Don't Know Why

It all starts during the concert rehearsal.

Well, it's not just any concert rehearsal. It's their unit song run-through for their upcoming tour.

The intro to Don't Know Why starts with a calm drum combo before the bass and vocals slide in. Shintaro really likes how the song builds. There is a chill pace throughout the song yet the whole song somehow still ends up growing bigger and wilder as it goes on. Shintaro also likes the lyrics because they tell a good story.

Most of all, he likes the fact that he specifically performs the song with Hokuto. And that they chose the song together.

They had sat in a conference room for hours trying to figure out what kind of unit vibe they wanted for the two of them. There had been a lot of dumb and not-that-serious suggestions.

At one point, Shintaro suggested something fierce, maybe with a wild dance choreography, because they could pull that kind of stuff off together for sure.

Hokuto leaned back in his chair, looking thoughtful.

"You already did that in some of your past units," he said.

"Yeah, and we've had some nice outcomes."

"I agree. But I'd like to see you do this different kind of thing more. See that side of you. "

Shintaro blinked.

"What kind of side?"

"Chill," Hokuto said with a shrug. "Subtle. Slow. A little dangerous."

Dangerous.

That word got stuck in Shintaro's head. Shintaro couldn't tell what Hokuto meant by that. But in any case, he knew he wanted to show that different side of himself because Hokuto wanted to see it so badly. So he'd said yes to the chill song called Don't Know Why.

Now, weeks and months later, after practicing, recording, and shooting the music video for the song, it's finally time to get the actual concert choreography locked in.

They have this swinging chair system, which is wide enough to fit two seats, and it's designed to rotate and take them around. The whole chair thing is half a gimmick, half a metaphor because it shows different sides of them both.

The first rehearsal is with playback. Then comes the live version, band and all, where they need to control their breath, balance, and vocals all at once.

Even with their experience, it's tough. Shintaro's hoodie clings to him with sweat, and Hokuto's warm back against his doesn't make it any better.

The final pose is meant to be close. After they step off the chair and walk to opposite sides of it, the last notes of the song bring them back together. They're supposed to lean in against the sides of the chair and look at each other. Easy enough.

As they both put one knee on the seat, shoulders forward, facing each other with small, controlled smiles, Shintaro catches Hokuto's gaze locked on him. He keeps holding it until the band stops playing and the music stops.

The director nods.

"Good," he says. Then he turns to the band to give notes.

"Your real-life voice sounds even better than the recording in this song," Hokuto murmurs, quiet enough for only Shintaro to hear, still not pulling back from his lean.

Shintaro chuckles, half breathlessly. Compliments about his voice are always a bit hard to take, but when they come from Hokuto, they hit a different spot.

"You always say something like that when you're not happy with your own and try to cover it somehow," Shintaro says, trying to make it a joke.

"I'm serious," Hokuto says, no teasing heard in his tone. "You've got this tone lately. It feels like you mean everything you sing. It fits you."

"Thanks. I mean, you know how I've never liked my singing voice that much," Shintaro mutters.

"I know. But you seriously should."

Hokuto sounds sincere. Like, he's not there just to say things like that out of fun. He never really does. When he compliments people, he means it.

Shintaro swears it's even hotter in the room now. He blames the heater they keep on full volume during the wintertime. Or that damn hoodie.

Then, their cue to reset comes from the staff, and they return to their starting positions.

As they go through another run-through, Shintaro can't help thinking again about how he really likes their song. Not just because it's musically good, but simply because everything about it feels like theirs.

He doesn't know why, but every time the song begins for the rest of the rehearsal, he feels everything is running smoother and he feels himself more confident. Or maybe more like the version Hokuto sees in him. Maybe that's the same thing.

Anyway, that's what makes him happy.

---

After rehearsal, all the band members and staff scatter quickly to their next schedules or rides. Shintaro steps outside the rehearsal room and finds Hokuto with his phone near the door. His coat is open.

"You need a ride home?" Shintaro asks and spins the car keys on one finger.

Hokuto glances up and slides his phone into his pocket.

"Sure. If it's okay?"

“Of course it's okay.”

They walk to the parking garage and settle into Shintaro's car. Shintaro doesn't turn on the music. He rarely does when Hokuto's with him. There's something he likes about the way Hokuto tends to sit quietly, like he's thinking about ten things at once but never says them aloud unless asked. And yet, it never feels awkward. The silence with Hokuto is always easy and familiar.

At a red light, Shintaro glances sideways. Hokuto's head is tipped against the glass, hair slightly messy, with his fringe falling over his forehead in uneven strands. He looks tired, but that's the tiredness that he usually looks after any rehearsal of theirs. Shintaro can't help thinking that there's something soft in that kind of tiredness.

"New scarf?" Shintaro asks, eyeing the blue striped scarf Hokuto's got wrapped around his neck.

Hokuto looks down at it and smiles. "I bought it on my day off last week."

"Oh, the same place in Shimokitazawa where we once went to together?"

"This one was actually near Naka-Meguro. And I couldn't tell if this scarf was ugly or cool, but I found it so fascinating I had to buy it."

"It surely is fascinating," Shintaro says. "And you make it work."

Hokuto turns to him, an eyebrow raised. "Are you complimenting my clothes again? Is that flirting?"

"Always," Shintaro says jokingly, grinning.

It's not a new thing that they joke about the flirting between them. Shintaro is and has always been very vocal about his fascination with Hokuto, be it when the six of them are privately together or when he’s answering questions in interviews, writing blog entries, or just casually rambling about Hokuto in some behind-the-scenes video. It's become a habit of his. Since neither of them ever makes it weird and it always stays lighthearted, Shintaro has never held back. The truth is, he's had a quiet crush on Hokuto for so long that he's learned to live with it. It's just a small voice that surfaces sometimes when he's alone. But that voice doesn't stop him from showing his affection in big, obvious ways, through jokes, gestures, and the kind of attention only Hokuto ever gets from him.

Still, something about Hokuto actually using the word 'flirting' this time makes his face warm, just a little.

Shintaro tells the little voice to get a grip. Tiny little crush doesn't mean a thing, and there's no need to make it more dramatic than necessary.

The light turns green, and they fall quiet again. Hokuto rests his hand near the window controls. As traffic thickens near Setagaya, Shintaro catches a few moments to glance at him. He looks at the curve of Hokuto's knuckles and the way he always sits with one leg slightly crooked. Every now and then, the streetlights flicker across his face.

"You did well today," Hokuto says, breaking the silence. "With the last run-through. The live vocals, too."

"You told me that already," Shintaro replies, and he can’t stop the small smile.

"Yeah, well," Hokuto shrugs a little bit. "I'm saying it again just in case you didn't believe me the first time."

Shintaro laughs, shaking his head.

"Thanks, I guess," he says.

He eventually parks in front of Hokuto's place, letting the engine idle for a moment.

Hokuto unbuckles his seatbelt and opens the door, one foot stepping out, then pauses to look back at Shintaro.

"And hey," he adds softly, "I mean it when I say that I like that side of you.”

Shintaro's breath catches, but only slightly. He doesn't know why. He ends up just giving a simple nod because he doesn't know what else to do or say.

Then Hokuto is gone, shutting the door behind him and walking up to his building with those blue scarf tails bouncing against his coat. Shintaro watches him go until he disappears inside.

Shintaro drops his hands from the wheel into his lap and smiles.

As he drives home, his thoughts wander to the new pasta dishes he's been experimenting with lately. Then, almost without meaning to, he wonders if he should ask Hokuto to try one of them sometime. Not as anything big. Just the two of them hanging out at his place. Just because.

Because if Hokuto likes seeing the side of him that comes out during their unit song, then Shintaro likes seeing the side of Hokuto when he's happy. Even the thought of Hokuto enjoying his cooking and giving one of those smiles when something tastes even better than expected makes Shintaro feel genuinely happy.

He's not hoping for anything in return.

If he can give Hokuto even one small reason to smile, that's more than enough.

