Motorcycles were roaring when the ABARENBOU bike gang arrived at school. 

Every single morning, it was always the same loud ruckus. Even if teachers yelled at them for being so noisy so early in the day, they would not punish them because their leader would intervene to save them from any form of punishment. With a large quirky smile on his boyish face, he would apologize, saying that he didn’t mean to bother but the sound of the engine motor was the bike’s soul and that was something he couldn’t tame (that was obviously a lie but there was nothing as gratifying than the sound of the motor).

The way the leader of ABARENBOU had with words always calmed down the infuriated and most disgruntled teachers.

Jesse always walked past them when they arrived, mainly because Jesse was always late and because the gang liked to gather in front of the school and park their bikes in a very clean line at the designated place. Jesse always wondered if they could be considered real hooligans because they always respected the rules and for that, he harbored a sort of admiration towards them.

Sometimes, fights would break out between the ABARENBOU and other young gangs but it was always out of the vicinity of the school, a bit further away because the leader hated bringing trouble to “civilians” as they said. Jesse could hear the whole school chit-chat about their dangerosity but he didn’t care much about them.

He often crossed path with the leader of ABARENBOU in the hallways, he even overheard him meet the principal in his office as he walked past it. He heard him say: 

“Kochi-kun, don’t forget your promise. I let you and your friends perpetuate the tradition of ABARENBOU but only if you all have good grades and get graduated with the minimal or else I’m taking back your jacket.”

Jesse saw the leader nod and cross his arms over his chest, not letting anyone take the long and yellow jacket that showed his belonging to ABARENBOU. Rumors had it that the principal, Nagase Tomoya, was a former bosozoku but Jesse didn’t expect him to be a former leader of that same gang. He now understood a little better why no one had repressed those kids and their noisy bikes.

“You promised straight As, Kochi-kun. Do something about your English and your math.”

Said Kochi stormed out of the principal’s office with a pout and laced eyebrows, he looked scarier than ever, but Jesse wasn’t scared at all as he watched him walk away.

*

“Are you in trouble?” Juri asked as soon as Yugo came back into the classroom, slouching on his chair and loudly knocking the metal leg of his table.

All of his friends (also members of the ABARENBOU bike gang) were sitting on their desks around Yugo’s whose seat was at the back of the class.  Juri was sitting in the middle mainly because he had bad eyesight, the others, Hokuto, Shintaro and Hinata were scattered around the room. He was grateful to have his closest friends around even if not the whole gang was in his class or his grade.

As they were gathering around him, they notice his sulky face. 

“Of course he is, this face means he got scolded,” Hinata laughed as she playfully poked his cheek.

His friends all laughed at Yugo but it was a serious matter to him, he said as he slapped Hinata’s finger away from his face, making her laugh even harder.

“I’ll get the jacket taken away if I don’t study more. It’s only two subjects though, why does he have to scold me for so little?”

The jacket meant a lot. It was such an important symbol for their group. They all wore it in class, even if many other students hated them for that, hated the noise of their bikes, the length of their jackets, the boom of their laughter, the loudness of their voices, the fierceness and the freedom they bore... And every time teachers tried to corner them for not paying attention, they did it enough to answer well. They were polite in their own way, attentive in their own way but tended to bother others’ peacefulness by their boisterous presence and scary hobbies. 

“Which subjects are you flunking at?” Hokuto asked more seriously.

“English and math,” Yugo revealed as he watched his grades. He scored Cs for both, he sighed. There was something in those subjects that went over his head. 

“Juri and I can help you with math,” Hinata chirped.

“I can help you with your English.” Hokuto offered as he patted Yugo’s shoulder. “Don’t worry.”

“Are you sure?” Juri crossed his arms with a slight frown. “I mean, of course I’ll help for math, but I’m not sure you –..”

“Our chief needs our help,” Hokuto insisted as he interrupted Juri’s sentence. “We gotta help him.”

Juri pouted, he knew Yugo needed their help but he also knew that Hokuto was also working part-time in a bike shop as a mechanic. He needed the cash, he needed the grade and he needed the time to keep on living without the help of anyone else. Juri didn’t know how Hokuto would find the time to tutor Yugo and the others weren’t that good in English like Hokuto.

“Don’t worry,” Hokuto repeated as he smiled at them.

Yugo felt lucky to have his friends but he wasn’t that reassured.

ABARENBOU meant the world to him, he was proud of his group of friends, of his beautiful bike and the honor that came with the jacket, so he’d hate to lose it just because he couldn’t understand a few words in English and couldn’t solve a few equations.

*

“It’s curry pan day!!” Hinata screamed as soon as the bell rang. “Let’s go!”

And so, the little group rushed in the hallways to get first to the cafeteria but on the way there, Yugo bumped shoulders with a boy.

“Can’t you look where you’re going?!” Yugo shouted as he recognized Taiga (who wasn’t blonde anymore – When did he dye it back? Yugo wondered).

Taiga snapped his tongue.

“What did you say?!” Taiga immediately felt his blood rushing, anger buzzing through his veins, old feuds hitting him back.

“You shouldn’t be running in the hallways anyway,” A boy next to Taiga said and Yugo had never talked to him before but often saw him here and there, especially next to Taiga ever since the latter quit the group.

Yugo was still bitter about Taiga’s departure, because Taiga used to be his best friend, a partner that would always have his back during fights. Now, Taiga had found a new best friend, a tall foreigner that fucking dared to talk back to him in the hallway. If Yugo hadn’t promised not to fight at school and if they were meeting in the streets, Yugo would probably punch his pretty face.

“Who are you to tell me what I gotta do?” Yugo barked back and the tall boy smirked.

“I’m no one at all, yet you’re still bothered by no one .” The guy retorted.

“Yugo, let’s go!” Hinata hurried him as Yugo threw his head back, conflicted between keeping the argue hot or leaving for hot curry-filled bread.

He chose food.

“Let’s go, Jess… They’re not worth our time and energy.” Taiga had whispered as he grabbed his tall friend by the arm and ignored Juri and Hokuto as they all walked past each other. 

Taiga was past fighting ABARENBOU or Hokuto and Juri.

*

On the bench outside the main building of their class, Yugo bit into his bread with an inexplicable rage. 

“Yugo, don’t be mad at the bread, it did nothing to you.” Hinata said.

“I know.”

“Hey! Leader!” Koji and Shintaro called Yugo, making him turn around from his delicious bread. “Wanna come to play soccer? We are down one player.”

Hinata patted his shoulder. “It’ll do you good, go play.” She said because she could tell that Yugo had a lot on his mind, bummed by the threat of having the gang dismantled over stupid grades.

Ever since Taiga cowardly quit, Shintaro replaced him as Yugo’s bestfriend. He was a nice boy who unexpectedly had a bad temper when it came to fighting – he and Yugo spent every night learning how to drift with Koji. The latter was extremely good at it and Shintaro and Yugo were eager to imitate Koji.

Hinata watched Yugo drag lazy feet to the field. He wasn’t even wearing the right shoes and he was going to dirty his uniform playing but she was right, he needed to channel his stress and frustration in some ways.

As Shintaro handed him a blue colored undershirt, Yugo’s eyes caught sight of that same tall foreigner that was always at Taiga’s arm (he wasn’t really, Yugo knew that Taiga and Fuma were dating but for some reason, Taiga had replaced Yugo with that tall dude). As their eyes met, Yugo saw the guy take huge steps in his direction and Yugo started to panic when he saw the determination gleaming in his eyes.

“Hey,” He said. “Kochi Yugo?” 

Yugo felt chills, not knowing if they were going to fight in the middle of the soccer field.

“What do you want?” Yugo retorted, not asking but more like barking. He tried to match his gaze although he was confused about why that tall guy looked like he wanted to fight when Taiga quit also because he needed calm. Was he his bodyguard?

The tall guy’s long legs made only a few steps to reach Yugo. He stopped one meter away from each other before opening his mouth instead of raising his fist:

“If your team loses, let me ride your motorbike,” he challenged, with a severe gaze and a curling smile.

“What?!” Yugo shrieked as he was losing his shit.

“What?! Why?!” Yugo yelled again in the middle of the field where probably the whole school had heard him scream and seen his veins pop out of his forehead. This guy was really the worst. How could he ask to ride his most prized possession so shamelessly?! They didn’t even know each other, not even his name! “Are you crazy?”

“I’m not crazy, I’m Jesse.” He introduced himself with the most poised tone which angered Yugo even more. “I want to ride that engine. If your team loses, will you?”

“...You won’t be able to win anyway,” Yugo assured him. He didn’t know the guy, but he was confident he could win, and even if he lost, he would never let that stranger ride his baby.

“Let’s find out.” He challenged. The Jesse guy with his light dark brown hair shining under the shy sun of an autumnal weather.

*

Yugo had to admit it.

He was good.

But Jesse didn’t have the best team, meanwhile, Yugo did. Before being a bike leader, Yugo had been the football team captain for years. 

Yugo scored three times thanks to his best and most trusted mates (aka Shintaro and Koji) who understood his tactic of playing lowkey, saving his energy and not running too hard, pretending to be a midfielder before appearing in the emptiest area of the adverse team. He’d swiftly score before he could be blocked by the defenders of the adverse team. 

Jesse managed to score once though, and it was only because the defenders of Yugo’s team didn’t think that Jesse could cross the whole field to score on his own. That wasn’t very fair towards the other players but it was a goal made out of despair. Jesse couldn’t let this game finish on a flat zero for his team.

Thus, when Yugo’s team won, Jesse had to concede their loss.

“Maybe one day you’ll beat me, you fool.” Yugo threw to Jesse in a burst of great laughter, with a middle finger as a gift – but Jesse didn’t seem to take it wrongly and didn’t get irritated by his comment. 

“Maybe, yeah!” Jesse responded with a very small smile, almost satisfied to lose the bet. “I love a little bit of challenge.”

He repressed a blush, taken aback by Jesse’s behavior. Yugo was used to dealing with sore losers, not with tall persistent guys who smiled when they lost. 

The bell rang and Yugo immediately freaked out – he didn’t have time to shower before class and he was sweating crazily from giving his best for the game. He might have won but that Jesse guy was good enough to make Yugo and his team sweat.

“Nooo! Hinata!! Tell the teacher I’ll be running late, don’t let them throw me out or the principal will kill me!!!” Yugo yelled at her as he ran towards the locker rooms to rush into the showers as fast as possible.

*

Yugo stepped out of the showers in a hurry and bumped into Jesse again. 

“Why are you always on my way?! D’you wanna fight or what?” Yugo complained as he slapped his bare shoulder to push him away from him. Yugo was surprised to notice how firm Jesse’s upper body was but Yugo didn’t dare to look lower. 

He doubted he could ever beat him in a fight… but even if Yugo didn’t have the strength, he had the experience in street fighting.

“Watch in front of you instead of your feet.” Jesse matter-of-factly told him.

“Arghhh,” Yugo groaned because he really wanted to punch Jesse but he was going to be late for class and he didn’t need another reason to piss off Nagase.

*

Yugo felt sleepy the whole afternoon from playing too hard during lunch. He was starting to regret it but for some reason, the game made him feel more at peace with his thoughts. He felt like he could do anything after all – he had friends who could help him go through those hellish subjects. He wouldn’t have to renounce to his group, his friends, his jacket, the gang or his motorcycle.

He had always admired Nagase since he was a kid. Having his own engine which would roar day and night, fighting his opponents with a strong sense of camaraderie, being able to carry the name and the honor of the group at all times… All of these, Yugo would never let that go. For no one and nothing. He wanted to carry it until he died. It made him feel like he was finally someone, someone who belonged somewhere.

He felt so free when he rode his bike, when the sun became the moon, when the lights were off and the streets were silent except for him and his friends’ bikes soaring to chaos as their maniacal laughter were piercing through the speed… He loved that momentary sensation. He felt like he was living for real.

And when he walked out of school that same day and saw Jesse loitering near the line of bikes carefully parked in front of the school, Yugo felt his vision turning red as his jaw clenched and his fists balled into a ready-to-use weapon.

“YOU!!” Yugo outcried from afar and again that Jesse guy didn’t jolt from the loud scream. He didn’t even look scared of him. He only raised an eyebrow.

Why wasn’t he affected by his yells and anger fits? Wasn’t Yugo supposed to be a scary delinquent?

“I’m gonna fucking kill ya!! What the fuck are you doing here? Are you trying to mess up with me? Is it Taiga who set you up?” Yugo asked as he grabbed Jesse’s shirt with his two angry fists.

“Taiga?” Jesse repeated. “Why would he?” He genuinely asked. “I came to ask you again: I wanna ride this bike of yours.”

“Why?” Yugo wondered because he was sincerely curious about the reason why a guy like him, calm and tall and poised and polite, would want to ride a bike , his bike. Of course he took great pride in his customized engine.

