Lonewolf

"If you really meant what you said, then show us! I’ll throw everything in here and start over just for you,"

All went well at the beginning. Hokuto was raised in a very good environment, with supportive parents, and a loving family. Being the youngest son in the family makes him pampered and well-fed. He complains about nothing as he always looks up to his family. He adores the fact that he would undoubtedly be the type of married couple who is still holding hands wherever they go. And his sincere brother has always been his role model for being sincere towards everything. 

He thinks the world will support him as well, but it turned bottom side up as he finally stepped into the world he used to hold in admiration.

"Hey, congrats, dude! I heard you guys were promoted!"

"Sorry, what?" 

Hokuto learned his first bitter pill when he was just around his second year in the industry. People congratulate him, but he heard nothing about it. People also shut their mouths as they had just spilled the tea before Hokuto was informed. But in the end, the big cheese has never come to him.

"Sorry, man… I thought you'd go to the next level with them. You guys are always on the same team," 

Hokuto vividly remembered how it feels to be defeated. He sensed betrayal, but he could do nothing as he was not the one who made the decisions. 

It’s just not your time. They’ll come after you when the time is right…

All the affirmation they gave makes Hokuto’s hope float. He was confident that the next time he'd go after them, he'd be on the same team as the people he knew best.

He doesn’t want to feel defeated and live under their shadows just because he couldn’t catch up with them. However, the feeling of being underestimated while no one faced him as such caused him to have an attitude.

"Hey! How’d you do?"

"Hm," 

Hokuto’s jealousy mixed with his misery made him unable to control how he should face people. He could just have a talk-to-my-hand attitude every time his ex-teammate reached out to see how he was doing. 

I’ll definitely be after you, and we’ll meet again at the same level with two totally different teams…

His relationship with his ex-teammate was shattered. Hokuto’s pride was all hell broken, and every nice word that came from whoever flew away leaving him hurt him the most. 

Why is it so hard to live outside? What was that all-loving atmosphere I had in my home environment? Where’s the reality? Am I living in my own wonderland? 

Why is it so hard for people to accept me? What am I lacking? 

Day by day, Hokuto saw people grow, but he felt he still stood in the same place. No matter how he stretched his hand, he couldn’t reach them. Every improvement he saw from people that used to be on the same team made him feel like he was such a piece of shit. Useless and no one was looking for him. 

Hokuto isolates himself in his shell and tells everyone to fuck off while he tries to deal with his shit—which is never ironed out if he continues to act in that manner—.

Hokuto’s lack of credibility made it difficult for him to make friends. His first betrayal–or that was what he thought—was enough for him to not get too attached to someone outside the family. He let people see him as a mystery, with a cold attitude, and as someone who was difficult to reach, while he was actually just trying to protect himself. 

"Hey, I heard you landed four contracts this year! Congratulations, dude!"

As a result of his jealousy and disappointments, Hokuto's enhancements grew to a significant level. He wolves out  every  offer and promotion he got and he’s on a grand scale to reach the top. He was aware that there were so many ways to skin a cat, and he couldn’t just sit still and blame everything continuously. However, the salutations people gave to his big cheese never got through to his heart. 

It’s not enough… It’s still not enough…

"Hokuto, this is Morimoto and Lewis," 

"I’m Morimoto Shintaro,"

"I’m Lewis Jesse. Just call me Jesse,"

There was a time when Hokuto was finally united with some people who entered the industry earlier than him. Seeing himself paired with seniors who were younger than him caused him consternation. He instantly lost his ambition to make a breakthrough when he knew who would be joining. 

All of them were the lone wolves left by their flock. He knew how talented they are, but he also knew how the two of them were set apart from their group. Either they can’t be handled or they have rumors, he doesn’t really know what happened between them. Now that Jesse and Shintaro were part of his team, he couldn’t make something big but stay flat as he was collected into one class like no one could be a star. 

"Hokuto, long time no see!" Shintaro greeted. He was one of the youngest members who made a breakthrough in his freshman year. They were never really in a team, but Shintaro knew that Hokuto was highly skilled. 

"Uh,—yeah," Hokuto replied nervously. A usual attitude he had every time he had to face a stranger . 

Hereupon, Hokuto was united with a group of top-notch individuals from different fields. Rumors circulated that he shouldn't get too attached to Shintaro and Jesse. Without knowing specifically what was happening, Hokuto observed them very profoundly and be the opinion that they lived on very different sides of the world. He believed that he wouldn’t fit them as if every perspective and opinion would bring them into a war of words. 

It’s hard for him to get along with his new team at the beginning. He felt like he was placed in the trash with some other dull members. Even though they were very skilled, he believed that there must be something wrong with them as they were also left by their flock. Not because he underestimated them, but because he abased himself that his value was apparently on the same level as some guys with rumors. Even when they’re together and having some conversations outside of work, he could just plug in his earphones as if he has nowhere to belong. He doesn’t want to be a part of his ‘ top dog ’ team. But as a professional, he should show how he cooperates with people for his own good in the future. 

It’s okay… it’s okay…

It’s just for a while… 

Every time Hokuto felt lonely, he could just tell himself that everything was going to be just for the moment. As predicted, their togetherness lasted for around one year. He gets back to his solo activity and tries so hard to not be placed in a dump anymore. He pleases everyone, he’s being a yes-man, and he works so hard that he doesn't know how to stop. 

"This is Jesse. You guys should be really good buddies,"

"It’s been a while, Hokuto!" Jesse greeted him cheerfully. 

Another year passed, and Hokuto was paired with his old pal. The awkward moment he had was supposed to be gone until he realized Jesse was completely changed. Jesse wasn’t the kind of standout person he was back then, but as time went on, he was lost for words as if Jesse wasn’t the same moderately calm person he knew back then. 

" Jesse! Come here, man! Let’s grab some lunch together! "

" Jesse, what are you up to this weekend? "

" Jesse-kun, could you help me to walk through this? "

The thick wall that was supposed to be gone as they shared the same moments back then was raised to the greatest level. Jesse turned out to be a star. He was known everywhere, everybody seemed to be like him, and despite his eye-catching figure, he could still find some modesty in his words. 

" That Hokuto guy. It’s been years since he worked here and he never get used to us ,"

There was one time that some random people from his division were talking about Hokuto behind his back. Hokuto was just about to take a cup of coffee, and he could just stand still overhearing what people said about him.  

I know that…,  he whispered to himself. 

" Ugh! You’re nothing more than mine. He denied my proposal in front of everyone and knocked me down like I was a cockroach ," 

" I wonder why the executives are keeping him .  What’s so special about him? "

" His brains, absolutely! " 

" Brains over humanity? Zero for me,"

" Hey, dumbass! If you wanna talk shit about people, consider where you do that. He heard everything ," At that time, Jesse, who has no idea what Hokuto was doing outside the pantry, just came in and overheard that conversation. He tilted his head and pointed in the direction where Hokuto was standing. " What’s brains over humanity? It was supposed to be our words. Do you think what you’re doing is humane? It’s not his fault if your proposal was trash, "

Seeing Jesse being so tough yet so fun made Hokuto more turbulent than before. Hokuto reminisced on how people wanted to get him down and Jesse knocked them over with an evil, harmless laugh, pointing out how tacky it was. Jesse could even spice up his sharp words with that one foolish laugh so that people wouldn’t take his shoddy words personally. 

Jesse's bravery made Hokuto see himself as a coward. Hokuto never found himself in a secure frame of mind watching people get ahead of their things. He was so afraid of being useless and looked down on by people. And now that he thought he hit the jackpot, everyone still talks about him. 

Everything was so hard when he stepped out of the house. However, he was aware that he had to pull himself together and get back to his own goal. He has to reach the top with a totally different team that absolutely gives a shit about him. 

" I don't need you to do that ," Hokuto said flatly, rather than thanking him. He didn’t want to look like a loser more than this. 

" You’re welcome ," but Jesse could just giggle at Hokuto's hot-cold attitude. 

But for all that, Hokuto still needs time to open his heart, even to his team, since he has been living in his Lonewolf situation for so long. 

"Thank you for your hard work!" 

There’s a time when Hokuto needs space for himself. Apparently, he still couldn’t keep up with the teamwork situation, which resulted in him being in the middle of a lot of attention. He confined himself to the pantry and took a sip of hot tea while cooling down his head. At that one time, Jesse drew nearer to him to have some small talk. 

