When He Realized

purple_j: you free?

hedgehog308: work.

purple_j: k, gonna build up alone then :(

hedgehog308: don't do too much without me!

purple_j: :D

"Who you talking with?" Hokuto asked as he peeked over his shoulder and immediately, Yugo turned his phone around, screen facing the table, to avert it from Hokuto's prying eyes.

"No one."

Hokuto smirked as Yugo massaged his eyelids, he was so tired from gaming all night. It all started during the summer holidays, he had broken his leg and couldn't go out or go to the sea with his all of friends. He couldn’t go anywhere so he ended up downloading this very popular and trendy game. At first, he found it very difficult but Taiga taught him when he came to visit him once in a while, until it became every day of them just playing next to each other together. 

"You've been really into games recently, what happened to 'Mr. Kochi Yugo doesn't play silly games?"

"Life happened," Yugo answered very seriously.

"Yeah, and did you meet the love of your life online?"

"Why are you saying this?"

"'Cause you keep smiling while texting someone."

Hokuto wriggled his eyebrows.

“It’s nothing like that.”

This game, it was temporary. That other player was also a temporary distraction to the reality Yugo was running from.

“You’re still hung on that Jesse boy?”

“What are you talking about?!” Yugo immediately shrieked, his voice booming in the store, making all heads turn toward them.

“Don’t you… have a crush on him?” Hokuto tilted his head very slightly.

Yugo stared back at Hokuto.

“No.” He answered as earnestly as possible. But both of them knew Yugo was lying. “I don’t even know him.” He added, although he never denied the possibility of a male crush.

A few weeks ago, Hokuto had a goukon he got dragged into by a friend so Hokuto naturally dragged Yugo as well. Yugo was highly uncomfortable, he hated arranged group meetings because the girls were always staring at him so intently, waiting for him to make a move but that wasn’t who he was. 

Luckily enough, he was sitting next to a tall blonde guy who made conversation for him during the whole night. The girls were so enthralled by his jokes and fun stories that they didn't even pay attention to Yugo at all. In the beginning, he felt relieved that no one would force him to talk but gradually, as the blonde talkative guy kept chatting, drinking, pouring more wine into everyone’s glasses, and adding more french fries in everyone's plates, Yugo also ended up listening to him as well. That guy was way too friendly and had an incredibly noisy laugh and if Yugo had to be frank, he couldn’t stand his rambunctious attitude. But at least, he had a distraction from the insisting duty lined up in front of them.

Hokuto even had to nudge him to engage more with the girls instead, swiftly whispering to him that they weren’t here to sympathize with the other boys but get a girlfriend here.

Yugo pinched his lips before obeying. He didn’t know why he obeyed, but he did as he smiled at the red-headed girl in front of him.

A little while before calling it a night, Yugo excused himself so he could take a smoke: he knew that no one else had gone outside to smoke the whole night and he was dying to get a huff and just– get a breather. He started to put on his leather jacket and look for his bag when Hokuto grabbed his wrist.

“You’re not running away, leave this here.”

Yugo sulkily breathed out of his nose. “Fine!” He yelled before grabbing his pack of cigarettes and stomping away. He could run away without his personal belongings but Hokuto would nag him for days and weeks and Yugo wished to work peacefully.

There were a few other people smoking in front of the shop but Yugo decided to walk a bit further to find a little corner where to retreat and smoke in peace and silence.

“Hey.”

It took all of Yugo’s strength not to roll his eyes at the lamest “hey” he had ever heard. Yugo slightly looked up at the guy. They stared at each other for a few seconds. They both knew without talking and Yugo liked how they never needed to talk.

The stranger that appeared before him had small, sultry eyes and fleshy wet lips that seemed to ask for more than just a kiss but they were in public and Yugo couldn’t surrender easily around Hokuto. Because Hokuto didn’t know yet and Yugo would never ever tell him.

