Click

He never looked at the camera.

"Jesse!"

The boy blinked, raising his head to see the gleam of a lens pointed in his direction as his immediate impulse brought him to smile.

"Wait! Let me give you a better pose!"

Taiga laughed as he watched Jesse lounge across the library chair before giving him the perfect angle of his face.

He clicked the button, triggering the shutter and preserving another image for Taiga's memories.

The camera pointed around the table to his friends, each responding differently to the sudden attention it requested.

Yugo threw up a peace sign as he often did, Juri looked straight into the lens with a smile, and Shintaro knocked his forehead against the black rim that framed the glass, making Taiga laugh as he captured the all but useless blurry image.

Taiga had always loved taking photos.

When he pressed down on the bottom of his camera, infinitesimal moments were frozen on his film, moments that could never be captured again. Each photo was a preservation of time in a world where it continuously passed them by, day by day, second by second.

It all started with the simple camera on his phone until he was one day compelled to buy his first DSLR.

The large digital camera was heavy in his hands, but the moment he looked through the viewfinder behind it, it felt as if he could disappear. Like an audience watching a movie, with his friends playing as the actors.

They were often the subject of the photos.

Human behavior was unpredictable and made each photo unique.

Just the first breath a person took would always be different from the second and Taiga wanted to save each and every one. He loved to capture each laugh, each cheer, and even the quiet lulls when their time together became serene.

Everyone responded differently to the lens of the camera, each bearing their own quirks.

Jesse loved to pose, playing amateur model. Yugo was like a teen boy, reacting to a selfie. Juri was careless, always looking into the lens regardless of when and Shintaro did his best to make the person behind the camera laugh.

And Hokuto.

Hokuto never looked at the camera.

"Hokuto."

Despite his call for him, Hokuto didn't look, his head still lowered over his textbook.

He didn't ignore him. It wasn't that. It was evident from the way his hand would stop writing and his fingers would pause on the page.

He just never looked at him.

Why?...

Taiga wasn't sure.

He couldn't even remember when it started.

The only memory he had of Hokuto's eyes was when they first met in high school as Juri introduced them.

Even then, it had been brief.

The empty classroom seats seemed to be more interesting to him as Hokuto's eyes darted away after he tried to give him a friendly smile.

After that, Hokuto never gave him his gaze.

It was hard not to feel hated, but from the way Hokuto at least gave the grace of pausing for the lens to shut made it feel more like indifference.

Though, sometimes indifference was worse than hate.

Why?

Taiga didn't know.

Hokuto's finger tightened on the page, waiting patiently for the sound of the closing shutter.

Hokuto wouldn't look.

But Taiga still took the photo.

Click.

College graduation came fast.

Hokuto still didn't look at him, with or without the camera between them.

They got drunk on relief, exhaustion and alcohol as they partied late into the night.

The fire of Hokuto's lighter emitted a golden glow over his skin in the dark evening as it burned the end of his cigarette.

"Kyoto, huh?"

Hokuto looked over to see Juri doing the same as he stepped onto the sidewalk outside the bar, lighting the end of his Marlboro menthol cigarette to take a deep drag.

He tapped the filter with his thumb as he set it between his lips, tasting the way the flavor of the tobacco mixed with the bitterness of the beer still on his tongue. "Yeah."

"It was the only internship I could find that was lined up with fashion design."

Juri sighed as he leaned against the brick wall of the bar.

"We'll miss you for sure. Will you come to visit?"

"As much as I can."

"Did you tell the others?"

"Mhm," Hokuto hummed, filling his lungs full with nicotine.

"Did you tell Kyomo?"

The stream of smoke billowed and furled from his nose as he exhaled.

"... No."

"Why not?"

"Is it necessary? I'm sure he already heard from you, didn't he?"

"He did."

"So what's the big deal?"

For a moment, it grew quiet as a car playing loud music passed by them on the street, the deep base rumbling the frame before leaving it silent between them again with only the sound of the wind rustling through leaves.

Juri looked over to him, watching the ash fall from Hokuto's cigarette as it was placed back between his lips.

The next time Juri spoke, Hokuto wondered if his voice had been any softer if it would have been taken away by the wind.

"... He'll miss you, you know?"

"... Why?"

"He's your friend," Juri said. "He'll miss you like the rest of us will miss you."

"I wonder…"

Juri sighed, inhaling deeply to burn down as much of his cigarette before extinguishing it in the ash bin placed outside the bar.

"He deserves to hear it from you."

Hokuto didn't look over to watch the door close behind Juri, the bell on the door chiming as it shut.

He just kept his gaze down on the dark sidewalk beneath his feet as the end of his cigarette came alive.

The embers burned alone in the quiet until it met its filter, Hokuto turning to snuff out the fire in the ashtray beside Juri's half finished cigarette that was still barely alive, emitting smoke from the end.

As Hokuto turned the filter in the sand, putting out the rest of its overspent flames, he could see the table the bar gave them with his friends celebrating around it.

He could see how Jesse's ears had turned dark red and how Shin was refilling Yugo's glass of beer.

He could see Juri leaning into Taiga, bringing their shoulders to bump as they laughed loudly, oblivious to the ache their bodies would feel the next day as a consequence of tonight's actions.

Hokuto saw Taiga's smile.

The small grin that was framed by shapely rosy lips. The wrinkle that pressed into his nose before he laughed and with his camera still in his hands.

The weight on his chest was heavy, but he ignored it as Hokuto raised his hands to his eyes and shaped a box with his fingers, framing the image through the window.

He tried to memorize and capture every detail.

After all, he wasn't sure if he'd ever see it again.

"Click."

Five years passed by in a flash.

In five years, Taiga had managed to make a career out of his hobby, freelancing work shooting models and product images for larger companies that contracted him.

He and Juri had bought and split a studio for their art together, Juri with his pottery and Taiga with his gallery where in his free time, he gathered the images for his new collection.

"Once" was what it was called.

Ever since graduating college, he started to seek out those infinitesimal moments in time, finding those brief seconds that could only be seen once. A wave that perfectly reflected the sky, a sunset with the precise haze to capture all its colors, or his curtains flowing in the summer breeze to reveal the bright blue sky behind it.

But human movement and expression remained to be his favorite.

Humans were of great availability and shifted and flowed faster than clouds did in the sky. The images that could be captured from people were more rare and unique than the rolling waves on the sea.

Taiga wanted to immortalize them.

Those views seen once in a lifetime.

Some would call it obsession, but he preferred to call it commitment, committing his off days to burning the daylight in odd places, waiting for anything at any moment to happen.

Today, it was a train station.

The week before, the sun had peered over the incoming train home. Instantly, Taiga's mind began to fill with visions of the sunlight pouring perfectly through the car links in a morning haze.

Taiga was never a morning person, but his vision and the encouragement of a convenience store coffee with a couple of onigiri was enough motivation to bring him to arrive at the station before the sun had even peeked from behind the horizon.

The cold morning brought a chill, pinching his cheeks pink as the quiet town echoed the sounds of the train approaching in the distance through the tracks.

He smiled as he raised his camera and disappeared behind it, looking down either end of the track to take a few shots.

There was a beauty to be found in both dense lively crowds and quiet lonely solitude. Something was always to be found in the details as the trigger clicked in an off beat rhythm, saving anything and everything.

The tracks, the narrow alley between the buildings that held it, the flowers growing in the small cracks of the gutters. Anything.

He shot the preteen plaster used to mend the aging platform, patiently repaired time and time again and the rusted support beams that had valiantly carried shelter on its shoulders, protecting the visitors passed and the soon to come.

Taiga moved the focus to within the station, wanting to catch the station name displayed on the wall of the platform across the tracks to remember its loyal name.