---

Tokyo Dome is loud. There are screams as the lights go out and the intro of the first song starts to play.

They've performed at this venue before, but every concert still makes Shintaro's palms sweat, and this is no exception while they wait behind the curtain. It's not like he'd be nervous to death, and it's not like he'd be afraid of being in the spotlight. It's more like the nice, thrilling anticipation that comes from being with the people he cares about most, about doing the thing they're best at, performing together. Also, the first concert of the tour always feels a little more special.

And this first concert goes perfectly well.

The unit song with Hokuto slides by without any mistakes. They do it exactly as they did during their practice.

The second and third night, it's the same. Shintaro enjoys every second of them. The crowds may be even louder than on the first day. And again, the unit song performance flows just like they practiced.

But on the fourth night, something changes.

Not at first. The concert kicks off, and Shintaro's right there in it - jumping, shouting, and performing with all the energy he's got. Until it's time.

The band starts the intro while their music video plays on the screen. They're behind the set, switching pants and jackets in near-darkness. Shintaro pulls his arms through his sleeves and climbs the steps that lead to the stage. Midway, he glances over his shoulder. Hokuto is right behind him, only a few steps.

Then Hokuto reaches out and adjusts the back of Shintaro's jacket, fingers brushing just briefly at his waist. He does it like it's nothing. But somehow, the gesture still does something weird in Shintaro's stomach.

They take their spots. The song begins properly. They start singing.

Shintaro sings his lines and moves like he's supposed to. Hokuto next to him sounds perfect. Shintaro likes how smoothly the choreography goes on; it's all thanks to those countless hours in the practice room. Their voices blend like they were made to, and Shintaro still isn't over how well the whole song works. How right it feels.

The final part comes, and they put their legs onto the chair. The lights dip lower, and they sing the very last lines while watching each other.

Then it happens.

Hokuto leans in.

Just a little more than usual during their practice.

He tilts his head not straight, but slightly sideways, like it's a moment from a drama. He looks like he's about to whisper something to Shintaro.

Or to kiss him.

Hokuto's eyes don't leave Shintaro's, although Shintaro can't even see him properly because it's so dark around them and the spotlights are on them.

Shintaro doesn’t move; his body feels too still, like he's forgotten how to do so. He can hardly breathe.

The crowd screams.

And just before their faces get too close, all the lights go out.

"We made it," Hokuto breathes, warm against his mouth.

Then the next track hits and the moment breaks within that.

Backstage after the show is full of noise and energy. Staff shout instructions, band members exchange compliments, and laughter bubbles up everywhere. Their tour t-shirts cling damp to their skin from sweat. Jesse playfully splashes water on Kochi's head while Juri smacks Shintaro on the back with a towel.

"That unit song, though," Juri says to him, grinning. "You two gonna kiss next time or what?"

Shintaro laughs and shoves at Juri's arm.

"Why not? I mean, I don't think many people in this world would mind kissing Hokuto."

"Uh-huh," Juri says with a teasing wink, clearly enjoying the conversation.

Hokuto smiles at them a few meters away, and Shintaro grins at him.

It's all just fanservice and jokes between them. That's what they do and that's what they're good at. As said, Shintaro has always been loud about it, so he doesn't see a reason to back down this time either. He goes on about their performance, not forgetting to mention Hokuto as many times as possible. Hokuto this, Hokuto that.

"So yeah, performing with Hokuto is the best thing ever," he wraps up, and everyone laughs along with him.

Hours later, when he's in the backseat of the van on the way home, face cooled down and energy finally out of him, Shintaro thinks about that moment on stage again. The image of Hokuto leaning in comes back to his mind. It's silly, but that little voice in his head is there, telling him how it actually didn't feel like fanservice this time, and there was nothing to joke about it. Somehow, the whole moment felt kind of different. It felt intimate.

He tells that little voice to shut up.

---

There's almost a two-week gap between the Tokyo gigs and Fukuoka. They all have other work lined up, such as recordings, individual shoots, radio, and rehearsals for other appearances. Days blur together. The members barely see each other, and there are basically only a few messages in the group chat.

That thing with Hokuto that happened on stage during their unit song, whatever it was, fades into the background quickly, like a weird dream Shintaro doesn't bother thinking too much. He laughs about it when Taiga mentions something about fans bringing it up online and the whole thing going especially viral on Twitter.

But when Shintaro goes to read those comments online later on, he remembers the chill he got from the moment. He finds his mind drifting even more, and not even to the moment on stage, but further back. To that stupid, persistent little crush he's had on Hokuto since they were teenagers. 

---

On the first night in Fukuoka, everything is smooth. Shintaro hums to himself the chorus lines of their unit song along with the band playing the song intro already in the background as he gets into his new outfit. He tells himself to focus to get into the right mood because he once again half-thinks how much Hokuto enjoys seeing this side of him when they perform their song. And he certainly doesn't want to let him down.

As they climb the stairs toward the stage, he feels Hokuto staring at his back.

Something drops in his stomach all of a sudden at that realization.

It's a weird feeling when one feels that someone is watching them, even though one can't see it with their eyes. Shintaro doesn't dare to turn around to confirm that because he already knows. He just keeps on walking, pretending like his pulse isn't picking up speed, and convinces himself that he's just nervous to get his singing right because he doesn't want to disappoint Hokuto by ruining their performance. It'd affect Hokuto too, so of course, he wouldn't want to do that to him.

Then it's time.

The band starts playing the music.

They take their positions and start singing. Everything goes as planned.

Until the very end.

Again, like at Tokyo Dome, Hokuto leans in and brings his face close to Shintaro's.

Shintaro sees it coming, but at the same time, it comes as a surprise. Hokuto's dark eyes are on him, head tilting ever so slightly, the way he did before.

This time, Shintaro doesn't move away. Instead, he does the opposite.

If Hokuto wants to test boundaries with that smug subtlety of his and give out some fanservice, Shintaro's not going to just sit there and take it. He tilts forward too. Just a little.

He gets so close that Hokuto's hair nearly brushes his cheek. Neither of them is smiling as they tilt their heads toward each other more, again like kiss scenes are usually acted out in their dramas.

He could kiss Hokuto if he wanted to. It wouldn't require many centimeters and he'd be kissing him on stage for real.

But before anything else can happen, they both crack up at the same time into wide smiles because it's so ridiculous.   

The audience erupts in cheers. And then the lights are out.

They don't speak as they walk offstage later, but Shintaro still catches Hokuto glancing at him.

While waiting before the encore, Shintaro doesn't know what else but makes a joke about what they were doing on stage earlier. He mimics his lean with an exaggerated swoon, which gets the laugh reaction among the members, just like he wants.

Hokuto raises an eyebrow but then laughs with all of them at that. Shintaro grins and they get back to the stage. It's good to joke together because it was such a funny moment.

But then again, later, after the noise has died down, when the concert is over and everyone's busy with their post-show rituals, such as taking quick showers and changing out of clothes, Shintaro catches himself thinking about it. The lean. That look on Hokuto's face. He swears he could still feel Hokuto's warm breath near his cheek.

Suddenly, now that it's quiet, thinking about it doesn't feel funny at all anymore. He finds it hard to crack jokes about it, so he doesn't bring up the whole topic to anyone.

Maybe it's just because he is tired. He's been quite exhausted lately. That must be the case.

---

Back at the hotel, Shintaro figures they would all part ways, each to their own rooms, but it still wouldn't hurt to check what everyone is up to that night.  

Juri and Jesse peel off toward the elevator right away after they remind everyone that they're scheduled for their late-night radio appearance. They seem to be already half in their on-air mode, tossing one-liners back and forth, and not looking that tired. Taiga mutters something about wanting to take a bath and disappears soon with a yawn. He looks like he might fall asleep standing up.

Kochi, who's peering at his phone, sighs.

"I still have a video call with the director of my upcoming drama. Wish me luck," he says and nods toward the elevators, looking like he'd rather do anything else.

"Break a leg!" Shintaro calls after him encouragingly.