However, out of curiosity, Yugo let that stranger walk closer, their bodies were not touching just yet but their eyes were drawn to each other’s lips and skin. It felt purely sexual and they knew it, it was everything they were looking for.

“Hey!” another voice popped the bubble in which Yugo and the stranger were dancing for long minutes and seconds. Yugo looked above the stranger’s shoulder and recognized that tall, friendly blonde guy who was sitting next to him in the bar. 

Suddenly, Yugo changed his behavior and literally bumped shoulders with the unknown man to let him know that he changed his mind and that he had to go back into secrecy. 

The stranger sighed before backing off, very frustrated as he glared meanly at the blonde.

Yugo, too, felt truly troubled by the appearance of that boy. He was afraid that everyone else was following him because that was the vibe he exuded, one where everyone would follow no matter he would go and Yugo didn’t want that.

But the blonde boy was alone and he gave him a large smile that took over his face. Yugo gave him a good look and couldn’t help noticing the perfectly aligned teeth that oozed charisma, and the silky light hair that complimented his angular jaw. Yugo didn’t want to analyze the man’s face but he just did, he just couldn’t help but stare at the gentle brown eyes, the sharp nose, the plump lips… Yugo understood why all the girls stopped looking at everyone else when they laid their eyes on him.

Because he, too, was staring. 

“Hey.” Yugo just answered because he didn’t know what else to say as he took on a long draw of his cigarette, feeling the smoke filling his lungs before rejecting it out of his mouth, blurring his vision and the prettiness of that boy in front of him.

“Kochi Yugo, right?”

At the sound of his own name, Yugo jolted. He didn’t expect him to remember his name, it’s not like they were there to meet other boys, after all.

“Yeah. You’ve got a good memory.”

“I get told that often. But I always remember things that mark me.”

“Does my name mark you?”

“In ways you can’t even imagine.”

Yugo’s eyes widened, out of shock. He wasn’t expecting the guy to come onto him that straightforwardly. Even at the table with the others, he never talked like that once to the girls, keeping the flirtation inside his pocket.

“Can you share with me?” He asked as he got as close as the stranger before him. “I’m Jesse, if you don’t remember.”

To be totally honest, Yugo didn't remember a single thing when he first arrived as he wished so hard not to be here. But he now regretted not listening to his introduction a bit more closely the first time. “Do you smoke?”

“When I feel like it, yeah.” Jesse spoke, while leaning in, still waiting for Yugo to share his nicotine. 

And Jesse’s eyes slightly closed as he enjoyed the smoke inside out.

“Why didn’t you stay inside?” Yugo wondered as he stared at the corner of his eye.

“I just–... had a feeling you'd leave without saying goodbye.” He said. “And then I saw that guy bothering you so I thought I’d help.”

“I don’t need your help.”

And when they came back into the bar, Hokuto frowned at Jesse following Yugo whose cheeks became pinker than when he left.

So, perhaps Hokuto, who was sensitive to Yugo’s mood changes, assumed that Yugo had a crush on Jesse.

It wasn’t true. 

He felt nothing.

After that group date, Yugo never asked for anyone’s contact details while Jesse gave his to everyone. It pissed Yugo so much that he was hurrying Hokuto so they could leave before missing the last train home. But Hokuto was buzzed and happy to get so many phone numbers, he was so bad at socializing that he felt that that night was a success.

Hokuto was giddy and kept talking about the people he texted the whole week at work but Yugo never wanted to talk about that night ever again.

hedgehog308: work was awful today.

purple_j: what happened? 

hedgehog308: i think my friend found out about me.

purple_j: being in the closet fucking sucks.

hedgehog308: yeah but he didn’t say anything, but insinuated that i liked that guy i barely met two seconds.

purple_j: aww, he didn’t take it wrongly at least.

hedgehog308: yeah that’s true…

purple_j: wanna play? let’s go into the dungeons, i’m down to reach a brand new level today!

hedgehog308: sure, not too long though, i’m so exhausted, had lots of customers to deal with. 

purple_j: okay!

