Recall

A rattle of a box and the feeling of a small parcel pushed into his hands.

"Hm? What's this?"

The same voiceless words spoke.

"What do you think it is?" A laugh Hokuto loved but couldn't hear. "Are you so out of it you don't remember the day?"

The present was wrapped perfectly in store provided wrapping.

It would have been nice to see how they would have wrapped it themselves, but he was just being greedy.

"Thank you…"

"Yeah whatever, just open it, will you?"

The tape slowly came up with the pull of his fingers.

It would be a shame if the paper ripped.

The person next to him became impatient.

"Will you hurry? There's not much time."

Not much time for what?...

He couldn't remember.

"Sorry." The laugh he let out warmed his chest.

The box top came off.

"Hot sauce?..."

"Why do you sound disappointed?"

A shock of worry.

"No- sorry-"

"Stop apologizing."

"Sor-"

"Do you like it or not?"

Of course he did.

Anything they did for him made him happy.

But the little bottle showed that they watched him when he ate and noticed his habits.

That in itself made him feel like he was on cloud 9.

He felt loved.

"I like it. It's great, really."

His hand felt warm over theirs.

"Thank you, ▒▒▒▒▒▒▒."

A smile and a bump against his head with theirs.

"You're welcome."

"Merry Christmas, Hokuto."

The same voiceless words.

The same dreams.

All vivid but completely obscured at the same time.

Hokuto gave himself a once over in the mirror before stepping out of his temporary apartment.

It must have been the cold weather that brought back that memory.

Dream.

Fragment.

Delusion.

Whatever.

Hokuto watched the white cloud stream that came from his mouth for a second before covering it with a face mask.

It was the evening of Christmas.

Even though most people at this time of night must have been at home with their families, Hokuto wasn't ready to risk his chances of getting recognized in public.

Maybe it was cold of him to think negatively about the people who supported him, but even celebrities deserved to have a quiet Christmas every so often.

He just wanted to take a walk and see the light displays downtown.

His director had been going on and on about how it was the most amazing thing he had ever seen, and while Hokuto had his doubts, going to see even the most mediocre Christmas decorations beat eating a convenient store cake alone.

It felt worth having something that injected the spirit of the holidays into his day after it had been so bland.

Hokuto tapped his pass on the gates of the train station and boarded his line, dropping his body onto one of the rows of seats amongst the couples and young families who paid him no mind.

He sighed to himself as the train lurched forward, letting his head lull back on the seat.

He felt tired.

It could have been the lazy day off that made his body feel sluggish, but a part of him wanted to blame the dreams that had been plaguing him since he returned to Japan, though "plague" wasn't exactly the right word.

They were nowhere close to nightmares, but that didn't mean it wasn't tolling on him emotionally.

He just didn't understand.

They were so clear like memories, but parts were cut out like a torn up picture.

All of them were filled with someone important to him, but he couldn't see or hear their face and voice.

It was just blank.

Yet, how he felt when he was with them was crystal clear.

It didn't make any sense.

Were they memories or were they dreams?...

If they were dreams, then why were they so incomplete?

If they were memories, then how could he forget something so important?...

If there was really someone out there who loved him so dearly, Hokuto would be beyond overjoyed.

The person in his dreams loved him with everything.

They loved him just as Hokuto wanted to be loved.

If he could, he wanted to love them too.

But it was idiotic to fall for something that wasn't anything more than a blotched out image and a feeling.

While he was happy in his dreams, Hokuto half wished that he didn't have them at all.

At least then, he wouldn't feel like something was missing.

A stop and a transfer later, Hokuto stepped out at his destination and instantly tugged up his mask.

It was more crowded than he had expected…

The sizable plaza square was scattered with families, friends and couples gazing and the rows of decorated trees and strings of layered lights above them. Most were taking photos of their loved ones as records of their trips, smiling and grinning over the images that they would share with each other for years, but some just stood and stared, taking in the moment with the other to preserve their precious time together as a feeling and emotion over photos.

Hokuto watched as people passed by, standing alone at the entrance to the square.

Well, sometimes crowds worked better than scarce attendance.

It was the same as confusing lions with a swarm of zebras, more people, the easier to blend in.

He adjusted his mask one more time before stepping into the square, matching what the strangers next to him did.