"…..what is your first name, Hokuto?" Jesse's question almost made Hokuto laugh, but he turned away because it was the most genuine thing he had heard in his current tense life.

"Hokuto," he answered. Of course, Hokuto got the reaction he was expecting. "My surname is Matsumura,"

"I didn’t know that. I mean, the boss is calling you like that, so I thought it was your surname," Jesse asserted. "Can I still call you Hokuto instead?"

"Sure," Hokuto scoffed before shaking hands. "Matsumura Hokuto," 

"Jesse," Jesse took Hokuto’s offer.

"You should say your name!"

"I am! I’m Jesse!" Jesse giggled. "Shit! My recess time’s off! Catch you later, Hokuto!" 

One call from Jesse was nothing special for him. As he used to be called by his first name rather than his surname, Hokuto didn’t realize that it was how people welcomed him and accepted him in their circle. He was too focused on his own development to care about one little act. 

However, Jesse's salutation ignites his cloudy days, as if he began to consider that perhaps all of his negative thoughts about people are just how he denies the world and protects himself from being hurt. But then, the view of Jesse’s social butterfly figure made Hokuto go back to his thought that they might really be living in a different world. Jesse was kind to everyone. And Hokuto must not be an exception for him. 

"Hokuto! The boss called!"

"Ah, yeah! I’ll just gonna finish this first!" Hokuto chugged down his tea and walked out of the pantry with Shintaro. 

"No need to rush. He was just out for a cigarette. Maybe he’ll come back at 5," Shintaro chuckled as Hokuto choked on his own tea. ".......How’s it going with Jesse?"

"Nothing particular. That is, as you can see. Everyone likes him. I used to see him here and there, with people calling his name, and his laugh seems to be all over."

"Yeah. I’m glad we’re seeing the same view," Shintaro nodded. "Please be kind to him,"

"What do you mean?"

"I mean,  please be kind to him, " Shintaro repeated himself. "......I don’t know what kind of rumors you heard about us, but he’s been through a lot. I mean, seeing him like this is one of my admiration," 

Hokuto was muddleheaded by Shintaro’s statement. He was so clueless about what kind of earth happened back then to Jesse that made Shintaro say his sentence twice on purpose. It is indeed true that Jesse was changed, but he thought that it might be just how he wasn’t used to new people like him. Hokuto suspected that Jesse was simply revealing his true self now that they had shared similar experiences for a certain amount of time. And everyone who gets in touch really well with him has known him for years. Above all, Shintaro seemed to notice that Hokuto was concerned about the rumors about him and Jesse. 

"AHAHAHAHAHA,"

Jesse was blowing Hokuto’s mind as he gave him no clue as to what Shintaro meant. Jesse seemed so cheerful. He gets along with people so quickly, and people also show their favoritism towards him. 

What kind of ‘a lot’ he had been through?

No way…

A person like him would never understand what it really feels like to be alone… 

Hokuto was really envious of how Jesse could get close to everybody and catch their attention. He never kicked into his thought of how to be everyone’s favorite in the first meet. He just stays still in his line, trying not to make a problem so none of them see him as a pain in the neck. And yet, Hokuto came to underestimate Shintaro’s words. Jesse has definitely never experienced anything he considers to be heinous. Hokuto still thought that he went through the most horrible situation in the world and that no one would understand his feelings. He knew betrayal, struggle, feeling useless, and desperation to get people’s appreciation. 

"As expected, you’re doing a really good job, Lewis!"

"Lewis! Help me with this!"

"Jesse-kun, the boss is calling,"

"Lewis, the department head asked me to pass this on to you. He said you had to finish it today,"

"Lewis, have you talked to the Director?"

"Lewis, how’s the shipment going?"

"Lewis, meeting at 15.00!"

"Jesse! A call for you in Line 2!"

"Lewis, here’s the revision. The Director wants this on his table before 5. Make sure you recheck it before you hand this report to him,"

"Jesse! Mind to join drinks after work?"

" Sure! "

Something was off. 

Hokuto didn’t know if Shintaro’s words were affecting his mind. Hearing Jesse’s name is already part of his daily intake as he was paired into one team at the moment. But hearing his name so frequently that he might not have time to sit still, Hokuto could just breathe heavily to feel how it would be if it was him. He never paid attention to his surroundings as he was too focused on climbing up and not falling. But now Hokuto finds that he almost cut the line and stands forward for Jesse to tell everyone that Jesse already has plenty on his plate. But Hokuto didn’t even know the right thing to do since it was a job, and he may have done the same if he was Jesse. 

Hokuto never put his attention fully on Jesse. He always thought that Jesse was a sunshine that never goes down. The energy he had was second to none, and he could tell the difference whether Jesse came to the office or not just by how his division’s atmosphere was. Jesse was always fun, caring, and trustworthy. But now he gradually realized that Jesse was actually putting himself out to fulfill others' needs. He was being a yes man more than Hokuto, and he really can not sit still even for a while. Hokuto rarely saw Jesse sit tight on the stool next to him. He could imagine how exhausting it was to be Jesse, even though Jesse never seems to complain about what he got.

Why doesn’t he stop for a while and get some rest?

Why is he not turning down everyone’s needs and getting the time to himself?

Do I even look like him when I’m doing my job?

His unspoken thoughts frustrated him. Hokuto wanted to talk to Jesse, but he got no chance to ask. The lively environment and the different world he lived in made Hokuto procrastinate talking, even though they are on the same team. He came to muse over who the fuck he is to tell Jesse to chill, and how people would see him if he told that half-white guy to get some time. 

"Thanks for your hard work," Jesse greeted as he caught Hokuto waiting for the elevator. The sky was already dark. There’s no one left in the office but them. Hokuto had just finished his report and presentation material for the next day, and Jesse had just gotten back from a dinner meeting outside. He seemed to have left his laptop and he got back to the office and got it back home with him. "....you still here?"

"I just finished my presentation material for tomorrow. I don’t want to bring my job home,"

"I see," Jesse said, nodding. "Do you have any plans after this?"

"Nope. Why?"

"Mind coming for some cheers?" 

One invitation from Jesse was like daybreak. Even though Hokuto was not a drinker, he noticed that he could not let this chance get away. As he was always curious about Jesse, Hokuto accepted Jesse’s invitation with no doubt while hoping that he might know Jesse a little bit better. He knew that Jesse’s kindness was not an exception for everyone, and Hokuto was glad to partake of that kindness either. 

"...........You know what? You’re really a tough one. How can you cope with everything like that when you already have plenty on your plate? I mean, you only have two hands and one body, right?" 

The izakaya they visited was crowded enough. But the two of them seemed to have a comfortable space as it didn’t create an inflexible atmosphere. So Hokuto could amplify his calm voice, and Jesse could do nothing but listen intently to what Hokuto said.

"I feel like a fool if I can’t do everything on my own," Jesse answered bitterly, and it stunned Hokuto. "I’m not smart like you. So I thought at least I could probably do something with my body," 

"That’s not true. Everybody is expecting you. Everybody put hopes on you," 

Hokuto thought that Jesse knew nothing about struggling, feeling useless, and desperation to get people’s appreciation. The laughter he used to hear every day somehow became bitter as Jesse shared his point of view. Of course, the negative Jesse opened Hokuto's eyes wide, as if reversely bringing him a fresh breath of air. However, seeing Jesse become serene and deep in thought caused Hokuto to be the polar opposite. The gloomy face Jesse had oddly doesn’t fit him, so Hokuto makes a bid to bring Jesse’s funny face back. 

"I don’t want them to put hopes on me," Jesse confuted. 

"After all you’ve done? Why?" Hokuto seemed at sea. He didn’t understand why Jesse didn’t need people to put hope in him while Hokuto tried his best at all times to get that. 

"Because I only have two hands and one body?" Jesse chuckled as he ran away from the truth using Hokuto's words.

"I’m serious!" 

"You just have to fulfill their expectations, and they won’t say any words to you anymore. But relying on hopes for me is a really great deal. I don’t even know what to do for tomorrow’s dinner," Jesse’s answer mixed with his dry jokes silenced Hokuto. "If I’m stupid enough and my body can't cope with everything, what else can I do then?"

".....I’m not smart,"

Hokuto took a deep breath. It is true that the negative Jesse was giving him a breath of fresh air. But he doesn’t know that it would be this exhausting to keep someone’s spirit raised. The more he tried to cheer Jesse up, the more Jesse brought himself down. 