"I have another gouk–"

"No, Hokuto." Yugo immediately interrupted him as he was quickly putting some ramen packets on the racks while Hokuto was filling the sweets racks. Yugo just felt like pocketing one of the sugary melon bread he liked so much.

"Listen, Yugo, you look really lonely, I think you should come and distract yourself. Last time, you had a blast didn't you?"

"Are you insinuating again that I'm crushing on that guy?" Yugo was also crushing the packets in his hands as he arranged them on the racks.

"You said no, so I believe you don't. Prove it to me by coming."

Yugo whipped around. "I've never pegged you for a goukon lover." 

"I'm not, but every time Juri brings me into it, I can't say no to him. He actually brings interesting people every time. I enjoy meeting people somehow."

"I thought you were a dark boy." Yugo revealed.

"Ask Juri! He's my childhood friend! He'll tell you I'm not that dark!! He always says I talk too much."

Yugo chuckled.

"So," Hokuto insisted. "You comin'?"

"I better get a girlfriend at the end of it."

"Hmm…." Hokuto hummed and Yugo shrugged, not knowing what Hokuto had planned for him.

When they arrived at the group date, Hokuto didn't tell him that it wasn't a girl-boy one. No. It was a boy-boy one and Yugo was about to walk out when Hokuto grabbed his arm.

"Be open-minded."

Yugo hated being seen through.

Unfortunately, this group date was a mess, Yugo was too uncomfortable to talk to any of the guys, it was even worse than with the girls. They don’t talk, they never talk. They just do. 

After a few drinks, though, Yugo had the courage to open his mouth and discuss with Juri, Hokuto’s childhood friend. He started up as “So, you’re the one organizing those group dates?”

“I am,” Juri answered, a smile on his lips. “Do you hate it that much?”

“I was wondering why you kept asking for Hokuto.”

“I need pretty faces,” Juri simply said, his eyes narrowing. 

“Oh, so he’s just a bait.”

“No, he really needs friends too.”

Both of them broke into laughter.

So, again, when Yugo left for a smoke a bit later, and Juri joined him too.

“I didn’t know you smoked.” Yugo told Juri as he was lighting up a cigarette.

“Girls don’t like it but boys don’t always care.”

“Did you find your happiness?”

“I always do.” Juri pulled out his own cigarettes, menthol thin ones and Yugo unconsciously smiled at the choice. “Do you think you are free after this?”

“Perhaps, what do you have in mind?” Yugo asked back.

“Myself. At my place.”

What Hokuto didn’t know was that at the end of the night, Yugo ended up going home with Juri because he was the perfect one-night stand. 

Everything Yugo needed: a lightweight secret.

purple_j: you weren’t online for a while, are you okay?

hedgehog308: really? i didn’t notice sorry… i’m okay.

purple_j: sounds like you met someone! was that goukon last time the right one?

hedgehog308: kinda.

purple_j: i see. do you wanna play?

hedgehog308: sorry i don’t feel like playing today.

purple_j: okay :( rest well.

hedgehog308: thank you. i miss you though.

purple_j: aww.

purple_j: me too. 

Yugo didn't like coincidences. 

He went a bit paranoid when Jesse walked into the store, making Yugo run towards Hokuto, certain that his friend told him where they were working.

"Hokuto! Isn’t it Jesse?” He cried out, thinking that Jesse would come to flirt with him at his workplace.

“Oh! Yeah.” Hokuto says. “I told him to come pick me up.”

“What?” Yugo asked.

“We’re going on a date!” Hokuto told him. “... You said you weren’t interested…” Hokuto added, feeling like Yugo was a bit upset.

Yugo shook his head.

“Nah. It’s fine. You two have fun…”

Hokuto’s shift ended up early and Yugo couldn’t focus on anything, slowing down his movements while cleaning the window shop, the mop in his hand getting eerily heavier. He felt like he could see his angry face on the window and it made him even angrier. 