When he raised his head, the strings of flashing glimmering lights that were once obscured by the entrance way entered his vision.

The lights filled his eyes as they waved and flowed in sequence with the cheery seasonal music that filled the space with large speakers.

… It was impressive.

It was colorful and was a sight to see, but His director definitely oversold it, even if it wasn't unpleasant.

It was definitely Christmas…

Hokuto stared up at the lights that painted over him and the crowd around him.

"Christmas, huh?"

Hokuto muttered to himself as his dream from last night began to replay in his head.

That person… whoever it was, if they were even real, could have given him anything and he would have been elated, simply because it was from them.

He was happy.

Being with them made him happy.

Hokuto closed his eyes as the warmth given by the memory faded from his chest, giving him a sudden chill and an unwarranted loneliness.

The music changed, playing a different joyful song.

… He felt like an idiot musing over dreams in public.

Maybe it would be better if-

"Oof-!"

Hokuto's feet staggered when his shoulder collided with another, shocking him out of his daydream and back to reality.

This was bad.

He shouldn't have spaced out.

He could only hope that whoever bumped into him wouldn't recognize his face.

Hokuto quickly adjusted his mask as he quickly made a plan of escape.

"I'm sorry, are you-"

He started his brief apology, but when his eyes met with the other rubbing his shoulder, his voice stopped.

The other blinked as he pulled his mask under his nose.

"... Matsumura?"

"Kyomoto?..."

From the way the cheesy Christmas music played around them as they stared at each other in surprise, it felt like they were stuck in some comedy.

By some sudden miracle, the two of them had run into each other again.

With how many times this happened, it started to feel less like a coincidence and more like a well developed trick.

Hokuto watched as Taiga's head spun around them before Taiga grabbed his arm, yanking the both of them to the side, next to the oversized base of one of the towering trees.

He followed Taiga's lead as they both faced their backs to the crowd, Taiga yanking down his mask with a defeated sigh and hushed but frustrated whisper.

"What are you doing here??"

Hokuto's brow furrowed as he pulled down his mask, following suit.

"Couldn't I ask you the same thing? I imagine we could easily assume that we're here for the same reason."

He had expected Taiga to banter with him a bit more, but Taiga just hunched his shoulders just in defeat as he set his mask back in place.

"The director convinced you too?..."

Hokuto fixed his mask as well.

"I guess you could say that."

Kyomoto Taiga.

Hokuto really couldn't remember much about Taiga when they filmed together in their teens. The most he could recall was that their shared filmings were only filled with silence before the director called "action".

He could remember details about the other 4, but with Taiga, he could only really remember a cold shoulder.

Of course, the past was the past and both of them had moved on and were cordial on their current set, but neither of them could prevent the uncomfortable air that built between them when they were together alone.

Even with the buzzing couples and families around them, the same awkward silence fell over them as they both stared up at the colorful decorated tree that loomed over them, until Hokuto felt a nudge on his arm.

Looking over at the quiet signal, Hokuto saw the subtle gesture Taiga made with his hand over to the women behind him.

With a brief glance, he saw how the pair were swiftly peaking between him and Taiga and their phones.

They were definitely comparing them to photos of them online…

Taiga tilted his head towards a walkway out.

"Time to go."

Hokuto fixed his mask over his nose.

"Agreed…"

As naturally as they possibly could, they made their exit from the square and the station with Taiga at the head until the path widened enough to walk side by side.

Both of them had done this before.

The key was to walk with intention, but present casually as to not attract attention.

Walking side by side with whoever they were with made them appear more as a pair who had places to be, rather than playing follow the leader for an escape.

They walked with haste until they were met with a clearing by a pub district that was only occupied by the occasional salaryman that had the misfortune of working a holiday night and sought to drown their loneliness in draft beers.

Taiga let out a heavy breath before following it with an irritated click of his tongue.

"I should have known that you were bound to be recognized…" Taiga said as he pulled out his phone with a frown.

It was hard not to take offense to that.

Hokuto had gone out many times just like this and never had problems avoiding attention, but he let it go.

It was Christmas after all.

Hokuto studied the glowing pub signs as Taiga tapped at his phone. "You also grab attention, you know."

Taiga sighed as he set his location for a pick up. "Well, I'm not the big star who came back from America…"

Hokuto couldn't really argue with him about that, even if he believed the press made a bigger fuss about it than they should have.