"I just need to fulfill their expectations. I need to prove to myself that they were mistaken. That’s it!" 

"What do you want to say?"

"What do you think it is?" Jesse’s quick wit followed by his teasing laugh annoyed Hokuto. So that he decided to read the atmosphere and not ask any further. 

It always appeared as if nothing had happened. To put it simply, every eye staring at Jesse in awe was his daily intake. Every one of them thinks that Jesse always got what he wanted, including Hokuto. Jesse is so friendly, good-looking, caring, and talented. He probably put in no effort and rose to the top effortlessly, thanks to his distinct laughter and the way he drew everyone's attention with his intimacy and touch. Jesse fulfilled everybody’s wishes, and Jesse was easy to welcome at any event.

On the contrary, Hokuto thought that he had nothing compared to Jesse. Everything he has now is the result of his hard work. The hard work he did was his special consideration to not envy other people and to concentrate on himself. Now that being said, being productive is Hokuto’s life goal for the time being. He knows really well how it feels to be useless and not expected. But looking at Jesse doing the same thing makes him look back at himself. 

Do I look at him the wrong way? 

Hokuto indeed wanted to be expected, but he always knew that he had no confidence to fulfill everybody’s wishes. While Jesse lowered himself as if he was nothing, Jesse was still standing at the place Hokuto couldn’t reach. He was. He always was. Jesse is not as spoiled, smooth, and sweet as he looked. And as the way he said that bold sentence, Hokuto felt Jesse had left him far behind while they were still on the same team. 

"Hokuto! I heard you made the new contract again! I’m so proud of you!"

It’s weird. 

Hokuto and Jesse were supposed to be on the same team. While they still have their own solo activities, Hokuto always feels that he works alone. He climbed so hard to be up there with Jesse, but people’s eyes said that they couldn’t be in the same place–or that’s what he thought—. 

"What happened? You didn't seem to be enjoying your victory," Jesse said, tilting his head.

"Nothing. I mean, thank you. But there’s still a lot to catch up on," Hokuto sighed. Any compliment he received did not seem to reach his heart. Hokuto still felt like an amateur while he was actually getting busier with both solo and group activities. 

"I wish you the best," Jesse said with a smile."Wanna have some meals after work?"

"No, I'm actually not a drinker," Hokuto refused. ".....and I have to be here on the first morning,"

"I said meals. There’s a Yakiniku restaurant I want to share with you. It’s my friend’s," Jesse repeated his words. "Anyways, I booked it for us. So I'm not going to take no for an answer!"

"You what?"

"Seven o’clock! At the lobby, okay?" Jesse immediately left Hokuto as a sign of his ignorance. 

Hokuto could just sigh at Jesse’s impulsive invitation. Jesse was indeed extremely difficult to refuse. Hokuto has no reason to refuse it either, but if he was Jesse, he might not have any courage to make that one-sided call. 

~~ Lonewolf (TBC)

Everybody is expecting you… Everybody put hopes on you… 

Jesse drew in a breath as he had just finished the meetings. The employees were already out, but he still looked empty through his laptop. 

Hokuto’s words were echoing in his mind. It was supposed to be a compliment, but it instead stresses him out. Every now and then, he reminisced about how hard he worked his ass off to get to this point. Jesse might tell Hokuto nothing, but to tell the truth, Hokuto was the reason why Jesse could change himself. 

" This is my nephew, Lewis Jesse. He will begin working with us today!"

" Nice to meet you, "

" And this is Morimoto Shintaro. He’s one of my right-hand. You can ask him everything,"

" You can call me Shintaro! "

Jesse’s freshman year was not as good as everybody could have imagined. At the time the Director introduced him as his nephew, he could see how people looked at him oddly. If some of them welcomed him, there were also some of them underjudged him. He knew he wasn't worth much because he was a recent, mixed-race graduate with money in his family. Only Shintaro treated him well because he had no division, but his presence was significant.

Every time he took a different path, he was told that he had to follow how the Japanese live. He was compared to his half-American culture, even though he was born and raised in Japan. Even so, when he was making mistakes and about to fix his things, they wouldn't let him do it, as if they assumed that Jesse would pick a dirty way to wash his hands off. They thought that Jesse would snitch on his uncle and hide behind his uncle’s back. There was also no way they could put a fight on Jesse since the table would be turned back to them instead. 

Meanwhile, Jesse bears in mind that he was a goose egg with gold. He realizes that the money he has doesn't make him anything, therefore, he wants to show that the money he has is in proportion to his abilities. He does not want to be labeled as a spoiled child who has no abilities. That being the case, he tries so hard to prove his worth. Even so, whatever he did, everything would return to his status. They branded him as a spoiled child who didn't know anything and thus became a hindrance at work, or an attention seeker.

He is not the successor of the company. At least yet. Due to that fact, everyone dared to play behind him.

" Does anyone see my prints?" One fuss in nothing-particular-working day makes Jesse’s life changed. " I need to bring those prints to the meetings in 5 minutes. Does anyone see that?"

"Which prints?"

"The thick one! It’s the report I have to hand over to the department head and it took me a whole night to print that," 

" Where’d you put that? "

While everybody got stressed since they knew how rigid the department head was, Jesse didn't lift a finger at him. He was minding his own business since he also have a crucial case to report. Therefore, he assumed that not everybody in his division had to lend his co-worker a hand to find the report that slipped from his sight.

" On top of the copy machine. I still need to do some copies and I just left to grab some coffee. But it’s gone now,"

Some of them even didn’t really give a shit since it was one’s clumsiness and they already had bigger fish to fry. As his co-worker knew when push comes to shove, he ended up attending the meeting without his missing thick prints. Of course, the meeting went exactly as expected, and his coworker returned with an ashen face.

" I should go to the client’s office and apologize,"

Jesse, who was using the copy machine, was picking up the scattered prints that fell near the shredder afterward. His division was swamped as hell as they had no time to organize their failed prints. Files are still stacked on the drawer next to it. And at that time, Jesse discovered the aforementioned critical files at that time. It was a little bit late to hand the fundamental prints directly to his co-worker since he was gone. For that reason, Jesse planned to bring those prints home and pass them on to his co-worker the next day since he couldn’t even make calls through him. 

" What is this? "

As the next day arrived, the weather changed. Jesse's goodwill vanished just like that as he was just getting back to his desk after grabbing his morning coffee. 

" I just want to hand it to you…, "

" Hand it to me? This is the print I’ve been looking for, " Instead of being thankful that Jesse found those prints, his co-worker was out of control and purposely raised his voice. " You hid this from me? What’s your problem, dude? "

" I’m not hiding it from you! I found that! "

" Then why didn’t you pass it through me right after you found it? " Jesse was about to give his arguments, but his outrageous co-worker wouldn’t let him. " I went to the client’s office to apologize! I could’ve brought these with me instead of coming empty-handed! "

" I was trying to call you! "

" Even if you tried to call me, why don’t you just leave it on my desk instead? You think you wanna be a superhero or something? " Jesse was unaware of that option because he assumed another blunder would occur since it was none of their business. " Right! I just remember you using the copy machine when I was desperately looking for those prints! And you didn’t even give a shit about that! How foolish of me not to come and ask you!"

Jesse was at a loss for words. He couldn’t even reveal his truth. The loud voice of his co-worker made him lose to ashes. His first betrayal made him feel like he had lost his place. He was so worried about people's views. He couldn’t even defend himself because he knew he was a junior in that place. And his status as the nephew of the Director made it worse. 

" Just because you’re on the executive team, doesn’t mean you can play dirty in this place! Get a life and earn some abilities! " 

The sound of quarrels at that time made Jesse have to face the head of the department. Shintaro was a witness when everything happened and he gave his testimony to his boss. Shintaro’s words were fortunately trustworthy, since he was also next to Jesse when the fuss happened. He even knew exactly how Jesse had the goodwill to pass it on to his co-worker by himself. Of course, the problem doesn’t just go away like that. Jesse still has to explain what exactly happened to his uncle by summoning him to the Director’s office.

Jesse’s summons made him know that it was not the first time his colleague made a fatal mistake. All the slander he received was reciprocated with the card he was holding. Even so, the relief that he felt was apparently only for a moment. The head of the department explained to other colleagues that what had happened was a misunderstanding without explaining in detail what really happened. This made Jesse fall into a deeper gap.