“Why you ask? Because it looks cool.” Jesse simply answered and Yugo wanted to laugh at him. Was he stupid? Did he understand the true meaning of their gang and their bikes? Was he even aware of what he really was?

“Are you stupid?”

“What do I have to do to ride it?” Jesse insisted.

“You will never ride it.” Yugo declared.

“...I heard you needed English lessons, I can help with that. You’ll repay me by letting me ride your bike.”

“Why are you so persistent?”

“I’m curious, that’s all.”

“And curiosity killed the cat, don’t you think it’ll happen to you?”

“You won’t let it happen to me, right?” Jesse’s sudden suave voice asked Yugo and the ABARENBOU leader was left without words.

“You— You–...” Kochi Yugo was rarely out of words, he was actually the one who pulled the gang out of trouble with his eloquence but today, his nerves had been played with, twisted until he was cornered and pushed to the edge of a cliff. 

And, of course, he fell from that cliff.

“Tomorrow, after class. Three P. M. Let’s meet at the library. I’ll teach you everything.” Jesse instructed him and even though it sounded like a command, his voice was soft enough for Yugo to have the choice to turn him down.

Which he did.

“Why are you deciding it on your own!?? I’m not coming!!” Yugo told him off as he walked past him, their shoulders bumping again as he reached for his bike, looking for his helmet in the trunk.

“Yugo! Wait for us!” It was his friends who were suddenly conveniently flooding the place, all rejoining their own bikes. It was Hokuto, Juri, Fuma, Chisa, Shintaro, Hinata who all came with a happy commotion.

Yugo rolled the throttle of his bright yellow Kaizosha, although his motorcycle wasn’t complete – there were parts he wanted to customize still, he wanted the motor to rev even louder – when he did roll the throttle, the engine roared to life in a way that made Jesse jolt, filling Yugo with a certain joy that rejoiced him. 

It wasn’t the loudest he could do yet.

“You’re so full of yourself if you think you can ride it so easily. You gotta earn the ride.” Yugo told him.

**

Unfortunately, during that English class, Yugo felt overwhelmed, he understood nothing of the class and he was very well aware that it wasn’t the most challenging class on Earth. His brain literally shut off as soon as their teacher switched to English sentences, what was so difficult for him to register into his brain? Yugo knew Hokuto could help him but Hokuto was a fast talker that didn’t make things easy but even more complicated. Yugo didn’t have the heart to tell Hokuto that he needed to dumb it down for his dumb ass. He was still his leader after all, and the position came with a certain pride…

Even though he said he wouldn’t come, Yugo still walked through the noisy corridors of his high school without thinking, friends asked him if he wanted to go play football, he shook his head, other friends suggested they go to the arcade, he turned them down. At three thirty-seven, he stood in front of the sliding doors of the library. 

He stared at the doors for a few extra minutes.

“Hey, you came!” Jesse said with such a gleeful delight that unsettled Yugo. He waved at him across the empty library. Yugo never set foot in the place before but he knew that Hokuto was always there when he needed calm, from time to time, he had Juri sitting next to him. For hours, Hokuto was usually reading, Juri would play on his phone.

He didn’t know why he was so easily swayed by a guy as shameless as him, but instead of turning back and walking away, he approached the table where Jesse had English-written books splayed all over it.

“I came but it doesn’t give you the right to ride my bike,” Yugo reminded him, a frown on his face. He was still wary of him, he couldn’t understand him and he was curious about what he was, who he was, how he was.

In the end, the curiosity caught Yugo who was inexplicably drawn to the weirdness of that stubborn tall guy.

“Okay.” He simply said and Yugo could read in Jesse’s eyes that he took it as an another challenge. “Let me prove to you that I am worth it then,” Jesse said as he pushed the chair in front of him with his foot, as to offer the empty seat to Yugo.

Yugo stared at it before glancing at Jesse’s playful smile.

He sat down.

In the library, books held secrets as people breathed them in to whisper their dust.

Jesse too was whispering in spite of the lack of people around them. They could talk louder but his soft voice, as he explained ever slowly the most basic English grammar, made it incredibly easy for Yugo to understand although he felt very ashamed by his lack of knowledge. Jesse, who seemed to know English much better than him, never judged him. He always repeated words that Yugo would mispronounce, not to correct him, but to teach him.

“Let’s start with the start,” Jesse had told him when even before they opened their textbooks and he found out that Yugo’s whole being seemed to reject the subject when he tried to ask him what he knew. Yugo wasn’t planning on leaving Japan, why should he learn English? Japanese was all he needed to lead his gang, Yugo told Jesse and Jesse laughed:

“You’ll find its use one day.”

Jesse suddenly switched seats and decided to sit close to him so they wouldn’t disturb the silence the place required.

Yugo actually wanted to sit as far as possible from him. Jesse’s voice was low, almost suave in his ear and Yugo could hear everything clearly. A bit too clearly. He didn’t know if it was the distance that amplified everything but Yugo could feel himself blush at Jesse's tone dropping low when he was speaking English.

“Are you okay?” Jesse asked and Yugo dragged his own chair away, moving farther from him, definitely uncomfortable with this lack of distance.

“Yeah, I’m feeling a bit warm,”

“You’re not getting sick, are you?” Jesse wondered as he placed a warm hand on his forehead and Yugo immediately slapped it away.

“Don’t get comfortable, we’re not friends.” Yugo reminded him.

“Sorry, sorry!” Jesse chuckled and added: “If you’re still up to it, we can keep up, otherwise, we can get back to it next time.” 

“How long has it been?” Yugo wondered as he raised his head towards the huge clock hung on the opposite wall, it was already five. They’ve been at it for that long? Yugo couldn’t believe it. He couldn’t sit straight for more than ten minutes during English lessons usually. “Wow, I think I should be going...”

Yugo panicked. He wasn’t supposed to stay that long with him, he forgot the time, he forgot he had a gang to take care of.

Hastily, Yugo gathered his things and left in a hurry, not even thanking Jesse for giving his time. Yugo didn't ask for it, after all! Jesse gave it willingly!

When he checked his phone as he was running down the hallways, he saw numerous messages from Hinata.

HNT: We got ambushed.

HNT: At M's clinic, rn.

*

It was all his fault.

He wasn’t there to protect them, Yugo thought as he was driving through the streets flooded by the orange sunset light towards the private clinic owned by Shintaro’s family. It was where they went when they needed medical assistance. It was the place their predecessors also went when they got hurt after nonsensical fights.

His motor shut off and Yugo removed his helmet when he stepped inside the clinic, it was still the same small building which was well maintained with gangster money and always smelled of a strong detergent and an acidity that reminded Yugo of death.

Yugo frantically ran around until he found Hinata in tears.

“H–how bad?” Yugo barely dared to ask,

“It’s Juri, he tried to protect Hokuto and got his leg broken…"

"And Hokuto?"

"Concussed but MRIs didn't detect any hemorrhage."

"The others?"

"Shintaro has a broken nose and Fuma a broken finger, but everyone else is fine."

Yugo sighed, out of relief, but mainly out of guilt.

"Don't make this face," Hinata pleaded, patting his shoulder to comfort his anxious mind. "It's not your fault."

She could always read him, he hated that. He sat down on one of the numerous white chairs in the waiting room. It was weirdly empty. It was usually full of screaming gangsters, but today, only his gang got hurt and he wasn’t there to protect them.

“Kochi-kun?” Morimoto-sensei, a.k.a. Shintaro’s uncle, who was randomly passing by, saw Yugo moping around, his forehead resting in his hands and his eyes almost closing from the physical and mental exhaustion.

“Sensei! Can I see them?” Yugo immediately asked as he stood up from his seat.

“You can but you should be resting instead, everyone is fine. Believe me. They’ll be healthy in no time. Don’t stay too long and go home after.”

Yugo wanted to protest but the idea of being able to see his friends, albeit hurt, rejoiced him.

“Can I see them too?” 

Yugo turned around at the voice.

He could recognize his voice everywhere.

It was his former best friend’s voice.

The one that cowardly left him for love matters.

Yugo wanted to punch him as soon as he saw him. He was so mad at Taiga.

“You!” Yugo growled, “Did you do this?!”

“Why would I do that to my boyfriend?”

“I don’t know? To get back at Juri and Hokuto?!”

“It’s the past! I already told you I moved on.”

“You moved on but you still left! I don’t know how much more you can betray me!” Yugo was yelling and not even Hinata tried to make him stop, she knew he needed to let it out.

“I wouldn’t do that to you.”

“Did you send Jesse?” Yugo finally inquired, his voice smaller and his tone sudden

“What? Send Jesse? Where? What are you talking about?” Taiga was at loss, not understanding why Yugo would mention Jesse when he had nothing to do with their business. “Let me see Fuma.”

Morimoto-sensei, who had been a bit entertained by the high schoolers, shrugged his shoulders, “It’s fine but please don’t disturb them by yelling. They need calm and rest.” 

Yugo dramatically turned his heels and walked towards the rooms, not even waiting for Taiga or Hinata.

Contrary to what Yugo had expected, everyone seemed healthy except the fact they looked like mummies with their bandages all over their bodies. Still, they were all playing cards on a small kotatsu in the middle of the patients’ shared room. The sight was comical but Yugo wasn’t laughing.

The atmosphere became awkward when Yugo and Taiga entered the room and Taiga walked straight to Fuma without looking at Juri or Hokuto who were next to him.

Taiga had every right to ignore them: Juri was the one who left Taiga to date Hokuto after all. It wasn’t an easy choice for Juri, but it deeply hurt Taiga's pride. He never forgave them.

As soon as Taiga sat next to Fuma, the latter’s eyes started to sparkle and shine and his hurt finger didn’t hurt anymore, he felt invigorated, especially when Taiga slipped a warm hand in his.

From the corner of his eye, Yugo caught Juri’s relieved smile.

“Guys…” Yugo asked. “What happened?”

“Nothing bad,” Hokuto explained. “Bumped into SlowMen…"

"Again?! They'll pay…" Yugo growled.

"No." Hokuto said. "You have to study."

"But!" Yugo insisted, tightening his fist, frustrated. He didn't like to be told what to do. "I can't focus and study if you guys are hurt."

"We survived, didn't we? We will rest a little and you'll study." Juri added, because he always supported Hokuto's wisest decisions.

"I can't believe I'm gonna agree," Shintaro also pitched in, his face bandaged. Yugo would’ve mocked him in another context but he was seriously pissed off that his group was hurt when he was away, busy doing stupid things such as learning English. He didn’t want to stay back and study, wouldn’t their group lose prestige if they didn’t fight back? “I know what you’re thinking Yugo, but we got out ass kicked with or without you. Believe me, we also fought back. You’ve got a mission more important than our group.”

“What are you saying? Isn’t our gang important too?”

“Our gang is nothing if you can’t build a bright future, you gotta carry the torch and set the example. Today we’re bikers, but what about tomorrow?”

“Shin, you’ve never thought of tomorrow before. What gives?”

Thoughtful, Shintaro lowered his head, but Yugo could see his eyes. “For the first time, I fought without you. And I thought, what if we died? What if you were alone tomorrow? Then, I thought that you had to fight for yourself too, for your life. Don’t give it up for foolish fights, even if I love to fight, I also love carrying the pride of our group, I love riding my bike and making sure it’s the prettiest engine ever seen on Earth, but Yugo, the future is scary as shit, and I think we gotta start thinking how to confront this life we know nothing of.”

*

The next day, Yugo was gloomy as he rode his bike to school. He wanted to skip classes so badly, he felt lonely when he attended school with only Hinata (she was the least hurt, a cut on her lip and a scar on her cheek – she carried a knife and pepper spray and knew how to use it very well,) and Chisa (she was just on a soda run!) since the others all took a day off. The girls tried to cheer him on but Yugo kept sighing all day long.

As they walked towards their classroom, Yugo walked past Taiga and Jesse in the hallways, he hated the fact their classrooms were so close to each other and Yugo wanted to ignore them but something inside of him made him unable to do so. He bowed his head so slightly to greet them, it was not that he forgot about Taiga’s betrayal, but he appreciated the ongoing support Taiga kept on giving them. He could’ve forced Fuma to leave too since they were now an item.

“Hey,” Jesse called Yugo as he was starting to walk away and to be really honest, Yugo didn’t want to talk to Jesse.

He didn’t answer.

“Kochi. Library after class?” He asked very simply, without any more explanation and that earned a raised eyebrow from Taiga.

“Sorry… I can’t.”

“Why?” Jesse asked and Yugo didn’t know why he asked this question. What does he mean by “why?” Yugo was busy, why was the guy forcing his way? 

“I am busy.” Yugo spat and Hinata, who was always so perspicacious much to Yugo’s displeasure, added:

“I’m tutoring him after class,”

“Oh,” Jesse just said, his lips forming the same shape as the sound he was producing. “You don’t need me anymore, then?”