But as words sharpened in his view, the shutter that continuously blinked, capturing every view, came to a stop.

Five years.

Five years passed in a flash.

But not a single day of those five years showed on Hokuto's image.

His lips that released gentle clouds came into focus as the barrel of Taiga's lens turned, bringing him closer in the camera's view as the wind playfully tousled his dark hair over his eyes that stayed trained on the phone in his hand.

The soft repeated beep from his camera didn't reach Taiga's ear as his finger moved on its own, pressing part way into the trigger and framing his subject in a thin red box in the viewfinder.

If there had only been another second, Taiga's camera would have clicked.

But he didn't have the power to once his breath had been stolen from his chest.

A smile.

A smile that Taiga had never seen before.

Warm and gentle, crescenting his eyes as it grew on his lips.

It was like the world around him didn't exist.

His eyes brimmed with a kindness and a caring that could have only ever meant one thing, though it didn't take Hokuto's gaze to explain it.

The kiss that Hokuto pressed into the lips of the man who took his hand as he reached him told the whole story.

Taiga didn't notice that he wasn't even looking through the camera anymore, though even if he was, his hands were shaking too much to take a steady picture.

Why?...

Why did Hokuto never look into the camera?

Taiga didn't know.

He didn't think he would ever know.

And just before Hokuto's eyes raised to see Taiga standing across the way, the train blew through the station, breaking their incomplete gaze.

Taiga just stared at the windows that reflected his image back at him as they sped by, his mind empty with only the sounds of the wheels of the train colliding with the tracks in repetition.

Clang.

Clang.

Click.

Clang.

Clang.

Click.

"You saw that, didn't you?"

When Taiga looked up at Hokuto who stood at the side of his office desk, his eyes were still turned away.

Even though he was the one who approached him, he still wouldn't look at him.

By some miraculous coincidence, Taiga was contracted to take the model photos for the clothes designed by Hokuto's employer.

He was sent to work temporarily in Tokyo for only a few months.

After that, he would disappear back to Kyoto.

Taiga watched him for a moment, unable to forget the smile on Hokuto's lips that he would surely never see up close.

It was a smile that wasn't meant for him.

It was a smile that would never be for him.

Taiga looked back at his computer.

"I did."

"Did you take a photo of it? If you did, I need you to–"

"I didn't take anything."

Taiga typed on his keyboard, sending back a quick email.

"And if I had, I would have deleted them already."

He could see the tense fist Hokuto had gripped on the top of his desk, slowly easing and relaxing while the even hum of the office bustle surrounded them.

Anyone could have eavesdropped on their conversation, but they were just two insignificant people in an insignificant setting. No one really cared about what they heard or what they said.

All they were, were long separated friends who didn't even look at each other when they spoke.

"... Thanks…"

"... Yeah. No problem."

Taiga clicked back to his editing program, opening up the image of the model donning the runway clothing Hokuto had put his long hours into, all his hard work and time to be caught and summarized in only one picture.

"Hey, Kyomoto…" Hokuto said beside him, looking… somewhere. At something. Taiga wouldn't have known as he kept his eyes on the screen.

"Hmm?" He hummed back, clicking for the right tool to fix the glare on the silver jewelry.

"You… didn't tell anyone, did you?"

Taiga's hand stopped as Hokuto's question sank deep into his chest.

He knew what Hokuto meant, despite its vague wording.

He saw the kiss Hokuto exchanged with the man whose name Taiga didn't know.

He saw the warmth in Hokuto's gaze.

He didn't know, but at the same time he knew, no matter how much he unconsciously tried not to linger on the details.

"No, I didn't."

"Okay… Thank you."

Taiga clicked on a tool he didn't need as he aimlessly clicked on anything to appear he was actually working and his mind wasn't swirling.

"It's nothing."

The hand drew away from his desk.

The sight of his back that Taiga knew better than Hokuto's eyes turned to him.

Sometimes there were things Taiga preferred to stay ignorant about.

Ignorance is bliss, they say.

He didn't like to know the total calories of his food and he didn't like to know where Juri indulged in his partners in their shared studio space. He didn't like to know the production details of his favorite movies and he didn't like to know how much his film cost when he bought it in bulk for his own projects.

But they also say curiosity killed the cat.

Was he using that phrase correctly?

Whatever, it didn't matter.

"So, he's your boyfriend?"

Hokuto's feet stopped.

For a moment, Taiga thought he would turn.

But of course, he was only spared a half glance over his shoulder, their eyes never meeting.

"... Yes."

"He's my boyfriend."

And with that, Hokuto walked away, leaving Taiga with a messed up photo with a strange color balance.

He sighed, a lump welling in his throat he quickly swallowed down.

Whatever it was, cat or not, something died that day.

Slowly, it festered as it consumed Taiga's heart.

He pressed the control button and "Z" at the same time, reverting all of his pointless work.

Click.

Click.

Click.

"I think I'm in love with Hokuto."

The pottery wheel slowed as Juri looked up at Taiga who sat across from him, his eyes down on the sickeningly sweetened coffee he made for him.

Taiga wouldn't drink it otherwise. Juri knew he hated the taste of black coffee.

Juri also knew Taiga was in love with Hokuto.

"... What makes you think that?" He asked anyway.

Taiga tapped his nails against the handmade mug as Juri doused his sponge with water, dragging it along the clay to smooth its surface as the wheel began to turn again.

"I don't know."

"You don't know?"

A heavy sigh left Taiga's chest as he pressed Juri's mug to his forehead, the heat of his drink transferring to his skin.

"There's just–… Do you know when there's just something that won't get off your mind?..."

Kind of.

Sometimes it was the feel of Taiga's hair between his fingers.

Sometimes it was the image of Taiga asleep with his head on his lap.

Sometimes it was just the way Taiga's nose scrunched when he laughed.

But Juri wouldn't tell him that.

"I guess so."

Taiga lowered the mug to look into the coffee that had been heavily lightened with milk as Juri steadied his hands, making what he could with the clay that molded in his hands.

Every so often the clay would rebel and not work out the way he wanted it to.

But that was just the way of the world, wasn't it?

"There's a sight I've never seen before… I've only gotten a glimpse of it but I just—"

"I can't stop thinking about it… About how far from my reach it is."

"I've always felt that if I just waited for the right moment and as long as I was in the right place I could see anything, even if it was just for a moment but with this I–......"

Taiga trailed off as the clay in Juri's hands pinched, digging a sharp dip in the smooth vase that was now ruined.

"... It's impossible, isn't it?..." Taiga said softly.

Juri watched the snagged edge slowly round around the wheel before coming to a stop before him.

He set his palm on the clay, crushing it back down into the plate before removing it and balling it back up to start again.

"It's only impossible if you believe it's impossible."

Taiga looked over to Juri who dunked his hand back into the pool of water again, wringing out the sponge of the murky water to shape and soften the clay that in Taiga's eyes, seemed to have not changed shape from where it started when he sat down on the spare stool.

"We only say things are impossible when we give up, don't we? There's no point in calling anything impossible if we intend on hanging on and hoping that someday something can change."

"So why is it impossible? Isn't it only impossible because you're making it impossible?"

"Juri–"

When Taiga said his name, he smiled as he looked up at him, his hands caked and covered with his medium.

Taiga's eyes seemed to gleam as Juri chuckled, reaching over to smudge his friend's cheek with the wet clay.

Finally, Taiga smiled for the first time today as he laughed, swatting his hand away.

See?

Not everything was impossible.

Juri didn't want to believe it was impossible.

Otherwise, he would have left Taiga's side a long time ago.

"The Kyomoto Taiga I know wouldn't give up."

"If you love Hokuto, then love him with all your might."

They talked for a bit longer, Juri finally finishing his vase and Taiga finally finishing his cup of coffee.

