Never Ending Love

Jesse woke with a start, the wheels of the plane hitting the ground and the sound of rushing wind sliding over the wings enough to rip him from what could have only been a wonderful dream. He remembered dark eyes, warm hands, and whispered promises that danced across his skin. He wished the person’s face remained in his memory, for whoever it was had ignited a hunger deep within him, but every time he reached for them, their face evaded his grasp. It was like his memory was incapable of producing the features he was so desperate to see.

He huffed, mild annoyance flicking through him. It had been such a beautiful dream, Jesse was sure of it despite the details evading him. It had been full of longing, a love story worthy of being the greatest romance to span tens of generations. If only it hadn’t escaped him in seconds. He would have loved to spend the next few hours combing over every second of the dream, but it wasn’t in the cards. It was another to add to the never ending list of forgotten dreams. Jesse took his small frustration out on the window cover, snapping it up so he could get his first look at Narita Airport and hopefully lift his mood.

His parents had thought he was crazy for wanting to go on a solo trip across the Pacific. Shouldn’t he go somewhere closer, like Los Angeles or even New York? Those kinds of places were much more budget friendly, and Jesse wouldn’t be using a huge chunk of his savings on such an expensive ticket, especially for a week long vacation. Not to mention he would be fully cut off from his family for the duration of his trip. International calls were expensive, and Jesse hadn’t factored that into his budget. His parents had tried to reason that a trip that far away couldn’t be that important, but to Jesse…it was.

It was well known within their little family that his mother had immigrated from Japan in the fifties when she was almost Jesse’s age. She had sought something new, the city of Las Vegas calling to her in a way that she could never properly put into words. The bright lights and sounds of the city enticed her, so unlike the quiet of her Western Tokyo hometown, and she quickly settled into a new life and routine, meeting Jesse’s father not long after her move. The two swiftly fell in love, married, and settled down in the suburbs of the gambling metropolis to raise their children. 

Jesse hadn’t cared much for his Japanese side growing up. His features were too strange, too abnormal, to the other children, and he hated how he didn’t completely blend in with the swarm of the fully white children that surrounded him. His humor helped, cracking jokes to get people to drop their knives for long enough for Jesse to slip away relatively unscathed, but it was never enough to stop every fist that came his way. He always hoped someone would move to their town that would look like him, a boy caught between two different worlds, but year after year he was alone with only his acquired arsenal of jokes to protect himself.

He didn’t know exactly when it had happened. One day he was slogging through the school day, a mental checklist of homework and readings he needed to complete for his high school classes, the next the desire to visit Tokyo had struck him through the chest. If anyone had asked why, wanting to know where this sudden obsession had come from, Jesse lied and said his history teacher’s lecture about Japanese history had sparked the kindle in his heart. It was far easier, and more believable, than explaining the idea had appeared from thin air, especially after he had so fiercely rejected Japanese culture for so much of his life. 

Tokyo called to Jesse in a way that no other place had. He had seen beautiful pictures of Greece and England in books, the architecture so stunning and historic. He ran his fingers over the pages of the Trevi Fountain, the water sparkling in a way that felt so familiar yet foreign to him. The world was full of exciting places Jesse wanted to experience, but the need to go to Tokyo consumed his entire being. He needed to go there. He had to see the brightly lit skyscrapers and answer the siren call within his heart. If Jesse went there, he would finally be able to fill the hole inside of him he had been trying to hide ever since he was an elementary school student in the sixties. 

There had been a bit of begging, promises being sworn from morning to night that he would be on his best behavior, but his parents refused to even entertain the idea of a family trip abroad. The straight refusal flabbergasted high school Jesse. Didn’t his mother want to visit her family again? Didn’t she want to visit her hometown and see her old friends? They corresponded over letters but was that truly enough? He had tried to press the topic a few times during his remaining years as a high school and college student, but the message was clear. If Jesse wanted to go to Tokyo, he would need to graduate, get a job to save money, and plan the trip on his own.

It had taken far too long, almost a decade of setbacks and saving and strict budgeting to gather as much money as possible, before he finally took the leap. He booked a small hotel on the outskirts of the city, splurged a little of his funds on a decent plane ticket, and was off to experience what Tokyo was like in 1985.

