeling, this warmth that made his body hum with an indescribable euphoria whenever they kissed.

Jesse guessed this was just what people meant when they said "good things come to those who wait."

And if this was at the finish line, Jesse would have waited forever.

"I love you, Yugo."

Jesse couldn't keep back what must have been a stupid-looking grin as Kochi kissed him, smiling with him.

"I love you too, Jesse."

"Let's get some sleep."

Jesse took a few more kisses from Kochi's lips before getting up, pulling Kochi up with him just so he could tug at his waist once over the futons to bring him tumbling back down with him.

Kochi laughed, his head falling on the soft pillow with Jesse squeezing his back tightly to his chest and nuzzling his nose into his hair.

"... Yugo?..."

"Hmm?" Kochi chimed as he was able to reach just far enough from Jesse's hold to pull the blanket over both of them.

"Was I able to make you fall for me before my birthday?"

He smiled, rolling over in Jesse's arms to face him. He raised Jesse's chin to barely brush their lips before slowly melting them together.

A hum rolled deep in Jesse's throat as Kochi's fingers drew along the lines of his collar before they softly parted, Jesse's eyes staying closed for a moment in the slight chance there would be another to follow until finally fluttering open to meet the eyes he found to be the most gorgeous in the world.

Jesse had always loved how they softened when Kochi smiled.

And knowing that they softened because of him, only made him fall in love with them endlessly more.

"I fell for you a long time ago."

"What's wrong?"

Even with Juri's eyes obscured by the large dark lenses, Hokuto could see the brows that furrowed behind them.

Juri bit into the toothpick between his teeth.

"Does this not bother you?"

"Does what not bother me?"

"That!"

Hokuto's eyes followed Juri's pointing finger across the small lookout to Kochi's and Jesse's backs as they leaned over the metal railing together.

The two of them were certainly in the midst of their honeymoon phase.

Their shoulders bumped together as Jesse wore a bigger grin than either of his childhood friends had ever seen, whispering words only Kochi could hear with the clean breeze blowing through their hair.

"That's not so bad–"

Hokuto spoke too soon as he watched Jesse press kisses against Kochi's temple and forehead when Kochi turned to him before it followed with a peck on his cheek.

"Oh."

Juri bristled when Shintaro slid down onto the bench next to him, putting the energy drink in Juri's hand he asked for. "I thought you wanted them to get together. What's your damage now?"

"I did. I'm happy for them. I really am, but this is so much worse than Kyomo and Hokuto."

"Hey. I resent that," Taiga said, following behind Shintaro with his own bottle of tea.

The four of them looked over to watch the new couple once again, keeping their distance as they promised to let Jesse have his private time with Kochi, despite the eyes on his back.

It really didn't seem like Jesse cared anyways.

He was lost in his own bliss, finally having Kochi at his side.

Taiga sighed with a half smile, taking the other open spot beside Juri on the bench as he broke the seal on his drink.

"Well, if anything, at least Jesse won't sulk about it anymore, right?"

"It's also a relief to see Kochi finally with someone. I was starting to get worried. I was afraid he was going to start messing around again."

Taiga took a sip of his drink, but when he lowered the bottle from his lips, he found the other three staring at him with surprised eyes.

"... What?... You didn't know–?"

Shintaro forced a laugh, choosing not to dwell on the thought as he stretched his legs, slumping in his seat. "Whatever, let's just be happy for them, right? The plan went off without a hitch, let's cheers to that."

As Shintaro raised his bottle for a cheer, the group lazily brought in their varying assortment of drinks along with Hokuto's fist in the absence of him having one at all.

"Don't think about it too much, Juri," Hokuto said, pushing his hand back into his pocket. "Jesse will cool off or Kochi will at least tell him to cut the PDA eventually."

Juri scoffed into his can.

"Not soon enough."