Taiga got up and stepped away to take some calls and Juri opened the garage door into their studio so the smell of smoke Taiga hated wouldn't collect.

Juri put a cigarette in his mouth and took out his lighter.

His hands were shaking more than he thought.

The fire just didn't seem to strike.

He flicked the spark wheel again.

"... It's not impossible until I say it's impossible."

Click.

Click.

Click–

Leave it to Shintaro to tell both him and Hokuto of the same place to find inspiration.

The scenery was beautiful. With the clear skies and the crisp breeze flowing off from the sea waves, the setting sun poured vibrant colors onto the trees that framed the small lookout and the rippling waters mixed and blended them like paint on a palate.

It was wonderful.

Though, it was hard to take photos when the pounding of his heart was too loud to focus.

When Taiga arrived at the lookout, Hokuto was already there, his wide back to the top of the staircase with a cigarette pinched between his fingers.

Had Hokuto not given him a half glance at his feet to only do as much as acknowledge that he was there, Taiga would have taken a photo.

The way the sunset colors rolled over his stoic back was stunning.

Or maybe was it just stunning to him?

Taiga wasn't sure.

Hokuto put out his cigarette when Taiga came to stand beside him.

There, for the next thirty minutes, the only words they traded were "hey" while Taiga's heart was silently tormented.

At least in the office, there was the buffer of a professional setting and other employees to make their conversations flow smoothly as they were only business.

But now, Taiga stood with the person he was in love with.

Maybe.

He still wasn't sure.

He just knew he wanted to see that view again.

He wanted to see that smile again.

Those eyes again.

Taiga wanted to see them look at him, with that warmth and that care and that affection.

But Hokuto barely ever looked at him once in the last eleven years.

How could he ever expect to see that view again? That view that never belonged to him in the first place.

It was impossible.

Taiga lowered his camera from his eye.

With this camera, he captured almost everything.

With this camera, he captured amazing things.

Was it truly impossible?

Or did he just believe it was impossible?

"... Hokuto, I–"

"I'm gonna go."

Just as he opened his mouth to speak, Hokuto was already turning to walk away.

"Wait–!"

Hokuto's feet froze in their path as Taiga grabbed his wrist.

Hokuto was always like this.

He was always considerate of him. Even in the way he snuffed out his cigarette when he arrived.

But still, their eyes never met.

"Hokuto… I–" Taiga stammered. "I—........."

Trying to get the words out of his throat was like trying to have a child confess they were the one who broke his mother's vase.

He was scared.

He was scared out of his mind.

What would Hokuto do?

What would Hokuto say?

What would he think?

Would he shun him?

Would he abandon him?

Would he hate him?

Would he love him?

He didn't know.

The only thing Taiga knew was that he wouldn't know until he tried.

What was the worst that could happen?

All he could think about were those eyes and that smile.

And how badly he wanted to see them.

If not only just one more time.

"I love you."

The world fell silent.

Not even the fluttering of the leaves dancing in the breeze reached Taiga's ears.

There was nothing.

It stung when Hokuto tore his wrist from his hand.

"No. You don't."

Taiga's eyes shot up from his empty hand to Hokuto's back that still remained turned.

Even now, he didn't look at him.

Even now, as he denied his feelings.

"You don't love me."

Hokuto's voice was cold.

"You just saw something you've never seen and now you want to see it again. I know how you are with your photos, you'll do anything for new sights and new views–"

"N-no! That's not–... That isn't—!!"

Taiga couldn't even finish a sentence.

His head was spinning.

His ears were ringing.

But worst of all, he couldn't convince himself to deny that Hokuto's words weren't true.

He didn't know.

"You just have never seen a gay couple before, have you? I won't just be a test for your experimentation just so you can experience something different–"

"Stop!! Hokuto, no!! I didn't– It's not like that– I–"

"Why would you say this to me when you know I'm in a relationship? Do you realize how selfish you are?"

"No!! No– I didn't mean to—!!"

"Can you even tell me why you love me?"

"I–..."

Taiga's mouth opened.

But no words came out.

From the way that just the sight of Hokuto's outline in the sunset made his heart skip and chest throb, the list should have been endless.

But he couldn't say anything.

All it was, was a feeling.

And a sight that he wanted to see.

Taiga didn't say anything more because he didn't have anything left to say.

All he could do was stare at the back that didn't turn to him. The eyes that never looked at him.

The gaze that never sought him.

"Kyomoto."

"You don't love me."

"Let's just pretend this never happened."

The next time Taiga blinked, Hokuto had already walked away.

The burnt colors of the setting sun blurred and washed in his eyes as they filled with tears.

He turned back to the lookout, where the amber sun appeared whole as it reflected over the water.

It was beautiful.

Taiga sniffled as he raised his camera to his eye.

What was the worst thing that could happen?

Well, if that wasn't the worst, then Taiga had no idea how it could be any worse aside from Hokuto striking him where he stood.

He tried to steady his hands by propping his elbows on the steel railing, but still, his hands shook.

Not that it really mattered.

He could hardly see anything anyways.

His tears rolled down his cheeks as they fell from his chin.

He forced his finger to push down on the button to get anything – anything – at all out of this shithole of a day.

His tears hit the pale concrete, staining it dark as he sniffled again.

Plip.

Plip.

Click.

"Kyomo?"

"Hey, Kyomo…"

Juri knocked on his bedroom door again.

He hadn't seen Taiga since the day he came home with empty swollen eyes.

He didn't know what happened, but he could guess what happened.

All Taiga had told him was that he was heading to the outlook Shintaro saw on his way to work, seeking the sunset the youngest of their friend group raved about.

When Juri walked out from their open kitchen area to greet him home, Taiga only said two words before shutting himself into his room.

"It's impossible."

Juri just hoped that when he stepped out, Taiga had gotten something to eat.

It had already been two weeks.

Taiga was someone who thrived on food and made up for all the enjoyment in cuisine that Juri lacked.

It wasn't like him to starve himself. Even after getting the worst critiques on his photography, Taiga was the type to indulge himself in food to cope with his depression rather than not eat at all.

Juri knocked again.

"Kyomo…"

"I'm worried about you."

"I'm gonna come in, okay?"

He didn't get a response, but he also didn't get a no, which was enough of an invitation to open the door of the room he had only entered a few times before.

They respected each other's private spaces as the studio left little to be private otherwise. Only their bedrooms were their own.

Taiga's room was just as Juri remembered the last time he saw it.

His room was just like him.

It was filled with the things he loved and decorated with the images he adored. What clutter there was, was placed in an organized chaos, messy but systematic like Taiga's mind.

But the room that was usually washed with warm light from the tall windows was pitch dark as the blinds were pulled shut, smothering out the sun.

Juri couldn't stop himself from pausing at the desk and wrapping the neck strap of Taiga's camera neatly around it where it had been left untouched on his computer desk.

The camera that was like an extension of its owner's self.

The camera that was used to take photos of anything, even the most mundane, be it Juri doing their dishes for the both of them again as they playfully bickered.

It was like caring for an abandoned pet that was left out in the rain, once loved so dearly only to be tossed aside.

Juri sighed as he tucked away the thin cushioning of the strap back into its own loop before walking over to the bed.

He stopped short of kicking over the stack of empty instant noodle cups set at the foot of the bedside table.

At least he was eating.

He sat on the side of the bed, placing his hand over the lump curled up under the plush covers.

"Kyomo…"

No reaction.

"Can you at least talk to me?..."

"You know I'll listen to anything, right?"

Still, no reaction.

Juri squeezed his hand.

"... I'll do anything for you."

"Anything at all."

"I'll catch the sun for you…"

"Anything… Please… Just tell me what's wrong…"

The silence was worse than words.

He wished he could be Taiga's shield, his sword, his anything.