He got even angrier at himself when he asked Juri to pick him up after his shift.

“You seem wild today,” Juri said as he felt Yugo’s hands all over his skin, almost ripping his favorite shirt. He could have been mad but he was too attracted to Yugo’s naughty behavior. “Did something happen?”

“Nothing.” Yugo lied as he slid his fingers across the muscles of his throat, down the crease of his chest before pushing Juri’s body back onto the bed.

“God, I love it when you’re like this,” Juri told him with the largest smile on his face as he left a kiss on the bone of Yugo’s hip.

hedgehog308: hey! do you wanna play? you haven’t been online either, i missed you around. went to farm on my own :( 

purple_j: sorry, just been busy. i’m free now, let’s clear some tasks for today, i feel like my brain isn’t up for any smart fight.

hedgehog308: are you okay?

purple_j: i am! just a lot going through my mind but it’ll pass. let’s play!! but i need to update the game first…

hedgehog308: sure.

purple_j: did you fall asleep while i was updating :(?

hedgehog308: omg purple!!! i’m so sorry!!! i was really tired…!!!!!

purple_j: ahahah it’s fine!

hedgehog308: i have work today, but let’s play tonight! if you’re free…

purple_j: ah… i might be busy tonight

hedgehog308: oh damn

purple_j: do you want to meet?

hedgehog308: what?

purple_j: irl

hedgehog308: are you serious?

purple_j: yea. i don’t know it’s been hard to play together because of our lives… so i feel like we should become real friends before we could lose contact. then we can play together.

hedgehog308:   haha, okay. sounds fun. let’s meet.

purple_j: wow, i’m excited. how about thursday at 6 pm at the modi building.

hedgehog308: why not at the station?

purple_j: i don’t want you to get lost and miss me there.

Yugo was really nervous.

He never had a friend online and even though he agreed, he originally had doubts: what if it wasn’t the person he thought he was? What if he was disappointed? What if the other one was disappointed? What if it was a murderer that only groomed him to be the perfect prey? Yugo started to think of every possibility, any possibility to make him back out of this date.

Date?

They’d never agreed on a date .

They’d never talked about dating anyone either. Yugo and Juri weren’t exactly together, anyway?

Yugo had to shake his head to shake off all of those dating thoughts.

As he got off the bus, he started walking in the direction opposite from the mall they were supposed to meet. 

No, Purple was a nice guy. They had been talking for months. They talked about how they were both working, how Purple was saving to buy himself a house near the sea, so it didn’t allow him to find love. How he was slightly younger than Yugo but somehow had all figured it out in his life. There were things he couldn’t be lying about and Yugo, deep down, knew it was a real person behind the screen name.

His feet moved on its own as he made a U-turn and walked towards the mall with determination and excitation. As he walked there, he saw a tall figure and light blonde hair from afar that he immediately recognized as Jesse. Even behind his glasses, Yugo knew it was him.

He didn’t know why he was there but as soon as he recognized him, he decided to leave even if their eyes actually met.

“Ah! Kochi Yugo!” He screamed so loudly that the whole crowd that was bustling in and out of the mall heard him. “Hey, hello!”

Sighing loudly, Yugo just greeted him back and skittered quickly towards him.

“Hey, I’m glad to see you! We didn’t get to say hello properly when I came to pick up Hokuto.”

Well, Yugo did his best to hide from him. Yugo didn’t exactly like to see Hokuto leave with Jesse.

“Yeah, busy.” Yugo said. “What are you doing here?”

“Oh, I’m waiting for a friend. We met online.”

It was the coldest shower Yugo had ever gotten in his life. 

The LED screen that was shining so bright above their heads was blinding him as much as his ears rang with reality. It finally hit Yugo that Purple was coincidentally Jesse. It also meant that everything that Purple had ever confided him with was also Jesse.

“Oh.. Well, I’ll let you at it then… I–” Yugo mumbled, not knowing how to form words properly.