Jesse had to fight the smile off his face as the plane arrived at their gate, the captain powering down the engine. Passengers all around him clicked out of their seatbelts, those on the aisle standing to retrieve their bags from the overhead bins. He could feel himself vibrating from excitement, the need to rush out consuming him. That same passion swallowed him whole like when he was a teenager. Something was waiting for him out there. Jesse could feel it. He just needed to rush off this airplane and find it, but Jesse held himself back. He had a week to explore and learn about the other half of his genetic make up as well as plenty of time to eat to his heart’s content.

The walk and wait for immigration didn’t take long, a Japanese immigration officer hardly looking at Jesse’s American passport before stamping it and waving him through. He had to wait for his suitcase, but before long he was set free into the airport. There were tens of people standing just outside of immigration, holding signs and craning their necks to find their loved ones. Jesse could hear a loud voice barking orders in Japanese, his eyes catching a camera and crew, and he scrunched his nose at the scene. Who recorded a TV show in an airport? Didn’t they need recording permits or something? 

He ignored the crew, trying to find the counter to buy a bus ticket to as close to his hotel as possible. He had been studying Japanese in preparation for this trip, having found a little textbook at his neighborhood bookstore, but Jesse’s grip on the language was barely passable. Kanji still escaped him, Japanese idioms a nut he could never hope to crack, but one of the clerks should be able to speak English…right? This was the major international airport in all of Japan. He shouldn’t have that much trouble communicating until he got out into the city.

The bus tickets were in the corner, nestled between the stairs down towards the buses and the train station. A huge board of cities written in kanji with bus times was hung on the wall, but Jesse…couldn’t remember the closest station to his hotel. He remembered it was just north of the river that cut Tokyo from Kawasaki, but the name of the area escaped him. Yoga? No, that wasn’t right. He could have sworn he was closer to the ocean. Kamata? Ota? He had written it down somewhere. Maybe he had crammed the paper in his suitcase in his rush to pack…

There was a tap on his shoulder as Jesse was sifting through the contents of his suitcase, carefully folded shirts and pants haphazardly occupying the area surrounding him as he tried to find the folder he had kept his reservation and all of his travel information in. He felt something seize his heart, an all consuming worry that other travelers couldn’t get around him. He couldn’t be that annoying foreigner after being in the country less than an hour. An apology was already forming in his head as he turned to speak with whoever had tapped him on the shoulder, but those words were promptly lost the moment their eyes met.

The man who had gotten his attention was perhaps the most beautiful person that Jesse had ever laid his eyes on, long black hair that curled at the ends around his ears. His clothes looked like they were fresh off the pages of a fashion magazine despite them being so common, jeans and a jean jacket with what Jesse could see was a plain colored shirt underneath. The man’s features were classically handsome, but his eyes were what captured Jesse’s soul. They looked timeless. 

“Do you need any help?” It took a moment for Jesse’s brain to compute this Japanese male was speaking to him in fluent English, and most of the stress melted from Jesse’s body. He could do this. He could converse in English perfectly fine if he could keep himself from saying anything too embarrassing.

“I can’t remember where my hotel is,” Jesse said, each word coming out so slow as he tried to comprehend why someone so good-looking was concerned about him. This was a godly beautiful man Jesse was speaking to! Who in their right mind allowed this to happen? Had Jesse unknowingly hit the jackpot? Was he being rewarded for his patience? No matter the reason, he would make use of every second and commit this interaction to memory. 

“Oh,” the man said, his perfectly plush lips rounding into an ‘o’ shape that Jesse was consumed with the desire to kiss. He squatted down, hands resting on his knees, and Jesse got a whiff of his cologne, something expensive Jesse had once sampled at a high end department store. It was dark and musky and dangerous to Jesse’s heart. “Do you remember which hotel you booked? I can also help translate with the ticket staff once we know where we need to go.”

“It’s some place in southern Tokyo,” Jesse said, giving a sheepish grin. He hoped it was enough to cover the raging lust that was consuming him. Jesse didn’t want to come off as too much of a creep to someone who was only trying their best to help him, but it was hard to mask how every twitch of this man’s body set Jesse aflame. He hadn’t experienced any emotion this powerfully in so long, not since he was a teenager. “Other than that, I can’t remember.” 

“Hmm,” the stranger said, tapping his chin, and Jesse’s eyes followed every little move. “Maybe it’s in your backpack?” He motioned towards the plain, nondescript bag slung over Jesse’s shoulders. “If I was traveling, I would keep all of my important documents in there.” 