He wanted Taiga to tell him and trust him with everything, even if it meant they would only ever stay friends.

He just never wanted Taiga to hurt like this.

He wouldn't have ever let Taiga hurt like this.

But hearts could only change so much.

Juri knew this well as he laid beside him to collect Taiga into his arms, blanket and all. He buried his nose into the back of Taiga's golden hair, squeezing and pulling him tight against his chest.

"Please…" he whispered.

He begged.

"Just talk to me…"

Taiga was awake.

Juri could tell from the way his breath was unlike someone's in slumber.

Taiga had heard him.

Juri closed his eyes as he protected Taiga in his arms. When Taiga's voice softly croaked through his dry throat minutes later, they slowly fluttered open as he listened.

"He said I didn't love him."

"... Huh?"

Taiga's eyes were glassy as Juri leaned over him. They were cradled by the dark shadows that had sunk under them as they stared out at nothing but the blank wall of his bedroom.

They didn't even seem to see him as the words haunting Taiga's mind left his tired chest.

Taiga just couldn't hold them anymore and Juri was just the first person to listen.

He was always the first person to listen.

"He told me I was only using him for my art and that it was all just a dumb fascination."

"He asked me to tell him the reasons why I loved him and I couldn't say anything…"

"Why couldn't I say anything?..."

"Kyomo–..." The gentleness in Juri's voice stung.

"Maybe he's right," Taiga said.

Juri saw the tears that began to fill the eyes he adored time and time again.

"Maybe I don't love him. I've just been selfishly chasing the scenery that I will never see. This whole time I've just been thinking of myself and I've just—"

"Taiga."

Taiga's lips only stilled once Juri used his own lips to stop them.

The thumb that Juri used to turn Taiga's jaw towards him slowly trailed down the curve of Taiga's chin before following down his smooth throat.

You don't love him.

No, you don't love him at all.

You never loved him.

The view of Hokuto's smile was only something that was illusive and its rarity made it tantalizing.

That's what Juri wished he could have said.

He wished he could have taken advantage of Taiga's weakness for himself. He wished he could have cleansed Taiga's mind of the dark-haired boy who never dared to share his gaze with him.

He wished he could agree with Hokuto, that Taiga didn't love him and never loved him.

But Juri knew the truth. Even as he kissed Taiga again.

Taiga had always loved Hokuto.

He knew even when Taiga didn't know it himself.

A soft gasp entered Taiga's chest when their lips finally broke.

As his eyes came into focus, Juri's smooth hair poured over him as they only stayed inches apart.

Juri's gaze was kind.

It was always kind.

Before Taiga could inhale to speak, Juri spoke over him, his voice quiet and small.

A deep set timidness that contrasted the confidence Taiga had always admired in Juri from the way he always spoke of the unachievable as achievable to the way his hands worked his clay, always sure that something wonderful would come from it.

"Can I be enough?"

Taiga's eyes fluttered while Juri's warmed as he pressed his forehead against his.

"Can you choose me over him?"

"Juri–..."

When Juri kissed him again, Taiga didn't refuse.

But he didn't respond.

Juri's heart was on fire and his fingertips felt hot as they touched Taiga's skin. His chest ached as he finally did as he had always yearned to do ever since he woke up beside Taiga on the rooftop of their school.

For him, these kisses he would never forget.

But for Taiga, he was only letting Juri kiss him.

Taiga's hands didn't reach out to seek his embrace. They didn't seek his skin and they didn't seek his heat.

They stayed curled in his blanket until they were done.

Juri knew that no matter how many times he gave Taiga his laughter, his smile, or the loving gaze Hokuto wouldn't give him, he would never be enough.

Thank God, he knew.

Because it hadn't, Taiga's words would have been enough to completely tear him apart.

"I'm sorry."

Juri just sighed and pressed his lips into Taiga's hair.

"I know."

The next morning Taiga at least came out to have breakfast.

Juri was never afraid that his confession would ruin their friendship. A kiss or two wouldn't be enough to destroy what they had both spent years building.

When Taiga leaned into his side, Juri gave him a ruffle of his hair and a half hug around the shoulder before telling him to sit down.

Taiga ate as Juri opened the door for Yugo to come pick up the boxes of dishes and pottery he sold at his store, the fresh air cooling the wide space.

Yugo liked to curate pieces from local artists and Juri was only one of the few. He also often took photos from Taiga and paintings from Shintaro as well.

He would buy from Hokuto and Jesse too if runway fashion and music could be easily sold on shelves.

After a brief conversation with Taiga and a mug of coffee, they went to open the garage door in the side of their home to load the boxes of dishware and vases into Yugo's car.

"Oh! I forgot to ask."

Juri turned around to see Yugo looking at his kiln.

It was still emanating a gentle warmth, though the flames had been extinguished many hours ago and cooled significantly since its aggressive heat.

Occasionally, it made the studio unbearably hot during summer evenings.

"I wanted to ask how that new piece you were experimenting with turned out," Yugo continued with a smile. "I know you were struggling with it, did it turn out?"

Juri exhaled as he heaved a box into Yugo's car trunk, pushing it over the smooth upholstery to set it flush with the boxes in the back.

He brushed his hands clean on his apron as he walked over to the kiln. "The flower vase?"

"Right, that's the one."

"Well, it should be cool enough. Let's take a look."

The asymmetric vase was meant to be perfect for holding flowers. Its wide tilted collar was molded like a fan to present and emphasize the bold florals with the pristine white glaze Juri wanted to paint over it.

Yet, the shape proved to be a little ambitious as the clay had cracked along the neck.

It was unfortunate, but this wasn't the first time he opened the kiln to disappointment after anxiously waiting for hours. It was part of the process, unfortunately, of meticulously crafting and waiting before receiving exhilarating or soul-crushing results.

Yugo shared in his disappointment as he sighed, moving away from the door once seeing the pair of pots that suffered the same fate.

"Sorry, Juri. Looks like this one just isn't going to turn out. It really would have been beautiful though, I'm sure people would have loved it."

Juri's eyes stayed on the deep crack that set in the narrow throat that traveled through the thin collar. Hours were spent carefully molding the clay, cradling it like the delicate petals of a flower in his hands as he composed gentle waves and ripples into the material, only to have a fissure disfigure his work.

Despite all the time and all the care, the pottery would be smashed for space saving before thrown in the trash.

Perhaps it would have been better to use the clay to make something he knew. The cup he had made millions of times or the plate he could make with his eyes closed.

Juri looked over his shoulder to the kitchen where Taiga filled his stomach with something that wasn't instant.

Maybe it was a waste.

But it was worth every second to craft something beautiful.

Later, Taiga would choose to keep the vases anyway, calling them 'contemporary'.

Juri shut the kiln door.

"No. I'm not giving up yet."

Squeak.

Click.

Hokuto barely had time to breath before Juri was charging him back inside his barren apartment.

It was always meant to be a temporary space which meant there was no reason to decorate it.

Soon, he would leave it all behind again just as he did five years ago.

No one had come to visit because there was no reason to visit.

Juri was only the first to come inside because he had forced himself inside.

"What the fuck is wrong with you?"

The way Juri spoke made it more of a statement than a question. He wasn't really looking for a response, though Hokuto still answered.

"What do you mean by–"

"You know exactly what I mean."

Hokuto sighed as he turned away from who seemed to be Taiga's guard dog to reopen the lid of his laptop he left on the small kitchen bar to answer the door. "Look, Juri. Whatever happens between Kyomoto and I is none of your business. I know you like to be 'Mr. Problem Solver', but frankly this isn't your problem to solve."

Juri did the courtesy of removing his shoes, but he wasn't polite enough to not put himself back in front of Hokuto's face and slam the lid back closed.