His tone was flat, it had no disappointment in it and Yugo wanted to play along so he could get rid of Jesse but Hinata (again) said:

“I’m teaching him Maths, though.”

“Oh. Then. Tomorrow?”

“Sure, he’ll be free!” Hinata spoke for him but what did she know?! Maybe he was busy tomorrow!

“Nice, see you tomorrow then.” Jesse simply answered with a slight smile before waving a lazy hand and just walked away.

CHAPTER IV

Yugo almost died after his long studying session with Hinata.

She was a real Maths monster, severely slapping his fingers when he got it wrong, but it made him learn faster than he had ever been in his life. He had to say, it was tough but it worked…

Hence, when he got to Jesse’s tutoring class the next day, he was almost embarrassed by how much he appreciated the care, the patience and the warmth Jesse gave, as compared with Hinata.

“Do you really want to ride my bike that much?” Yugo asked in the middle of a mock test for an upcoming test, making Jesse look up from his telephone screen. He was scrolling through pictures of pretty girls and Yugo saw.

“I do, it looks exhilarating.” Jesse frankly admitted. “But I’m scared of the speed, so I’d like to ride behind you.”

“Why me?”

“I don’t know. Your bike is so cool.” He beamed at him and Yugo didn’t like that smile. It made him feel weird.

When silence fell upon them again, only the incessant and faraway screams of football players echoed from the field. Within the classroom, only the screeching of his pencil against the paper and Jesse’s occasional tap on the screen of his phone – probably texting or liking pictures – could be heard (and seen by Yugo’s prying eyes).

Yugo couldn’t focus any longer.

It was because of the noise of the incessant tap.

And the noise of his stomach growling out of hunger.

Their eyes met at the sound and they both burst into laughter.

“Let’s go to the convenience store, I’m starving too.” He suggested while closing all of the books and notebooks and putting them back into his bag. Yugo did the same.

Jesse was mindlessly grabbing his blazer, not even looking at Yugo, as he stood up when Yugo was reminded again of how tall he was compared to him. Was he slower at growing up? What was he eating?

Yugo just followed him without saying anything.

*

“Why are you buying two noodle cups?” Yugo frowned as they both lined up at the cashier of the store after choosing their preferred snacks, looking at each other in surprise.

“Why are you eating so many sweets?” Jesse counterasked.

“I’m hungry!”

“Well, me too!?”

“You’ve got such a sweet tooth for a delinquent,” Jesse stated as he placed his two noodles and his soda drink on the counter, “I’ll pay. Give me those.”

“What?” Yugo asked as he stepped back, holding onto his packets of snacks tight against his chest. “No, it’s fine!”

“Don’t make a fuss, I made you come all the way to the store with me, I’ll pay for those. You’ll pay next time if you want.” Jesse insisted.

Because Yugo didn’t want to disturb the girl at the cashier who was getting extremely impatient (she had other things to do, to be honest), he dropped all of his snacks onto the counter, making Jesse chuckle a little.

“That’s really cute!” He said without thinking as he unsheathed a wallet full of bills.

Yugo wondered what it meant.

*

They went to a park in the vicinity of the school. They couldn’t go far because Yugo left his bike at the school. He was supposed to be leaving soon to join all of his mates but he was still stuck on eating the candies and delicious snacks that Jesse had bought for him. He felt like it would be rude to leave just afterwards, so he stayed, sitting over the back of the bench while he watched Jesse, normally seated, eat his first cup of spicy noodles at high speed.

“Were you that hungry?” Yugo asked.

“I just eat a lot.”

“I was wondering why you were so tall, I think I now know why.”

“Do you want to grow taller?”

“Not really, I thought I was tall until I met you,” Yugo admitted.

“I thought you wanted to be tall to attract girls!” Jesse laughed and Yugo pretended to laugh along.

He just wanted to go home, to his friends, who would understand him better. 

He wanted to ride his bike.

He wanted to feel free again.

“I think… I have to go check on the gang at the hospital. They’ll be discharged tomorrow but I gotta get going.” Yugo hurriedly said as he almost swallowed the last piece of his dorayaki .

“Oh let me see your bike! I wanna see it again while you’re leaving,” Jesse asked, abruptly standing up.

Yugo wanted to say no, but he didn’t. He admitted that he liked to play the cool boy, although the primary reason ran deeper than just looking handsome on a bike.

He let Jesse jog after him, bringing with him the two just finished ramen cups. He felt a bit shy when he arrived on his bike and started wearing his helmet: he could feel Jesse’s eyes staring at him. He felt very observed.

“Um, thanks for the snacks!” Yugo awkwardly said as he held the bag still full of snacks, before putting it into the leather saddlebag that hung on both sides of his seat.

“Yeah, bye bye!” Jesse waved energetically, but Yugo just nodded as he rode away in that characteristic loud noise.

*

In spite of being in recovery, the gang still sneaked out of the hospital together through the windows and took their bikes to repair. Yugo wasn’t exactly going to the hospital, he knew where they all were: at Hokuto and Hinata’s family garage. Those two were not only cousins but they were also descendants of generations and generations of bikers and mechanics. It explained the fact that when they were all hanging in front of the shop, no one really thought this was a weird sight nor paid any attention. It was a rather daily occurrence.

Even though everyone still sported bruises and bandages, they were all smoking and laughing loudly. 

The shop was facing a big field with a few concrete roads around it where they often go for test drives. 

“Ooh, you’re late today!” Fuma teased as soon as he parked in front of the old warehouse.

“Yeah, I’m studying, just like you guys wanted.”

“We do! And how is it going? With Taiga’s best pal, innit?”

“Yeah. By the way, how much does Taiga know about that Jesse?”

“I’m not sure, we never talk much about him. Taiga says he just has a weird intelligence and he likes him a lot, likes hanging out with him since he left the gang. He feels at peace with him… almost got jealous of the guy!” Fuma joked as he breathed into his cigarette. “Why are you asking? Is he being weird?”

“He isn’t.”

“So, you are.” Fuma guessed. “Don’t get in trouble with good kids. Nagase can only protect us to a certain extent, you know.”

“I know.” Yugo whispered as Shintaro’s voice boomed in a shriek:

“Two weeks of fixin’???? No!!! How am I supposed to go to school?!”

“Sorry, Shin...” Hokuto sighed as he patted his shoulder.

“You can ride with me, Shin,” Yugo suggested. He who never lets anyone sit in the back seat. Yugo must have felt really guilty for suggesting such idea. “I’ll pick you up and drive you home. No problem.”

Shintaro couldn’t refuse even if he’d rather have his own, but he was a bit happy that the leader would offer to give him a ride on his precious motorbike.

“Okay! Well!! How can I say no!!? Thank you, dear leader!!” Shintaro bowed but Yugo didn’t like that, he knew he was joking. But when he stood again, Shintaro felt pain shooting through his body and decided to take it easy as he sat down again.

They were all around a little plastic table with plastic chairs as they were playing, this time, online games on their phones.

Hokuto and Hinata were helping with the repairs, but Juri was leading the match.

“Yugo, come play.” Juri beckoned to him.

*

“I thought you didn’t let anyone ride with you?”

Somehow, Yugo was expecting that reaction. And he really felt like having a lovers’ quarrel although they weren't even as close as being friends.

“Exceptions happen,” Yugo simply said.

Jesse approached even closer. 

Yugo wasn’t sure why he got ambushed so early in the day in front of the shoe lockers, in front of everyone, but he just wanted to have a tranquil lunch.

Jesse held a white plastic bag towards Yugo.

“It’s for you,” Jesse said in an assured voice.

“I’m confused.”

“It’s snacks. Different from yesterday’s, these were homemade by my granny. I don’t eat sweets, so I’m giving them to you. They're healthier than the ones you bought at the store.”

 “Wow! Thank you! I can’t wait to eat them!” Yugo said excitedly as he gladfully took the bag and peeked into it. He wasn’t expecting to get such good snacks. He was lucky today!

Yugo sat down to remove his slippers and slip into his shoes.

“Why is he an exception?” Jesse inquired again.

Suddenly, he got up and faced Jesse. They looked into each other’s eyes, it was a fierce exchange with a bit of annoyance on both sides.

“Because he’s someone I care about. What are you even asking?” Yugo asked back. “If you’re that interested in me, just date me. You’ll ride it anytime you want.”

Jesse was left without any word as Yugo walked away.

Just before leaving, he turned around and didn’t forget important words:

“Thank you for the snacks! I’ll pay a visit to your granny to thank her directly.”

Jesse’s face was beet red.

“If you’re that interested in me, just date me. You’ll ride it anytime you want.”

When Jesse heard those words, he was so taken aback that he felt like he had missed the occasion to answer right away. Yugo’s words kept repeating in his head for hours after they parted ways. He could be dense but he knew what Yugo had just said.

He had asked him out before bolting as if nothing had happened.

Somehow, Jesse felt guilty. 

*

The snacks made by Jesse’s granny were so good that Shintaro had to try them. Then Juri and Hokuto heard about it and told Koji and Hinata who made Chisa try. Then she later gave some to Fuma who then also shared with Taiga.

“You never told me that your granny’s snacks were that good?!” Taiga told Jesse during class.

“H-How do you know?”

“Well, Kochi shared them with his gang because he shares everything with them, and then Fuma told me. He even gave me some to try, though Kochi would kill me if he knew I tapped into it.”

“He shared with everyone?” Jesse asked, surprised.

“Yeah. Wasn’t he supposed to?”

“He didn’t show up for our last tutoring session. We parted kind of angrily last time.”

Jesse didn’t explain much. 

“Is that why Fuma asked me if I had more info about you?! Yugo apparently asked about you. I know he’s always cautious about everyone around him, and you appeared like a UFO to him so he must have been curious.”

“Probably.” Jesse muttered without prying into what were Yugo’s exact questions. He was a bit afraid to know.

“I think he wonders why you wanna ride his motorbike so bad…” Taiga wondered too.

“There’s not really a reason, I just think it must feel great to ride it.”

“You can ask someone else. I know Koji is nice, he’d let you.”

“No, it has to be him.” Jesse shook his head as he said that, his eyes determined while Taiga wondered why it couldn’t be anyone else. His ex-best friend was a stubborn guy and Jesse was probably trying to challenge that stubbornness. 

Jesse wasn’t someone who wasn’t used to refusals.

Taiga shrugged his shoulders before warning him: 

“You shouldn’t mingle too much with them, Jess.”

*

“Does he have to be here?” Jesse was pouting as he watched Shintaro’s smiling face staring at him behind Yugo.

“I’m supposed to give him a ride home, so yeah.” Yugo was unapologetic and was actually relieved that Shintaro agreed to accompany him to his tutoring session with Jesse. 

The last time they talked, Yugo said things . Out of the blue. He was first frustrated with Jesse’s weird obsession with his bike and ended up asking him out. 

He was being sarcastic at the beginning, but after voicing them, Yugo got scared of his own words.

What if, out of obsession, Jesse would agree to date him?

Why did he ask Jesse out? He wasn’t thinking straight when he said it. 

Was he being confused?

After that, Yugo asked himself if somewhere in his heart, Jesse started to bloom.

It took him a few days without seeing each other to realize that, yes, Jesse had started to invade the crevices of his guarded heart. He was starting to miss him, unexpectedly craving for that undivided attention when they were together. 

He didn’t realize that his words were faster than his own brain. 

His heart had simply spoken for him.

“Is that why you wouldn’t come?” Jesse asked while frowning at Shintaro who was being referred as ‘that.’

Yugo didn’t say it was for other reasons. “Obviously.”

“I can hear you guys and my bike is at the shop for a while. It doesn’t make me happy to depend on our leader, but I’m kinda happy he takes care of me!” Shintaro’s boyish laugh resonated in the empty classroom.

Sometimes, they’d have their sessions in classrooms. It was Yugo’s favorite because they didn’t have to lower their voices so much and Yugo always felt so embarrassed when Jesse spoke with this sultry low voice. Yugo was that easily distracted by things and people. 

He now knew it was because of his throbbing feelings.

(Shintaro was also a distraction but it’s fine because it was Shintaro.)

Jesse, however, was very distracted by the presence of a fellow gang member. He kept eyeing the guy every five minutes as if he was waiting for him to suddenly get up and beat him because he was getting a bit too close to his leader.

It was nothing like that. Shintaro was close to his leader but he wasn’t one to protect him from other people. In fact, it was usually their leader who would protect them. They relied on him because he was the most reliable one – even if, of course, he had childish, unreasonable sides, like his stubborn refusal to learn English.

But Shintaro was nicely surprised by Yugo’s new devotion for the subject. Jesse made it feel and look easy for him and it showed. Shintaro could only be grateful. Jesse wasn’t a member of their gang, he could’ve let it go but from what Yugo explained, Jesse volunteered and even had to force him to. In the end, it seemed to work out as Yugo understood his lessons much better during classes. 