It wasn't really that big of a deal.

"Well, I'm going to-"

"Do you want to have dinner?"

Their heads turned to each other, Hokuto waiting for an answer while Taiga looked confused.

Taiga lowered his phone.

"... What did you say?"

"I asked if you wanted to have-"

"Okay, that's what I thought."

Hokuto pushed down the irritation that was beginning to stir in his chest.

Had Taiga always been like this?...

It made sense why they didn't really get along.

"It's…" Hokuto glanced at his watch, "almost 8pm on Christmas night. Since you ended up at the same place as me, I'm assuming you're not really in a rush home."

As far as Hokuto knew, his cast mate was single and lived alone.

The flattening of the other's lips confirmed it.

"It couldn't hurt to have a meal and some drinks, right?" Hokuto said, pulling his sleeve over his wrist.

"It'd probably be a better Christmas evening than just spending the rest of it alone."

Taiga scratched at the back of head, still looking down at the screen of his phone with the pending request that was taking far too long to confirm before letting out a sigh of concession.

"Alright."

Taiga canceled the ride.

"Sure."

Hokuto smiled and led Taiga into the street lined with pubs.

It couldn't hurt to catch up a little.

"Welcome!!"

Both of them bowed, entering the small izakaya.

They selected one at random, seeing that none differed greatly from another by their menu or occupancy, Taiga's only motivator being which door seemed to have the most friendly glow.

"Just the two of you?"

Taiga nodded and the older man behind the bar counter presented his hand to a small table in the back.

Hokuto looked around as he followed behind Taiga to their table.

It didn't take long to scan the whole place.

There wasn't all much to look at.

It was a simple space with a warm welcoming presence with its menu list tiled along the walls opposite of the bar that stretched along the narrow shop.

It wasn't the most attractive establishment in the technical sense, but its rustic and traditional dark wood interior was clean and well loved. It was easy to feel at home as soon as he entered.

The man at the bar called over the heads of the other customers before him as Hokuto and Taiga sat down.

"Hey misters! What are you having to drink?"

"Ah, oolong chu, please!" Taiga called back as he shed his coat.

The man looked over to Hokuto as he raised his head after setting his bag on the back of his chair.

"And you?"

"Just a beer is fine," Hokuto said, giving a small polite nod as he slipped the loops of his mask off from his ears.

He didn't have many worries showing his face, seeing that the age of the only two other customers at the bar were older men.

Taiga did the same.

"Kirin? Sapporo? Asahi?"

"Sapporo is fine."

The man grinned as he wiped his hands on his towel. "Okay! They'll be with you in just a second!"

As Hokuto settled in, he heard the man's muffled voice as he shouted into the backroom behind the bar.

"Mama!! The pretty boys in the back want a oolong-chu and a Sapporo!!"

While it was a compliment in the end, Hokuto couldn't help but cringe a little in his seat as he pointlessly rubbed at the bridge of his nose, trying to distract himself from his discomfort.

From the way Taiga fiddled with his phone on the table as he stared up at the menu, Hokuto figured he was just as uncomfortable.

Before the feeling sank any further, Hokuto changed the subject, saving him and Taiga along with him.

"So uh… a oolong-chu?"

Taiga glanced at him before looking down at his phone.

"... Is there a problem with that?"

"No, not really. It's just a harder drink than I thought you would have."

"Well, I'm not the 17 year old you used to know. And it's Christmas, we're supposed to be celebrating, right?"

Taiga was right.

About both things.

Taiga wasn't the same as he remembered.

And now Hokuto felt like he should have ordered a stronger drink.

"What do you think you're going to get?" Hokuto asked, turning around to look behind him as he changed the subject. Again.

Taiga looked up, trying to remind himself of what he had chosen. "Uhh…"

"I think I was-"

"Oh my goodness!!"

Both Taiga and Hokuto nearly jumped out of their chairs from the loud voice that suddenly came booming in, startling not only them, but also the two men at the bar.

The woman who came bustling forward seemed to appear out of thin air, making Hokuto reel back in his seat as she rushed to set down the two tall glasses containing their drink orders.

Her eyes were filled with a star struck gaze, clasping her hands together as Hokuto caught the glance Taiga shot at him from across the table.

Hokuto didn’t need to ask him to know that Taiga thought the same thing.