"This is my problem and you know it," Juri hissed as he forced Hokuto to meet his eyes no matter how hard he tried to avoid his gaze. "How could you say that to him?"

"Say what to him?" Hokuto asked.

He was playing dumb.

Even in the angry face of his friend whose skin glowed gold from the single pendant light he kept on in the small room, of course he knew, though there were many things he had told Taiga that night. That he only cared about his art. That he was selfish. That they should pretend they had never met that night at all.

"That he doesn't love you."

But that was the one he knew Juri meant.

Hokuto clenched his jaw as he pushed Juri back to go to the sink.

He might as well be productive as they fought.

He poured soap onto the kitchen sponge before throwing the faucet on, filling the quiet space with a low hiss of flowing water.

"He doesn't."

"You don't know that."

"I do know that, Juri. You were with him through highschool too."

"I was." Juri followed him and stood beside him as Hokuto began to scrub the oil from the pot he had only bought a few months ago. "And that's how I know you're wrong."

Now, that made Hokuto a little pissed off.

Both of them knew just how much Taiga loved his camera.

He loved it more than anything.

He spent every last coin in his savings to buy his first DSLR that he proceeded to carry around everyday like it was his own child.

Long ago, people had believed that photos stole pieces of a person's soul.

If that was true, then Hokuto wasn't sure what he and his friends had left for Taiga to steal. Their hearts and their lives were captured on Taiga's film as he hid his eyes behind the viewfinder, taking piece by piece until there was nothing left of them.

Though their hearts weren't the only ones Taiga stole.

Hokuto had the displeasure of hearing their classmate confess her love to him.

He was almost surprised Taiga didn't raise his camera to take a photo of her tearful image after he said no.

"I'm sorry," Taiga had said frankly.

"I don't want a relationship. I just want to spend my time with my camera."

Juri might have attached himself to Taiga's hip, but Hokuto still knew him. He knew what kind of person Taiga was.

His art was his everything and nothing else mattered more.

Hokuto threw his wooden ladle into the bottom of his sink, clattering loudly against the metal basin before ringing off the handle of the pan.

The hiss of the water felt like it was growing louder in his ears as he snapped.

"How can you tell me I'm wrong!?"

"You should know better than anyone!!"

"Kyomoto's brain doesn't work right! He would give up his life for that camera!!"

"I swear he's like a shark who dies when it stops swimming but for him it's taking photos!!"

"I remember how he got sick waiting for the rain to stop, hoping he'd get a picture of a rainbow in the break of the trees!! And he still went out the next week! You were worried sick, or have you already forgotten?? We found him nearly collapsed on the park bench!!"

"I know him, Juri!!"

Hokuto shoved over the pot, flooding the sink with the sudsy water and a loud splash that nearly spilled over the counter.

"What else is there to know!?!"

What more did he need to prove his point?

Taiga wasn't in love with him. Taiga would never be in love with him. Hokuto had understood this already a long time ago.

He was just another subject behind Taiga's lens.

Taiga didn't give the time of day to a woman, why would he ever give time to a man?

He didn't love him.

He only loved the image of what falling in love with him would look like.

That was it.

That was all it—

The water came to a stop.

Hokuto blinked as he watched a droplet fall from the spout create ripples in the pool below.

He wasn't sure he heard Juri right.

His vision was too busy with turning red that he hadn't quite heard him.

Even if he had heard what he said, he wasn't sure if he would believe it.

Hokuto saw Juri's hand tighten on the faucet handle before he finally looked at him.

"... Huh?"

Juri repeated himself again, instilling that Hokuto's ears hadn't made a mistake.

"Kyomo hasn't taken photos in weeks."

Hokuto blinked as if his mind was finally coming back.

All the rage in his body was replaced with disbelief as he forgot his hands were still drenched with soap and water.

"What?... Why—?"

"Why do you think?"

Water fell from the tips of his fingers as he just stared at his friend.

Taiga not taking photos was almost as unbelievable as the stars falling from the skies.

He didn't get it.

At work, he seemed fine.

They hardly spoke but the images that were placed on his desk were still beautiful, the lighting and colors of the setting complimenting the fashion pieces harmoniously.

It couldn't have been because of him.

Because to Taiga, he was only another set piece in his art.

It couldn't have been.

Juri's eyes narrowed for a moment as they stood in the silence, an answer never leaving Hokuto's lips.

"... You don't know why he bought his first DSLR, do you?"

Hokuto didn't respond, but there was no need for it as Juri already knew the answer.

"Well, I do."

Juri smeared the suds and the bubbles on the back of Hokuto's hand as he grabbed it, shoving a small item into his palm.

"If you're gonna turn Kyomo down, then do it properly and tell him you don't love him back."

"If you don't want him, then at least let me have him."

His front door had already slammed shut by the time Hokuto finally looked down into his hand.

The black plastic of the USB key glistened in the dim light from the water that had been pressed into it from his palm.

It was like a trance.

With his hands still wet, he pushed the key into his laptop and raised the lid, leaving his dishes half done.

A folder appeared, layering over his unfinished sketches, labeled only with the name "copy".

Hokuto clicked.

It opened.

The drops of water his fingers left on the top rim monitor slowly rolled down the screen, past the folders that held the names of his friends.

Jesse Lewis.

Kochi Yugo.

Tanaka Juri.

Morimoto Shintaro.

Matsumura Hokuto.

His heart betrayed his hand as he clicked Shintaro's first.

The file took a while to load. After all, it was filled with photos from the beginning of their friendship.

The earliest were from ages ago, even before the rest of them had met. They were messy low quality photos that were framed vertically from the constraints of a primitive flip phone, capturing Shintaro's ageless smile and his full cheeks that showed his youth.

It was almost like a time-lapse of watching a boy grow into a man as the photos scrolled by, showing the playful nature that stayed unchanged between the photographer and his subject.

Many of the photos were blurry as Shintaro gained the habit of grabbing the lens, but even the smeared images were carefully dated and saved between the candid photos and unusual faces as Hokuto could almost hear the laughter behind them.

But to call it a preservation of their lives was wrong.

No, it was much more fascinating than that.

What the photos were, were records of who they were through the eyes of the one who held the camera.

Human nature was variable. Even between the closest of tight knit friends, the relationship between each would be different.

How Jesse saw Yugo would always be different from how Juri saw Yugo and Yugo would always see Jesse differently from how he saw Juri.

It was purely the human complexity that made life so unique.

The photos of Jesse often had him laughing or singing or even singing alongside any else he could pull into his impromptu karaoke. His ears and cheeks were frequently pink from alcohol as he and Taiga liked to share bottles of wine.

Yugo was always the one to scold Taiga as the crease between his brow was saved in images that were always followed by pictures of a boyish smile. There were photos of him in his shop surrounded by colorful art, of him happily holding up his new leatherwork, of him fixing the things in the studio Taiga didn't know how to.

Juri's folder was the largest. It was only natural as they spent the most time together. His photos had the most range. Juri was Taiga's test subject, trying a new lens or a new exposure. There were many photos that looked nearly identical aside from the lighting, but even so, Juri always made sure to smile for the camera at least once. The photos were of nothing and of everything. Juri's ugly face when he was asleep. His surprise when he was found outside with a cigarette late at night. His hands as they smoothly molded clay with his fingers on the wheel.

His warm eyes as they caught the person behind the camera.

The scroll bar bumped at the bottom of the window, showing the last photos of Juri loading pots into his kiln.

Hokuto mindlessly clicked on the back button to return to the folders of his friends before his hand that once couldn't stop moving finally paused.

There was only one folder left.

The pointer on his screen went over the folder that had his name, but he didn't click.

What would he find inside?

Why was he scared to find out?

Who was he in that person's eyes?

Hokuto didn't know.