When Kochi Yugo put his heart into something, he’d get things done.

But maybe he was putting his heart a bit too much, Shintaro thought, as he watched Yugo smiling bashfully around that guy he just met.

“I brought you granny’s snacks. A lot. Taiga told me you shared, so I gave you more so you can give them out too.”

Even before Yugo could comment on Taiga having a taste of his snacks, Shintaro jumped from the table he was sitting on and ran around the other desks so he could get a look at the snack-filled bag.

“C-Can I have some too?! Thank you!” Shintaro hurriedly mumbled and took some without waiting for an answer.

Yugo didn’t even argue and let Shintaro pick his snacks.

“I’m really grateful, you’re giving me so much. I really need to meet your granny. Is she free this Sunday?” Yugo immediately planned.

“O-of course! She’ll be happy to meet you.” Jesse’s eyes were blinking so fast that Yugo knew he was getting excited at the mention of him visiting his grandmother’s place. “She rarely meets any of my friends.”

“Can I come too?” Shintaro asked, stars in his eyes. “We should get her a gift…” Shintaro thought.

Jesse’s lips tightened sulkily but he still reluctantly nodded his head to accept.

“Are we friends?” Yugo asked and the sudden question took Jesse aback, as memories of that confession he got a couple of weeks ago surged back into his mind.

“What do you mean?”

“We’ve never established that fact.” Yugo insisted.

“I– would like to.” Jesse attempted, not sure what he was answering to.

“Sure. But let me be clear about one thing: you’re not a part of the gang.”

*

“Do you like him?” Shintaro breathed out the smoke of his cigarette.

It was just a break between the two of them while they were watching the others race with their newly fixed motorcycles.

“Who?”

“That Jesse-kun. You smile so much more around him. You’ve never been like that before.”

“...” 

Yugo didn’t know what to say. It made him realize how he felt, even more now that Shintaro pointed it out. “I don’t know, really. But he does put me in a good mood.”

“You were harsh to him earlier.”

“I don’t want him to join the gang, I had to tell him clearly,” Yugo explained.

“Yeah, it’s a bit dangerous for him, especially if other gangs see him ride with you. They might attack him too.”

“Don’t worry. I will not let him ride with me.”

“He deserves it, though. He really teaches you well, you should reward him with something if your grades improve.”

Yugo looked up towards Shintaro, still crouched on the floor. “Aren’t you contradicting yourself?”

“I know but… If you ever let him, just go somewhere where you don’t have to worry about our enemies.”

“I always have to worry about everything, Shin. It’s the main reason I became a bosozoku. So we could ride in freedom.”

“I know, but… are we, really?”

*

Sunday came and Jesse was giddy and fidgety while waiting for Yugo in front of his grandmother’s house. It was a big, traditional house that his grandmother took the utmost care especially after his grandfather’s death. Jesse always helped her when she needed him. 

He was expecting Yugo, and perhaps Shintaro. But what he didn’t expect was to see the whole ABARENBOU gang gathering in front of his grandmother’s house.

Shintaro and Yugo had discussed about it: should they let everyone come? It would attract some unwanted attention, and yet, everyone was pretty adamant about thanking and meeting Jesse’s grandmother for her amazing snacks, so they all came.

Yugo asked them to leave the bikes behind and to come well-dressed, for once.

Everyone wore their best kimono.

Jesse was in shock when he saw the gang approaching his house, without bikes and dressed in traditional clothing. 

He didn’t know if his granny had prepared enough, and she might yell at him for not warning her sooner.

“Hey…” Yugo waved as he trotted towards him in his flashy yellow sunflower-patterned kimono.

“Hi! I didn’t expect this.” Jesse immediately told him as he looked behind Yugo where the gang waited obediently and calmly a few meters away from them.

“Sorry, they were really insisting to come.”

“Will it be okay?” Jesse muttered. “I also invited Taiga.”

“Oh.” Yugo just said. He couldn’t refuse Taiga when he brought the whole gang with him. “Well, Fuma’ll be happy. It’s fine, I can raise the white flag just for today. It’s not a gang-related event. Just a group of high school students paying a visit of courtesy to your granny.”

“Jesse!!! Stop flirting already! Let your friends come in! They must be cold!” His granny shouted from inside the house.

“Yes!” Jesse said, trying not to stare too long at Yugo’s bright outfit.

He felt underdressed in his simple navy kimono.

*

His granny was indeed very surprised to see that many people. She didn’t know Jesse had this many friends and no one dared to tell her that they weren’t really but they all gave their thanks for the delicious snacks.

She was so happy to hear that that she went to get some more with the help of Juri and Hokuto while Fuma and Taiga were sitting on the porch, admiring the calm landscape of Jesse’s grandmother’s landyard.

“I’ll go make some tea,” Jesse announced.

“Oh, let me help!” Yugo suggested, standing up from where they were all sitting around the table, pushing Hinata and Shintaro with his leg to make space to walk in the crowded room.

As he followed Jesse around the house, through the hallways, he heard Jesse’s voice say:

“I’m sad you didn’t come with your bike.”

“I get it already, you prefer my bike over me.” Yugo playfully retorted as he faked a roll of his eyes.

Somehow Jesse took it seriously as he stopped walking and turned around to face Yugo. 

“I didn’t mean to offend you. I’m sorry. When I was a kid, I fell from my dad’s motorcycle. Since then I never rode a bike again. It’s the first time I had wanted to ride one since. Yours. Because I feel like I can trust you.”

“You shouldn’t trust me. I’m a gang member, you know,” Yugo reminded him as he pointed behind him as if the gang was standing there but it was an image. Wherever he went, the members were behind him, surrounding him. They were his life.

“Yet, you’re learning English with me because everyone told you to.”

“I didn’t have a choice in that matter,” Yugo defended as he crossed his arms.

They were still standing in the empty hallway. Yugo could see Jesse nervously adjust the collar of his dark blue kimono. He was nervous and Yugo wished he could run away.

“I just love the way you drive, and I really want you to give me a ride one day,” Jesse reiterated.

“I told you, only exceptions can ride it.” Yugo said before adding, in a much softer, whispered voice: “...Like members of the gang and lovers.”

“Kochi…” 

When Yugo heard his own last name, he was baffled by the distance. He never hated hearing his name until now. He realized at that moment that Jesse never called him, never used his name once. And, Yugo never gave him his first name either so how would he know? But Yugo heard his heart crash. 

“I wish I could answer your feelings, I really do. But… but I don’t feel the same way.”

Finally, Jesse said it. He answered properly.

He didn’t like to turn down the great leader of ABARENBOU, but Jesse felt discomfort at not being able to tell him properly how he felt. He, too, needed to be clear.

As soon as he turned Yugo down, Jesse could see Yugo’s eyes slightly water before bowing his head so low that he couldn’t see anything anymore. Jesse immediately wanted to take back his words. He felt even guiltier. He wished he didn’t have to turn him down. He didn’t want to lose his friend. 

He was so scared.

“I-I-I’m so sorry, Koch– I…”

“It’s fine, I’m sorry I just confessed to you like that. I didn’t think. I didn’t mean to tell you. It just… naturally… came. I feel like I gave you a burden you didn’t want. If you want to stop tutoring me, I understand.”

Yugo was starting to rant out of nervosity. He wasn’t sure how to take the declaration. He didn’t even have time to have his love burgeon that it got killed in the bud. Perhaps it was for the best, at least, it would hurt a little less to be rejected at the beginning.

“No! Never! We’re friends, right? I won’t give up on you. I’ll keep tutoring you. Unless you don’t want me anymore.”

Yugo slowly raised his head, his tears didn’t fall but his eyes were still immensely sad.

“I won’t give up on you, so please forgive me for not… loving you that way.”

“...You’re a nice guy. I think I like you even more.” Yugo whispered while giving him a slight smile.

Jesse felt even worse than before. He really liked that smile but he hated himself for making Yugo so sad.

He really wished he could love him back.

But he just couldn’t.

The rest of the day went incredibly well. Except that Jesse started avoiding Yugo and began spending more time with all of the other members of the gang.

He felt so bad for turning Yugo down that he didn’t dare to look at him in his eyes. The guilt kept growing even more in his heart. He liked Yugo a lot, loved the way he drove, loved how eager he was to learn and the way he led his gang. He was also a better student than he let other people believe. Jesse liked all of this about his friend… but it flustered him to know that Yugo was harboring feelings that not only he couldn’t return but also wouldn’t allow himself to feel. He felt like there was an imbalance and didn’t know how to react around him anymore. 

If he was too kind, would Yugo fall more for him? Was Jesse misleading him?

“What happened?” Taiga asked Jesse, nudging him in his ribs.

Jesse was hesitant to answer. Taiga already told him not to meddle much with the group, and yet the whole gang was chilling at his grandmother’s house – some already left, but the closest to Yugo were still there, playing cards.

“Nothing,” Jesse said while shaking his head, absentmindedly peeling a tangerine.

“It’s about Kochi, right?”  Taiga knocked on the table, as if he needed to bring him back to Earth.

Jesse snapped back from his reverie and exchanged a defiant look with Taiga. Was it okay? He wondered. He didn’t like to hide anything when he was actually dying to talk about it, but he didn’t want to tell Taiga so outrightly.

“I knew it. So, what happened?”

“He confessed.”

“Kochi Yugo confessed? ” Taiga repeated, his eyes widening at the news. 

“Shhh!” Jesse panicked.

“Wow, Jesse, Kochi doesn’t confess so easily! It’s rare. Even his exes were the ones who confessed to him. So, who did he confess to?” Taiga talked so fast, certainly curious to learn this piece of information about his ex-best friend.

Jesse didn’t answer, pretending to eat a small quarter of his tangerine and ignoring the fact that Yugo had been courted quite a few times. 

As it was starting to get cold in the house, his grandmother set up electrical heaters around them. He got up to help her carry the heaters.

“To me.” Jesse finally said so inaudibly that Taiga almost missed it.   

Taiga was left speechless.

*

“It was fun, thank you so much for welcoming us. I’m sorry we’re leaving so late.” Yugo apologized so politely on his way out, making Jesse smile.

He was the last one to leave as he helped clean up after the gang and Jesse appreciated that caring side of him.

“I think my granny was very happy to have you all around. Thank you for entertaining her,” Jesse thanked politely, forgetting all about the awkwardness that crept into him a few hours ago.

He thought that, yes, he could get past it. Together, they could stay good friends.

Yet, Yugo stood awkwardly in front of him, wanting to say something but nothing came. Jesse was incredible scared that Yugo would end up changing his mind and decide to unfriend him.

“Thank you,” Yugo succeeded to voice out. “For being my friend.”

Jesse nodded, noticing the tears surging in the corners of Yugo’s eyes. His heart was breaking for Yugo. It was his fault. He was a heartbreaker and he hated himself so much for not being able to love him the way he wanted.

“Perhaps, I’ll cave in and let you ride my bike anyway,” Yugo muttered.

The ajar window of hope was not even a celebratory moment for Jesse who wondered again if he had made the right choice in remaining friends. He had the feeling that he was unconsciously nourishing Yugo’s hope.

“Leader, can we go? I’m freezing my ass off and we’re late for dinner. Your mom said she’d prepare nabe for us.” Shintaro cut himself between them, almost pushing Yugo farther away from Jesse. The latter hadn’t noticed how close they were to each other on the porch until they were separated by Shintaro.

Yugo almost didn’t want to leave and Jesse just as equally didn’t feel like letting him go.

Shintaro decided it was time, though, as he waved Jesse goodbye.

*

“Hey, Yugo?” Shintaro called in such a childish tone that made Yugo smile in the stillness of the empty bus they were riding home.

Although they hadn’t brought their bikes, Shintaro insisted on accompanying him.

“What?”

“Why do you like him so much?”

He couldn’t pretend he hadn’t heard because he heard Shintaro’s inquiry crystal clear. And he never said he “liked him so much” but Shintaro didn’t have to be told to see it. He had purposely broken their little moment because he had to. He couldn’t stand to see his strong leader so teary in front of that guy.

“I don’t know.” Yugo rapidly answered because he had to answer something. He paused, looked at Shintaro whose elbow rested on the ledge of the bus’ window. He was thoughtful. “He’s gentle.” Yugo added in the smallest voice ever, completely embarrassed by his own answer.

Shintaro closed his eyes. “Really… Why did he make you cry, then?” He asked again.

“Why are you so interested in him?” Yugo suddenly asked, seeking to meet his eyes but Shintaro kept looking out, avoiding him at all cost. Was there something Yugo had missed? “You keep asking me a lot about him, is there anything you want to say?” 

But Shintaro just shook his head with a frown on his face, and Yugo knew better than to get him to talk. Shintaro was stubborn and if he chose not to talk, then Yugo would wait until he was ready to talk. He supposed his friend had doubts and worries about Jesse.