The woman had recognized Hokuto as an actor.

He could already see the look in Taiga’s eyes that begged him to do something and end it quickly.

Later that night, Hokuto would realize he had never been humbled so intensely before.

"Ma'am, I-" Hokuto started.

"You're Kyomoto Taiga, right?"

Hokuto and Taiga swapped, their heads whipping around with Hokuto now looking at Taiga and Taiga at the woman, the shocked expression on Taiga’s face immediately dropping to change to a polite smile.

Taiga was undoubtedly an expert at his craft.

"Yes, that's me, it's a pleasure to meet you."

Hokuto just took his glass of beer and took a sip from the top as the woman didn’t even spare him a second of attention.

It was rare for him to not be the one who was recognized first, but it was a welcomed new experience.

In a way, it was freeing, the attention off of him to let him do as he pleased.

The woman's face glowed as she bowed deeply in excitement and glee.

"I loved you in Elisabeth as Rudolph!! My daughter bought me tickets to go and at first I thought, what a dreary play this is!! It seemed so depressing with all the death and gloom but the music and singing was so wonderful!!"

Taiga smiled as he nodded his head in thanks. “I’m so glad you enjoyed it-”

“It was so fascinating, I couldn't help but fall completely in love!! Oh, it’s such a masterpiece, thank you so much!!”

“No, no- not at all-”

As the woman rambled on, Taiga just laughed casually and bowed his head, giving her thanks over and over as she seemed like she was never going to stop.

Hokuto now understood what it was like when his friends were waiting for him.

It wasn't the worst thing in the world, but he couldn’t say that it was his favorite experience in the world, not that he was saying that having him being the focus of admiration was preferred.

He’d rather have them left to their own peace.

"Oh, and the kiss!! The kiss was so wonderful and dramatic!! I could feel Rudolph's anxiety and pain, I was so disappointed when I found that you had left the cast!!"

Taiga bowed his head again, the same polite smile still on his lips.

"Thank you so much. I'm sorry to hear that you were upset, but I assure you that the cast that followed me is wonderful as well."

"Yes, of course! But not as wonderful as you!"

It went on for too long.

Everyone knew that.

Hokuto, Taiga, the man at the bar, the two customers who sat at the bar, everyone in the room.

Eventually the man, who they now knew was her husband shouted.

"Mama!! Stop bothering them!! Those young men came here to eat, not take photos with you all night!!"

She huffed and waved him away, but still complied as she apologized extensively.

"I'm so so sorry! You two must be so hungry! What can I get for Kyomoto and his wonderful friend?"

Hokuto heard a stifled snort across from him as he went on to give his long overdue order, preferring to sooner ease his whining stomach over delaying it any longer just to question Taiga’s humor, but as soon as the woman disappeared after Taiga gave his own, Taiga's held back laugh burst forth as he muffled it with his hand.

Taiga's laughter was light and airy as he hid his face behind his arm while Hokuto just waited for him to get it all out.

Hokuto couldn't remember if he had ever heard him laugh before.

But somehow it still felt familiar.

He took another sip of his beer.

"Sorry-" Taiga breathed as the remnants of his laugh stayed in his chest. "That was just too funny-"

"I just can't believe she said 'wonderful friend–'"

Taiga turned, hiding himself again as his shoulders shook.

Hokuto sighed as he set his cup down.

"Well it's bound to happen once in a while, not everyone in the world knows my face."

"I know- but for someone to recognize me over you feels like it has to be once in a lifetime."

Hokuto was ready to move on.

It's not that he particularly cared, it was just that the pure joy that Taiga seemed to take from this was a little too indulgent.

He pushed Taiga's neglected oolong-chu towards him.

"You did stage plays?"

Taiga cleared his throat, thanking him as he took his cup.

"Yeah."

"I had to do something when no one would hire me for film."

Hokuto blinked as he voiced his thoughts.

"I didn't know you-"

"Well, why else do you think I didn't get asked to go to America like you?"

"I-"

"Here's your order!"

Both of them went silent as the woman placed down their array of skewers and small dishes.

The silence dragged on even after she left.

Hokuto just wasn't sure what to say as Taiga took his ikayaki and tore off the first layer with his teeth.

"I'm sorry-"

"Don't apologize," Taiga spoke over him as he chewed. "It was so long ago and it'll only make me feel worse."