It was the smallest folder, the amount of memory occupying it only up to half of what was in Juri's.

Hokuto knew he wasn't Taiga's closest friend.

They barely bordered on being friends at all instead of two people who just shared the same friends. They hardly talked in private let alone even had each other's numbers.

Wasn't he more akin to a stranger?

So what was he?...

The photos that poured out from the digital folder reflected in Hokuto's eyes as he blinked.

The first photo was of him in class.

It was summer as he wore only the short sleeves button up of their highschool uniform.

The photo was from a phone as the orientation was upright, framing the clear blue sky through the window behind him.

20XX_7_20.png

Hokuto remembered he met Juri in the summer.

When Juri introduced them, Taiga was wearing his full uniform.

At the time, they were still around the same height. The blazer fit loosely on his slender body and his hair was deep brown and long as it met his shoulders.

And his eyes?...

Hokuto could only remember he looked away before he could see how clearly the daylight from the windows shined in them.

He closed the image.

He scrolled as he picked up his phone.

The dial tone played in his ear while his eyes stayed locked, unwavering on the photos that enlarged on his screen and passed by with the press of the arrow keys.

"Hokuto?"

The voice of his lover calling his name nearly sounded muffled as the photos changed on his screen.

The image quality changed as they switched to the ones taken with the DSLR.

"Ryunosuke?..."

"Hey… You called? Is everything alright?"

Photos of spring. Photos of fall. Photos of winter.

All of them were of him.

"Yeah sorry… I know it's late."

"I just–... wanted to hear your voice…"

But unlike the other folders, it wasn't of them.

"That's alright." The soft chuckle of his boyfriend playing against his ear.

"I was happy I could see you off in Tokyo, but I miss having you here."

Not once did Hokuto ever look at the camera.

The other's photos had Taiga's life. His smile from behind the camera could be felt from the way his subject laughed or grinned at the person behind the lens.

But Hokuto never looked at the camera.

He was the subject but Taiga was never the focus.

The photos had captured his smile and his grin. Some even had the rare moments when he doubled over in laughter, clenching his middle to control his breath as they were merry with their friends.

There was joy, happiness and company.

But it was lonely.

Hokuto's finger tapped on the key.

"... I miss you."

"I miss you too."

Even when looking at pictures of himself, it felt as if the photographer might as well have been invisible as he still took photo after photo, saving each moment with him even if it was in silence.

And many were in silence.

Hokuto couldn't even remember when many of them were taken.

Still, they were taken with care.

Even when invisible.

Even when calling his name was always left unreplied.

There were photos of him.

"You'll be back soon, won't you? There's only a few weeks left."

"Yeah…"

"Just over a month more."

The years and seasons changed with images of him. Hokuto watched as the length and the color of his hair changed, shifting to a deep brunette momentarily before returning to black, but not before Taiga captured photos of the lightened color glowing in the sunlight.

"Do you want me to come help you move out?"

"No, it's alright."

"I have some friends who will help."

The photos reached their last party, their graduation.

Hokuto could remember the warm lighting of the bar.

He remembered the smell of Juri's menthol cigarette.

He remembered Taiga's smile through the window he had framed with his hands.

He remembered how he never told him.

But still, in the photos, he wore a smile as they all clinked their glasses together.

In the room filled with their friends, the focus was on him.

"You should get some sleep. I bet you're working overtime again, aren't you?"

"I'm sorry–"

"Why are you apologizing?" He laughed. "Didn't I tell you to stop apologizing for nothing?"

"Save your apologies so you can mean it when it matters."

"I know…"

"You're right…"

"Get some rest, okay?"

The last photo in the folder skipped years.

It stood alone, leaving behind all the time that came before it.

Panes of glass that divided the spaces on their office floor filled it with bright colors, illuminating the dark apartment with its light.

Behind it all, was only his back.

Just his back.

It was so far away.

But still. Saved and labeled with the date.

A memory.

A memory that hardly meant anything.

But was found worth keeping.

"I love you."

"I love you too."

"Goodnight."

"Goodnight, Hokuto."

The call beeped twice before it ended.

The glass on his phone clattered against the smooth counter as Hokuto sat there in his barren apartment, staring at the photo of his own back.

It was only once his breath left his chest, did the tears start to flow.

They fell from his lashes as his jaw clenched, falling and soaking into the lap of his work clothes he had yet to change out of.

Hokuto closed the photo.

Click.

He closed the folder.

Click.

He stared at his half finished proposal as the tears continued to fall.

Beauty was in the eye of the beholder.

Those were the words his mentor shared with him when he drew his first designs.

They were just sketches and they would always stay sketches. He knew that much, but he used the words of his mentor to push past his doubt and his hesitation before his designs ever saw any life.

Despite all the criticism and blunt harsh words, he saw a beauty in the patterns, shapes and colors he put on paper.

They were beautiful to him, even if others didn't agree. He kept drawing because he knew that perfection wasn't achieved in a day.

Beauty was in the eye of the beholder.

Then what did Taiga see?

What was beautiful in these lonely photos?

What were they worth?

What did he want?

What face did he have when pressed the trigger?

Hokuto didn't know.

It was too late to know.

It was too late to see.

It was too late to know why Taiga bought his first DLSR.

He shut the lid of his laptop.

Click.

"Huh?"

Could it be called deja vu if it had only happened three months ago?

Hokuto rolled the end of his cigarette between his fingers as Taiga stood at the steel railing beside him, taking one last deep drag before putting the embers out.

Taiga never did like the smell.

"You're here," Taiga said.

"I am," Hokuto replied.

"You're leaving–... tomorrow?..." Taiga said.

"I am," Hokuto replied.

The lens cap on Taiga's camera chimed off the end of the barrel as Taiga removed it, the digital camera playing a tune as it came to life.

"You didn't get your shot last time?"

"No… I didn't."

Taiga raised the camera to his eyes.

Hokuto stole a glance.

It was one of the few times he ever could as he listened to the quiet beeps play, bringing the camera into focus.

He always looked away before it clicked.

"Then why try again? Shouldn't you look for somewhere else?"

Taiga lowered his camera.

"... Time makes all the difference."

"The clouds will never be in the same place as yesterday. The waves will never create the same foam."

"Whether it be a day or a minute, things will always change."

Hokuto shoved his cigarette butt into the pocket ashtray he kept in his back pocket.

Taiga sighed. "Also, Juri breathing down my neck to go take photos is annoying."

Hokuto wished he could have lit another.

The wind tousled their hair as they watched the passing sunset. The sky still kept its breaths of blue as the sun had yet to meet the horizon, but burnt colors began to sink in from behind the clouds as just the mention of Juri's name was enough of a push on Hokuto's chest to bring him to speak.

"I—…"

Deja vu.

"I'm sorry."

Taiga blinked.

His gaze felt hot on Hokuto's skin.

Hokuto closed his eyes as if it would save him.

"I'm sorry I can't love you."

Taiga's hands tightened on his camera.

The thin layer of dust on the camera's body it had never experienced before smeared under the pads of his fingers.

"Hokuto… You don't have to— I-I was wrong—"

"You're right," Hokuto cut in. "Time passes. Things change."

"I changed."

He dug his fingers into his bangs.

"I needed to change. I needed to move on."

"I can't love you anymore... I have someone waiting for me and I plan on going back to them."

The sky that had been blue moments ago had shifted, the purples and reds dying the horizon filling Hokuto's view as the sun began to set, ready to take them to tomorrow.

To the next day.

To when he wouldn't return here again.

To when he wouldn't return to Taiga.

A lump grew in his throat as he swallowed hard.

"... But I loved you once."

"Kyomoto, I–..."

"I love you—"

Click.

Hokuto blinked as his eyes were met with the gleam of a lens.