“Oh, right!” Jesse said. Of course. He had brought a carry-on packed with things to amuse himself during the long flight, but he had passed out without digging into the novel and cassettes he had brought for entertainment. His hotel information should be there. He vaguely remembered sliding the vanilla envelope into his backpack the day before his Tokyo flight. He shrugged it off, the other man taking it from him, and Jesse watched as the stranger combed through all of the contents. 

Was…was this normal? Would every Japanese person that he ran into be as kind as this beautiful, beautiful man? Jesse had run into a few kind individuals over the years, though they were few and far between. But maybe this guy saw something in the shape of Jesse’s eyes, the cut of his cheekbones, and wanted to help a poor foreigner that shared his blood? Jesse wasn’t entirely sure, but he was grateful for every bit of help he received. Exhaustion was starting to drag him down, making his body feel heavy, and all he wanted to do was find a place to curl up and crash.

“Matsumura-san,” Jesse’s head whipped up, finding another Japanese man standing next to them. He was dressed in dark, nondescript clothing and was clutching onto a clipboard. His Japanese was clear and crisp, making it easy for Jesse to follow along. “The staff finished packing up all of the materials from today’s shoot. We should join them in the van, so we can return to the studio and go over your schedule for the next week.”

The bit of conversation piqued Jesse’s interest. Was his savior some kind of celebrity? If there were staff directing him then he had to be. Jesse couldn’t think of any other job that required an assistant besides a CEO, and the man next to him didn’t give off the air that he was at the top of a company. Maybe he was a model? That would explain the expensive fashion he was wearing. Maybe it was for some kind of ad campaign he was shooting in an airport for whatever reason.

The man—Matsumura?—acknowledged what was just said to him before returning his attention back to Jesse, and Jesse felt every curiosity plaguing his brain fall away when those eyes met his once more, continuing their conversation in English. “I’m so sorry.” Jesse’s heart dropped. “I didn’t see anything about a hotel in your bag.”

Oh god, what was he going to do? Another hotel would considerably eat into Jesse’s budget for the week, and he didn’t want to cut out any of his plans. He wanted to travel around the city as well as do day trips to see Kawagoe and Kamakura. Jesse wanted to splurge on the most delicious Japanese food, eating until he was well past stuffed. He didn’t want to cut anything off his to-do list, but he would have to at this rate. A last minute hotel for a week had to be expensive as hell.

“I know this isn’t my fault, but I feel a bit responsible,” Matsumura said, continuing to speak when Jesse didn’t respond, and Jesse saw how his fingers gripped tightly to Jesse’s backpack. “Can I get you a new hotel? My treat, of course.”

Jesse knew that he should turn down the offer. Someone paying for his hotel room was far too kind, but there was a thought stuck behind his head that remained there no matter how Jesse tried to pry it out. Maybe…maybe if he let Matsumura do this then Jesse could see him again. He really wanted to, more than anything in the world. If he let Matsumura buy him a hotel, maybe they could meet again. They could go out to dinner or go to a club. Jesse had read there were popular places in Roppongi and maybe Matsumura would go with him. Dance with him. Sleep with— 

“Sure,” Jesse said, the words sputtering out when he noticed how Matsumura was sitting so patiently waiting for an answer. “Uh, I’m Jesse by the way. You can just call me Jesse. Nice to meet you Matsumura-san.” 

Matsumura’s smile was the brightest thing in the room, his whole face lighting up at the sound of Jesse’s name, and Jesse felt positively blinded by its perfection. “Of course, and please,” Jesse saw Matsumura lean in, his hot breath swirling around Jesse's skin with every word he spoke, “Call me Hokuto. I insist.”

Jesse should have turned down Hokuto’s offer. 

The hotel Hokuto had gotten him was way too nice. It was in a flashy part of the city, Shibuya if Jesse remembered correctly, with perfect views of a huge zebra crossing. They had taken the elevator all the way up to the top floor, a special card necessary to even access it, and Jesse’s mouth had dropped upon stepping out.

The entire floor was a suite of rooms, expensive looking furniture that Jesse was scared to even touch for fear of ruining it. There had to be at least three bedrooms, a huge master with an ensuite, a living room with a massive TV, and was that a kitchen? Who went on a trip to Tokyo, booking an entire suite, and wanted to cook? This was insanity. Jesse was just a single person, and he had no need for such a huge space for just himself.

It was already bad enough that Hokuto had paid for their taxi from the airport to this hotel. After he had helped Jesse repack his suitcase, he had promised his manager, the man with the clipboard, he would contact him to rebook their meeting for a later date. Jesse had tried to stay awake for the car ride, wanting to know more about who Hokuto was, but jet lag had eventually won. He had only awoken once the taxi pulled into the hotel that Hokuto had chosen. 