"I just wasn't good enough. That's not your fault."

Hokuto kept quiet, taking the grilled green onion off his skewer to occupy his mouth that lacked words to say.

"... You had to." Taiga bit off another layer.

"It was your dream."

Hokuto paused as he watched Taiga chase his bite with his drink.

"... Did I ever tell you that?"

He knew he had told other members in the cast about how determined he was.

He just wouldn't have thought he would tell Taiga since they didn't exactly have exchanges beyond the necessary back then.

"I might have overheard it."

That made sense… he guessed.

Hokuto finished his pork and traded it for another.

"... Can I ask something?"

Taiga shrugged as he picked up his chopsticks to pick at his tako wasabi.

"Sure."

"Why didn't I see you much back then?"

Taiga placed the small piece of octopus in his mouth, humming past his chopsticks. "Hm?"

"Like during Bakaleya."

Taiga took a moment as he chewed on his food, seemingly processing his answer.

"... You and I studied a lot back then."

"I usually took one of the free rooms and did homework until I was called for a scene. You did too. You probably just forgot all the boring details in between."

Hokuto could only figure that was true. It wasn’t like he had any distinct recollections to confirm or deny it.

When thinking hard enough about it, he did think he may have been able to dig up some vague deep memories of studying alone.

He bit into his gyuutan.

Hokuto didn't order all that much more compared to when he was out with his friends, but the food seemed to disappear so much faster from both his and Taiga's plates.

Well, maybe it wasn't really all that surprising.

When he was with his friends, they took their time as they ate and talked, enjoying their time in each other's presence, but with Taiga, even with conversation, there was an awkward air that hung over them. The food was just an outlet to keep themselves from realizing just how uncomfortable they actually were.

Something to keep each other away from consistent eye contact worked like magic.

And alcohol.

Alcohol made everything easier.

"We used different rooms?"

Taiga drained the rest of his drink, nodding in reply.

"Mhm."

"Why didn't we share?"

"There were a lot of rooms. Why would we share?"

"Didn't we go to the same school?"

Taiga went back to picking at his dish.

"Yeah."

"So why didn't we study together?"

"I don't know."

"Is it because we didn't get along?"

"Probably."

Hokuto watched his empty skewer roll between his fingers before setting it down with the others as Taiga bit at the last of his octopus.

"... Why was it that we didn't get along-?"

The loud clatter of Taiga slapping his skewer into his plate made Hokuto's eyes shoot up to the other across from him as the discarded skewers spilled onto the table, Taiga's voice biting with irritance.

"Look, Matsumura-"

"I'm not your personal record keeper, just because I stayed in Japan doesn't mean I remember every single detail of your past."

Ah.

Hokuto guessed he crossed a line without knowing.

Genuinely, all he wanted was to know. There seemed to be all these small details of his past he couldn’t recall which Taiga somehow patched all up.

It was just curiosity, he didn't think it would piss off Taiga this much.

Hokuto raised his glass, looking at what was left at the bottom.

"Sorry."

Taiga sighed as he picked up the skewers from the table to place back on his plate.

"It's fine… Back then was a long time for me too, I can't remember everything clearly either. Just no more questions. I'm trying to live in the present."

Hokuto spoke into his cup, mumbling his apology.

"Sorry-"

"Enough with the apologies."

Taiga raised his hand, grabbing the attention of the old man as he kept his voice low for only Hokuto.

"It's Christmas or whatever. Forget it."

"I'm just done with talking about the past."

Without the past, Hokuto didn't have all that much left to talk about.

So they finished in silence.

The woman came back once or twice to insist they ate more or stayed longer, but as soon as their plates were empty, both of them were more than ready to go home where they would spend the rest of the Christmas evening alone.

"All done?"

With Taiga's nod, they both stood up.

When Taiga went to get this wallet, Hokuto waved his hand.

"I'll pay for it."

Taiga looked up at Hokuto in front of him as they went to pay at the bar.

"Huh? No- let me pay-" Taiga said, his brow furrowing.

"It's okay, I got it." Hokuto spoke over him.

"Take it as my apology for bothering you today."

"And as you said, it's Christmas. Please take this as my present to you."

Hokuto saw Taiga’s mouth open to complain again, but as he sighed, he just said “thanks” before reluctantly stepping outside first, leaving Hokuto to pay their bill by himself.