*

“I still can’t believe that Kochi is so infatuated with Jesse, he thought he’d never– after– I mean…” Taiga was losing his words and Fuma just watched him fumble with his words while they were supposed to peacefully eat at their favorite burger restaurant.

It was a family burger place where Taiga used to come with Juri before, but ever since they broke up, Taiga asked Juri to never come to this place ever again. It was his place and not Juri’s. He wasn’t allowed to set foot here with his new boy hung on his arm. He later regretted he ever claimed the place because every time he came, he would end up crying to his heart’s content while eating his burger. It was painful to come here and he knew he looked ugly cry-eating, Fuma told him at least five times to make him stop crying. But now, Taiga couldn’t imagine himself coming to this place without Fuma. He unexpectedly became an essential part of his life.

Fuma knew he was just Juri’s replacement and to be fair, when he had first started to comfort Taiga, he didn’t expect himself to fall for him. He had the inherent wish to take care of him, to make him happy – happier than Juri ever did anyway. Taiga’s new relationship with Fuma caused by Juri and Taiga’s breakup had also shattered Fuma’s friendship with Juri. Fuma was simply unable to forgive his best friend for giving up on Taiga. He didn’t deserve that and Fuma was confident he could take care of Taiga.

But Juri didn’t choose to fall in love with Hokuto. 

It happened just like that, without him realizing what was happening.

There were things that couldn’t be explained and him falling for Hokuto was his biggest shame. He thought he’d treasure Taiga forever, because he was the only one who made him turn away from other pretty girls. He was the only one he was ready to sacrifice his pride and his life for him. Juri’s brothers had laughed at him when he told them that he had a boyfriend now but when they met Taiga – they just understood, not because he was as gorgeous (if not more) as Juri’s exes (and he brought a lot home! his eldest brother would say but Taiga only laughed instead of getting jealous), but he had an unmatchable charisma.

Yet… Juri destroyed this steady love because his heart was beating so fast around Hokuto, the confused feelings storming in his chest tormented him. He could say he loved them both, but he had to choose one of them. It was a period of distress where he didn’t know what to do, what to say, who to choose. His heart was swaying.

Fuma wasn’t the only one mad at Juri, his brothers, too, were mad at him for being so dumb. Even Yugo scolded him for being an asshole to Taiga. But Juri never forgot what Shintaro had told him at that moment when the whole world was against him: “Be true to your heart’s desire, or you’ll regret it your whole life, you’ll keep wondering what your life would be and you’ll hurt Taiga if you don’t tell him what you truly feel. You two will hurt, it’ll burn to flames, but every wound can heal. It’ll be a scar to bear but you still can choose your own happiness, that’s how you’ll spread it to others. They’ll always be inspired by your happiness, Juri.”

Suddenly, Shintaro’s words were everything Juri needed to hear. Perhaps he needed the validation, but Juri deeply wanted to believe Shintaro, he wanted to make the right choice for himself.  

Taiga never claimed that Hokuto stole his boyfriend although, he knew that Hokuto was guilty of flirting with him while they were still dating. Juri was as much of a flirt, there was nothing new about it. Taiga didn’t even take it seriously. But after a while, Juri became distracted, almost cold, and stopped listening to him when he was ranting about the latest patch release of his favorite game. Probably, the feelings had started to grow inside and Juri didn’t know how to tell him without burning bridges.

Even if he had suspected it, Taiga was still furious. He was furious because it also meant that Hokuto had something that Taiga didn’t have to make Juri happy and it disappointed him, it hurt his feelings, his pride… He truly cared for Juri but it wasn’t enough. His feelings weren’t enough anymore. Maybe, he mulled over the breakup for a long time, maybe he was too distant himself. Maybe he didn’t show enough of his affection. Maybe he didn’t put out enough. Taiga couldn’t help thinking that it was, somehow, his fault despite what Juri had repeated to him. It’s not your fault, it’s me. But it sounded so generic that Taiga’s brain just shut down at the second he heard that Juri wanted to break up.

At first he hadn’t told him it was because of Hokuto, but Taiga had asked anyway.

Juri admitted. Shyly.

Taiga didn’t answer and left. Angrily.

Since that day Taiga ignored everything about Hokuto but when they truly became an item, the sight of those two being lovey–dovey started to piss the shit out of him, he asked Yugo if he could leave the group. Actually, he didn’t ask, he just announced one day he was leaving. Yugo told him it was dumb to leave because of a breakup but Taiga had yelled that he couldn’t understand anyway.

But Yugo did. He understood very well, and Taiga was aware of it – anger just spoke for him.

Taiga never had the guts to apologize, neither did Yugo, and that was how Yugo and Taiga never mended their friendship. It ended on a bitter note.

Now, Taiga still didn’t know how to apologize to him.

But he was still worried about his old best friend, especially when he seemed so honest with his own feelings about Jesse. To Taiga, it seemed unlikely for Yugo to fall for Jesse because he didn’t know Jesse well enough and Yugo was usually a cautious guy. Taiga knew what Yugo was feeling was something similar to Juri. Something ineffable that beats everything else, something that was worth setting the whole world on fire. 

Juri always had been like that, following what his heart desired. 

With Fuma, it was so different, but it worked anyway. They dated out of convenience at first, Fuma wanted to take care of him and of course, Taiga accepted: he needed a rebound, something to make himself feel loved, adored, and cared for just for a little while. And Fuma loved him much more than he had originally expected – it was nothing overwhelming or suffocating, it was the right amount of love and perhaps that was why they worked so well and never thought of breaking up after a year of dating. Taiga’s wound healed painfully but it did. Now, he barely batted an eyelid at the Hokuto-Juri couple. He still ignored them because why would he be friendly to them? They didn’t need to be friends. Taiga still had his pride to nurture.

“Can you stop talking about Yugo already?”

“Why?! I’m in shock, I’m in my right to share my concerns with you.”

“Concerns? Aren’t you two not friends anymore?”

“Perhaps, but you two still are. He’s your chief and you should, I don’t know, look out for him.”

“You know how stubborn he is.”

“Yeah, but he listens to you guys.”

“What am I supposed to say?”

“Don’t fall for a straight guy again.”

Fuma rolled his eyes, he absolutely didn’t want to talk or even think about that asshole . Another guy Fuma was friends with before chasing him out.

“I think it’s too late, don’t you think? Also, don’t you think it’s not our place to attempt at controlling his feelings?”

Taiga pouted, he didn’t like how well Fuma reasoned. Why did he always date clever guys? He hated being challenged and Fuma always did. He should’ve gone for dumber guys.

“Aren’t you friends with Jesse? Didn’t you tell me he’s a great guy?”

“That’s the problem with great guys, they always hide something.”

“Maybe not. What are you so worried about? Didn’t you tell me Jesse turned him down?”

“Yeah… You’re right… I want Yugo to be happy for once, even if we’re not really friends anymore. I found you, but he keeps falling for the wrong ones. I feel bad for what I said…” Taiga admitted while taking a sip of his iced tea. It tasted like water but he still drank because he liked the bland taste of it. He didn’t like sweet drinks, it was perfect for him.

“Don’t worry about Yugo. He should make his own mistakes, he made his own too, you know. I think his soulmate isn’t that far, he should open his eyes wider. Now eat, we’ll miss our movie and you know I hate missing the ads before.”

Taiga sulkily took the burger with his two hands before taking the biggest bite ever. It was only after chewing and his mouth was too full to say anything that Taiga realized what Fuma said.

“Heh? Who?!”

“Hey, Earth to Yugo!” Hinata yelled in his ear, making him jump in his seat. He forgot they were in the library and Yugo almost got them thrown out. He was here to study Maths with his not-so-favorite tutor but his mind wandered as soon as he looked at the window of the calm library. The sky was tenebrous, the clouds achromatic and it would most likely rain in a few minutes.

In his heart, it was of a similar weather.

“Hinata, something weird happened.”

“What?” She sounded annoyed because he wasn’t focusing but when she heard the next word, she stopped breathing:

“I think Shintaro confessed to me when I was sleeping.”

“WHAT?” This time, Hinata really made all of the heads in the library turn towards them. She had to apologize before whisper-screaming at Yugo. “What do you mean?”

“He came home to eat with my family like we often do and I… let him stay over but when he thought I was sleeping, he… he said he liked me so much he would never make me cry like Je– like that.”

“Like what? I’m confused. Did he see you cry?”

“I wasn’t crying. I was just talking.”

Hinata’s mouth started to pout in a way Yugo didn’t like. She was in disbelief.

“What are you trying to say?”

“Urgh, okay, it’s because I confessed to Jesse who turned me down. It made me a little emotional.”

“You–? And–?? Then…–??”

“Make sentences, Hinata!” Yugo almost forgot to whisper.

“Forget Maths. Let’s get out of here.” Hinata said as she closed and gathered their books that were messily sprawled on the table. This was a much more important matter.

She tightly grabbed Yugo’s arm to make him stand from his seat and leave the library. She was determined to know more about this. She never let go of his arm, not even when they walked past Jesse, Taiga, and Fuma tranquilly discussing in the hallways. Yugo purposely looked down as he passed by but he knew his friends saw him being forcefully dragged away.

As they finally reached the entrance hall and outside the building, there was a lonely concrete bench on which Hinata made Yugo sit before walking away for a few minutes to a vending machine. She came back with drinks. Strawberry milk for him and hot coffee for herself.

“Can you start at the beginning?” She asked with a soft voice as she popped open her can.

“... I don’t know where to begin Hinata… I told Jesse I liked him on the spur of the moment. It made him so uncomfortable… Obviously, he doesn’t like me the same way, but we agreed to remain friends. It seems like a good decision even if I can’t stop myself from liking him. He’s been acting weird ever since I told him. I should probably stay away from him, but I don’t want to… And then Shintaro said what I told you. After that, I couldn't sleep a wink. This morning, he told me he doesn't need a ride from me anymore because he’ll finally get his bike back. He thanked me the way you’d say goodbye to someone. I don’t want him to leave me as well. Taiga broke his promise and I can’t go through another loss. They promised they’d always be there when K– When he…” Yugo stopped talking and released the breath he had been holding during his monologue. It felt good to tell someone about it.

Yugo was expecting Hinata to be a bit more surprised, but she only nodded emphatically with a gentle amicable gaze before patting his back.

“No one is leaving you Yugo. Even Taiga, he left the group for his own good, but he never stopped caring about you. Don’t worry about it, okay? We will always be there for you. You’re our strong leader and you’ll rise strong from rejection and any kind of struggle. And you never know what can happen tomorrow, maybe, one day, Jesse will love you the same way.”

"It's unlikely he will but I can't control my feelings. Do you think I should stay away from him?"

"If you think it can help you see more clearly, then take a step back to breathe and think a little. Do you want us to take a ride after school and go to the game center? I think you need a break. Away from everything."

Hinata's suggestion was extremely appealing and Yugo did not refuse. Hinata always had the solution. 

*

It was great to be able to play without thinking about anything else. Yugo didn't have to think about the best friend he hurt, the ex-lover who hurt him, the other best friend who was falling for him, the English tutor who didn't love him, and his appalling grades that would make him lose his jacket, his title and his group.

Even if he was losing the jacket, Yugo knew his friends would remain his friends but the loyalty, the respect, and everything that came with the title would dissolve and it just meant so much to him, this title.

"I knew I recognized this bike. I rode it a lot, after all."

Hinata and Yugo were so focused on their rhythm dance game, pushing the button on the rhythm of the song that they didn't hear Kento approach and step inside their comfort zone.

"What do you want?" Yugo immediately hissed, all at once on the defensive, ready to protect Hinata from the threat that Kento embodied.

"I missed you, Yugo."

Kento's suave voice used to make Yugo weak to the knees. For a hot minute, Yugo remembered Jesse's deep voice instead but managed to repress this precious memory in time when Kento walked closer to them, cornering him against the machine behind him with a large smile curling his lips. The song was still playing and Yugo could hear the perky voice of the arcade machine telling him that he was missing all of the steps.

And yeah, he missed many things when he was with Kento. He was too blind, too stupid. He could've done everything for him out of love, he almost lost his cherished bike because of him.

"I haven't missed you a single second."

"That… is mean, Yugo." He chuckled as he tucked a lock of hair behind his hair and Yugo also loved it when he did that. He wanted to slap himself at how shallow and stupid he had been for him. "Did your team appreciate my boys' intervention?"

Yugo wasn't sure if it was Kento's doing since they were being attacked quite often but now he knew he was the one that sent SlowMen to mess with his gang when he wasn't there. Immediately, Yugo felt the anger rush to his head.

“You, motherfu–”

“Watch your language, Yugo, you weren’t talking like that when I was fucking you,” Kento bit back like a vengeful dog and Hinata would have never thought that Kento could be this cruel to her leader. 

