The gentle whisper of the summer breeze gently brushed his blonde hair, his skin radiating beautifully, beating the sun above him. The sound of the waves hitting the sand of the beach created a beautiful harmony to the summer feel and made it even more refreshing.
How long had it been Taiga didn't come back to this place?
The place where he used to stand to spend time like a teenager as usual.
His eyes darted to all corners of this town, trying to recognize all the sides he had seen before.
Everything had changed.
Everything here had changed. The shady tree that used to be where he leaned was now gone. The drink machine where he used to stop by had become a minimarket.
The old school building where he spent almost all his days had been replaced with a better building, just like a popular school.
Everything had changed.
Only the sound of the wind and the smell of the sand of the beach where he used to play in his youth remained the same.
The comfortable place that became a second home for Taiga to spend his time or to calm his mind.
The comfortable place for Taiga whenever Hokuto sat beside him, exchanging gazes in laughter and getting lost in meaningless chatter.
Everything had changed, except his heart.
Taiga didn't know how long he hadn't returned to this place.
To this comfortable place for him that became a silent witness to the growth of the seed of love within him.
The comfortable place that became a silent witness of how they carved promises on the beach sand; the promise of them to chase their own dreams, the promise of them to make themselves happy, the promise of them to always exchange their news, and the silent promise to always look after each other's heart.
A soft smile gently etched on Taiga's lips when his mind thought of the face he had longed for a long time.
Warmth started enveloping him as those happy memories of them embraced him.
The most beautiful memories Taiga ever has in his life.
The most beautiful memory when he realized that he had fallen in love with his childhood friend, Hokuto.
Matsumura Hokuto.
A cheerful boy with plain black hair and slightly tanned skin with a smile on his face as bright as the sun. A cheerful boy, Kyomoto Taiga's childhood friend, who always followed Taiga wherever he went.
Taiga's childhood friend who grew up with him.
Taiga's childhood friend who was always there for him.
Taiga's childhood friend who owned his heart.
“Do you think we will change, Taiga?"
“Hmm?" Taiga looked at him questioningly.
“What if we don't talk anymore because we haven't met for years?"
Taiga's lips remained silent as he kept his eyes on Hokuto, studying every feeling written on his face.
“Why do you think we will change?" Taiga asked, feeling unsure about Hokuto's question.
“I don't know, the thought of you being away from me sometimes scares me.”
"I'm afraid you won't come back. I'm afraid we won't be together anymore. I'm afraid that the current us will change as we grow up. I'm afraid if —”
"Hey, Hokuto.” Taiga interrupted before Hokuto could finish his sentence.
“I will always come back for you. It doesn't matter if we change in the future, we just need to find a way back.”
A radiant smile etched on Taiga lips as he tilted his head, arms hooked around his own knees as he gazed deeply at Hokuto, seeing his own reflection in Hokuto’s eyes.
And at that moment, in that brief moment, there was a beautiful scenery Taiga could keep in his heart forever.
It was when Taiga realized the things when he gazed deeply into Hokuto; there was sincerity, warmth, affection, and one of the most beautiful things —Taiga knew what it was but he didn't dare to say— beautifully painted in his eyes.
Taiga's pounding heart filled his own ears, and the warmth began to spread on his face and made his cheeks tinted in pink. He averted his gaze away after realizing how beautiful Hokuto's smile was at him.
"Would you promise me one thing?" Hokuto spoke gently.
"What's it?”
"When you come back, let's meet again, here.”
“Because I will always wait for you here, whenever I miss you."
"You can contact me, you know.” Taiga replied, chuckling as he tried to hide his own feelings.
"I know, but… " Hokuto lowered his face and Taiga could hear he took a slow breath, “it will be different when you're not here.”
Taiga bit his lower lips as he recognized how soft Hokuto’s voice was. He didn't even have any guts to look at him. The overflowing feeling within him only caused his desire to embrace Hokuto, pouring all of his heart into words, telling him that he did feel the same too.
In a place without Hokuto beside him would feel different
In a place when Hokuto wasn't there for him it would feel different.
Taiga really wanted to tell that.
Taiga really wanted to tell Hokuto his deepest feelings.
But the sentence was hanging on his tongue when he accidentally saw Hokuto wiping his own tears.
Taiga didn't know the real meaning of Hokuto’s tears. He just knew that he himself was afraid.
He was afraid he wouldn't be able to get away from Hokuto if he said everything.
He was afraid if this beautiful friendship that had existed between them would feel different in the future if he spilled his own feelings.
He was afraid he would ruin everything.
So he kept it alone. Because the current “them” was enough for Taiga.
"I'm gonna miss you, a lot.”
Taiga’s heart sank when Hokuto said it in a soft voice, too soft that it was carried by the gusts of wind at that time.