Taiga was hidden behind his camera as his finger pressed the trigger again.

Click.

"Hey–"

Click.

"Are you listening to me—? Set down the camera for just a second—"

The trigger went off again.

"I don't want to."

"Kyomoto!"

Hokuto grabbed his wrists, trying to make Taiga lower the camera in his hands.

"Will you stop–?"

"I won't."

There was a smile.

From behind the camera, Hokuto caught a glimpse of it.

It grew on Taiga's lips as he stubbornly refused to move his camera from his face.

He pressed the trigger again.

Hokuto couldn't help but smile too.

Time passes.

Time changes.

But for a moment, they felt like kids again.

They laughed. They played. Taiga's camera clicking again and again, saving useless blurry photos to Hokuto's dismay as he tried to wrestle the camera away.

Taiga grinned.

Hokuto's heart swelled.

He finally grasped at Taiga's hands on the camera.

"Kyomoto, will you please just—"

At last, the lens turned away.

Hokuto finally saw the full view of Taiga's smile and the eyes he was always afraid to see.

But it was Taiga's tears that filled them that made time stop.

Hokuto's hands stopped.

His breath stopped.

Everything stopped as the tears streamed down Taiga's cheeks with his faltering smile.

The sky was deep red. The orange had swallowed the blue.

The tears fell from Taiga's chin as his smile broke and he lowered his head.

All Hokuto could do was watch with Taiga's hands in his hold as they still held on tightly to his camera while Taiga's broken voice came from his chest.

"Thank you."

For what?

"Thank you for showing me a view I can only see once in a lifetime."

Click.

Ping.

Shintaro:

Kyomo!! Congrats!!!

Ping.

Jesse:

Congratulations, Taiga!!

Ping.

Kochi:

Congrats! We'll be over there soon!

Ping.

Juri:

You guys better hurry or there won't be anything left to drink

Hokuto's phone chimed again as he turned on the flames of his stove.

"Is something going on?"

Ryunosuke glanced at his vibrating phone while the pan began to roar from the fresh produce placed in its maw.

"Kyomoto's gallery opened today."

His boyfriend hummed with curiosity, scrolling through the previewed messages.

Hokuto didn't mind that he looked through his phone.

He didn't want secrets kept between them.

He even told him everything that happened with Taiga months ago because he didn't want the truth weighing down on his chest.

"You're not going to go?"

"You know I can't."

Ryunosuke chuckled a little.

He changed the subject.

Hokuto loved that he could read him so well.

"What's the gallery about?"

The pan rang as Hokuto tapped his chopsticks against the side, grabbing the bottle of soy sauce to add to the fire.

"Once."

"Once?"

Ryunosuke saw Hokuto nod, though Hokuto's eyes stayed on the pan.

"Views you can only see once."

His phone pinged again as Ryunosuke propped up his chin in his palm, seeing an image file name pop up with Juri's name.

"Sounds interesting."

"Do you want to see? Juri sent me some of the photos of the gallery walls, though just seeing them on a screen probably doesn't do them justice."

"Sure!"

The flames shrank with the turn of the dial as Hokuto wiped his hands on his apron before joining Ryunosuke at their kitchen table, taking his phone to quickly type in the code.

Ryunosuke's eyes brightened at the colorful images, Hokuto starting from the top of the chain of photos Juri had sent him last night.

"These are amazing!"

Hokuto poured the stir fry into a plate they would share.

"They're not bad."

The pictures were vibrant and lively hung up against the plain white walls, the frames presenting moments frozen in time.

The concept of Once wasn't so stationary as the name implied as it was more about its feeling than its definition.

Once was about memories.

About the unforgettable.

About those moments where the world went still.

When hearts went quiet.

When what was felt was stronger than what was seen.

Of course, there were the photos of passing moments, of a scene that could only be captured in milliseconds as thunder struck, but it was the amazement and awe of seeing the surreal expression of strangers the moment lighting split the city sky.

Hokuto fetched their plates from the cabinet, the porcelain ringing against the wooden table as he set them down for their meal.

"If you really want to go, then maybe it will be okay as long as we go together," Hokuto sighed. "It's already too late for this gallery but the next one, we can consider. How does that sound?..."

"... Ryunosuke?..."

When Hokuto raised his head after not receiving a response, he was met with a look in Ryunosuke's eyes.

His fingers slowly slipped away from the dish holding their dinner as Ryunosuke's gaze warmed and softened, still looking at the screen of Hokuto's phone.

"Wow…"

Hokuto blinked. "Huh?"

"You really do love him."

"Wh–..."

The last photo should have been the train station lost in the rain.

He didn't understand what Ryunosuke was talking about.

He tried to look over at his phone, cupping his hand under Ryunosuke's grasp, only for the other to pull the phone away, hiding the screen against his chest.

"Ryunosuke, let me see– I don't know what you're talking about–"

Ryunosuke shook his head before giving him only a smile as he hid the phone further against himself.

"No."

"Ryunosuke!"

"Hokuto."

Hokuto's hands stopped reaching for the phone when Ryunosuke held his cheek with his.

Ryunosuke's gaze was kind.

It was always kind.

Hokuto wouldn't have fallen in love with him otherwise.

"Hey… How many years have we dated now?..."

Hokuto covered his hand with his own.

"Three years…"

Ryunosuke's laughter was gentle as he brushed his cheek with his thumb.

"You know, Hokuto… You've shown me so many things over these three years."

"You've shown me so much warmth and so much kindness and love."

Hokuto lowered his eyes as Ryunosuke brought him closer, tapping his forehead to his.

"But over the last three years, I've never seen you look at me like this."

The sky was red.

The breeze was cool.

His pale skin was painted the colors of the sinking sun as the trails of tears reflected the crimson.

Hokuto could feel the weight of his camera in his hands as he held them in his.

Time stopped once.

As their love was only shared once.

Hokuto's eyes widened.

"No, I moved on, I promise. I told you that it was only once. After that, I let go. I let go of everything, I swear—"

Ryunosuke just laughed.

"Hokuto, have you ever heard of the phrase 'eyes don't lie'?"

Hokuto's lips parted to respond, but no answer came out.

His screen felt cool against his palm when Ryunosuke replaced his hand in Hokuto's grasp with his phone face down.

"I think you should see it for yourself."

"After all, seeing it on your phone just doesn't do it justice."

Click.

"Won't you uncover it?"

Taiga turned to Juri who came to stand beside him.

Like he always was.

The walls around them were decorated with Taiga's photography, held in simple clear acrylic frames. Many of the images were wide and tall to pull its viewer into the moment, as if they stood there and had lived it themselves while others were presented in a line, telling a thousand words in its capture.

But the wall before them, at the end of the gallery, only had one modest frame hidden under a drape of fabric.

The title plate next to it named it "untitled", taken with a Canon 5D Mark IV and a 70-200mm F/4 lens, edited in Adobe Photoshop Lightroom.

"... No. I don't think so."

"Then why did you bother hanging it up?"

"It belongs here."

"Even if no one will see it?"

The space that had once been buzzing with guests and conversations had gone quiet, left with only the scattered distance talks from friends in the connecting room.

Otherwise they were alone, both staring at the folds of the gathered drapery, spotlighted by the gallery lights overhead.

"No."

"Just the fact that it's here is good enough."

The squeeze Juri gave him around his shoulders was comforting, even as it was momentary in the gallery's solitude.

"I'm proud of you."

"Thanks, Juri."

"Anytime and any day, Kyomo."

Any minute. Any second.

Taiga closed his eyes as Juri ruffled the back of his hair, his narrow fingers blending with the blonde.

"Are you ready to go? The reservations we made at the bar are coming up pretty soon now."

Taiga smoothed down his hair, reflecting the lopsided smile of Juri's he knew all too well with his own.