Which leaves just Shintaro and Hokuto in the lobby. Shintaro is already envisioning himself crashing into bed, maybe getting something lazy like chips from the minibar if he still gets hungry. Hokuto would probably want and need his peace and space after the concert anyway.

But Hokuto surprises him, tilting his head toward the elevators where everyone else had already disappeared.

"Wanna come to my room? I was gonna order Hakata ramen from room service."

"You want to eat now?" Shintaro asks. 

"I'm starving," Hokuto says. "I figured you might be too."

There's no even hint of teasing in his tone because why would there be. There's no hidden agenda because it's just a small evening dinner suggestion for a long-time friend, from a member to another.

Yet still, for some very dumb reason, Shintaro's heart does this slow, clumsy thing, and it needs a moment to catch up.

He nods.

"Sure. That sounds nice."

They head up together. Hokuto's room is just a couple of doors down from his, and it looks exactly the same inside with a small sofa, twin beds, and neutral hotel colors. The view is towards the Dome where they were performing just a few hours ago. Shintaro can smell Hokuto's cologne and the leftover citrus from a hotel air freshener in the room.

They both drop their jackets and sit on opposite ends of the sofa while Hokuto reads through the room service menu.

"Hard or medium noodles?" Hokuto asks, already dialing the phone.

"Hard. With an extra egg."

Hokuto grins. "Of course."

As soon as he's done with the order and hangs up, he turns back to Shintaro.

"I read somewhere that the egg yolk color depends on what the chicken eats. So if you see a really orange yolk, that chicken was probably fed with marigold seeds or something."

Shintaro snorts. He can't believe sometimes how Hokuto's thinking works. Going from being quiet to talking about all those random topics he's read about. He never knows where Hokuto's thoughts are going until they land, but somehow, that makes him even more fascinating. It makes Hokuto so sincere.

"Okay, but that can't be real," Shintaro says. Though it kind of sounds like something that could be real now that Hokuto has said it.

"It is," Hokuto says. "I'm just saying, all the food has backstories."

He keeps going, talking more about something about chicken and colors. Shintaro's not really keeping up, just nodding along while Hokuto rambles. Listening to Hokuto talk like that makes him feel good because, once again, he looks so happy at the same time as he goes on with his explanation.

When their food arrives twenty minutes later, the containers are steaming and the broth smells amazing. They take better positions on the sofa, bowls in hand, and click the wooden chopsticks.

Shintaro can't help noticing all of a sudden how private, kind of intimate, it feels. He knows he shouldn't be overthinking that because it’s just dinner and it's not like it'd be the first time for them to do stuff like this just the two of them. He's eating noodles in Hokuto’s room instead of at a restaurant downstairs, and that's it.

But the lighting is low and Hokuto's sitting a little closer than he needs to be, and Shintaro's brain is working against him again. He decides to focus on his noodles, like it'll save him.

"You eat fast," Hokuto comments all of a sudden, eyeing Shintaro's bowl.

"I am hungry," Shintaro mumbles and slurps another scoop of the noodles with his chopsticks.

"You're always hungry then. Because your eating habits are always the same."

"You keeping a record or something?"

"I've known you long enough, so I don't need to," Hokuto says like it’s obvious.

"Well," Shintaro says, swiping the corner of his mouth with a napkin. "Believe it or not, there are still things you don't know about me."

Hokuto gives him a sideways glance that remains a little longer than expected.

"Yeah, I guess there indeed are," Hokuto says slowly.

The way he says it sounds a bit thoughtful but he doesn't go on more.

They finish the rest of their ramen without saying much more. Eventually, Hokuto sets his empty bowl down and gives out a satisfied noise.

Shintaro also leans back on his palms on the sofa, looking at Hokuto. There's such a relaxed look on Hokuto's face that doesn't always make it to the cameras.

Shintaro's chest pulls again, all soft and stupid. Just because of that face.

Then he catches himself and tries to calm down. It's fine. It's just a small crush, the kind that lingers quietly for years without meaning much. They've been spending a lot of time together lately, and it's only natural that those feelings might blur a little in that kind of situation. He's just confusing that easy closeness with something deeper. Something that doesn’t even need a name.

It'd soon pass. He's more than sure about that.

---

Later that night, when finally lying alone in his hotel bed, Shintaro tries his best to fall asleep, but a kind of heated frustration keeps pressing into his chest.

He shifts in bed, turns the pillow over to its cooler side, closes his eyes, opens them again, drags the blanket over his stomach even though it's already too warm, and tries to think about the next city, the next rehearsal, or literally anything that would help the drifting thoughts.

Still, his mind keeps looping back, over and over again. It keeps going to Hokuto.

He recalls the way Hokuto looked under the stage lights earlier that night. His mind goes back to them sitting next to each other on the sofa in Hokuto's room, their thighs brushing against each other. He remembers the gentle voice of Hokuto eventually wishing him goodnight.

Shintaro breathes out a long, shaky exhale and presses the heel of his hand against his forehead like maybe he can rub those memories out, but all it does is make everything more alarming. He feels overly sensitive in every inch of his body.

Eventually, he gives up pretending. He slowly slides a hand under the sheets, into his boxers, and closes his eyes. Yeah, maybe he shouldn't be trying to block out the thoughts any longer, but to let them in, and get rid of them easily like this.

He starts touching himself slowly, gliding a hand along his hard cock, still telling himself like a mantra it's just to get it out of his system and maybe he'll even fall asleep in the middle while doing it.

But the second his fingers wrap properly around his cock, all those dirty thoughts flood his mind.

Hokuto's mouth. Hokuto's voice. Hokuto's fucking smirk.

He thinks about Hokuto pressed against him, hand sliding up under his shirt, fingers brushing over his ribs, mouth hot and insistent against his neck. He imagines the weight of Hokuto’s body on top of his, pinning him down, whispering in that low, teasing voice he sometimes uses when he's play-arguing with the members — except this time it would be no joke when Hokuto would be saying something like "You want this? You’ve been thinking about this before, haven't you?” and yes fuck, maybe he has. Many times.

Shintaro's breath catches. His hips jerk up into his hand, and he speeds up with the pace he keeps jerking himself off.

"Hokuto-" he lets out a gasp aloud.

Finally, he comes with a bitten-off groan, spilling cum into his hand while the image of Hokuto stays in his mind as he rides down from his orgasm.

Shintaro breathes hard for a moment, letting his hand fall to the side, the rush fading just as fast as it came.

And then it hits him. What the fuck was that. 

He lies there motionless, still breathing heavily, but now for an entirely different reason than before. He just jerked off to the thought of Hokuto. It wasn't just some blurry fantasy or faceless idea of someone like Hokuto. It was Hokuto. His voice, his mouth, the weight of him, the things he might say if they ever—yeah.

---

The second Fukuoka show on the next day is even worse. It's doing something for that silly little voice in Shintaro's head, making it louder and louder.

Shintaro has barely time to speak with Hokuto before the concert starts. Hokuto gives him a brief nod while tugging on his own sleeves, and then they do their usual pats on each other's shoulders like they always do with everyone before the concert. But that's about it.

Shintaro avoids too much eye contact on purpose but it's not because he doesn't want to look at Hokuto. It's because if he looks too long, the voice comes back. The one that says hey, you like him more than you think and maybe that crush isn't that tiny for real. The one that reminds him of what he did the previous night.

Once again, he tells the voice to shut up and tries to shove the memory out of his mind. Too bad the voice doesn't really listen to him, and the memory still clings like sweat under his shirt.

They walk the stairs to the stage when it's time for their unit song. They take their places. Lights come in slowly. The music begins.

Everything about the performance feels maybe even better that night. Their voices are sounding even better than usual and the harmony is really there, their voices braiding together so incredibly well. 

They sing their last lines. Shintaro grips the edge of the seat and puts his knee on it, Hokuto doing the same on the opposite side.

And then, again, Hokuto leans in.

A little more than during the previous night.

This time, it doesn't come as a total surprise; somehow Shintaro was already mentally prepared for it to happen.

