Taiga excitedly hummed like a child opening his birthday gifts as he spread the envelope’s contents on the coffee table.
The first photo is of his high school's front gate. The picture shows the old paint the buildings used to have. It seemed like it wanted to take Taiga back to those days, but no image of the past would show itself.
Eyes moving to the next one, he recognized it as one of the classrooms of his high school. The others were blurry or dark like the sloppy work of a newbie. Among those, he finds some photos of students working on the school festival decorations.
“Are they my classmates? They’re fooling around more instead of doing the decorations!” Taiga chuckled as he picked up the photo of a foreigner-looking guy in such a funny position with a hilarious expression.
He may not remember, but at least he knew they had fun. Everyone’s smiles in the photos were bright and cheery, just seeing them makes you smile and feel nostalgic, even if you lost some of your memories.
He could recognize Juri in the group pictures, at least. Juri didn’t seem like he changed much. He still had that goofy smile that makes anyone laugh along.
Among the photos, there was one with just a side profile of someone that has a protruding Adam's apple and another of that someone facing the camera with a shy smile and eyes not quite meeting the camera. It filled Taiga with a warmth so foreign yet so familiar.
Those were the only solo pictures of the set. Taiga took a better look at them, and those seemed to be the best pictures there.
But who was this boy?
Taiga searched for him in the other group photos. If he was so important to be the only one with solo shots, there should be a hint somewhere.
He stared at each photo intently, hoping some magic would make the blurry ones clearer or the dark ones brighter. Yet, maybe these photos would burn from his stares first.
All he could tell was that, based on the fact that those were the only solo shots, they might have been close before Juri. A best friend, maybe?
If they’re not friends today, maybe they had some falling out.
Seeing the mystery boy in some of the group photos made the blonde’s lips dance into a smile, but it seemed like he wasn’t a part of the group. "Introvert?" Taiga mumbles.
The more Taiga observes the boy’s features, the more he feels like he knows this boy. The boy may have been important to him, but he just can’t remember.
He closed his eyes in search of his memories, hoping these pictures would be the trigger he needed all this time. He knew his heart reacted to the photo. His memories of the boy should be somewhere!
Yet, nothing.
All he could do was stare at the photo and wonder.
What books did the boy like?
What games did he play?
What music does he like?
What's his favorite food?
Is he the bento kind?
How many friends does he have?
How many siblings does he have?
What's his dream job?
What could make him smile?
What makes him sad?
What was he to me?
What happened between us?
“Taiga?” A hand wiped something off his cheeks and broke his trail of thoughts. Raising his head, he meets the eyes of his boyfriend — his home. “You okay?”
“Juri?” Taiga mumbled as if seeing a dream.
Juri cupped Taiga's cheek as Taiga stared into the abyss of Juri's eyes, not minding the way his own rained for an unknown reason. Juri pecked his tear-stained cheeks like he always does without questions. Taiga will tell him if he wants to, anyway. "I'm home, Taiga."
Taiga leaned into Juri's touch, wanting to feel more of his boyfriend's warmth. "Welcome home, Juri."
But this warmth is… different… from the photo…
If Juri was a refreshing sea breeze, seeing those photos were like finding the right heater for the winter.
Juri sat beside the blonde and pulled him close. He waited for Taiga to calm down before he spoke. “What are those?”
“Remember the roll of film I found back at my parents' house? I got it developed like you said and these were the photos.” Taiga's eyes fluttered open as he rested his head on Juri's shoulder. "It's filled with the memories I've lost… " Taiga's voice slowly faded away, like he didn't want to speak of it.
But he was never tormented by the fact that he can’t remember. All he had was curiosity, and his family had filled most of the gaps for him anyway. But even if Juri tells him stories of their high school days, Juri claims that they weren't friends until third year when they became classmates. Juri's stories aren't enough to completely fill the gap.
Somehow, two photos made him feel a mixture of emotion he can't quite pinpoint, but he knows it should be related to the gap.
He massaged his temple again when the usual pain dropped by, hoping its stay would be short today.
Juri kissed his blond hair. “It’s already been five years since we graduated. This is so nostalgic.” He picked up the photo of their high school, the only scenic one in the set. “This was when you got your first camera, if I remember correctly. They look great.”