Taiga's eyes, which were looking straight ahead, began to blur. He blinked his eyes rapidly before a single tear fell and ruined everything.
"I'm gonna miss you too, Hokuto.” Taiga replied while keeping his face down, giving a gentle smile while trying hard to hide the pain that pierced his heart.
Taiga swiveled his head to meet Hokuto’s eyes. And his heart squeezed as he saw Hokuto's lips pouted and his lower lashes slightly wet.
“Why are you crying?" He said as he pushed Hokuto’s shoulder gently, laughing out loud as if it was something funny until he shed a tear.
His own tears.
Taiga just hid his aching heart behind his laughter. He didn't want to show it.
Not yet.
Everything remained the same.
Nothing changed.
They continued to keep in touch with each other, exchanging stories in short messages, and expressing their longing in their voices.
Until something between them begins to “change”
They were getting busy with their own life.
Taiga, who is increasingly busy with his study and Hokuto —Taiga heard his news from his grandmother—has grown up into a handsome man who is good at everything and is busy with his father's small business.
The short messages that Taiga sent or received were also not as many as before.
Many things happened and became a barrier for them to meet. Many things that happened cause limitations for each other to talk.
Everything about them slowly began to change.
Taiga never returned to his hometown because he had to live in the city, his busy schedule was always the reason.
He missed his old place. He missed the sound of waves he used to hear. He missed the smell of the beach sand where he used to stand.
And he missed Hokuto.
He missed him a lot more than he could ever think.
“Don't you want to meet Hokuto?” Grandma asked, trying to convince Taiga to clear his mind to come back.
“He has changed a lot, my dear. He has grown up so handsomely. You will be amazed by him.”
Hokuto has always amazed Taiga. From the past until now, Hokuto always looked handsome. Taiga always found himself admiring him in many things.
“Maybe after my graduation, grandma. Prof. Toma still needs me and I still have some things to be finished soon."
“Come back soon, okay? We missed you so much already."
Taiga couldn't say anything. He could only promise to return after graduation.
And it was just his promises.
He had to go for a master's program abroad and then worked there, taking an important seat in his father's company.
He didn't know how long he hadn't gone back to his hometown because in the first year of his job, his family came together to visit him, knowing how busy he was and probably gave up on listening to all his promises.
And Hokuto probably gave up as well.
It had been 3 years since they stopped talking. Taiga didn't know how it started when Hokuto stopped replying to him.
He tried to look for him on social media but he got nothing.
He couldn't contact him in any way.
And Taiga didn't lie that it caused his heart to sink.
And fate gave a chance for him.
He went back to his hometown.
Taiga was delighted when he got to go back as his mind remembered his childhood friend, Hokuto. His heart yearned to meet him in the same place, exchanging so many stories or just playful laughters.
Though he couldn't make sure if Hokuto was still living here…
It had been years since he left this place and the last time he heard from his grandma that Hokuto was running a business.
Taiga walked alone along the streets that now felt foreign to him. Bringing himself back to the most beautiful place for him, realizing how many things have changed in this place.
Taiga tried again to call or just text Hokuto several times. Telling him that he would be back and asking him to meet.
But still there was no reply that he received.
None of his text messages were replied.
Taiga didn't know what Hokuto did.
He didn't know what happened to him.
He could only hope that Hokuto would be fine.
His feet kept walking along the street, passing by the small shops on the side of the road, some of which looked new.
Until his steps reached the end of the street, and a few meters in front of him there was a small house with a minimarket that he had never seen before standing firmly beside it.
Taiga stopped when his eyes caught the figure he had missed so much sitting at the cashier counter with a serious face, short black hair and a charming side face that still managed to make his breath seem to stop.
Hokuto.
Matsumura Hokuto.
Taiga's childhood friend who has now grown up charmingly.
Taiga's heart was beating harder. He really thought it was going to stop. The feelings that had been bottled up in his heart were going to burst. The seeds of love in his heart that had not been watered for a long time had bloomed again.
Taiga's breath hitched when he saw Hokuto looking at the phone in his hand, as if checking something. But his eyebrows slightly furrowed as his mind wandered over the same thing again.
If Hokuto had his phone, then why didn't he reply to him?
Did he change his number? Or was it a different phone?
Lost in thought, Taiga didn't notice Hokuto stepping out, looking to the east as if waiting for something to come.
It didn't take a few minutes as Taiga saw a little girl with twintails run into Hokuto.
Since when did Hokuto have a little sister? Or maybe it was his niece?
But grandma never told him anything. Shouldn't this be something important to say?
It was true that Taiga didn't ask any further. It didn't mean he didn't care. Taiga just wanted to hear the news directly from Hokuto's mouth. But grandma used to tell him everything.
Why didn't she tell him?
Nah.
Why didn't Hokuto tell him?