But this time, instead of showing even slightly how confused he is about it, Shintaro doesn't hesitate even a bit.

He does the same as Hokuto, almost automatically, leaning forward bravely like it's a challenge he refuses to lose. Because he's totally okay with this joke. He wants to prove to himself that it's nothing and he can take it like a professional. If he proves that, no weird tiny voices can say anything about it. Maybe it will shut down completely. 

He tilts his head like Hokuto does, just a little, barely enough to brush the air beside Hokuto's cheek.

Their faces are really close to each other at that point. The audience cheers at them like no tomorrow.

The lights go out just as Shintaro feels a phantom warmth on his face. It was maybe Hokuto's lips brushing his jaw. Shintaro's heart is beating fast.

Afterward, it takes a good moment and a great sip of cold water before he manages to calm himself down.

During the next two songs, when there are parts where he's not singing and the spotlights aren't exactly on him, Shintaro catches himself wondering what it would've felt like if Hokuto had kissed him right there on stage.

Luckily, he manages to carry out the concert until the end, and no meaningful touches or glances happen any longer.

After they've wrapped up with the whole show, it's that usual cheerful chaos going on backstage. They keep congratulating each other for finishing the second city. Of course, the intimate moment hasn't been left unnoticed by the others and of course, everyone's expecting Shintaro to go on with his usual joking about it.

Shintaro peels off his earpiece and Jesse shouts something about how they’re going to give fans a heart attack if they keep pulling that kind of crap. Juri ruffles his hair while making kissing noises and Taiga tells him he looked like he was about to get married on stage. Only Kochi says something diplomatic that in his opinion Hokuto and Shintaro's unit song must be the best one of all of them and it must be because of the intense stage performance.

Hokuto doesn't say a word, not commenting on anything, but he just wipes sweat from his neck and smiles as he tosses Shintaro a bottle of water.

Shintaro fumbles the catch, and Hokuto grins.

"Went all in tonight, huh?" Hokuto asks, clearly referring to the final part of their song.

Shintaro scoffs. "You started it."

"But you didn’t back down."

"I'm competitive," Shintaro says. "You know that."

He opens the bottle but doesn't drink, as he's trying to think of something clever (or more like something stupid) to say to make it lighter.

"It's just a funny bit," he adds.

"Right. Hilarious," Hokuto says.

Shintaro forces a laugh as he keeps going on.

"I mean, the fans love it. We're just giving them what they want, right?"

"And that's all it is?"

What kind of a question is that even supposed to be?

"Obviously," Shintaro says lightly. "It's fanservice. That’s literally our job sometimes."

Hokuto doesn't reply right away. He suddenly looks a bit weird.

And for a split second, Shintaro flashes back to the previous night in the hotel room again - his hand wrapped around his cock, gasping Hokuto's name aloud, the sting of release, and everything between.

He can't let any of that show. So, he just tries to keep up a good, normal mood.

"What, you wanna kiss me for real or something?" he asks Hokuto jokingly.

It's supposed to come out light, dumb and funny.

Instead, it sounds weirdly genuine, like an actual serious question.

Hokuto blinks and then lets out a soft snort through his nose.

"Wouldn't be the worst thing," he states with a joking tone before walking off toward the showers like he didn't just detonate a bomb in Shintaro's chest.

Shintaro stays frozen for a second, the water bottle slick in his hand. There's still shouting and laughter around him, but it's all muffled now, almost like he's underwater.

He blinks, forces a scoff, tells himself it was a joke. It was just a joke, same as always. Hokuto's allowed to mess with him just like he keeps on doing. They're both allowed to do that.

But for some reason, once again, this one doesn't land the same way. It doesn't feel the same as it sometimes used to.

The bottled water in his hand feels warmer than it should.

---

Shintaro is brushing his teeth in the hotel room. His throat is sore from the concerts, and there's a physical ache in his legs. They're usually that prove he gave it everything, and normally, he'd enjoy that feeling. But tonight, his body might be tired, but that little voice in the back of his mind won't quiet down.

He watches himself in the mirror, zoning out as the same moment plays over and over in his head. The way Hokuto leaned toward him and how he leaned in, too. How close they were and how natural it had felt. Too natural.

It's been supposed to be a joke. A thing they do on stage for the crowd. A wink and a smirk, a quick pulse of fanservice to get the audience screaming.

But why has it felt like more?

Also, Hokuto didn't look like he was joking when he mentioned the possibility of kissing him.

Shintaro groans as he spits the toothpaste foam and washes his mouth, telling himself to get a grip. Too bad it's not very helpful.

He leans over the sink and splashes cold water on his face. It helps a little, but the strange tension still lingers under his skin. His thoughts keep circling back, not just to that moment but to the feelings from years ago.

He realizes now that the crush he thought he's been having under control is back. Only this time, it's stronger, more tangled, and harder to ignore - or most of all, harder to control. It's worse than it has ever been. Even in his early twenties, when it crept in again, it never felt this intense.

It's been easy before to push those feelings aside, to act like they don't matter. But now, they're everywhere. They arise when Hokuto smiles at him, like he sees right through him. They come when Shintaro appreciates the warmth of his voice when they talk. Shintaro feels always safe and content around Hokuto without even thinking.

And yeah, okay, Hokuto is hot. Objectively. It's not like Shintaro hasn't noticed that years ago already although his dirty thoughts didn't turn into action until the previous night.

But this crush isn't just about that kind of lust.

He likes Hokuto. Not in a silly teenage way. Not in a joking, wouldn't-it-be-funny-if kind of way. In a real way. He likes him in a way that makes his heart beat weirdly and his stomach twists when he's around.

It's such a cliché, it's almost pathetic. You're not supposed to like one of your oldest friends like that. But he just does.

Shintaro can't help exhaling aloud as he wipes his mouth dry.

"Fuck," he mutters aloud to himself.

It's getting out of his hands with this pace.

The last thing he wants is for this to go too far and make it uncomfortable for both of them. He doesn't want Hokuto to feel anxious about it, especially when it's obvious he doesn't feel the same. To Hokuto, it's probably just teasing and fanservice they've been talking about and nothing more. Shintaro will just have to cool it and pull back a little. He needs to stop leaning into those moments that make his heart stutter.

He's done it before. First time back in high school. Again, in his early twenties. Every time the feelings crept in, he pushed them back down, so there's no doubt he wouldn't be able to do it again.

But this time, as he thinks about it, it already feels harder to get rid of it. Also, part of him isn't even sure he wants to do so. Still, he knows he has to try.

---

Back in Tokyo, the short one-week-long break between concerts is supposed to be a breather. And it is one, almost. At least technically. There are no hotel check-ins or stage calls, but mainly just a few rehearsals, scattered meetings, a couple of photoshoots, and way too much quiet time in between them. Quiet time Shintaro spends not thinking about Hokuto.

Except, of course, that's a lie. He thinks about him constantly. Not just their performance and not just the crowd’s reaction, but him. Hokuto tilting his head towards him, looking at him with that meaningful look that hadn't been in the script.

He thinks admiringly of how Hokuto has never tried too hard to be liked, but still somehow is, and he can be reserved and warm all at once. It's actually always been like that. Hokuto's been the same in all the ways that matter since they were kids.

He remembers a day from way back, almost ten years ago. They'd been filming a TV advertisement and the day had been ridiculously long. Shintaro had been in a terrible mood that day for reasons he doesn't even remember now, feeling like snapping at everyone and sulking between takes. But then, Hokuto came to sit beside him without saying a word, pulled out his phone, and showed him a dumb picture of a cat getting stuck in a paper bag. They ended up laughing until Shintaro forgot he'd been annoyed at all. Shintaro remembers thinking stupidly I like him so much.

He never said anything, of course. It was easy to file it away as a teenage thing, a harmless crush.

How the hell did he let it get to this point, then? How can he be so easy that one choreography can make this happen?

Shintaro knows he has to tone it down. He is toning it down. He keeps things light.