Compliments on his work would usually bring some color to Taiga's cheeks, but it didn't work this time.
Maybe because the blonde was overwhelmed by something the other had no idea of.
Or maybe he has.
Taiga’s eyes went back to observing the photos, sobbing no more, listening to Juri's comments on them.
For an unknown reason, Juri skipped the mystery boy's photos.
He picked up the picture and showed it to Juri. “Do you know him?”
Juri lets out a small sigh and he mumbles low, “Matsumura…”
But it wasn't low enough for Taiga not to hear it.
“Matsumura? Is that his name?” Taiga’s eyes sparkled more than the milky way despite the hints of other emotions that slipped through them.
Despite the charming view, Juri's eyes widened for making such a mistake.
Taiga was curious about him.
Juri could only muster a bitter smile as he nodded. That much could be okay.
Taiga gazes at the photo again, and Juri knows that look. He’s seen it too many times back in high school.
Taiga’s lips held a small smile as he curiously observed the photo, mumbling, “Matsumura.”
Matsumura.
To Taiga’s lips, the name was awfully familiar.
Matsumura.
Taiga rested his head again on Juri’s shoulder as he put the photo back on the coffee table, eyes not leaving them.
Who are you, Matsumura?
“Does he seem familiar? Your memories could be returning if he does.” Juri patted his head, silently wishing for the opposite.
Taiga shook his head and his brows furrowed. “No, but it feels like he should be.”
Juri almost let out a sigh of relief.
It’s better if Taiga doesn’t regain his memories from high school.
Don't they say that some things are better off not known?
Juri just smiled, hiding the bitter feelings brewing within. A bit more information might not hurt. “He played piano, if I remember correctly.“ Giving him this hint should be okay.
“Played? He doesn’t play anymore?”
“Well, he’s not here.” At least, Juri hoped he isn't.
“Not here?” Taiga’s eyes begged for answers.
Juri hadn't realized what he could be hinting at with his words. Too many mistakes of the day. Too careless. He swallowed a lump in his throat. “Not in Japan, I mean.”
Taiga went back to the photo as he hummed in response.
A long silence — maybe the longest between them — made a bead of sweat form on Juri's forehead despite the air-conditioned room.
“Do you… umm… Do you know if I was friends with this Matsumura?” Taiga’s hand found its way to the hand resting on his thigh, and they interlaced like it was the most normal thing to do.
Juri couldn’t help but smile at their hands, hoping Taiga doesn't see through him. “I’m sorry.” I can’t tell you.
“Oh." Taiga's eyes lost a bit of light. Juri’s went back to the photo in deep thought.
"If we were close, I would have known about him a long time ago…” Taiga took a deep breath before giving Juri a smile despite the disappointment in his eyes. “But whatever this Matsumura was to me, that’s all in the past, right?”
Juri's eyes widened and he held the blonde's hand tighter in hopes of…
“Besides,” Taiga continued, “someone said that ‘The heart will never forget the most precious memories, even if the brain has.’ I can’t remember who told me that, though.” He chuckled.
Taiga gazed at the photo with an unknown fondness for the nth time, and Juri could see that he wanted to know. Taiga was even comforting him, but all he could feel was guilt tearing his soul too slowly, enjoying the pain it caused him.
After all, the words Taiga just quoted were from Matsumura Hokuto, the same boy in the photo.
Taiga took another deep breath. “This Matsumura does seem like someone important, but there must be a reason why I can’t remember him along with my high school memories.
”But now, maybe that doesn't matter. Also, I don't need my memories if I have you.” Taiga kissed Juri gently — contrary to the numerous events in their bedroom — as if to blow away his worry.
“So,” Taiga started putting all the photos in the envelope with a goofy smile. “We are having sushi for dinner, right?”
Juri chuckled, hoping to hide the tears that were threatening to fall. "I promised you, didn't I?"
Taiga giggled as Juri showed him the sushi he brought home at Taiga's request, the photos in the envelope hopefully long forgotten as they prepared for dinner.
The animated way Taiga told Juri of his day over dinner made Juri believe that they will be okay.
Taiga may get curious about Matsumura again, but Juri won’t tell him.
Juri will protect Taiga.