Still in his endless thoughts, Taiga tried to move his feet to walk. His intention was to greet an old friend who had long been in his heart and exchange stories about the many things that had happened while they were apart.
But once again, Taiga's steps stopped.
His eyes widened in shock, his breath hitched, and his heart seemed to have stopped as his eyes caught a sight he had never imagined before.
A beautiful woman with shoulder-length black hair walked towards Hokuto and smiled at him.
What happened next was like a scene of a cinema that Taiga used to see.
With a radiant smile etched on his lips, Hokuto landed a sweet kiss on the woman's forehead.
A smile that reached his ears, looked warm, and full of sincerity.
The same smile that Taiga had seen since long ago.
The same smile that Taiga had yearned for years.
The same smile that always managed to melt Taiga's heart.
Hokuto looked very happy.
He really looked like he was filled with happiness…
Taiga's heart, which he had been trying to embrace, was broken. The flower of love that had just bloomed had withered. The feelings that had been bottled up inside him had now overflowed.
It hurt.
It really hurt.
It hurt him a lot that Taiga himself couldn't even describe in words.
Taiga's vision blurred. Unstoppable tears flowed down on his cheeks.
His feet froze, his eyes stung, and his emotions blocked his throat, choking him.
It was too late.
Everything was too late.
His first love had ended before he could even say it.
The flower of Taiga's first love had withered before he could even pick it.
The figure in Taiga's heart that he had been longing for after all this time was gone.
Hokuto has married.
Hokuto already has someone to be with him and it was not Taiga.
He was not living with Taiga.
They were not together.
Not even friends…
Taiga couldn't even be sure if Hokuto wanted to see him.
Hokuto has someone whose name Taiga didn't even know.
Living happily at the end of the street with someone Taiga never imagined before.
Living a life far from the dream stories they shared when they were young.
Not with Taiga…
Taiga might be just a memory for Hokuto.
Not with him who had shared joy and grief together.
Not with him who had spent half of his life together.
Kyomoto Taiga was just a name.
Kyomoto Taiga was just a childhood friend that Hokuto might have forgotten.
Kyomoto Taiga was just a figure who might never have existed in Hokuto's heart, more than a friend.
Taiga's heart was shattered, as if doused with burning coals. Not a single fragment of his heart was left.
Everything was gone, completely gone. Nothing left.
But Hokuto looked happy.
He really looked happy.
Taiga may have just seen him for the first time in a long time, but Hokuto's face was always etched in his mind.
Hokuto’s smile that beated the sun always rested in his heart and his mind tirelessly.
It had been years they hadn't met but Taiga knew, he still knew. He still could see it.
A beaming smile painted on Hokuto’s lips was enough to tell how happy he was.
If Hokuto was happy, Taiga should be too, right?
If Hokuto was living his new life, Taiga should be able to too, right?
Maybe this is the love story of Kyomoto Taiga.
The story of his first love that ended before the words could come out of his lips.
The story of his first love, which was so precious and full of sweet memories, had to end here.
His eyes brimming with tears and lips being pressed together to hold his sobbing, Taiga stepped away from the place he shouldn't have been.
Leaving his broken heart in that street, hoping that Hokuto would pick it up and bury it for him.
Taiga brought his feet to walk, with the corners of his lips now drooping, his breath changing into soft sobs.
Taiga brought his feet to walk, with tears dripping down to become a trace of his brokenheartedness towards the place where they had promised to meet.
To the place that used to be the most comfortable place for him. Taiga just wanted to cry over everything that just happened. He just wanted to cry out loud even though he knew it was in vain.
He just wanted to shout out his feelings before deciding to do what he wanted to do about his shattered heart.
Taiga continued walking down the street, ignoring the whispers of the afternoon wind that passed his ears.
Taiga kept bringing himself to walk until—
“Excuse me?”
“This keychain dropped near our place. I think it's yours."
God knows how hard it was for Taiga to hold back his tears that seemed to be getting heavy.
God knows how hard Taiga clenched his fists, holding back the pain that was tearing his heart.
God knows how hard Taiga swallowed all his tears to be able to say, "no."
He didn't care with that keychain. Anything had fallen around that place, Taiga never wanted to pick it up.
Because nothing else mattered except for his heart engraved with Hokuto's name, which was now broken into pieces.
"Excuse me, are you—"
Taiga walked faster after slightly bowing his head, not sure if Hokuto saw his side face or not, he didn't want to know.
Taiga just ran as fast as he could. Getting away before Hokuto could see him.
Maybe this is the way it is.
Maybe this is the end.
Maybe Taiga can't be with Hokuto as more than a "friend".
Maybe Taiga was only allowed to love Hokuto in his heart, alone, from a distance.
And seeing the love that he could never get shining brightly as beautiful as the stars in his memories.