In all honesty, Hokuto half expected Taiga to be gone by the time he exited, but Taiga was still there, waiting in the cold winter weather as the door shut behind him.

He wasn't really sure what to say now.

But it soon proved that it didn't matter.

"Kyomoto-" he started, but was disrupted when Taiga gripped his sleeve and proceeded to drag him down the street.

Hokuto scrambled to slip his mask back on with his free hand while quickening his feet to keep up with the man before him.

"K-Kyomoto? Where are-"

"Just shut up and follow me."

For another block and a turn off a corner, Hokuto did just that until Taiga stopped him by the chest in front of a convenience store, signaling for him to stay like one would to a dog before entering inside by himself.

Only a few minutes later and one or two peaks at the top of Taiga's head through the window from outside, Taiga came back, shoving a plastic bag into Hokuto's hand.

Hokuto just blinked, the bag rustling as he opened it to see what was inside.

"... What is this?"

Taiga was already on his phone, looking for a way home.

"What does it look like it is?"

"... A bunch of spices and hot sauces?..."

It looked as if Taiga just pulled off whatever he could find from the shelf.

From what Hokuto could see, they weren't exactly brands he hadn't seen before. They were pretty typical household spices and sauces anyone could find, but it was still quite the sight seeing them all cluttered together at the bottom of a plastic bag.

"You're into that stuff, right?" Taiga asked as his phone pinged.

"Or has America changed your tastes?"

Hokuto shook his head, shifting the bag to see the other small jars hidden underneath the others. "No, I still like them…but what is this for?"

"Christmas."

When Hokuto raised his head, Taiga was peering down the street before them, waiting for his driver to arrive.

Taiga only met his eye for a second before looking back at the road.

For some reason, that half glance made Hokuto feel a little shy.

"... I don't like owing people," Taiga clarified.

A car stopped in front of them, the window opening with the driver inside asking Taiga's last name to which Taiga nodded.

"So take that as your present and we'll call ourselves even."

Hokuto could only watch dumbfounded as Taiga opened the door, slipping inside.

He didn't know what to say.

He didn't even know what he was doing.

But before the door could close, Hokuto caught it by the top, making Taiga turn in his seat when his pull on the handle came to a stop.

As their eyes met, Hokuto's mind reeled as he fought to remember what he had even stopped Taiga to say while he watched Taiga's cool exterior falter in his shock.

"M-Matsumura-"

"Merry Christmas, Kyomoto."

He just saw Taiga blink before his eyes faltered away from his own, the hard shell Hokuto believed he could never break growing around Taiga again as he looked away and sank into his seat.

He swatted Hokuto's hand away from the door, taking the handle again.

"... Merry Christmas, Matsumura."

Only after the door had slammed shut and the car drove away did Hokuto realize that a shiver had shot up his back.

Merry Christmas, Hokuto

A smile.

They weren't the same.

They weren't anywhere close to being the same.

Yet.

Hokuto sighed, the same stream of white billowing out from between his teeth.

"... It feels so familiar."

Taiga threw his towel at his chair before collapsing into his unmade bed, not caring about his still damp hair as he tugged his covers over himself and buried his face into his pillow.

The words his director had used to describe the scene had obviously been overblown and he knew that he wouldn't look nearly as close to the same as his grandiose image, but Taiga's curiosity got the best of him.

He just wanted to see them for himself and try to make his day a little more holiday like before it ended.

Not to see Hokuto.

"..."

Taiga exhaled his deep breath into his pillow before rolling over, raising his left hand above him to stare at it, his eyes focusing in the dark that surrounded him.

Tied tightly around his pinky was the familiar red string that he always saw in the corner of his eye.

As he thought, the end that hung down from the neat bow was unattached, bound to nothing as it swayed freely above him, only influenced by the small movements of his hand.

He was sure.

When Hokuto's hand gripped over the top of the car door, Taiga could see Hokuto's string clearly, softly glowing around his finger under the street lights.

The end was loose. Just like his.

It wasn't fate.

So it had to be coincidence.

Just coincidence.

Only coincidence.

Taiga stared at the undone end of his string as a gentle tick of a clock seemed to boom in his ears.

He dropped his hand beside him before he rolled over, collecting his covers against his chest as he tried to force himself to sleep.