He stops searching their names together because it doesn't matter. It's only too bad that the algorithm’s already trained, so he goes past tons of fancams, reports, and tweets when he's scrolling stuff with his phone. He pretends to ignore them, but ends up reading and looking at most of them several times.

Some nights, he wants to text Hokuto, just to say something stupid and just to test the waters. But he doesn't. He keeps on acting normally.

On his way to the train station to take the Shinkansen with the members to Osaka for their next concerts, he catches himself thinking about the whole crush thing again and groans.

"You'll be fine," he mutters to himself. "Remember to just chill."

He's going to be careful. It's going to be fine. He's doing what has been written in their script, and everything's going to be just fine.

---

The first concert night in Osaka feels different immediately compared to the previous concerts.

Everything runs smoothly, professionally, just like it should, and Shintaro pays attention to hold back. It's not drastic or rude in a way that anyone would say anything about it. But Shintaro can feel it himself. He feels the space he's forcing between himself and Hokuto.

When it comes time for their unit song, he plays it safe. No leaning in. No brushing too close. Their final pose is still close, sure, because it's scripted that way, but Shintaro pulls away the second it's done. He tells himself it's for the best for the whole tour, as well. It's smart not to repeat the same move during every show. They need to keep things fresh for their fans.

Still, something about it leaves him uneasy. Like he left something halfway done and walked away before figuring out what it meant.

Even though he's made the decision not to feed the feeling anymore, he can't help sneaking small glances at Hokuto during the rest of the concert. 

He finds himself noticing the curve of Hokuto's chin as he sings, appreciating the way his hair falls just slightly into his eyes, and ogling at the sweat clinging to his temples. Shintaro also can't help admiring the way Hokuto dances - it always looks so sharp and elegant all at once. Also, his makeup is very much on point that night. The dark-brown-shaded eyeshadow compliments his features just perfectly. All in all, Hokuto looks too good, almost maddeningly beautiful.

The second show is the same. It's technically perfect yet emotionally safe.

Hokuto smiles at him after the concert, patting his shoulder, and Shintaro tells himself he's not feeling anything special. There are no crazy butterflies in his stomach because of Hokuto, just the usual after-show jitters.

---

On the third Osaka show, everyone is already tired, but a little giddy, and it's that good energy of theirs that's usually present during the final show of each city. Everything is just a little looser and a little more fun.

Just before they go on stage, Shintaro looks at Hokuto. He catches Hokuto already looking at him. He's not smiling and he doesn't look teasing. He's just watching him, his eyes staying on Shintaro for a second too long.

Shintaro feels something sharp and quick in his chest. He looks away fast.

The show goes well. Better than the others, even. Everything clicks. Their singing, their movement, the timing - it all flows nicely. Their duet feels good, as well.

During the final pose, they swirl their heads funnily and laugh at it, yet they don't lean in too close.

Hokuto walks to him after the concert. There's a towel over his shoulder.

"Good job," he says.

Shintaro meets his eyes in the mirror, just briefly.

"Yeah," he says, matching the tone. "You too."

It feels nicely normal. Comfortable. His heart is not pounding. There are hardly any butterflies in his stomach. There's just a warm, solid kind of appreciation like teammates complimenting each other after a good game.

Shintaro allows himself a small grin as he dries his face, silently congratulating himself.

See? It's working. It's fine. Totally fine.

---

The flight to Sapporo is early, which means most of them are half-asleep as they shuffle through security and board the plane.

Kochi and Jesse are discussing the best beer that fits onsen as they find their seats, while Juri is buried under his hoodie and seems to fall asleep the second he slumps down. Taiga has already pulled a manga from his bag and is reading with intense focus.

Shintaro ends up sitting next to Hokuto.

The plane takes off. Soon, Hokuto gets his seat reclined, eyes closed, and earphones in. Shintaro leans his head back and watches the cloud scenery outside.

At some point, Hokuto shifts slightly and pops out one earphone.

"Haven't you slept at all?" he asks sleepily.

"Nahhh," Shintaro says. "I took a nap on the way to the airport, so no need."

Hokuto closes his eyes again. "I dreamed I was a turnip being boiled alive. Kind of relaxing," he explains.

Shintaro snorts. "What?"

Hokuto shrugs, not opening his eyes. "It was like a hot bath but only for vegetables. I think I needed that."

Then the earbud goes back in, and he goes still again like he didn't just say something absolutely deranged.

Shintaro just stares at him for a moment, caught between amusement and affection.

By the time the captain announces their descent into Sapporo, Shintaro stretches out in his seat.

He glances over at Hokuto, who's now awake and reading a book. He's such a cute nerd, Shintaro thinks with fondness.

Then it hits him again how much he actually likes him.

Damn it.

He looks away, fast, and stares out the window. Maybe the snow-covered scenery will cool him down. He thought he'd gotten a handle on this and that the crush was already fading. But here it is again, creeping up while Hokuto's doing absolutely nothing besides reading a book and breathing like a normal human being.

They land, and Shintaro turns again to Hokuto as the plane taxis to the gate.

"Ready for snow?" he asks.

"As ready as I'll ever be," Hokuto says.

"Let's build a snowman taller than Jesse."

Hokuto laughs. "Isn't that kind of unrealistic?"

"Hey, one should dream big," Shintaro replies, stretching his arms over his head. "That's what I always keep on saying."

At least he's able to joke, thankfully. It's still in control. Almost.

---

Sapporo Dome is wild. Every city seems to hold its own kind of energy.

Shintaro steps into the unit song intro steadily, his voice sliding easily into the first verse. Everything should be safe and predictable. But it doesn't.

Nothing is off. Instead, maybe everything is way too on.

Hokuto seems to keep inching closer to him throughout the song, making sure their backs are touching while they're rotating around with it. Sometimes the hand where he's not holding the microphone grazes Shintaro's waist as he seemingly tries to keep the balance, but the touch feels too purposeful. Each time this happens, Shintaro has to force himself not to react.

He forces himself to keep singing, to stay professional, to not think about what it would feel like to just give in and lean back into it, to let his hand go over Hokuto's thigh and see what he’d do. 

As the final notes draw near, Hokuto shifts weight in his chair and turns toward Shintaro, leaning his head back until the crown of his hair rests against Shintaro's hip.

He tilts his chin up, eyes half-closed, and parts his mouth, as if he's daring Shintaro to lean in.

As if daring him to lean in and kiss him.

Oh no, not this again.

Shintaro feels his heart beating hard. He still manages to hold the last note through sheer muscle memory although all he can think about is how close Hokuto's face is to his stomach and what it would feel like to slide his fingers through that damp fringe of hair, to pull Hokuto up and kiss him right there - slow and filthy, with the mic still on and the entire dome watching.

The audience bursts into cheers, but all Shintaro hears is the quick thud of his pulse.

As the stage lights drop, Shintaro stays frozen for a beat, only aware of Hokuto's presence and the heat curling in his stomach.

He's still not over. He's back to the situation zero, and maybe he never even left the starting line, although he very much believed otherwise.

---

They're under the risers, waiting to get back on stage after Juri and Kochi are done with their unit song. Shintaro leans against the cool metal scaffolding. The music rumbles above them, heavy bass bleeding through the floor. It's dark there; the corridor is lit only by a few dim emergency lights, and the staff are all on the other side of the stage, not being able to see what's happening in that hidden pocket of space.

Shintaro thinks he's completely alone until he spots Hokuto walking toward him, and his breath catches as Hokuto comes to a stop in front of him. He can't stop recalling the way Hokuto's neck curved perfectly against his stomach, inviting him just moments ago. 

Hokuto leans in closer again, just like he did on stage, his hand coming to slide down Shintaro's arm. His other hand comes up too, gently pressing against the scaffolding beside Shintaro’s head

He brings his face closer to Shintaro's, so close that Shintaro can feel the shape of his mouth near his ear. Shintaro thinks his knees might give out.

Just as he's about to scold himself for being so affected by a simple gesture, and bracing to hear Hokuto say something ordinary about the concert, maybe some comment about the setlist, Hokuto instead whispers something Shintaro never could have expected.