“Hokuto, this is way too much,” Jesse said, his words finally finding him. He had already shrugged off his backpack and coat, his graphic tee clinging to his body more tightly than he remembered. “You should cancel the room and get me a place at the Hilton.” Wait, did they have Hilton Hotels in Japan? “Or some other kind of chain hotel. I can’t stay here-”

Jesse yelped, feeling himself be backed into the back of the couch. Hokuto’s body was nearly flush against him, just the barest amount of space between them, and Jesse had to keep a firm grip on the sofa behind him. With Hokuto so close, the lust from the airport igniting once more within him, Jesse didn’t want to do something he regretted and push his luck. He was already relying on Hokuto to pay for his hotel, and Jesse didn’t want to get kicked out of it because of his wandering hands and grasping too tightly to where Hokuto didn’t want to be touched. It was much safer to hold onto the couch tightly and pray Hokuto would allow more distance between them. 

“It’s okay,” Hokuto said, his voice so low and sweet. There was the smallest tinge of a smile on his lips, a flicker of his eyes up and down Jesse’s body, and Jesse could have sworn there was the barest hint of Hokuto’s tongue flashing across his own lips. “I wanted to pay for the best for you.” Jesse saw how Hokuto reached out for Jesse’s arm, but retracted his hand before their skin could touch. “Let me give you the comfort you deserve.”

Hokuto wanted to sleep with him. Oh god, Hokuto wanted to sleep with Jesse, and Jesse could hardly keep his breathing under control. Did he want that? Was that something he was interested in? Who was he kidding? Of course, Jesse wanted that, too. There was no denying the attraction that hung between them, a lust so powerful that didn’t compare to what Jesse had felt with his past partners. He couldn’t properly put everything he was feeling into words, the words kept slipping away from him no matter if he tried in simple Japanese or fluent English. It frustrated him to no end that he was incapable of expressing himself in this moment, and it made him want to act on what he was feeling more and more. 

But he couldn’t be the first person to act. There was no way. Whatever happened had to be initiated by Hokuto’s own hand, and it frustrated Jesse to have them so close but not touching. The longer Hokuto stood there, gazing into Jesse’s eyes as if he was deciphering every blink, every twitch, had Jesse feeling even more twitchy than normal.

It wouldn’t be hard to close that distance. It wouldn’t be hard for Hokuto to lean in, pressing their lips together, and Jesse so desperately wanted to know if those lips were as soft as they looked. It felt like torture being forced to stand there, the back of the couch pressing into Jesse’s hips and his fingers turning red from how hard he was clutching onto it. Was Jesse drunk? Had he been drugged? It was the one logical reason he could come up with for how desperately he wanted Hokuto, why he was being so affected. Nothing else made sense to him, and the will to let Hokuto make the first move was slowly being erased from Jesse’s mind.

But before he could reach out himself, shrug Hokuto out of that cursed jean jacket and touch that beautiful skin hidden beneath, Hokuto backed away and put more space between them. “You should rest. It’s been a long day.” Though there was a smile on Hokuto’s face, Jesse couldn’t help but think it was a little sad? Why was that? Had Jesse already done something to massively offend him? But then Hokuto spoke again. “Can I…may I see you tomorrow?”

Jesse should have said no. He should have grabbed his things and found the nearest hotel to book himself a room with his own money. There was something so strange and odd about everything that he had felt in the last few hours, and it terrified Jesse. Every single part of the logical side of his brain was screaming at him to leave, to run away because the emotions coursing through his blood were not normal. Even if Hokuto was feeling the same way, no one in their right mind would willing spend this much money on a stranger, let alone one that they met at an airport that day. Kind people existed all over the world, and there was no way that Hokuto could be that way. He would need to be a saint born to this world for that to happen, and Jesse knew that wasn’t possible. This had to be a trap.

Ever since Jesse had been young, he had been infused with the belief to never trust strangers, always shying away no matter how sweet they appeared on the surface. His parents had preached to always be vigilant and be careful because there were always shady figures waiting around the corner to kidnap Jesse or his sister. Just because he was in another country and, much, much older, didn’t mean it still couldn’t happen. For all Jesse knew, Hokuto could have nefarious plans brewing within that beautiful head of his to make Jesse permanently disappear off this planet. If Jesse was smart, he would walk away now and never turn back. 