" What a good thing to be born between riches. You spoiled brat just have to ask your uncle to wash your hands off, "

At that time, Jesse knew that he wasn’t valuable. Every effort he makes will return him to his status as the executive family. 

It’s quite natural if he could do that job, he’s the nephew of the Director… 

Of course, he could do that, he’s the nephew of the Director… 

As expected, the nephew of the Director… 

He’s not in the same class as us. He’s the nephew of the Director… 

Don’t mess with him. He’s the nephew of the Director… 

He has never been in trouble. He’s the nephew of the Director. He could wash his hands off with just one call… 

He doesn’t have to be worth it. He’s the nephew of the Director. His presence is already worth it… 

"Jes? You alright?"

Shintaro’s call made him aware of his reverie. 

"Sorry. I'm just spacing out," Jesse said, blinking hard and stretching his body. "I’m going to Yakiniku with Hokuto after this. You wanna come?"

"Of course!"

Jesse’s uncle knew that his nephew’s work environment was no longer supportive. On the grounds of this, to fully take advantage of Jesse’s abilities, Jesse’s uncle moved him and paired him with Hokuto, who had just been left by his co-workers by being promoted, along with Shintaro, who was always Jesse’s guardian angel. 

" See? Only just one call to uncle and everything goes back on track… "

Even until the last day in his former division, Jesse still received that scheming treat. That left Jesse out of the division in a somber mood with a restless heart. He thinks that wherever he is, he will still be seen as the same without being appreciated for his abilities and efforts. That is to say, he asked his uncle to not mention their relationship every time he asked Jesse to move to another division. 

He was fed up with being labeled with his uncle’s position instead of himself. Even though he can’t bear what’s already out, Jesse hopes that this could wind down the actual matter. 

" Hokuto, this is Morimoto and Lewis, "

Jesse brought to mind his first meeting with Hokuto. He still has a lot on his mind, and now he was mindful that he couldn’t mess with this one. Jesse was thankful that he has a different surname than his uncle, so he could have hope that nonsense rumors might stay within his former division. 

" I’m Lewis Jesse. Just call me Jesse ," Jesse took the opportunity to have a fresh start in his nameless division. 

Hokuto is a whip-smart guy. He has a calm demeanor but is nimble at work. He has his wits about him. He can captivate every listener before him every time he speaks, and he looks so sturdy with his steady stance.

Everyone was amazed by his charisma. His tone sometimes sounded flat and sharp. However, his light is bright and calming, so not everyone can approach him that easily. 

Hokuto's firm stance made Jesse's self-confidence awaken one more time. Jesse used to see Hokuto by himself, and he saw that Hokuto really enjoyed his time being alone with the things he could do. Being alone doesn't mean being useless. Instead, it is a good opportunity to maximize the abilities he has.

Everyone relied on him, and everyone respected him.

Seeing this, Jesse began to think about opening himself up once again. He realized that he couldn't go on like this forever. He doesn't want to live in a downturn and can't express his feelings. Hokuto inspired him to be himself. Therefore, he told himself that he would be his new self, who is cheerful, trustworthy, and spreads kindness.

" You know the guy named Hokuto? He’s so smart, huh? " 

" What’s wrong with him? "

" Nothing. I just want you to learn from him. To be tough, quick-witted, and reliable. I’m saving the best place for him. That’s why I disconnected him from his flock. He’s too precious to be in that small circle, "

" Does he know that? Like it’s all beyond your command, "

" Of course not. I’m still examining how well he digs himself, "

One truth that Jesse knew from his uncle made his admiration for Hokuto grow stronger. Working with Hokuto somehow went smoothly as Jesse doesn’t have to worry about people’s eyes. Hokuto’s figure encourages him every time he feels weaker. His improvement went well, and his transfer to this nameless division yet so important has ended the nightmare. 

"... I went with Lewis the other day. He recommended me stuff that had not even slipped my mind. He was very helpful, though,"

" At that time? Does he really have nothing to do?"

" Now that you mention it, I wonder how he could keep up with me that long, "

"I had a similar experience with him. He was doing me a favor and I got more than I expected. He was indeed being very helpful, but it felt so heavy, "

" I know, right? Why does he really have plenty of time to jump into someone’s matters? Geez! Get a life! " 

" Maybe because he wasn’t that valuable, he gets in touch with people. He just wants to seem busy. You know that he has a rumor in his former division, right? "

There was one time that Jesse was talked to from behind. Again. The nightmare unfortunately seemed to have a perpetual nature. The moment he heard someone talking behind his back, his body froze, and he didn't even dare to show his face. He let them talk about whatever bullshit they wanted, and he ended up hurting himself by not standing up and making a surprise that he actually heard that. 

Jesse’s mind confined him to the idea that whatever he did and wherever he was, everyone would talk about him. It's because he is worthless and will forever be. He does not experience difficult things like other employees, and he is also not given a job like a normal employee. He’s just an onion kid. 

Jesse was supposed to know that there was no point in getting himself on the same level with everyone while his own level itself was at a different stage. Jesse did indeed lower himself to be equal. But still, the different world he lived in can’t equalize his quality. The more he intended to show himself that he was equal to others, the more people were pissed off at that attitude. 

Assuming that Jesse didn’t have that frame of mind, even though he promises himself that he will be himself and say what is on his mind, he will return to his negative side, where he is different from other people, and he can’t stand out. 

"...... If you have problems with Lewis, why don’t you tell him to his face? "

" Hokuto-kun…… "

Hokuto’s sudden presence melted the endless freezing winter in his head. 

" He’s been very helpful and you admit that he’s kind. If you accept his kindness but still talk shit behind his back, didn’t you guys realize that you’re the one who is such a worthless piece of shit? "

Hokuto's calm tone, on the other hand, shoots pain. He didn’t do that on behalf of Jesse. But he knew specifically what it was like to be left after all the good things he had done. Jesse may not have known what happened to Hokuto previously, but Hokuto clearly shed light on him.

Hokuto is Jesse’s savior. He adored Hokuto so much that it made him eat his own words to beg his uncle so that he could be paired with Hokuto in the near future. 

" This is Jesse. You guys should be really good buddy, "

" It’s been a while, Hokuto! "

Jesse could feel his nerves tickling him as he firmly held his smug face. He used to be so in denial about his great status in the company that he didn’t know he could come up with this wickedly brilliant idea to get what he wanted. He still believes it is not the proper thing to do, but he hides his guilt behind the desire to give his all.

Hokuto was still in his peace. People are still looking for him, and there’s no insufficiency in his work. He is still the perfect Hokuto, with his firm stance, his own world, and his logical moral sense. 

"... You're a tough cookie . How can you cope with everything like that while you already have plenty on your plate? "

It was supposed to be my words… How can you be so perfect?

It was actually shocking that Hokuto turned out to be dumbfounded at how Jesse coped with everything. Hokuto never seemed to be lost or faint-hearted. And Jesse always looked up to Hokuto since he did his job perfectly. 

Seeing Hokuto’s weak side made Jesse loosen up and blurt out how he felt. But then he got back to his state of mind that all the bitter things that happened in the past would be carried to his grave by himself. Nobody has to know his burden. 

Apparently, Hokuto’s defenselessness made him more human. It was such a breath of fresh air that Jesse could sneak deeper into Hokuto’s human side which makes his cute face lively. 

"Okay! I still didn’t see you sit tight on your stool, and now you serve me with this gorgeous Yakiniku set!" Hokuto was looking in excitement at how Jesse served him the best Yakiniku meal he ever had. "Come on, Jes! It’s already eight o’clock and you still have a smile on your face. I mean, look at me!"  

"Still cute like a princess," Jesse giggled, teasing Hokuto to hide his embarrassment. That was the most wonderful, heartwarming compliment he received. "Consider it a gift of friendship,"

"Friendship? Are we friends now?" Jesse’s touching words caused Hokuto to blurt out his thoughts. He was so moved that he finally found someone who really cared about him. 

"Aren’t we?" 

"As expected, a competent man of ours!" Shintaro rolled his sleeves and took another bite of the meat. 

Shintaro’s presence at that time had both good and bad sides. While Jesse could relax and focus on himself enjoying the time, Hokuto can’t get relaxed as Shintaro keeps talking to him, and he could just laugh and poke his nose into Shintaro. He didn’t even know where he should keep the boundaries, as they were just gone because they were so friendly and warm towards him. 