"Can you kiss me?"

Shintaro's entire body locks up.

His pulse thunders so loudly it drowns everything else around him. His mouth goes completely dry, and his stomach twists tight with heat and panic and something that he could only describe as desperate.

It comes so suddenly, too suddenly, out of nowhere, so the only thing he can automatically do is jerk back like he's been hit.

"Wh-what?" he stutters, voice way too loud.

Hokuto blinks and pulls immediately further away, as well. Something folds up behind his eyes like a shutter closing, and he looks suddenly super embarrassed.

"I—never mind, it's nothing," he says quickly. "Forget it."

Then he's already turned, pretending to check his in-ear monitor like nothing happened.

"We should go. They'll be calling us any second."

"Hokuto—" Shintaro starts. But Hokuto doesn't let him finish.

"It's fine," Hokuto says. "Let’s get through this concert."

And just like that, the moment is over, like it had never been real at all.

Shintaro is left standing in the shadowed space, lips tingling, head spinning and having Hokuto's scent in his nose, and totally unsure what the hell just happened.

Of course, he wanted to say yes. God, he wanted to say yes. He wanted to crush their mouths together right here, wanted to taste his hot breath on his tongue, grab Hokuto by the hips and press his back into the scaffolding, and just do exactly what he's secretly been wanting for a long, long time.

He's been wanting that, and he still wants it more than anything. 

---

Shintaro's practically floating during the encore. He doesn't let himself overthink the scene that just happened. Well, he wouldn't even have time to overthink it, although it does keep bothering him. Luckily, the crowd is wild, the energy is high, and there's too much happening as they bounce and party together with the members and their fans. He's once again the last one staying on stage, saying the final greetings to the audience.

It's only after they start heading back to the hotel that the reality hits him fully. Hokuto had asked Shintaro to kiss him. Right there, in the middle of their damn concert. It was something Shintaro never would have imagined. It hadn't felt like a joke. Hokuto hadn't laughed and he hadn't grinned in that smug way he usually does when he's doing some teasing.

And, still, both of them had somehow completely botched the moment.

Now, Hokuto is unusually quiet. Not his normal calm or easygoing kind of quiet, but a distant kind. Shintaro shouldn't be surprised, though. After all, asking for a kiss in the middle of a live show isn't exactly something you just shrug off.

There's one moment when Shintaro tries to catch his eyes as they climb up into the but Hokuto dodges the glance so smoothly it almost seems accidental. Only it isn't.

Shintaro knows him too well for that.

---

Shintaro keeps watching his phone in his hotel room.

There's no sign from Hokuto. Not even the usual "good job" message in the group chat that he usually sends. Everyone else has checked in one way or another - Jesse's already posted a ridiculous selfie of himself and a beer can, Kochi has sent a link to a local news about their performance, Taiga's asking who wants to go to the convenience store, and Juri, who ghosted the group chat for a week last time, sends a picture of his hotel bed.

After a few hours, Shintaro can't take it, so he marches behind Hokuto's hotel room door.

He knocks on the door and waits.

Hokuto opens the door, his hair still being damp from a shower, and his shirt hanging loosely around his frame. His eyes widen slightly, not as if he's surprised Shintaro came, but more like he's on alert. He moves aside from the door. At least he allows Shintaro to step inside without questioning anything.

Shintaro opts not to take a seat, instead remaining on his feet.

"Are you upset?" he asks directly.

Hokuto doesn't answer immediately, but it takes a few seconds. He drops his gaze to the floor. 

"No."

"Come on, don't lie."

Hokuto sighs.

"I'm not upset. I'm just confused."

Shintaro steps one step closer, searching his face.

"You asked me to kiss you, and now you’re the one feeling confused about it."

Hokuto shakes his head, looking like he's already done with the conversation. Shintaro fears he's about to shut himself off, and that’s the last thing he wants. He just wants an explanation.

"No, please, can you explain this to me?" Shintaro pleads. He's getting desperate. "You asked me to kiss you."

"Exactly. I asked you to kiss me after you'd been the one initiating things for a while, but you jerked away like I'd suggested something disgusting. Of course I'd be confused afterward," Hokuto says.

Shintaro stands there, stunned.

Hokuto turns back to him. His voice is quieter this time as he goes on.

"You acted like it was a joke. You always take these things as a joke."

"I didn't mean—" Shintaro begins, stopping short. Because that's exactly the problem. He didn’t mean it like that, but he knows why Hokuto would assume so. Their teasing and flirting on stage have been going on for weeks, always played up for the crowd. And he's been joking about it very vocally too. Of course he has. That's the only way he's known how to hide how much it actually means to him. Pretending it's just a bit has made it easier and safer, kept it from becoming something messy and complicated.

"I'm not a joke, Shintaro," Hokuto says.

"I know you're not," Shintaro says, frustrated and somewhat helpless. "Do you think I would think something like that about you?"

"I'm not sure what to think about you, to be honest," Hokuto replies quietly. "Sometimes I feel like you’re playing a role, mixing it up with jokes and talks about fanservice. It feels like the version of you I see - all those looks and the flirting - it's all just some funny script you decided for me I'm part of."

That hits deep, and Shintaro is about to do something back but he doesn't. He simply doesn't know what to say to that because he realizes he never gave Hokuto that many reasons to believe otherwise.

"No,” he eventually says. "No. I didn't kiss you because I wouldn't have wanted to."

He takes a deep breath. He has to do it. He has to be honest with Hokuto and with himself. Now or never.

"I didn't kiss you because—yeah, I know this makes no sense—because I've wanted to do so for such a long time already."

Hokuto turns around and blinks.

"You have?"

"Yes."

Hokuto stays quiet, trying to process Shintaro's words.

"But I don't get it. I mean, why didn't you then...?" he asks.

"Because I didn't want it to be even slightly a joke or part of any performance. I wanted it to be just us," Shintaro states.

Hokuto doesn't say anything to that, so Shintaro decides to go on. At least Hokuto is listening to him, and now that he's on it, he can't control it any longer. He wants Hokuto to know and he's ready to confess everything he's been thinking about, even though it would mean rejection at this point. 

"I always want to kiss you. I want to kiss you when it's just the two of us and no one else. Please don't ask me why, because I don't know why, but I'm in love with you. Like crazy in love. For real. And that's not a joke or a fanservice thing. Far from that."

That fires up something in Hokuto. His eyes suddenly glow, but he still doesn't say anything.

"I know I might be saying this too late," Shintaro continues. His voice comes faster, like he's afraid of losing the nerve if he stops at this point. "But I'm not pretending. I'm not performing or joking. I'm scared I’ve already ruined everything, but I need you to know this is real. I-I have a huge crush on you. I have had one for a long time already."

Shintaro means every single word so bad it almost hurts. He can't stop going on.

"I didn't think that you would feel the same about me, so I tried my best to calm down all those feelings. But then you came to me under the risers and asked me to kiss you, I realized that I couldn't hide them any longer. I was just surprised. I mean, under the risers? In the middle of the concert?"

That makes Hokuto huff a laugh. He rubs the back of his neck.

"Yeah, well. Timing has never been the best quality of mine," he says.

“Well, neither's mine,” Shintaro says, and Hokuto smiles at that.

"And well, just so you know, I have a huge crush on you, as well," Hokuto says then, and Shintaro forgets how to breathe. Hokuto says it so simply and easily that it almost feels surreal, like he's just stating some fact of life. There's a certain sincerity in his voice that leaves no room for doubt.

Shintaor stares at Hokuto, feeling like something just cracked open.

"Why didn't you ever tell me?" he can't help asking.

"Because you are you," Hokuto says with a soft, depleted laugh. "Loud and outrageous. But most of all, you're loving and affectionate with basically everyone, and we both have been joking about the thing between us. I was afraid I'd misread everything. I honestly thought I wouldn't survive if you didn't feel the same, and that everything was only an innocent joke from your side."

"I do feel the same," Shintaro says and means it. He hopes he sounds at least half as convincing as Hokuto has sounded with his confession.