“Below the belt. Classy…” Hinata growled between her teeth.

“It was my mistake. You weren’t that good anyway,” Yugo said before punching Kento in the face.

He would have never lifted a finger on him before. It wasn’t very honorable for a leader to be led by the nose but Yugo was in love, and loved the fact that Kento, a handsome and clever man, was his lover. Even if Kento always asked him not to tell anyone because it was their secret, Yugo didn’t like to be put on a leash, to be silenced, and Yugo wasn’t the leader of ABARENBOU just to be tightly held in chains. Yugo ended up rebelling. First, he told Taiga he was dating Kento and Taiga couldn’t believe that Kento was in a relationship. With a man. With his best friend. As soon as Taiga heard, he told Yugo to break up with him immediately. Yugo didn’t want to and started to argue with Taiga who ended up telling him that Kento had a girlfriend too.

Taiga had never seen Yugo that silent.

“Hey! Don’t fight!” The manager and the staff of the arcades started yelling as Hinata pushed them outside before they could get caught by the manager.

As soon as they reached their motorcycles, Kento harshly pulled them by the collars to throw them against the asphalt.

“Hinata!” Yugo yelled but they had to run away before the staff could call the police on them. 

Hinata stood up again and slapped Kento with her whole might, making him stagger and lose his balance. He was so shocked by the impact of Hinata’s slap that he didn’t move for a few seconds. The two members of ABARENBOU took advantage of the time to saddle their bike, making it roar noisily. It might have deafened Kento.

The motors of their engine were purring satisfyingly during their flight and when they looked at each other, Yugo and Hinata laughed, feeling the freedom and the adrenaline hit them. After a few minutes, Yugo heard another roar that wasn’t from them. He looked behind and saw Kento with SlowMen in their pursuit. 

“Hinata, let’s break here.”

“No! I can’t leave you alone!”

“He wants me.”

Yugo suddenly stopped in the middle of an empty road. It was a matter of time before the police would find them but his stop was so abrupt that Hinata already drove away while Kento and SlowMen had to stop as well unless they wanted to create an accident. They all stopped around Yugo.

“What do you want? I’m here.”

“Get down.” Kento asked so Yugo obeyed and rode down. “On your knees.”

Kento’s men were laughing. They were in the middle of the road and Yugo kind of hoped that the police would notice them a bit faster so they’d leave faster too but Yugo was still forced to get on his knees in front of Kento who was smirking.

“Lower.”

Yugo wouldn’t go any lower. Not with him. He only kneeled because he needed to get closer to Kento so he could grab his leg, drag him on the floor with him to immobilize his body and shower him with punches on his pretty face until his knuckles turned white. There was nothing pretty in Kento, not anymore. Just lies and cruelty. The SlowMen started to gather around Yugo and one of them, a pink-haired boy, threw a kick on his face to make him stop and drag him away from Kento.

“You bastard!” yelled another one before giving Yugo tenfold the punches he had thrown to Kento, making him bleed all over his face.

Yugo was yelping painfully when he felt someone step on his arm with determination.

Yugo wasn’t feeling anything anymore, he felt his body swelling as he was starting to become numb to the hits. The only thing he could taste was his own blood in his mouth. Perhaps he’d bleed out before they could kill him.

“HEY, YOU, STOP RIGHT THERE.” The police finally rushed towards them and the others fled faster than Yugo who was dragging his own body out of the road to hide somewhere where the officers wouldn’t find him. Gathering his last strength, he managed to rise himself up and run towards the narrowest, dirtiest, darkest alley he could find. He kept walking, painfully, he knew his ribs were broken, maybe his arm too, but he couldn’t stop.

He kept walking, amongst a crowd of people who screamed in fear at the walking bloody zombie. They wouldn't dare to take a good look at him.

It was only when he bumped into someone whose scent was particularly familiar that he felt his body give up and fall on the floor. 

However, he didn’t fall.

Someone caught him in his arms.

*

*

When Yugo opened his eyes again, he didn’t recognize the place but he recognized Jesse’s large back. He could recognize it everywhere, anywhere now. He caught himself looking at him from afar. 

“How do you say I’m gonna die in English?” Yugo muttered sheepishly, his mouth was dry and his head was heavy. 

“ You won’t. ” Jesse answered in a perfect American accent and Yugo would have punched him for sounding so good if he wasn’t threading his fingers in Yugo’s hair that he found pleasurable enough to calm his ardors.

“MY KAIZOSHA!” Yugo screamed in the middle of the night, waking up Jesse from his light sleep. Jesse rose from the futon he set on the floor in panic and rushed to Yugo’s side. He was breathing heavily. “M-my bike!”

“Hey. Kochi, calm down. Everything is fine, don’t worry about it. I promise I’ll get it back. I will. Go back to sleep Kochi, I won’t let anything happen to your precious bike,” Jesse mumbled in a soft voice against his ear, his arms locked tightly around him, his hands carefully stroking Yugo’s naked hunched back.

Yugo was drowning in his own sweat but felt incredibly safe in Jesse’s arms.

“K–Kento…”

Yugo was still in a nightmare, a stupor from which he couldn’t break free. Jesse knew that Yugo wasn’t fully aware in his half-conscious state.

“Kochi, it’s me. Jesse. You’re alright. Kento’s not here.”

Jesse was starting to panic as well. Jesse had called his cousin (a doctor) every time he saw Yugo whimper in pain and nightmares. His cousin had come each time, but at some point, he couldn’t call him at 4 A.M. when he had already agreed to come the next morning. Maybe he should’ve sent Yugo to a hospital instead, but Jesse didn’t trust hospitals. There was only one doctor he trusted and it was his cousin Seiya.

He was too scared to lose his friend without being able to hold his hand.

“You’re gonna be alright Kochi, trust me.” Jesse soothed him, his lips pressed against the crown of Yugo’s head. “You’ll be back riding your bike in no time.”

*

The next time Yugo woke up, he was in Jesse’s arms.

What the hell exactly happened?

Yugo’s body hurt so much he didn’t have the strength to pull away or look for his phone, but he was really thirsty. He felt bad for pulling Jesse out of sleep as he called his name very softly, hoping deep down that he wouldn’t wake up so he could stay in his arms forever. But he knew it was only an exceptional moment which he shouldn’t think too deeply about. 

“Jesse…” Yugo’s voice was hoarse and he surprised himself by the sound of his own tone.

At the slight call, Jesse opened his eyes like a soldier, rubbing his fatigued eyes.

“Hey… You’re awake. How are you feeling?”

“Thirsty…”

Jesse reached for the glass full of now lukewarm water waiting for him on the bedstand table. “Here, drink slowly.”

The thirst and trembling hands made Yugo spill the water all over himself but Jesse helped him hold his glass and pat down the spilled water his chest and chin as if he could dry it up magically. Yugo almost blushed when Jesse’s fingers wiped the water off his face.

“Where am I?”

“My house. I’m sorry, I brought you here in panic since it was the closest to us. You were so bloody, I was really scared. And I didn’t want to bring you to the hospital where they would ask too many questions since the police was looking for you and I wouldn’t be able to see you.”

Yugo felt his heart tighten at Jesse’s words.  How could he not fall for him when he was infinitely caring? Why did he have to make it sound like Yugo was his most precious thing in his world when, obviously, he wasn’t? Jesse’s kindness prickled Yugo’s heart.

“Seiya, the doctor, is coming back to tend your wounds, but he asked for you to take an MRI as soon as you can.”

“My bike…” Yugo’s priorities were misplaced.

“Don’t worry, I got it back for you. It’s in my garage for now.”

“M’kay…” Yugo whispered, not grasping everything Jesse was telling him. He would put his thoughts in order later. “Hinata?”

“I… I don’t know. I will call Taiga to ask if you want.”

“Give me my phone, I have to call ABARENBOU right now.”

“You’re not in any state to make any decisions,” Jesse recommended but Yugo raised a quizzical eyebrow. Why would he tell him that? What did he know about him and his group? Yugo was starting to feel annoyed towards his caretaker. He was annoyed by how thoughtful Jesse was with him.

He didn’t need it.

He didn’t need pity or advice.

“I said, give it to me.” Yugo’s voice was harsh and Jesse shivered at the ordering tone.

*

Hinata was physically fine but she had spent the night looking for him and hadn’t slept the whole night. The relief she had when she heard that Yugo was alright almost made her lose balance, feeling the weight of their worries melt off her shoulders.

“Hinata, listen to me. Tell the group not to gather. Kento will want to get his revenge.”

“Huh? Okay… But where are you? I didn’t find you in any hospital. And I scoured all of them  the whole night.”

“At Jesse’s.”

Hinata was silent for a while. “Jesse’s?” She paused, unsure of what she should say. Was it a good thing? “Why? Are you– getting proper treatment? I’m worried, let us pick you up. We will bring you to Morimoto-sensei’s clinic.”

“Are you with Shin?” Yugo asked.

“Yeah, everyone is with me but–”

“I’m fine. Everything is fine. Just– watch out. You and the others. I am out of commission for at least two weeks. Nagase is so getting the jacket back…”

Yugo wanted to cry at the mere thought.

“We will figure things out, Yugo. Just rest. Heal. Whatever. Where’s your bike? I’ll take care of it.”

Yugo looked up at Jesse who was busy cleaning up his bedroom. There wasn’t much to clean though. It seemed like it was regularly cleaned, but Jesse was picking up Yugo’s bloody clothes that were straying on the floor. Now that he thought about it, he was naked under the covers. Only in underwear. 

“Kochi, the doctor’s here.” Jesse’s voice could be heard from behind the door of the bedroom.

“I have to go,” Yugo told her and cut the call. This was only at that moment that he took the time to take in the fact he was in a bedroom. Probably Jesse’s, according to the family pictures that were standing almost everywhere on the furniture along with a huge portrait off him hung on the wall.

Yugo was impressed by the space of the room and the huge bed he was laying in. It wasn’t a futon, it was a real bed with quality sheets and blanket. He could feel it at the texture beneath his fingers.

“‘Morning, Kochi-kun. I’m Suezawa Seiya, your doctor. I’ll take a look at your wounds and afterwards, we will transfer you to my clinic.”

For a moment, Yugo thought of going to Morimoto-sensei’s clinic instead but worried that the group would be put in danger if they all gathered in the same place. One day, Kento will get over him and move on a new target, but the fact was that Yugo and ABARENBOU would never be tranquil as long as they wore the jackets of the group. No matter the enemy.

Shintaro might be right, they might need to think of the “after-party.”

*

“Who are you exactly?” Yugo mumbled, drowsy from the painkillers.

Jesse wasn’t someone normal and even in his drowsiness Yugo could guess that Jesse was above average. It was in the details. The size of his grandmother’s house, the quality of the materials in Jesse’s bedroom.

“Just Jesse.” He answered, knowing that Yugo wasn’t in his right mind. “Does it make you love me less?”

“I’ll always love you.”

Jesse didn’t answer.

It scared him. 

How could he say such precious things so carelessly like this?

It scared Jesse how much he felt from Yugo’s little confessions. He wasn’t in love and he couldn’t be in love. So why his heart started to pound so hard at his words?

Did Yugo really like him that much?

It was the painkillers. Right?

Jesse didn’t dare to untangle their hands that were interlocked ever since the doctor Suezawa left. He didn’t want Yugo to feel lonely like he had been when he was sick. Jesse lived in an unbearable loneliness and he knew it was his destiny.

Yugo was different. He was always surrounded by people that truly loved him and followed him everywhere. Jesse could see how protected he was and yet, right now, he was alone, trying to heal from both invisible and visible wounds. So Jesse thought he couldn’t let go of him.

He couldn’t let go.

No.

He just couldn’t.

*

Yugo woke up from a nightmare in which Kento had found him and was tearing him apart. Him and his friends.

As soon as he opened his eyes, he patted around him for his phone but one of his hands were strongly held by Jesse and it made his heart ache in unimaginable ways.

Jesse didn’t love him yet, he held him so tightly. It confused Yugo. Yugo wanted his hand back before he could fall deeper, before he could get his heart broken in a million of pieces. He tried to shake Jesse’s hold on his hand but the latter woke up instead.

“Hey… What’s going on? Are you okay?”

“I need to go home.” Yugo ordered. He couldn’t stay here, it was too painful to stay with him. Not when Jesse would never give him what he wanted the most. “Bring me home, Jesse.” Yugo begged. “Please.”

Jesse was reluctant but still nodded.

“Okay… …okay. I’m sorry.”

Jesse’s chauffeur wanted to help Yugo come down the expensive berlin car but Jesse didn’t let him and shoved him gently to grab Yugo’s arm and lifted him slightly. Every part of Yugo’s body was bruised or broken and it made him whimper at the slightest move.

But all of them would heal, he hoped.