So I have friends now…

It feels forever for Hokuto to laugh from his heart. He was so preoccupied with himself that he forgot there was so much to enjoy. Jesse’s brightness somehow reminds him of not losing his heart and of loosening a bit. Hokuto learns from Jesse that giving it is what it is attitude is not enough because he always remembers that what belongs to him will return to him. He has to give someone a warm heart so they can come near him and expect his presence. 

"This is my route. I guess I'll see you guys tomorrow?" As they approached the railway crossing, Shintaro said his goodbyes.

"Where are you heading to, Hokuto?"

"Chuo-line," Hokuto answered lightly. 

"Then we’re heading in the same direction," Jesse said, smiling as he then waved his hand toward Shintaro. 

Finally… The two of us… 

Hokuto breathed a sigh of relief. He realized that he felt comfortable when he was alone with Jesse. All the stiffness Hokuto had seemed to just spill out and be replaced by his excitement in front of Jesse.

Of course, he didn't show it right away. He was afraid that Jesse would also avoid him because of his impulsive behavior out of the blue. But he admitted that he became relaxed and fun when he was with Jesse. Even during a stressful day at the office, Jesse's loud laughter could brighten his day.

"Hey, wanna have some cheers in my house?" Hokuto’s impulsive words made Jesse’s eyes widen. 

"I thought you weren't a drinker," Jesse said, tilting his head. "And what about you in the office on the first morning?"

" You have the cheers. I'm not," Hokuto's flip-flopping behavior made Jesse laugh."The clients gave me a really good alcohol the other day. I don’t know what to do about that. Or maybe you could take it home. But it’s in my house, so…..,"

"All right," Jesse said, not mentioning Hokuto's awkwardness any further. He knows Hokuto would definitely pull himself out if he kept cornering him. 

~~~

~~~

"Make yourself at home," Hokuto said as he invited Jesse into his room and turned on the lights.

Hokuto's room was so different from Jesse's. Unlike Jesse's room, which smelled like a perfume shop, Hokuto's room has a really nice detergent scent all over it. It made it seem as if he had come to a woman's room. The atmosphere was so warm, even though he knew Hokuto lived by himself. The stacks of books he found all over the room made Jesse understand why Hokuto was so smart.

Jesse can also find a stack of fashion magazines on the glass table in the living room. He started wondering what clothes Hokuto would wear on his day off.

 When he turned his head and found a pile of unopened packages, he chuckled.

Very Hokuto...

Organized in every way, but still has a messy side that makes him look human.

He should’ve shown his weakness even just a bit more… I bet everyone would think the same as me…

Well, let’s consider it special for me… 

"Here you go," Hokuto left his kitchen and returned with the alcohol that Jesse had mentioned. He then stopped and made a difficult face. He just told Jesse to make himself at home, and now that he has passed the alcohol, Jesse might not have anything to do but go home. 

He doesn’t have to be so desperate to hide how he needs company right now, Jesse murmured in his head. ".....Can I take a sip right here?"

"Of course!" Hokuto’s pure brightened face could be seen as Jesse asked for permission to stay any longer. He dashed to his kitchen to get a glass for him and ended up offering any food he had as a side dish. 

Jesse couldn't help but laugh when he saw Hokuto so preoccupied with serving him. Hokuto was as keen as mustard, so Jesse had to pull Hokuto's hand to sit with him. This is the time to relax and unwind after a tiring working day. He wanted to talk about something else, not bring work or any kind of working attitude into the house. Jesse told Hokuto that he didn't have to serve him, because it was Hokuto who said to make himself feel at home.

"You’re really unbelievable," Hokuto said, grasping his knees, and rolling his eyes at Jesse. "That smile, that energy, is second to none. You know what? There are times when I want to tell people to shut the fuck up from telling you what to do. But I didn’t know what was the right thing to do since you accepted it with full energy and that foolish bright smile on your face,"

"I've been through some tough training ," Jesse could only say with a meaningful smile whenever the question arose. Hokuto appeared to be unable to contain his curiosity about Jesse's unstoppable warmth.

"Weren’t you tired of fulfilling their wishes?" Hokuto’s words stunned him. He won’t realize how exactly exhausting it was until someone wakes him up, and that it was an incredibly large amount of work to do. 

Hokuto’s question was new to him. Instead of envying how Jesse seemed to get whatever he wanted while looking so effortless, Hokuto asked him if he was doing okay fulfilling everything that came to him. 

Of course, I’m tired… 

But I can’t stay negative and blame people for what happened. There's nothing I can do with my status, but I can prove that I‘m worth enough as my status…

So I can’t stop… 

Every chance, luck, and connection he got was all thanks to Jesse’s hard work. If there is any chance to tell him, Hokuto was also a part of Jesse’s change. But Jesse discouraged himself as he knew Hokuto would find him strange. 

Ever since Jesse met Hokuto, Jesse has worked his ass off without showing it to anybody. Aside from how sad it was that they were separated, Jesse polished himself so that he could be the best version of himself when he met Hokuto in the near future, as he had requested to his executive uncle.

Jesse learns to take chances instead of waiting. He worked on how everything could get its turn without being missed. He learned from Hokuto that one chance equals one stroke of luck. Jesse might have gone through ups and downs, but that doesn’t mean it could affect his future.

Changing is not easy. But change brings opportunity. 

That eager beaver Hokuto showed him that. 

"It was not easy. But when you gain your end, it’s quite good," Jesse said, twisting his alcohol glass while looking through to the remaining liquid inside. 

"I always look at you as if you have an effortless charm,"

"Trust me! I’m not charming," Jesse scoffed. "There’s nothing you could be proud of in me,"

Wait until you know the truth… 

No. 

Just take that as a compliment, Jes… 

Jesse could just as easily tell himself that every compliment he received would be applied directly to his status. Hokuto seemed to know nothing about his status, but Jesse took into consideration that it wasn’t an important thing to tell either. 

"Could you walk me through that?" Hokuto touched Jesse’s arm gently as he wanted that half-white guy to be focused on him. 

"It's not pretty," Jesse said, taking his gaze away from Hokuto.

"It’s okay. Humans are made of flaws," Hokuto said with a smile. "Honestly speaking, you really helped me get through to this point. You saved me big time, and I wonder if you carry on your burden by yourself,"

Hokuto’s words stunned him. Jesse rolled his eyes at Hokuto and sought verification of that sentence. It was something Jesse had wanted to say to Hokuto for so long, but now Hokuto said it easily. 

No, you saved me… 

What makes you so perfect ? 

Are you carrying all the hopes towards you all by yourself? 

Jesse almost burst into tears, and he bet the alcohol had already made him teary-eyed.

"I don’t want you to hate me,"

For the first time in his life, Jesse could verbally say what he was most worried about. The way how he get in touch with people so intimately, and how he didn’t let his guard down by keep smiling all the time was the reason that he doesn’t want to be alone. Hokuto was the only one he wanted to keep in a safe place after all the disappointments that made him feel he had to prove that he was worth it and tough enough. Jesse indeed didn’t want Hokuto to hate him, but as he adored Hokuto at the same time, Jesse also wanted to share his thoughts with Hokuto. 

He was torn between staying strong so Hokuto doesn't pull himself out and sharing his thoughts but risking what Hokuto thought of him.

"What makes you even willing to know me even more?"

"Because it’s not easy to meet everyone’s expectations, right?" Hokuto laughed inwardly. 

"You're very kind," Jesse said helplessly. "Can you just promise me you won’t leave me?" 

"Of course," Hokuto said, giving him a warm hug that he rarely gave to others.

Jesse practically looked so energized, fun, and unstoppable. On the other hand, Hokuto is always tranquil, organized, and assertive. Everybody knows that. The two that were being paired made them look like yin and yang. While Jesse is a strong, loud, active, and bright flaming fire, Hokuto's passive, quiet, and cold manner balanced him. 

Everyone who knew them well was astounded that they had developed intimacy with one another. Jesse was a close yet distant figure to be known, and Hokuto was someone who was difficult to approach. Everyone knew about Hokuto's wicked tongue, which he used to exclaim facts. Because it was shooting pain, people sometimes asked Jesse what he wanted from Hokuto. People just didn’t know that Hokuto had the state of mind he valued the most. 