Then Hokuto confesses something that Shintaro didn't expect.

"I've liked you since we were teenagers, you know," he says.

Shintaro's breath catches.

"I have too," he says. "I just I didn't know if you’d ever see me that way. I thought it was just me. So I told myself to get over it and I tried to dismiss how I really feel."

Hokuto tilts his head slightly, his eyes shifting from Shintaro's eyes to his mouth.

"Would you show it to me finally?" he asks softly. "How you really feel."

That's all Shintaro needs.

"Come here," Shintaro mutters.

Without thinking more, he walks those few steps to Hokuto, grabs him by the front of his shirt, and pulls him in hard so that their lips meet.

He kisses him firmly, like he wants Hokuto to finally understand. He wants Hokuto to feel all that - this is how long I've wanted you and this is how much I've fantasized about this moment.

The kiss is just perfect. The wildest thing is that it's better than Shintaro ever imagined. His fantasies didn't come even close. Hokuto's lips are warm and responsive, and the way his mouth fits against his feels devastatingly right.

As Hokuto kisses him back, his hands find their way to Shintaro's shoulders and behind his neck.

Shintaro exhales sharply against his mouth, and then his fingers uncurl, sliding up under Hokuto's shirt and feeling his warm back. He pulls him closer, and Hokuto comes willingly, stumbling a little, but their lips never break contact. They continue kissing like they're running out of time.

Shintaro just lets himself enjoy it. He enjoys the feel of Hokuto's palm at the nape of his neck, the quiet noise he makes when Shintaro pulls at his bottom lip with his teeth. The way he crowds into him is like all the hesitancy and confusion from before have completely disappeared somewhere.

Shintaro barely realizes they’re moving until Hokuto nudges him backwards, their mouths never parting. They end up falling down on the bed, Shintaro on his back and Hokuto on top of him between his legs, the kiss deepening until it becomes messier and hungrier. Hokuto tilts his head, changes the angle so that their tongues meet, and Shintaro groans into it. He clutches at Hokuto’s waist as their tongues slide and curl against each other, tasting and exploring.

Shintaro gasps again as Hokuto pulls back slightly, and his lips leave his mouth, only to bring his mouth to his neck. He starts grazing his teeth on the side of Shintaro's neck. It's just a gentle scrape, not quite a bite, but enough to make Shintaro's skin tighten and his hips shift instinctively. Hokuto's hands stay on Shintaro's face, his thumbs brushing softly along the edge of his jaw, clearly savoring the rough stubble left from Shintaro skipping his shave earlier that day.

"Hokuto," Shintaro whispers, not sure what he's asking for, only knowing that he wants and needs more. He's never felt this sensitive before. There's something about Hokuto's mouth moving along his neck that makes him super aroused.

Hokuto pulls back to look at him, eyes dark, searching.

"Yeah?"

Shintaro hooks his fingers in the hem of Hokuto's shirt, tugging.

"Take this off."

He expects Hokuto to smirk, to joke, to hesitate, or just do something that would take it all back.

But luckily, Hokuto doesn't. He sits back on his heels and drags the shirt over his head in one movement, throwing it to the floor. He leans back in, warm hands finding Shintaro's waist beneath his shirt, pushing up under the fabric.

Shintaro shivers when Hokuto's palms skate up his sides and lifts his arms so Hokuto can pull the sweatshirt as well as the T-shirt under it over his head. His skin is prickling as Hokuto presses in close, all solid heat and smooth muscle, kissing him again like he can erase every other thought from his head.

Then Hokuto starts kissing down Shintaro's bare chest, mouth lingering at the dip of his sternum. Shintaro's stomach twists as Hokuto's mouth explores the sensitive skin there, gently kissing and nibbling it. After that, Hokuto brings his tongue to flick over Shintaro's other nipple, swirling slowly while his teeth give soft, careful bites just around the edge. He does the same to the other nipple. 

Hokuto's hands trail down to Shintaro’s stomach, fingers pressing lightly.

Shintaro fists the sheets when Hokuto noses at the waistband of his pants, glancing up for a moment.

"Okay?"

Shintaro doesn't bother answering. He just lifts his hips, and Hokuto yanks both his shorts and underwear off.

The first glide of Hokuto's mouth over his hard cock is almost too much. Shintaro jerks with a sharp inhale, one hand flying to Hokuto's shoulder.

Hokuto's tongue swirls at the base, tracing teasing circles before sliding upward, licking along the underside. He's so sure and focused, his warm mouth obscene in how slow he goes. Shintaro lets out something close to a sob when Hokuto eventually takes his whole cock into his mouth.

"Fuck, Hokuto—" he manages to cry out, not even sure if the name comes out loud clearly or if it's just a vague groan.

Hokuto starts to move, sliding up just enough to swirl his tongue over the tip before sinking back down. His mouth keeps gliding up and down while he hollows his cheeks just enough to create the perfect suction. He hums in pleasure, and the vibration of his low voice nearly undoes Shintaro.

When it becomes too much, when he feels like he's about to come too fast, Shintaro beckons by dragging at Hokuto's arm with shaky fingers. Hokuto lets go immediately, wipes the saliva off his mouth with the back of his hand, and shifts up beside him.

"You okay?" he asks.

Shintaro cups his jaw and pulls him in for another slow kiss.

"Yeah, I just don't want to come yet," he whispers against Hokuto's lips.

"Good. Me neither," Hokuto whispers back.

"Lie back," Shintaro then says, and Hokuto obeys, settling onto the mattress, his chest rising and falling hard.

Shintaro leans over him, mouth ghosting down his chest and the flat plane of his stomach, fingers skimming the waistband of his pants in return. He takes his time with it, eyes flicking up to Hokuto's face just as he opens his belt and slides his pants off.

Shintaro leans in further, letting his breath ghost over the thin fabric of Hokuto's underwear. He brushes his nose against the hard-on.

Then Shintaro brings his mouth closer to the fabric slowly and deliberately. He hears Hokuto suck in a quiet breath above him. Encouraged, Shintaro brings his hands up, open palms smoothing over Hokuto's thighs before bringing them to his cock and start rubbing him.

Hokuto groans quietly, hand twitching at the sheet beneath him like he doesn't know where else to put it.

"You're so hard," Shintaro murmurs, a bit in awe, while not stopping his rubbing.

Then he leans in. He nips the underwear fabric gently with his teeth and starts tugging it down. His hands follow next, skimming down Hokuto's hips to help slide the boxers even lower, exposing him inch by inch, until he's completely naked in front of him. Shintaro tosses the underwear onto the bedside.

His gaze drops and stays there for a moment. He almost lets out a moan because of that sight. Seeing Hokuto naked, stretched out beneath him, his cock lying hard and heavy against his lower stomach glistening faintly at the tip with the precome. Shintaro's own cock twists and burns with want.

"You're..." he starts, but he can't even finish the sentence. He licks his lips.

Then he wraps his hand around the hard cock, watching the way Hokuto's mouth falls open and his back arches slightly off the bed.

Shintaro doesn't say anything when Hokuto curls one hand into his hair. He just keeps stroking him, slow at first, then with a faster pace. The wet slick sounds get mixed with the breathy gasps coming from Hokuto.

Hokuto's legs start to tremble. He's already close.

"Could y-you prepare..." Hokuto murmurs but he doesn't need to finish or elaborate the sentence because Shintaro catches it.

"Yeah," Shintaro moans. He gets even more turned on by the gesture, if even possible.

Hokuto bites his lower lip as he tries to form some coherent instructions.

"In my bag. Inside pocket."

Shintaro stretches across the bed, fingers fumbling with the zipper of the bag until he finds the small bottle of lube and a condom tucked discreetly next to a travel charger. He's a bit amused and luckily that manages to calm him down a little bit so he's not about to come just from the thought of what's about to happen next.

"You were prepared?" he asks teasingly.

"Habit," Hokuto mutters, already pulling him back in by the hips. "Didn't think or dare to even hope that we'd actually use it."