"In a minute. I just want a moment."

Juri's eyes were soft as they parted ways, his hand trailing along Taiga's arm to hook with his fingers for just a moment while he stepped away.

"Okay. I'll gather the others," he said. "Don't take too long."

"I won't."

The heels of Juri's shoes echoed in the open space, growing quiet with the distance until Taiga was finally alone.

The covered image looked back at him through the drapery as he stood by himself before it.

Just once.

The fabric was smooth against his fingers as it folded in his grasp.

Only once.

Click.

Taiga spun around, his hand leaving the cloth.

With a gallery wall placed in the center of the space, he couldn't see the entrance door, but he could hear it open.

"Um–!"

He vocalized as he walked towards the entrance, peaking around the wall.

"We're already closed for tonight! But if you–..."

The echo of his trailing voice faded as his lips and his feet stopped.

The door clicked again, closing behind the unexpected visitor.

The man's gaze stayed trained on the floor as his hand stayed tight on the handle, prepared for a retreat.

His voice was smooth and soft as it left his chest.

"Um…"

Somehow it managed to still make Taiga's heart skip a beat.

"... D-... Do you mind staying open just a bit longer?..."

Taiga didn't know what to say.

Or it was more like there were too many things to say, so he said none of them at all.

He only lowered his head, holding out his hand to welcome him inside.

Neither of them said a word.

Their footsteps played off the smooth walls and concrete floor as they paced and stopped, and again, paced and stopped, with Hokuto visiting each image.

Taiga wasn't very familiar with shoes, but he got well acquainted with Hokuto's as his eyes stayed on the floor, following at a distance.

"What is this?"

"Hmm?" Taiga hummed absentmindedly.

The tags on the back of the heels were a unique color, contrasting the black.

Hokuto always had an eye for things that he was completely blind to.

"Can I see it?"

"See what—?"

Taiga raised his head, removing himself from the distraction of Hokuto's shoes.

But before he could process the colors of the scarlet velvet fabric, Hokuto's grip was already holding the edge of the draps.

They say that it's in nature, animals must pick fight or flight when faced with danger.

Which was he doing?

Was he running or was he fighting?

Taiga didn't know as his body burned, lunging at Hokuto's arm to cease it from moving.

"Stop!!"

"Why–?"

His body was fighting.

But his heart was fleeing.

His fingers dug into the fabric of Hokuto's shirt and the drapes held in his hand as he pleaded for him to let go.

"You just can't!!"

"Kyomoto-"

"Not you!"

His throat stung as he begged again.

"Just– Not you!"

"Please–!"

When the drapes spilled to the floor, Taiga's heart sank with it.

His tongue could only form apologies as his voice cracked, his hand still clutching the heavy fabric locked in Hokuto's hand.

"I'm sorry–..."

"I'm so sorry…"

"I know I shouldn't have but I just couldn't—"

He didn't want to cry.

How pathetic it would be if he cried.

"I had to– I'm so sorry, I-I—"

"I just didn't want to forget."

Once.

It was only once.

It was a blessing he would only have once.

To see those eyes.

To see that smile.

He wanted to burn it into his mind because he knew he would never have it again.

Taiga would be willing to forget every wave, every cloud, and every rainstorm to have it clear in his eyes.

It was shameful that he preserved it.

But he would have hated himself more if he forgot even just one wrinkle creased by Hokuto eyes.

Taiga hid his face behind the drapery, clutching it before him as his hands shook.

He couldn't look at Hokuto.

And for the first time, he didn't want Hokuto to look at him.

His breath choked as the silence became deafening, blaring in his ears.

"I…"

"I was always scared."

"I was always scared of these eyes."

Hokuto's voice was quiet.

Taiga's fingers loosened on the fabric as he listened.

"I was always scared of what you would see in them."

In the washes of warm colors, Hokuto stared at an image of himself.

The framing was crooked and the edges were blurry, even the focus was soft and lacked the crisp details that were lost with the improper lens.

But it didn't matter.

A picture told a thousand words.

No matter how out of focus or how misaligned, every word was clear in the yearning of his crescented eyes and the bittersweetness of his smile.

"I didn't want you to see just how much I didn't want to look away."

"I didn't want you to see just how much I was in love with you."

"So I didn't look at all."

Hokuto laughed.

"... I thought time would change me."

"I thought I could let you go and finally leave it all behind, but…"

"Somehow, even now, I still manage to make this kind of face."

"I… I'm still exactly where I was all that time ago."

Taiga looked up.

Their eyes met.

Hokuto huffed with a smile.

Taiga's heart sang.

The drapery wrung in his hands.

"So what now?" Taiga asked.

"I don't know," Hokuto replied.

They both looked at the small modest photo that glowed in the spotlight.

"But…" Hokuto started.

"I-... I'm hoping I could be beside you as we find out."

Hokuto flinched as a soft laugh escaped Taiga's lips.

All the anxiety, worry and panic from his youth surged through his veins until they were quelled from the touch of Taiga's fingers sliding into his palm.

Their hands felt like they could have been pieces of a puzzle from the way they folded so perfectly together.

"Sure," Taiga said.

"I guess we can start by taking this photo down."

Hokuto blinked as Taiga threw the drapery back over the frame.

"Huh? Why?"

Some habits died hard.

He looked away when Taiga turned to him, but the squeeze on his hand pulled him back.

Taiga's smile had always been beautiful.

It was just as beautiful as the day he fell in love with it when they first met.

"It doesn't belong with the theme anymore, does it?"

Hokuto never looked at the camera.

Years later, he still never looked at the camera as Taiga pulled him along the sands of a beach, the wind blowing through their hair and their thinly layered clothes.

He never looked at the camera, even as Taiga raised it to his eyes, placing him perfectly within the frame.

"Hokuto!"

"Look here!!"

Hokuto smiled.

It wasn't the camera.

Hokuto only ever saw Taiga.

Click.

"Hey, Juri."

"Yes, Kyomo?"

Juri furiously erased his work on his paper, the numbers not working out in the equation he didn't understand.

"I'm thinking about buying a camera."

He jotted down the numbers again, starting from the beginning as if the last ten minutes didn't happen.

"You have been taking a lot of photos on your phone lately, but do you really need a full sized camera? They're expensive, aren't they?"

"They are and I've been saving my allowance, but…"

The library was rather quiet. They had found a place in the corner where Taiga was supposed to be aiding him with his work.

But everything went dead silent as Taiga spoke, Juri's hand stilling in the middle of writing the number eight.

"... Do you think Hokuto would look at me?"

When Juri looked up, Taiga was holding his fingers up in a frame out the window.

The shadows of his hands laid over his image, enclosing the afternoon sunlight on his eyes.

Juri's hand tightening on his pencil.

"... What do you mean?..."

Taiga's eyes softened as he laughed lightly, his hands falling over his phone.

"I was thinking that maybe my eyes are gross and maybe they make him uncomfortable…"

"With a large camera, I can disappear behind it, can't I? Hide myself behind it."

"Then he doesn't have to see me."

"He won't see my eyes so maybe he'll look at the camera."

"At least once."

Juri looked back at his homework.

He completely forgot where he was.

"Only once?... Is it all really worth it for just once?"

"Why not?"

Taiga opened his phone, pointing the small lens at him as it gleamed in the sunlight.

"Isn't just once enough?"

Just once.

All of this for just once.

Wasn't it ridiculous?

But deep inside, Juri understood as he smiled for the camera.

He would smile at the camera every time if he could love Taiga, just once.

Even if his smile wasn't the one Taiga's heart sought.

Just once.

"I guess so. Sure. Why not. Give it a try."

Taiga smiled.

"Thanks, Juri."

"Anytime, Kyomo."

Any hour.

Any minute.

Any second.

Click.