Meanwhile, the wicked tongue Jesse had was a breath of fresh air. Jesse was somehow both summer and cold water. He burned everything he wanted to burn, but he maintained his goofy demeanor and remained sober. Due to those facts, people would think twice before calling him out unless they knew him so well. Not to mention he has his uncle on his side.

Everybody knows that no one could beat them together. Both of them were so great in their fields. As expected by the Director, the two of them gave their all as they found their place where they belonged. Hokuto with his brain and Jesse with his connections made by his warmth. Both of them have always been the perfect ones to rely on, and they still offer hands in their own way. Now that they've made it to the top, their achievements have made people believe they went through nothing but a very good tickled pink. 

" Of course they made it, Hokuto's brain could afford that… Not to mention Jesse’s connection that may be all over this country, "

" Did you know Lewis' family is a fat cat? "

" Now that you mention it, no wonder they made it big time. Riches connections, huh? People like them must have never felt what it is like to be at this point, "

People talks. No matter what they did, they are always in judgment. When they were at their lowest point, people would talk like they were worthless. And now that they made their own way, people would say that they are gifted, so they just slept their way to the top. In the end, Jesse and Hokuto are still the lone wolves left by their flock. No one cares how much effort they put in to get here, and no one realizes they are turbulence looking for harmony.

"Let’s make a promise to get each other’s back from now on,"

"You have my words,"

It was lively and refreshing to be around Jesse. He might be doing something foolish, but that doesn’t mean anyone could step any further than he pleased. Hokuto saw Jesse’s frame of mind was in a perfect place, and not like everybody else who keeps themselves away from poking the bear to prevent the black Jesse from coming out, Hokuto crawled carefully to Jesse’s first line. Jesse gives Hokuto sweetness and warmth when everything else is flat, cold, heartless, passionless, and no one gives a damn about him. 

Jesse was fascinated by Hokuto’s serenity. That's why he clears the way for Hokuto to join him. His eyes, his voice, his gesture, and his two cents worth. He’s such a hot cocoa in winter. Sweet and calming. Jesse began to draw his gaze to Hokuto's gaps, gradually determining whether Hokuto was truly overjoyed or just down the throat. That is what makes Hokuto’s tough wall scatter into pieces. Jesse’s delicacy makes Hokuto pull down and be humane after a long, tough role model employee day. Jesse could see every time Hokuto walked slowly and rounded his eyes like a cat who came home and wanted a pet. His face might be cold, but his body can’t lie. 

~~ Lonewolf (TBC)

"How many times do I have to tell you to hit me up when you're done?"

"I thought you were busy…,"

"No, stop with your thoughts! I have my own purpose to not let you do it by yourself,"

"I don’t wanna be your burden,"

"It’s not a burden! I valued our time together and you didn’t even rely on me," 

"I don’t wanna waste your time…..," 

"It’s not a waste of time,"

Every time Hokuto said that he would only waste Jesse’s time, Jesse always got annoyed with Hokuto’s statement. Jesse felt even more useless as Hokuto didn’t even let his hair down. 

Promising to get each other’s back seemed to not make Hokuto open himself entirely to Jesse. Hokuto still managed to make an all-out effort by himself since he doesn’t want to be such a burden, even if Jesse asked him to lean on him. 

This connection between them gradually leads Jesse to believe that Hokuto had a taste of Jesse's medicine. As he knew that they had gone through the same rough patch, Jesse taking his time to let his hair down on Hokuto. As a fellow lonewolf, Jesse thought there was nothing wrong with being himself because he thought Hokuto would get him and do the same exact thing to him. Nevertheless, it turns out that Hokuto is a queer fish that might need a little bit of special attention from him. Hokuto claimed that he has difficult behavior and that not everyone can accept him sincerely. Jesse, who was aware of Hokuto's low self-esteem, actually underestimates his words. He assumed it was just Hokuto’s excuse to not sink his teeth into others. But it seems likely that Hokuto didn’t even give a damn about Jesse’s presence. 

There are several times that Jesse felt like trash for Hokuto, the one that he let into his first line. 

Hokuto, on the other hand, was giving Jesse a break, as if he knew how exhausting the perfect employee role was. He didn’t want to throw another shit at Jesse by coming to him complaining. As a consequence of that, Hokuto couldn’t control his feelings when Jesse asked him to share his thoughts. Hokuto’s negativity and low self-esteem made Jesse worry about Hokuto more and more. That’s why Jesse tends to check up on him and see if Hokuto is doing well. 

Of course, Hokuto won’t share the truth until his body can’t lie anymore. 

There’s a reason why Hokuto didn’t want to make Jesse worry about him more than this. Hokuto was indeed feeling delightful, as he knew Jesse was likely to give a shit about him, but he also figured out that Jesse has this side of being as nice as the cream in a cheese bagel, or a beast who could kill anybody with one bite. Nobody knows that side of him unless he regains his self-control and stares straight empty at some random spot. Although Jesse’s behavior doesn’t seem to show one, Hokuto realized that Jesse also has a lot of thoughts. That is to say, these two sides of him sometimes put Jesse on edge as well. 

"Sorry," 

Above that, Hokuto still felt strange having someone who genuinely offered him assistance. It was all just a fairy tale for him as if he be the opinion that helping hands without words meant he was good for nothing. Even if he had one as he felt right at this moment, his trust issue against people made him disbelieve what they just did to him. It was sentimental to have someone scold him when he tried to do everything by himself and he got the very helping hands he needed at the same time.

"That’s fine. Let’s try that again another time, okay?" Jesse’s kindness touched a chord. "You know I’m on your side, right?"

"Sure," Hokuto’s mind knew that, but his body didn't. 

"Then rest yourself on me," As Jesse is aware of Hokuto's extremely low self-esteem, he has never seen Hokuto as the perfect role model employee that anybody relied on anymore. He’s his diamond. Shiny, difficult to obtain, difficult to break, but breakable.

Rest equals ineffectiveness...

After all that talk, being with Jesse doesn’t mean Hokuto can get himself to rest on him. Hokuto doesn’t know when to stop. Hokuto could just take a break if he felt so drained. But there's always something inside his head that tells him there's no point in living if he doesn't move. Even though he didn’t know he was doing the right thing, and still felt useless while he moved his body, it was all better than stopping and hazing. 

Even in his relaxed time, Hokuto tends to feel useless lying down on the comfy couch. Sure, every move he made reminded him of his past.

Rest equals ineffectiveness. And ineffectiveness is thrown away...

Although he was free from his past, the wound he gets always makes him on alert.

Jesse knew that Hokuto was always busy with his mind. There are a million words inside his head, but there’s only one out to be spoken. He could read that by just seeing Hokuto’s face, but there are times that he was just hazing with the same face. Jesse didn’t even know when Hokuto was actually thinking or if he was just hazing. He doesn't always know how Hokuto feels because his emotions don't always reach his face, even though Hokuto was doing his best to show what he was feeling.

And he was built like that because he was stuck in his wound in the past. 

~~~

~~~

The breeze blew sakura petals from the trees. Flat footfall could be heard as Jesse walked into the building. As he pressed the elevator button to the 6th floor, a well-defined body with a dark gray suit seemed to be in a hurry as he slipped into the elevator and bowed to Jesse. 

"My apologies,"

"That’s unusual of you to show up this late," Jesse pressed the close button as there was no one waiting for the elevator anymore. 

"Oh! It’s you!" Jesse could see Hokuto put his shoulders down as if he was so relieved that his morning wasn’t that tense. "Who do you think is to blame?"

"If it’s my fault, I'm probably getting late with you," Jesse's tease caused Hokuto to make a gentle fist, but Jesse's tickling giggle caused Hokuto to shut Jesse's mouth.

"What are you up to? Didn’t you say you'd go straight to the client’s office on the first morning?" Hokuto paid attention to Jesse’s attire, from head to toe, looking fine and charming as always. 

"Well, the weather’s changed. They had another essential meeting instead of meeting us," Jesse put on a duck face as he used to stay goofy in front of Hokuto. "Still meeting them today, though… It means overtime, and we can’t get dinner together today,"

"No worries. Maybe I could ask Shintaro for company since I didn’t do groceries,"

"No, you can’t go without me!" Jesse whined, grabbed Hokuto’s waist on him and put his head on Hokuto’s chest. Their typical petting play. 

"Why can’t I?" And Hokuto could just laugh and pat Jesse’s head. 