The ticking passed with each second, growing louder as each went by.

Taiga's fingers tightened into his sheets as he hissed through his teeth.

"Shut up."

Tick.

"Shut up."

Tick.

"Shut up. Shut up. Shut up."

Tick.

"Shut up-"

Tick.

“Stop-”

Tick.

Tick.

Tick.

"SHUT THE HELL UP!!!"

His sheets fell to the floor as Taiga jolted out of bed, his nails nearly denting the top of his dresser as he clawed for the damn watch that sounded away on top of it.

Taiga wanted to crush it in his fist as he swore and cursed at it, the dust that had collected over the face wiping off on his palm as the silver band scratched into the back of the clock.

Why did he keep this piece of crap?

Why did he bring it with him from his parents place??

It meant nothing.

He didn't even wear accessories.

It was a waste of space.

It was garbage.

Taiga raised his clenched hand as he stood over his trash, ready to chuck it at the bottom of the can where it belonged.

He hoped the glass would crack at the impact.

He hoped it would make the nauseating ticking stop.

He wanted it all to stop.

That's why he did everything in the first place.

It was all supposed to stop.

It was supposed to.

But it didn't.

Taiga's eyes stung.

He almost choked as he swore.

"Fuck-"

The books on the top of his dresser nearly toppled over as Taiga threw the top drawer open, jamming the watch deep into the layers of his folded shirts before slamming it shut.

He threw himself back in bed, yanking his blanket off the floor to pull over his head, the stifled ticking still echoing in his ears.

Taiga wanted to blame someone.

Anyone.

God. The string. Hokuto. Anyone.

But he couldn't.

He couldn't, because he knew he had made everything the way it was himself.

"Here."

Taiga raised an eyebrow as a long thin box was placed before him.

He took it into his hands, the soft ribbon tied on top velvety and soft against his fingers.

"Your Christmas present," Hokuto said as he pulled out the chair next to him to sit beside him.

Taiga frowned, despite the warmth that built in his chest.

"I told you you didn't have to get me anything."

Taiga tried to push it back to Hokuto, but Hokuto moved it right back.

"I know- but I still wanted to get you something. I'm just sorry it's a little late."

Taiga wanted to protest, but he knew no matter what he said, it wouldn't change Hokuto's mind.

So he pulled at the ribbon, the knot coming undone to let Taiga smoothly remove the top of the box.

"... Hokuto- This looks expensive-!" Taiga almost stumbled over his words as the silver watch gleamed under the poor classroom lights.

"I just gave you some sauce, I really can't-"

"Taiga, please… I would love it if you would just accept it."

Taiga was left speechless as Hokuto took his left hand, the fake bruising still painted over the back of Hokuto’s knuckles as he slipped the watch out of its box.

He knew he should have tried to reject it at least one more time, but he couldn't ignore how Hokuto placing the shining watch around his wrist made his heart swell.

He was embarrassed, but he was happy.

"… I don't even wear stuff like this."

"That's okay... It makes me happy just knowing you have it."

Hokuto began to draw his hands away, but as their fingers brushed, Taiga curled the ends of his to catch Hokuto's.

Taiga only stared at their hands, but he could hear Hokuto's soft chuckle before he tugged down the headband weaved in Taiga's hair to shyly press a kiss to his temple.

Taiga closed his eyes as the headband fell around his neck, his heart full and overflowing as Hokuto kissed his hairline.

"... Thank you, Hokuto."

"You're welcome, Taiga."

Taiga looked up, meeting the eyes he had fallen in love with at first sight.

He pulled at the collar of Hokuto's gakuran.

Hokuto's palm was warm against the side of his neck as he leaned in before Taiga closed the distance as he always did, their lips seemingly designed to fit against each other.

They kissed in the empty classroom they found and claimed for themselves.

Taiga was in love with him.

He loved him with his whole heart.

And he knew that Hokuto loved him back.

After all, the connected red string that was tightly tied around their little fingers didn't mean nothing.

Taiga knew Hokuto was his only.

There wasn't anyone else in the world that would hold his heart.

Taiga smiled against Hokuto's lips, waiting for Hokuto's eyes to flutter open after he pulled away, a grin growing on Hokuto's lips to match his own.

"Merry Christmas, Hokuto."

"Merry Christmas, Taiga."

Taiga knew they would be together forever.