“Okay, you’re home,” Jesse announced as they reached the gate of the Kochis’ home. “I have scheduled an MRI tomorrow at your Morimoto-sensei’s clinic. Please show up at the clinic at three.”

“Yeah,.” Yugo only said, avoiding his gaze, and most of all, wanting Jesse to go away as soon as possible. “Good night.”

Yugo was in a hurry to leave, and moved away from Jesse’s arm but the latter didn’t let go just yet.

“Good night, Yugo.”

It was the first time Jesse called him in a such intimate way and Yugo didn’t know he would hate it so much. Why did he have to confuse him even more when he was already so damn confused?

Yugo made the mistake of looking up at Jesse whose eyes were full of emotions. He didn’t know which emotions exactly but it made Yugo’s insides churn.

“Stop looking at me like that,” Yugo whispered. “Not when you’re not in love with me.”

Jesse closed his eyes and finally released Yugo’s arms. It was so abrupt that Yugo almost fell from the sudden loss of his human crutch and heat. He learnt the past few days how warm Jesse felt against him and Yugo had to forget this sensation right now if he didn’t want his feelings to develop even more.

He didn’t know he could feel any deeper.

“I’m sorry, I’m just extremely worried, that’s it.” Jesse apologized again.

“It’s fine. Let’s hold on the English classes for now and… let’s not contact each other for a while.”

He hated how heartbroken he looked. “Why? Aren’t we friends?”

Yugo’s heart was riding on the front row of a rollercoaster. “It’s because we are friends that we need some distance, Jesse. I need time to heal anyway.”

“Okay…” His tone of reluctance, Yugo started to know it by heart, and it made him want to hope for more.

Was he really not in love with him? Did he lie to him?

“I– thank you for everything,” Yugo bowed as much as he could. “I’d have died without you.”

He should’ve phrased it differently, but Yugo felt like it was the most accurate sentence he could have ever told Jesse.

Yugo opened the gate of his house and didn’t turn around, even when he stumbled on the doorstep and fell inside the genkan of his house. His parents started to yell around when they ran to find their son in a poor state.

Jesse could only observe from afar.

Where he belonged.

***

Yugo felt drowsy when he woke up but, luckily, his father was around when he opened his eyes.

“Old man…” Yugo whispered.

“Oh, you’re awake, stupid son?” He said, a hint of a smile on his lips.

“Unfortunately I am…”

“Good you’re still alive.”

“Yeah.”

“It’s still a dangerous world to be in. Are you sure you wanna keep the jacket?”

“Yeah, dad. I want to be like you and Nagase.”

“You know you don’t have to prove anything to anyone, right?”

“You know I do.”

“Not really, son. I know who you are, it’s fine. You ’re fine. Being a gang member won’t change a thing.”

“It’s not just that, I just feel freer. And what happened wasn’t really linked to me being an ABARENBOU’s member.”

“What happened then? I won’t tell your mother.” His father was being playful like he always was.

Yugo sat down in his bed, it wasn’t as comfortable as Jesse’s bed, but he felt safe and in peace. At home. 

“It’s an ex who came to beat me up with his gang.”

“You hooked up with another gang’s member? You’re really my son!!” Yugo’s father said in a hearty laugh. ”Want me to find him and beat his ass?”

“No way! You’re too old for that! You don’t have to avenge me. It’s my problem, I’ll handle it myself, Dad. But maybe I’ll consider leaving the gang. Maybe .”

“Really? You can always give the jacket back.” His father patted his head with a large smile on his face. “Even without it, you’ll still be the strong Kochi Yugo because you’re my son.”

*

“Why are you here? Didn’t you understand what I said yesterday?” Yugo pouted as he saw Jesse at the door of his bedroom.

“I did but your parents are busy and asked me to come pick you up to drive you to the hospital. Only I have a chauffeur while all of your friends have bikes.”

“I can ride a bike,” Yugo retorted. He knew he was being stubborn but he didn’t expect his mother to let Jesse enter his bedroom. It was a total mess and his face was red from the embarrassment.

“I know you can, but Hinata gave me the permission to take you there. I promise I will know my place.” Jesse was kind enough not to look around and only focused on trying to get Yugo out of the room.

Yugo eventually did, but took forever to shower and dress alone. He absolutely refused the help of his parents. He couldn’t inflict that to them or to himself. And there was no way he was asking anything more from Jesse. Even if he seemed like a lonely boy who would do anything to make his friend happy, Yugo was certainly going to get more ideas and he didn’t need to torment his own heart like that.

The stairs were a challenge, especially under Jesse’s careful eyes, but Yugo managed to climb down the stairs slowly while gripping the handrail with a little more strength that he would have been usually. 

Without anyone’s help, he did it. Step by step.

His body felt even heavier and he was already sweating from the effort but he couldn’t let himself be beaten by the difficulty either.

Jesse was still behind him: “Are you okay?” He asked and Yugo didn’t answer because he wasn’t but he didn’t want to say it and he didn’t want the help.

But in front of his shoes in the genkan, Yugo felt dizzy and didn’t want to sit down to just have to stand up again. At that moment, and with no permission given, Jesse took Yugo’s shoes and kneeled in front of him as he tried to unlace them so it was large enough to fit Yugo’s feet. Yugo didn’t say anything as he crutched himself on the wooden sideboard next to them. Jesse softly seized Yugo’s leg and lifted it enough to slide his left shoe beneath. He did the same with the right one before lacing them back tightly.

Yugo was getting even angrier at himself for caving in.

“Let’s go,” Jesse said as he opened the door.

Yugo was glad that Jesse didn’t help any more. Instead, the chauffeur walked out of the car and literally didn’t give Yugo the choice to refuse his help as the stranger gently took his arm to place it around his shoulder.

Jesse sat down first and waited patiently for Yugo to settle in as well.

They remained silent for a dozen of minutes, Jesse playing on his phone (Yugo assumed he was playing because he was tapping on the screen frantically) while he was being lulled by the smooth ride. 

“You look like an adult,” Yugo muttered as he watched Jesse charging his phone on the car, comfortably settled in the leather seats. Had Jesse always looked so expensive before?

Jesse smiled. It was a bitter smile. “But I’m not. If I was one, I wouldn’t have hunted that guy out of anger.”

Yugo and Jesse fell back into silence as they stared at each other. Jesse felt his heart break at the sight of a broken Yugo, he looked so vulnerable (not weak, but vulnerable).

“What did you do?” Yugo asked, his tone hardened and his eyes narrowed.

“I didn’t do anything; The family did it.”

“Jesse… It’s my problem.”

“It became mine the moment you fell into my arms, Yugo .”

“Don’t call me Yugo, and don’t take care of my problems. We’re not together, you said it yourself.”

“I protect my friends like my own.”

“I will avenge by myself.”

“You’re not in the state to do so.”

“You do everything for me,” Yugo whispered quietly. “...Except for falling in love with me.” 

Jesse wetted his lip, nervously.

“It’s the only thing I want from you,” Yugo added and he knew he sounded like a child throwing a tantrum. He didn’t even know why he said that, he couldn’t force the love out of him, but something inside of him told him that he could act selfish until Jesse was willing to let his walls crumble.

If he really didn’t love him, then he had to show it. And until then, Yugo had a feeling he shouldn’t give up, even if it hurt.

“I’m sorry,” Jesse only said.

It used to hurt Yugo before because he thought it was a full and complete rejection, but today, he only heard Jesse’s apology as an easy escape. An avoidance to a truth that Yugo had yet to discover.

*

“Nothing is broken except your elbow. You’re really lucky. It seems that you’ll have to wait for your contusions to fade away.“ Morimoto-sensei said. “You have to get a sling though.”

Yugo only nodded.

“Shin was worried about you.”

Yugo nodded again.

“Hinata looked for you everywhere.”

He nodded again but this time he said: “I’m sorry for worrying you all.”

“Who’s the guy who did all of this to you?”

“I don’t want to talk about him, sensei.”

“A’ight, but you know, one day, we won’t be able to heal you.”

“Yeah, I know.”

Yugo was nervous. He hadn’t talked to Shintaro ever since he last heard his confession.

Even if he wasn’t supposed to be awake, Yugo had still heard it and he still wanted to talk to Shintaro about it. He had to be straightforward about it because nothing else in his life was. His body still hurt but he was recovering slowly. He couldn’t go to school though, so school came to him through his friends. They took turns. The first to come were Hinata and Chisa. Hinata was more worried than Chisa was. She was rather annoyed by Kento and swore she’d kick him in the balls next time she saw him, but because Chisa was there, Hinata didn’t get to ask Yugo about Jesse and he was really thankful he didn’t have to talk about it.

The second ones to visit were Taiga and Fuma. They only joked and poked him in painful places just to fuck with him and even though Yugo appreciated the normality, it fucking hurt to be poked, and it also hurt when Taiga mentioned Jesse.

“So. He saved your life. You owe him something,” Taiga said in a commanding tone. Yugo knew that he was telling him to let Jesse ride his bike because he earned the right to and of course Yugo was going to without Taiga pressing him. “Your bike is still at his place anyway.”

Yugo’s eyes widened. He had forgotten. He just vaguely remembered it was safe somewhere but now he again realized that Jesse still had it in his garage. Another thing he had to thank him for, he owed him everything. He was more than attached to his crush, he was now bound to him.

“He was so scared for him, he didn’t even come to school because he took him to the clinic,” Taiga told Fuma.

“I’m still here.” Yugo said in a half complaint, and half reassurance.

“Yeah I know,” Taiga snarked. “You almost died, Yugo.”

“Yeah.” He knew that. But at that moment, he didn’t care, he almost wished the pain would take him away.

Shintaro had arrived when Taiga and Fuma were still there.

They were all acting normally, playing cards, drinking sodas and eating unhealthily like every teenager. 

When Taiga and Fuma eventually called it a day, Shintaro said he’d like to stay a little bit longer.

He silently remained seated at the small coffee table while Yugo went directly to lie down on his bed, feeling exhausted. 

Shintaro wasn’t facing him when Yugo muttered something.

“I heard you the other day,” Yugo whispered. 

It was what Shintaro feared most: having to face his feelings and bare his soul when he didn’t want to. 

Not right now.

“I’m sorry you had to hear it like that,” Shintaro managed to answer, trying not to let his anxiety take over. “Yes.” Shintaro admitted. “I do want to be your special one, Yugo, but I know your heart belongs to someone else right now. I want to wait for you but…”

Yugo wanted to cry at those words. He didn’t want Shintaro to wait for him. He didn’t want to give him any hope but he was craving for the love that Jesse wasn’t able to give him. Yugo wanted his heart to be reasonable and not crack at the mere hope of being loved a little. 

“You know, I wondered why you liked him so much,” Shintaro muttered while looking at the floor. “I heard Kento is in a coma. It’s how far he’s willing to go for you. His “friend.””

“What?” Yugo couldn’t believe his ears. He knew Jesse and “his family” did something to Kento but he wasn’t aware that Kento was in such a bad state. He wasn’t a saint, but did he really deserve that?

“He cares about you that much and this feeling will probably bind you to him forever… no matter how long I wait, Yugo.”

Yugo’s face scrunched. He didn’t understand what Shintaro was saying. He was this close to throw away his feelings for Jesse, to move on, even if he had saved him from death. He had to move on. He had to. No ? What was he supposed to do? 

He was hurting. His body was hurt by Kenty, his heart was hurt by Jesse… He couldn’t do it anymore. Yugo was tired. He just wanted the comfort Shintaro was unconsciously ready to give him.

“... Don’t assume anything… I’m not his. He’s not mine. I still could be yours.”

“I just know your heart more than anyone. We’ve been friends for a long time and I know that my leader is passionate. You never gave up on the jacket even if it threatened your life so many times. You want to be sure you’re still the same Kochi Yugo even if you like boys.”

Tears well up in Yugo’s eyes. “What are you saying…” 

“Don’t throw yourself at me even if I like you, I think that guy beat me at protecting you against your biggest enemy.”

***

“You… got many chocolates.” Yugo noticed. 

It was his first day back at school and he was bummed to see that Jesse’s locker was overflowing with gifts. He suddenly hated Valentine’s Day.

“I’m popular, apparently.” Jesse said sarcastically, wondering what he’ll do with all of these gifts and cookies and chocolates. He wasn’t even a fan of sweets.

“Y-yeah. I have the same taste as all of those girls, apparently,” Yugo muttered.

Jesse laughed as he carefully packed every bag and gift into his backpack. “If that makes you feel better, you’re the closest to me.”

Yugo frowned. He wasn’t sure what that was supposed to mean but he now felt like throwing away the paper bag in his hands he had hidden behind his back. He had cooked healthy snacks as a gift to thank Jesse for everything he had done for him. Jesse had done so much, and except for complaining about being in love with him, Yugo hadn’t given Jesse much at all.

“I made… some too. Y’want?”