It felt like forever to open Hokuto’s heart. But it felt like zero time has passed as Hokuto trusted Jesse for opening up a little more. It was never easy to set on his foot at the very beginning. He determined that he went off the wrong foot when Jesse claimed he had his best interest at heart. All of his guilty feelings and low self-esteem simply flipped the script, as he had always judged himself useless. Hokuto never got this pleasant feeling when someone helped him, but when he realized how great it was to have someone get his back, he loosened up and showed his fluffy side. 

"I had to go to the Director’s office. I guess I’ll see you around?"

"Sure," 

As they reached the 6th floor, they split up as their working space and the Director’s space went in different directions.

It was then that Hokuto realized he hadn't handed in his final report for the latest project. On the grounds that he got to move to another task on the double, Hokuto brings his report and some papers he got the Director to sign. 

"How’s Hokuto lately?" 

"He’s been a bright spark," 

Hokuto put off knocking on the door as he could hear his name being mentioned.

"The rumors, did you make that clear?"

The rumors? What rumor? 

"Well, I’m grappling with it, but I smooth over that, so……" 

"You okay with him now? Can I expect you to get your best shot at your work?"

"Do you have beef with me?"

"Nope. Just wondering if I don’t have to be concerned about anything in your work environment. You see? Sometimes Japanese didn’t know how to communicate with mixed-race people but they hurt them instead,"

"I know that," 

A big question mark flew in Hokuto’s head. First, what the actual hell happened as they mentioned rumors , and why did Jesse chew the fat with the Director. Even if they had the same moments together as Jesse was likely fit to be called the Director’s second-hand, there’s no chance in a hell he would talk like that to the Director. 

"Anyways, I’m having dinner with your dad today, you wanna come?"

"Nah, you guys should spend more time together as brothers,"

Brothers? 

Jesse’s dad? With the Director? 

A large question mark bounced up in Hokuto’s head. His negative thoughts about people around him poisoned his mind promptly. He can’t believe that even Jesse, who he had trusted, and the one who ask him to be more open to him, sold him down the river. Hokuto thought Jesse was just taking advantage of his existence. He felt that Jesse made him one of his toys as he knew really well that Hokuto didn’t have any friends. 

Now he got why they used to call Jesse a fat cat and why Jesse had a lot of connections despite his social butterfly nature and how long he worked there. 

I should’ve trusted my feelings. He’s living in a different world than me…

God’s truth shook Hokuto very badly. He rarely found himself in a panicked state to the point of breaking out in a cold sweat and being unable to move. He felt certain of how panic could attack him at any time, especially when he felt he was doing stupid things or making people think he was useless. But this seemed to shake him even more than he felt abandoned in the past. 

Hokuto no longer knew how to put trust in people when he found out Jesse was hiding his true intentions while he let Jesse come into his space. 

Knock, knock… 

But, as a professional, Hokuto must pull himself together and act as if nothing has happened.

"Here’s the final report, sir… And I need your sign to move on to another task,"

Hokuto let himself in as the Director allowed him to. Hokuto didn’t throw any single glance at Jesse and blew the freezing atmosphere around him so Jesse could shut his mouth and not say a single word to him. 

"Hey, sorry to ask you this, but can you help me rearrange the report that I made? I got some corrections, and I think I need opinions to arrange it from the most important thing," Jesse said as he returned from the director's office, pulling out his stool and removing his coat.

"Why do I have to help you? I’m not the one going to the site. You should know your job the most," Hokuto replied curtly. "....I have bigger fish to fry, so, good luck!"

"But it’s our teamwork task," Jesse once slow in the uptake. 

"Well, team doesn’t have to do anything together. You could do yours while I do mine to raise our grade."

"What’s wrong with you? Did I do something wrong?" As he sensed the tenseness from Hokuto, he reckoned that something had happened. 

"No. You just do you. Enjoying your place, keeping people happy, getting close to people you can use,"

"What are you talking about? Why are you so salty?"

"I said nothing! Put your pants on because I’m not doing your shit!" Hokuto blew his top and got up from his desk. 

While still clueless as to what’s going on with Hokuto, Jesse could just sit his ass down on the stool. People’s eyes made him uneasy, but he could do nothing as he was ill-informed of Hokuto's sudden rage. 

‘ Enjoying your place…. Get close to people you can use… ’ 

Jesse gulped as his memory flashed back to him. There’s nothing worse that could happen than Hokuto overhearing his conversation with his uncle. His idle talk about private family time was the only thing that came to mind. 

As they both knew what it was like to be in their positions, Jesse now gets the picture of why Hokuto is so upset. Hokuto with his low self-esteem of how to be expected but not to be used, and Jesse with his trust issue towards people that look down on him as a spoiled rich brat while he isn’t. 

"Hokuto,"

"Shintaro, I need to make some phone calls before we go out. Could you mind waiting for me in the lobby?" Hokuto ignored Jesse's call in every available opportunity. As usual, Hokuto made himself even more busier so he didn't have to talk with Jesse. "Anyways, I booked a restaurant for two people. You should probably gather your belongings because I intend to leave right after we finish for the day,"

The sun even hasn’t burned down, and Jesse has already felt like it has been forever. He was at a loss for words and could only stare blankly at Hokuto as he offered Shintaro Jesse's seat. Of course, Shintaro, who has no idea about what happened, seemed puzzled. But as he determined it was impossible to ask what happened right away, he held his tongue and saved it until dinner came.

"So? What happened between you and Jesse? You guys seemed to be at loggerheads,"

Shintaro couldn’t hold his curiosity any longer. He blurted out what was on his mind as the waiter finished writing down their order. Everyone knew that Hokuto and Jesse came as a package because of their hard work and how they had each other's backs. It was very out of the common to see them not talk to each other while both of them used to be around each other. 

"He lied to me," Hokuto snorted in annoyance. "You know what? I hate lies. He asked me to be more open, but he was the one hiding something. I felt sold down by the river,"

"What lie?" Shintaro furrowed his thick eyebrows. 

"Well, apparently his dad and the Director are brothers. Which means he holds up every tail of us, and he could do anything he wanted. I feel like a fool for being so open to him," Hokuto’s manner became bad as he thought he was betrayed after all he did. ".....He knew I have no friends to get along with while he’s a social butterfly. And I'm supposed to know that we’re living in a different world. How foolish I am to accept his kindness and think that I deserve that while I know I’m not an exception. In the end, everybody was just using me without accepting me for who I am,"

As Shintaro got to the bottom of the matter, he could just nod and exhale. He didn’t want to be a jerk for being on one side of any of which, but as Hokuto apparently has no clue about what actually happens, he thought that Hokuto deserves an explanation. He didn't believe Hokuto was unaware of Jesse's position in the company, but Shintaro felt it was unnecessary to inform him either, unless it was from Jesse, because it was none of his business and it was Jesse's matter all this time. He can’t blame Jesse either after what has happened, but he can’t even relate to Hokuto’s frame of mind if Shintaro was in Hokuto’s position. 

Of course, it’s because Shintaro has never been in Hokuto’s position, even though he is also one of the lone wolves left by their flock. That is to say, he let himself go with the flow, cottoned on to any of the board’s decisions, and he was aware that he was placed in a special place. 

".......Remember when I tell you please be nice to him ?"

"Yeah, why?"

"That’s what I’m saying,"

"What? You knew that before? And you didn’t tell me?" Hokuto widened his eyes as he couldn’t believe Shintaro had left him in the dark.  

"I didn’t even know he told you nothing!" Shintaro cut the line before Hokuto goes wild and refuses to listen. 

"Does that mean I have to pamper him and do him good? Or you warned me from the start that my life ends if I didn’t do what he said?"

"No, silly! You should cut that frame of mind! He's the most caring person I've ever met," Shintaro observed with a frown. Hokuto’s negativity bent out of shape. Shitnaro just found out that Hokuto has such negative thoughts. It is indeed true that Hokuto has a sense of serenity around him, but he didn’t expect that coming. It’s not even tranquility, but negativity. "You should talk to him. I’m not the one who has to explain all of this to you,"

"I don’t even need any explanation,"

"You do!" Shintaro uttered. "Trust me, he has reason not to tell you that,"

Shintaro focused his gaze on Hokuto. He tried to gain the trust of Hokuto so that the man would sit down and talk to Jesse. For once, Hokuto refused it, as he doesn’t know what to do or how his state of mind will go when he has to face Jesse. He intended to play the fool and act like nothing happened if he got the reason beforehand and it was acceptable. However, Shintaro insists on having Hokuto meet Jesse face-to-face, as he feels he has no obligation to settle things. He didn't open his mouth for any of these reasons because he doesn't want to pick sides and sink his teeth deeper.