“Hey, wait… I-I noticed you didn’t give me your number last time…”

“Oh, hum, I really don’t have the time…”

“Can I ask Hokuto?”

“...I don’t know…” Yugo said.

Jesse’s face fell. “Oh… Okay…” He looked so forlorn when he started staring as his own shoes out of shame and shyness. “Okay, I get it… Bye…”

“Bye.”

Immediately after, Yugo walked away. 

Fast. 

Without turning around, not letting himself spare a glance back at Jesse that must have looked so damn lonely. It broke Yugo’s heart just thinking about it, but Yugo really couldn’t do it, he literally ran down the illuminated streets until he slowed down and stopped in the middle of the streets.

He looked at the darkened sky. 

The stars most likely cursed him as a car pulled over, near the sidewalks. 

“Yugo?”

Yugo thought that life was against him when he looked down and saw Juri’s face calling for his name from an expensive navy car.

“Are you okay?”

Juri literally got out of his vehicle to pull him into his arms. Yugo wasn’t crying but he was still out of breath and he was damn sweaty, he wished Juri wasn’t hugging him right now.

“Do you need a ride home?”

“...” Yugo wanted to say yes so bad. 

So he did.

“Yeah.”

Soft hands on his shoulder and the small of his back, Juri walked him to the passenger’s seat and opened the door for him, making sure he’d not bump his head against the roof of the car.

“Thank you Juri.”

When Juri switched the engine on, Yugo allowed himself to close his eyes.

Everything he could see was Jesse’s lonely eyes when he ran away like a coward.

purple_j: you didn’t come.

purple_j: i waited for you.

purple_j: three hours…

purple_j: i was even worried.

hedgehog308: sorry i got scared… i’m so sorry.

purple_j: i’m not mad.

purple_j: because i realized it was you , kochi yugo.

purple_j: i was really hoping you’d come back

purple_j: actually i ran after you

purple_j: but then juri picked you up

purple_j: and then i understood what you meant by “kinda” when i asked you when you met someone.

hedgehog308: I’m really sorry. 

And Yugo deleted the game from his phone.

“Can I give your number to Jesse? He asked me to ask you first. I told him I could give it to you but…” Hokuto asked as soon as they met each other at the store, and Yugo didn’t even make it to the lockers when Hokuto jumped on him.

“No, tell him I have a boyfriend.”

“You do?” Hokuto inquired, mouth agape with incredulity at the revelation. He knew Yugo was a secretive piece of shit, but he didn’t expect him to learn it that way. He felt even disappointed.

“Just tell him.”

“So you’re really not interested?” Hokuto asked again and Yugo was starting to get irritated because Yugo knew that Hokuto asked with intent behind. He knew that Hokuto was definitely interested in Jesse.

Perhaps, it was better that way.

“How many times do I have to tell you that I’m not?” Yugo almost barked at him, making Hokuto slam his mouth shut. “Don’t mention him ever again.” 

hedgehog308: Hokuto likes you. Give him a chance instead.

Yugo didn’t know why he sent that message but he just did. 

After that, he unfriended Purple before deleting his own chat account.

Jesse L. : Do you really want me to date Hokuto instead of you?

Yugo K. : Yes. 

Yugo K. : Did Hokuto give you my number against my consent?

Jesse L. : You didn’t let me express my thoughts before you shut me out. I had to.

Yugo K. : There’s nothing else to be said, Purple.. I mean Jesse… Whoever you are.

Jesse L. : Whatever my name is, I’m still the same one.

Yugo K. : Aren’t you looking for someone good to date? I’m not the right one for you.

Jesse L. : How can you know? Hokuto told me that you’re not dating Juri even if you told him to tell me that.

Yugo K. : Hokuto knows nothing.

Jesse L. : Can I call you?

Yugo K. : I won’t answer if you do.

Yugo K. : Sorry Jesse.

As fast as possible, Yugo blocked Jesse’s number.