It's crazy to think that Hokuto has been thinking about this before. Maybe done the same thing as Shintaro did once in his hotel room in Fukuoka.

It's starting to become harder and harder not to get overwhelmed by how badly he wants this, how badly he wants Hokuto, so Shintaro hurries up. He opens the cap of the lube while Hokuto watches him in silence, his exhaling coming out as sharp breaths. His knees are now parted. His hand comes to Shintaro's wrist as Shintaro has poured some liquid into his fingers.

Then Hokuto guides his hand between his legs, like he can't wait any longer.

"Come on," he urges with a moan.

Shintaro leans in and kisses him hard. Then he pulls back just enough to see Hokuto's face properly when he starts prepping him. His index finger glides over Hokuto's slick entrance until he slides it in slowly, feeling the tight warmth wrap around it. He waits for a subtle response from Hokuto before adding a second finger.

Hokuto shivers and lets out a long breath through his nose.

“Fuck,” he murmurs, rocking slightly forward as he adjusts. His arms are now braced on either side of Shintaro’s body, knees pressed into the mattress on either side of his hips.

They’re so close like this, forehead to forehead. Shintaro kisses the corner of Hokuto’s mouth, then his jaw, and he’s rewarded with a soft moan when he curls his fingers just right. Hokuto rolls his hips down experimentally, trying to feel it deeper, and Shintaro marvels at every tiny shift in his expression.

"You okay?" Shintaro whispers when his three fingers are finally inside, and he keeps moving them back and forth.

Hokuto nods.

"Yeah. I want this. I want you so so much."

Hokuto beckons him to come closer so that they can kiss again. Shintaro slowly pulls his fingers out, then slides his hand down to stroke along Hokuto's thigh. He leans in, pressing his lips to Hokuto's, deepening the kiss as his other hand searches for the condom package.

Hokuto keeps watching closely as Shintaro tears open the package, positions the latex at the tip, and rolls it down.

Then Shintaro touches Hokuto's hip bone, guiding him.

"Turn around for me," he murmurs gently.

Hokuto obeys without question. He shifts onto his knees, chest lowering to the bed, arms folded under the pillow that he hugs tightly. Shintaro leans forward, one hand planted beside Hokuto's shoulder, the other guiding himself as he brings the tip of his cock near Hokuto's entrance.

Shintaro pushes in slowly. Hokuto's breath catches, but he doesn't ask him to stop, just clutches tighter at the pillow.

"Fuck—" Shintaro pants and his hand instinctively comes to squeeze lightly Hokuto's other buttock because he's so overwhelmed by the feeling.

"You’re so—tight—fuck—"

Hokuto laughs lowly.

"It's so hot, it feels fucking amazing," he moans back.

"Ahhhh," Shintaro lets out and rolls his hips just a little, testing. Hokuto jolts, eyes fluttering closed, a low moan slipping out of him.

Shintaro starts moving. He finds his rhythm easily, hips moving slow and deep, dragging himself out almost all the way before pushing back in. He takes a grip of Hokuto's hips with both hands. Hokuto takes it with his mouth open, a soft low gasp leaving him with every thrust.

"Feels good?" Shintaro asks, already knowing the answer, but needing to hear it.

"So good," Hokuto gasps. "Please don’t stop."

And he doesn't.

Shintaro's grip tightens on his hips as he sets a faster rhythm, crotch snapping forward with more power. The wet slap of skin fills the room.

But then Shintaro slows down.

Not all the way, but just enough to make Hokuto groan a little bit in protest.

"Shhh," Shintaro murmurs, leaning down to kiss the nape of Hokuto's neck. "Wanna see your face."

He pulls out slowly, and Hokuto lets out a shaky exhale. Shintaro guides Hokuto to turn onto his back again. He settles between his legs and pushes back in.

Hokuto wraps his legs around his waist, pulling him closer. Shintaro's hands slide under his thighs, gripping his ass tightly.

"Oh—fuck," he groans, and Shintaro leans down so that they can kiss again.

Hokuto keeps making those low and wrecked sounds and every one of them shoots straight through Shintaro. Then Shintaro shifts their angle just a little bit, and that makes Hokuto choke on a loud moan.

"Th-there?" Shintaro gasps softly.

"Yeah," Hokuto hisses. "There... again. Fuck—"

Shintaro hits that spot over and over, hips rolling just right, fucking him deep.

It doesn't take long after that. Hokuto's back arches and he comes with a shudder. He spills hot cum between them as a broken moan gets punched out of his throat at the same time.

Shintaro buries himself as deep as he can as Hokuto clenches around him. Then the world narrows to only heat and tightness that's almost making him blind and he also comes, trembling violently.

After the last thrust of come, Shintaro collapses on top of Hokuto but takes some support with his hands so that he's not there with his whole weight. Not because he thinks Hokuto is fragile but just enough to let them both breathe although he enjoys the feeling of being that close skin to skin. He brushes his nose gently against Hokuto's cheek before pulling his cock out, making them both let out a final breathless gasp. Shintaro moves to lie next to Hokuto on the bed.

"You okay?" he murmurs.

"Yeah, amazing," Hokuto says hoarsely. "You?"

"Yeah. Just kind of... used."

That comment makes Hokuto laugh. "You seemed to like it, though."

"I loved it," Shintaro corrects, and then sighs, flopping his head into the pillows. "But I might never move again."

"You'll move," Hokuto says, moving to press a lazy kiss to his jaw. "Because we're sticky."

There's a brief moment of silence where neither of them makes a move, and then Shintaro groans.

"…you're right."

They laugh.

Eventually, Shintaro peels himself away from bed with a quiet grumble, tiptoeing to the bathroom. He returns with a warm wet towel and starts cleaning them both up. Hokuto just lies there, watching him like he's appreciating every second of what he's seeing in front of him.

He smirks teasingly at Shintaro who starts wiping off the already-dried cum from his stomach.

"You're being very gentle," Hokuto murmurs.

"What, you want me to scrub you raw?" Shintaro teases him.

Hokuto laughs as Shintaro keeps wiping his stomach.

“No, I like it. Makes me feel like I've been nicely fucked.”

Shintaro snorts, tossing the towel aside. “You have been nicely fucked.”

"Mmmh, I might need you to remind me of that again later. How it's done that nicely."

Shintaro crawls closer to him.

"We can definitely arrange that."

He pulls the covers over them and slides an arm around Hokuto's naked waist, tugging him close.

Hokuto's fingers come to draw circles on Shintaro's arm. 

"You’ll stay here for the night?" he asks.

"Obviously," Shintaro replies. He kisses Hokuto because now that he's kissed him so many times, he doesn't seem to get enough of it.

"I'm not going anywhere," he assures between the kisses.

"Good."

For a moment, there's just the drone of the air conditioner and the sound of their breathing in the room, and once again, Shintaro can't help appreciating how easy it is to be quiet with Hokuto. This time, the situation is quite different compared to previous times, though. Nevertheless, it feels good and content, like it always is.

"By the way, I do know why now," Hokuto starts.

"Hm?"

"Even though we sing about not knowing why, I think in real life, right now, we both do know why,” Hokuto says.

Although Hokuto isn't elaborating more, not saying more than that, Shintaro gets it. So, he nods, and can't help smiling.

Then they kiss slowly and deeply until Shintaro needs to breathe out a shaky laugh against Hokuto's mouth.

"Careful, that's how another round starts usually," he mutters.

"Good," Hokuto mumbles, grabbing Shintaro's head between his hands with a firm hold and giving him a loud smack kiss. "I'm pretty much ready for one already anyway. And maybe round three in the shower."

“And round four?”

Hokuto grins.

"There's the windowsill... if we've still got any energy left after that."

---

Three weeks later, at Nagoya, they do not kiss at the end of Don't Know Why.

But the most important thing is what Shintaro realizes, as he watches Hokuto, that they both know.

They do know why.

(Hokuto still tilts his head teasingly backward on the chair during the final pose. But this time, it's really just for jokes and fun.)