That night, Hokuto put on his thinking cap to figure out how he should react when he met Jesse. He knew he has to clear the air due to the fact that they are on the same teamwork and Jesse knew Hokuto’s weakness. He then bent upon to try to circle back with Jesse, once he met him the next morning. 

Ding dong… 

Hokuto was just about to close his eyes after a tiresome day, but the bell in a quite late night awakened him. As he approached the front door and pressed the intercom button, he noticed Jesse standing right behind his door, still wearing his suit because he hadn't returned home. The anxiousness on his face was shown crystal clear even though Hokuto has not even opened the door. 

"What are you doing? It’s already 11 p.m.," Hokuto said as he opened his door and furrowed his eyebrows. Despite his conflicted feelings about that 6-footer, he was more concerned about how Jesse could still be wearing his work suit at this hour while Hokuto was already in his pyjamas.

"I just got back from the client I mentioned," he answered in a subdued tone. 

Hokuto’s head bugged for a while as he saw Jesse still hustling while Hokuto already had his resting time. 

Of course! We’re living in a different world… He’s everyone’s favorite fat cat, and I'm just a tiny piece of dust… 

"Can I come in?"

"You should probably go home and rest," Hokuto said flatly, as he lacks the energy to respond to any of his internal arguments.

"No, I want to clear this up before tomorrow,"

"We could circle back at the office tomorrow!"

"I don’t want to go to the office feeling depressed!" Jesse insisted. 

"How’s the last train?"

"I don’t care,"

Seeing Jesse’s earnestness in his puppy eyes, Hokuto had no choice but to let Jesse in. 

The silent atmosphere spread around Hokuto’s room. Not like Jesse's room, which is almost always filled with music echoing throughout the room except when he's not home, and two hours after he was down, the silence and warmth that were clearly different than his crib calmed him.

"Tea?" Hokuto still conducted himself in a good manner as it was already planted inside him. 

"I’m good. I came to talk to you, so…." Jesse took a deep breath before he started talking. Hokuto then brought him to his living room and gave Jesse a chance to clear the air. "....This is all my fault. I should’ve told you from the beginning that I’m the Director’s nephew, but I had reason not to tell you about that. But trust me! I’m not getting close to you to use you or humiliate you, or whatever negative thoughts you have about me,"

Hokuto crossed his arms and leaned his back against the sofa. Feeling a bit more relaxed by just hearing Jesse apologizing. 

"It’s not like I lied to you, or I wanted to, but I have to," Jesse’s low tone was close to whispering. He knew that anything he said right now would sound like an excuse. However, he did his best as if it was the only truth he had. "....if I didn’t do that, I doubt you could see me as who I am,"

"Could you walk me through that?"

Jesse looked through Hokuto’s eyes. He was trying to find peace and courage before putting his thoughts into words. He knew, once it was out, he couldn’t take it back. And he would jeopardize all of his connections with Hokuto up to this point. He might ask Hokuto to open up to him. He even tried to gain Hokuto’s trust, as he was also hoping for compensation to receive the same treatment. However, he still didn’t put his trust in Hokuto to keep that one fact safe with him. He believed he hadn't persuaded Hokuto sufficiently that he was an ally, so he assumed Hokuto wouldn't see him for who he is.

Jesse could just grab his hands to stop shaking. The butterflies in his stomach worsen the situation. He really doesn’t want Hokuto to leave him, and he also doesn’t want Hokuto to look at him as anything people tend to imagine. Sighs and gulping sounds can’t be avoided. He was so scared about Hokuto’s reaction once he ended his story. 

As he saw how frightened to death Jesse was, Hokuto got up from his seat and sat himself down on the same couch as Jesse. He rubbed Jesse’s back gently, as he recognized Jesse was facing a really big deal. 

Hokuto was having a credibility gap just as Jesse told him his side of the story. That salt of the earth, that live wire, that sunshine he used to know appeared to be dealing with the same different issue as him. Hokuto judged himself that he was nothing so he was separated from his herd. From there, he continues to strive to hone his skills so he can be recognized and have his own herd. Although he initially believes he has been grouped with people who he believes are the outcasts of each group, he eventually realizes that he has been grouped with people who are hardworking miracle workers. It’s all thanks to Jesse that Hokuto was no longer as pessimistic as before. Instead of comparing himself to other people and the people who left him before, Hokuto was too focused on how to catch up with Jesse because he felt he was far behind him.

Hokuto realized he was born as an ordinary human. Only hard work will make people see him as a person. He built everything from scratch, and he is still trying to fly higher.

Jesse has everything he could ever want. His closeness to everyone, the calls of those who relied on him, the gazes of those who stared at his charisma, and the fat cat rumors he had. When Hokuto found out that Jesse has wealth that he doesn't have, he realized that no matter how hard he tried, he couldn't reach Jesse. They lived in different worlds, and someone who was born with wealth definitely had different talents and abilities.

Hokuto was rendered speechless by the fact that Jesse threw at him. Trying from scratch apparently wasn't as bad as he thought so far. There are still others who are born with so much luck but are denied recognition because they are branded with what they have long ago. And when those around them are jealous and dissatisfied, they will easily utter words that contain discrimination and humiliation. 

To know that Jesse was despised because of something he didn’t do and still blamed by his family's wealth is really jaw-dropping. It’s not about making it from scratch anymore. What he built will not even grow into something. It will always come back to zero, or mayhaps, minus one. 

So that Hokuto could get to the bottom of the matter, Hokuto realized that he was apparently continuing to hurt Jesse by acting as other people treated him. Hokuto had been thinking for a long time that he wasn't in the same circle as Jesse, while Jesse had been pulling him to always be with him. Looking for warmth, serenity, and a shoulder to cry on. 

"So that’s why you said you didn’t want me to leave?" Hokuto checked over Jesse’s request back then. Hokuto was about to ask him if he could just open up a little more to him, as he used to ask Hokuto to be open about his mind, maybe this would not happen. But he held back, knowing the answer. Hokuto is aware that if Jesse told him in the very beginning, he wouldn’t see Jesse as he is. However, it’s a little bit sad to know that Jesse hid that due to his lack of trust in Hokuto. But then he got his arguments that it wasn't because Jesse didn't trust him. He was gaining Hokuto’s trust so that he could feel secure sharing with him, but it turns out Hokuto himself didn’t feel secure enough to rely on him. That's why Jesse keeps putting it off telling him.

"This is why I've always exceeded their expectations, but I don't want them to have faith in me," Jesse said quietly. "I want them to see that I’m worth it. To see that I have my own abilities, with or without my uncle. But I don't want them to have faith in me. I know how disappointing it would be if they put hope in me but I can’t give them what they wanted. I know there are still a lot of things I have to catch up on. I just want them to see me as an ordinary human,"

"...,"

"I’m sorry if you felt that I’ve been using you… Trust me, I’m not! You’re the one saving me from my deep, dark hole, so clueless as to what I'm supposed to choose," Jesse added. "I adore you so much… And if I get close to you, it’s because I sincerely wanna get to know you,"

"It’s okay. I'm sorry I didn't trust you," Hokuto said softly, shaking his head. "You’re not wrong. You made the best decision you could take. I know how hard you tried to meet their expectations and how hard you tried to keep up with them. But I was hoping that if you asked me to do the same thing, you'd be more open to me."

"You’re not gonna see me differently?"

"Of course I will. What are you talking about?" Hokuto chuckled, playing with his words to tease the tense Jesse. "That is to say, you’re the most brilliant man I ever knew. You're such an earnest, charming, hard worker that I assume I don't need your title to recognize your worth."

Hokuto could see Jesse's shoulders lowering as he felt relieved for everything he said.

"Your emotionless face really got me," Jesse said as he pressed his one hand against Hokuto's cheeks.

"Promise me you won't hide anything, and I'll do the same to you," Hokuto begged sweetly in his adorable whining tone. Jesse gave him the seal of approval and chuckled. "Is there still anything I need to know?"

"Can I stay for the night?"

Hokuto burst out laughing at Jesse’s cute beg. "Go get yourself a shower, you giant baby!"

~~~

~~~

~~~ Lonewolf / END