Jesse stopped midway, a packet falling on the floor. Jesse stared at Yugo with round eyes but Yugo shied away from his gaze, looking at the floor. It sounded like another confession, perhaps, Yugo suddenly thought as he awkwardly looked for his words:

“Ah... I... hum, it’s as a thanks for everything you’ve done. I know you’re not really into sweets but I–”

“I accept it!” Jesse immediately said. “You made it for me. Of course I want it.”

Yugo felt his mouth go dry and the blush spread from his cheeks up to his ears. He felt like his head was burning. “O-O-Okay… Erm, thank you for everything,” Yugo said again as he held the small bag out to Jesse.

“It’s the first time someone gives me chocolate straightforwardly and so sincerely.” Jesse muttered. “Usually they just crowd around my locker with letters but I don’t know anyone and I don’t know how I can even remember any of them. I’m probably too scary to be approached.”

Yugo didn’t say anything but when he looked up, Jesse was smiling as he peeked into the small blue gift bag full of chocolate carefully packed in transparent plastic zips.

“Sorry, it doesn’t look very pretty. But it’s bitter dark chocolate.”

“It’s fine. It’s like granny’s snacks. It looks rough, but it’s so delicious because it’s made with heart and lov–.” Jesse stopped before rewording: “and… care.” 

“It’s made with love.” Yugo whispered as a confirmation, and Jesse heard it.

His gaze was clouded with a guilt that Yugo attempted to calm down: “It doesn’t require an answer, though. I know your answer.”

“I wish you could love someone better,” Jesse said as he looked into Yugo’s eyes. 

“There’s no good or better love, I think,” Yugo just said. “I just… I just can’t let go.”

Jesse’s eyes shone like stars on a summer night. “Thank you. I don’t ever want to eat it.”

“You should, it’ll spoil. Eating it doesn’t mean you’re accepting my feelings, don’t worry…”

“It’s not what I mean… I just– just don’t want to ruin it.”

Like their relationship, Jesse would hate himself if he ruined their friendship. He wished it could stay pure and pristine forever. He had to stay far from him, even if it was hard for them.

“I’ll make others next year, it’s ok.” Yugo promised, as if their future wasn’t unclear.

But Jesse knew his future. It was dark and bitter like Yugo’s chocolate. It was far from the carefree life Yugo was leading. He couldn’t ask Yugo to get entangled in his affairs. Jesse didn’t ask for the life he had, but he had no other choice and it actually made him the way he was: cautious, aloof… He couldn’t even allow his heart to feel.

Hence, those feelings that were blossoming, he could only repress it forever.

“I’m sorry, Yugo,” Jesse answered and Yugo did his best not to cry again.

He was pathetic. He was crying over a love that never happened. Rejection still hurt, it didn’t hurt his pride, it just hurt his heart that he kept giving to the wrong people.

“Jesse. Why did you beat Kenty?”

“ I didn’t do it.”

“Whatever, you were behind it, right?”

“And?”

“I wish you didn’t go that far for me.”

“I– told you, I am loyal to my friends.”

“It just felt like you were angry at him.”

“Well. I was. I was the one who picked you up and had to call the doctor ten times because I thought you’d die in my arms, Kochi Yugo. You might be the leader of ABARENBOU, but guess what, you’re not invincible. Taiga told me you give your heart to people like him and me. You should be more careful, you know.”

Yugo was starting to get irritated but before he could bark at Jesse, Hinata and Shintaro called him:

“Yugo! Quick! Let’s go!”

Yugo turned around before meeting Jesse’s eyes.

“I parked your bike behind the school if you want to get it back.” Jesse simply said as he dropped the keys in Yugo’s hands.

“T-T-Thank… you…” He breathed deeply before asking: “Would you like to sit behind me?”

Jesse’s eyes began to sparkle.

“Oh my god, are you serious?!” He asked excitedly. If he was a dog, his tail would be wagging and it made Yugo’s lips turn into an unconscious light smile.

“Yeah…”

“Of course!!! I want to!!” 

He didn’t know why he suddenly suggested that Jesse should sit behind him. 

Maybe because he felt bad, or maybe because his feelings were so strong that he wished it could crack open the walls around Jesse’s heart. 

Could he ever reach him? 

Yugo was the kind of person to stay far and stare at the person he liked, but when Jesse was being so faithful, Yugo had the feeling that no matter how many times he pushed, Jesse would never pull away and that was a reassurance that made it feel like okay to push him until he fell. 

For him.

Letting Jesse mount his beloved meant so many things for a member of a group. But right now, Yugo only felt like he should pay back the one who saved him and his kaizosha’s lives. Jesse was so happy that he locked his locker back up, leaving all of the others’ gifts in it. But he kept Yugo’s chocolate preciously in his hands.

Yugo’s heart was so full, he grinned unconsciously.

Hinata and Shintaro were surprised to see Jesse walk so close to their leader and follow him to their bikes. But they let it go because it was Jesse and he did a lot for Yugo.

******

Being able to ride his bike meant that Yugo finally trusted him fully.

But…

It was scary to ride a bike. Jesse realized once he got past the excitation while they walked together.

His legs started to wobble in front of the engine. He wasn’t sure it was a good idea anymore. 

It was his ultimate goal though, to be able to ride this beautiful bike that Yugo cherished so much. He wanted to feel the wind, the freedom and the love. Jesse even went through all the trouble to get it back from the police when Yugo was beaten up by Kento’s friend.

But suddenly, the image of Yugo blue and purple from the punches came back to Jesse so vividly, his body got paralyzed. He suddenly stopped walking, taken over by guilt and fear.

His fingers turned white from holding Yugo’s chocolate bag in his hand. He didn’t want to let go. He really wished he could hold onto it forever.

“I’m sorry Yugo… I’m really happy but I…”

Jesse softly touched the bike on which Yugo was already sitting on, a finger tracing the glossy metal.

“I don’t think I can do that to you.”

“Do what?” Yugo wondered, and all eyes were on them.

The whole group that had gathered around stopped breathing at the same time, waiting for Jesse to reveal what he had been hiding for so long.

“I think I love you but we will never be able to be together.”

Yugo’s heart dropped at the next words.

“I’m the next heir of the Y group. I’m sorry. I…”

The Y Group.

Of course, Yugo knew that group. Everyone knew about the Y Group. They were also Tomoya’s biggest enemies to this day, after they used the bosozokus until their skin got blue, their bodies beaten and their bones corroded. Young Tomoya thought it was a good idea to ally themselves to the Y group. They had influence, power and the money that they’d never be able to earn as delinquents.

Tomoya trusted them and ended up getting all of his comrades killed savagely by The Y Group’s enemies. They were simply used as pawns to be thrown away at the first occasion and Tomoya always resented them for that.

Tomoya threw the jacket away until Yugo decided to wear it again, to the glory of Tomoya, to the glory of his father and those who died in the name of ABARENBOU.

Yugo had something to prove, a rage to express, a freedom to run after.

Jesse had the family business to take care of. 

He was a yakuza.

“I can’t love you fully, Yugo.”

******

It was on Valentine’s Day that Yugo got his heart broken.

He had cried during the whole ride back home.

Shintaro never left his side.

Not even at night, when Yugo crawled into his bed out of despair.

*******

“How’s that little bosozoku from last time?” Jesse’s grandmother asked.

“He’s fine,” Jesse answered honestly.

“When is he coming back? He was so cute.”

Jesse wanted to say never. It was the first and last time he would let Yugo meddle into the business. He tried so hard to get close to him he, himself, didn’t know why he was doing it. He preferred to ignore what was lying deep in his heart. 

It was easier to ignore and not acknowledge it.

“He’s busy…” Jesse pretexted.

“Are you still teaching him?”

“Not anymore.”

To be honest, they didn’t focus much on Yugo’s classes recently but his grades still improved anyway. When he was bedridden, he had no other choices than to study.

“He could help you with the business, you know. He has talent.”

“No.” Jesse immediately answered his grandmother who was wise and knowledgeable.  “He needs to go straight, granny.”

Jesse didn’t want something like last time to happen again. He promised himself to never hurt the ones he loved the most. He loved him. Hence, he will not drag Yugo into his dark, dark world.

Jesse knew that tomorrow, when they go back to school, they’ll become strangers again. And perhaps, when Yugo would less expect it, Jesse would secretly burn their jackets to ashes.

He would not let him become a part of that dark world.

She sighed. 

Jesse would never be free.

Even if she tried to.

He didn’t.

The day Jesse tasted Yugo’s chocolate was on graduation day. 

It had hardened from the dry air and, perhaps the flavor had dissipated, but Jesse felt tears pool in his eyes as soon as he felt the bitter chocolate crack under his teeth and melt on his tongue.

He wished he had said goodbye at least.

After that day, Yugo and Jesse never talked again.

Even if the longing was still there, even if Taiga and Hinata tried to fix them up, both remained stubborn. 

Spending time together was pure pain and it was better to stay apart.

Jesse kept biting on the chocolate, salty tears adding a bit of a new flavor.

Starting from this day, Jesse lost a part of himself. A part that his grandmother loved and was afflicted from the loss.

*

*

*

*

Jesse never forgot Yugo.

Years have passed and Yugo still haunted his dreams, his nightmares, and fantasies.

But they were adults now, they had different lives now.

Jesse knew because he asked his best man, Ken, to follow Yugo from time to time. Of course, he knew that he was doing well, gave up the jacket and went to university. He graduated beautifully with Shintaro by his side.

Jesse’s chest tightened every time he saw the pictures of them secretly kissing under a green tree.

But he looked happy with him.

Shintaro could love him without being afraid of hurting him, without exposing him to the darkness. He still rode his bike, the same damn one.

Jesse had gone to look over the bike when Yugo was in class. Just looking around it, touching the warm motor, brushing delicate fingers over the leather of the seat. He just wanted to feel Yugo through his bike. He couldn’t help it.

His subordinate started to make weird faces when Jesse was being a bit creepy but he never said anything. Always obeyed every weird request from his boss.

*

*

*

On the day of his grandmother’s funeral, after everyone left, Jesse stood by her grave the whole day. The rain was pouring hard but Ken never left his side, his arm completely numb from holding the umbrella over his boss’s frail body for hours. Since when did he become so thin?

“Boss, come on, let’s go. You’ll catch a cold. We gotta eat. I’m starving”

Jesse’s voice was extremely low but Ken heard clearly:

“I want to see him.”

“But you…”

“I don’t care what I said. Bring me to him.”

Ken swallowed before nodding.

He drove to Yugo’s place. Ken knew this place by heart, he always drove there to check on Yugo. But right now, he was nervous because he wasn’t sure if Yugo was ready to see Jesse. But as soon as Ken parked in front of Yugo’s apartment, Yugo saw them through his window and immediately came down his apartment. He didn’t even take the time to take an umbrella, but he slowly walked to open the back door of his black car as if it was the most natural gesture in the world, as if it wasn’t Jesse’s car, as if he hadn’t not seen Jesse in six years.

Yugo sat down without a word and took Jesse’s whole body in his arms. Their eyes met for a fraction of a second. The love was still there. In their eyes.

Jesse then let himself cry on Yugo’s lap as the latter hushed him and wiped his tears away from his cheeks.

“It’s okay, I’m here. Ssh…” Yugo whispered against his temple.

They stayed curled up against each other for almost a hour before Yugo finally spoke up:

“I knew you were following me.”

“Sorry.” Jesse mumbled.

“Maybe we should move on…”

“You did.”

“Not really. Not when you keep following me.”

“Sorry.”

“I’m sure you’re not.” Yugo chuckled even if it was the main issue between him and Shintaro. The latter hated how Yugo couldn’t move on no matter how hard he tried or how long he waited. He knew about Jesse lurking around his bike when he wasn’t there and how just that made Yugo incredibly giddy. He felt their love even if they hadn’t seen each other. Yugo might have been physically with Shintaro, he was mentally with Jesse, and it showed on his face.

“...”

“Are you becoming the head?” Yugo asked.

“Yeah… I want to run away,” Jesse revealed because he knew that he had to become cruel and it scared him even more to show this part of him.

“I know.”

“I want to be with you so bad, Yugo.”

“We don’t have to be together.”

“I thought it’d get easier.”

“We don’t have to be together every day, Jesse.”

Jesse sat up and glanced at Ken who was waiting outside of the car for a cigarette break.

“From time to time, I can be yours and you can be mine. Just for one night.”

“This is risky…” Jesse said as he traced Yugo’s lips with the tip of his finger. “Will it be enough?”

“Yeah, like riding a bike,” Yugo smiled as his tongue teased Jesse’s finger. “We can manage.”

“Let me ride it with you.”

“It's been waiting for you ever since that day,” Yugo leaned over until his lips touched Jesse’s forehead.

“Okay,” Jesse muttered before their lips finally locked together in the longest kiss he’d ever given anyone.