“Yes! Please,” Jesse shouted, rushing to make his outburst sound much nicer, and warmness filled his belly with the way Hokuto genuinely looked happy at his response.

They parted not long after, Hokuto waving until the elevator doors closed in front of him. It was only when Hokuto was fully gone did Jesse slump down on the floor, head in his hands, and let out a loud groan. He cursed himself and his desire to get laid. It was putting him into a situation he didn’t think he could escape from.

Jesse had done plenty of research in preparation for his trip, going to his local library and reading as much as he could about Japan, Japanese history, and plane travel as he could. He had run into something called ‘jet lag,’ in his research but had rolled his eyes and skipped over the pages. Once Jesse was asleep, he slept like the dead until he woke up. There was no way he would ever be affected by something so ridiculous.

Jet lag was horrible. A completely and utterly horrible curse. Laying away in a dark hotel room, the city lights of Tokyo sparkling through the window, was not how he wanted to start his vacation. He tried reading to pass the time, but the words on the page swam before his eyes no matter how hard he tried to get himself to focus. He tried listening to music, Madonna and Whitney Houston and Phil Collins, but whatever artist he selected, nothing felt right, the sound clashing with the beat of his heart.

The thing that overwhelmed his heart was Hokuto. His smile. The curve of his hands. The feeling of his breath sliding across Jesse’s skin. It was absolutely crazy the way that, after only a few hours, someone could so fully make Jesse feel as if he was insane. Jesse hardly knew two things about the guy and yet his heart craved everything about the other man. 

He wanted to know what Hokuto liked for breakfast and how his eyes lit up when he ate something delicious. He wanted to know every sound that passed through those lips, ones of surprise and joy and anger. There was so much to learn and yet so little time. Jesse only had another six days before he returned to the U.S. 

Jesse didn’t know if he had the power to uncover all of the mysteries behind Hokuto’s eyes. Oh god, those eyes. Despite Jesse’s unearthly attraction to him, Hokuto’s eyes were his favorite part about him. They were so warm. He wanted to paint the sky with the color of them, so he could always gaze upon their dark depths. As long as Hokuto’s gaze was on him, Jesse felt completely and utterly at peace.

But his brain, the part of him that was unaffected by the endless pull to be by Hokuto’s side, was screaming at Jesse at how wrong this was. Though he had fallen in love before, fought and received his fair share of heart break, Jesse had never felt such a strong and intense pull. It was like a magic spell had been cast over his heart, and that was wrong. But how could something so wrong still feel so right?

When the hour finally hit eight o’clock, Jesse slipped into a pair of jeans and a fresh t-shirt to go buy breakfast, donning his jacket to keep the nippy morning air from freezing him too much. He slid his wallet into his pocket, grabbed his key card to his hotel room, and was off. He tried communicating with the front desk staff about the nearest convenience store in Japanese, but the concierge pulled a map out from behind the desk, giving him crisp and clear directions to the nearest FamilyMart in perfect English.

Jesse felt relieved as he crossed the intersection, gaze snapping from the map to each street to make sure he was choosing the right one. He didn’t want to get lost. He had hoped for a little bit of floundering before English was broken out, but at least the front desk staff hadn’t made him suffer for too long. He still hoped to get a little practice, and hopefully he could have a full conversation by the time that he left. 

Maybe Hokuto would let him practice Japanese? There were plenty of words and grammar points that Jesse needed help with. It’d be nice to get some help with comparatives. That had been the last thing he had studied before packing for his trip. Words like better, taller, longer, harder, faster-

He swerved, managing to avoid running into a suit-clad Japanese business man at the last second, and Jesse choked out an apology in broken Japanese, hoping it appeased the poor man. He really needed to stop letting his mind drift to sex when it involved Hokuto. It was only a matter of time before the thoughts inside of his head slipped out. Sure, things could end in his favor, but did he really want to use Japanese dirty talk on Hokuto? 

…Jesse refused to let himself answer that question. 

The convenience store the concierge had chosen wasn’t far from his hotel, maybe a five minute walk, and the inside walls were colorless but clean. There was a stand of Japanese magazines and huge manga publications along a wall of windows looking out into the streets of Shibuya, but the rows of Japanese treats drew Jesse’s attention. He spent far too long wandering and selecting his snacks, debating whether this brand of chips looked better than the other and trying to decipher the writing on the bags. The bread aisle took Jesse even longer, but he selected what looked like pancakes and chocolate croissants. Realizing he had only picked up snacks and sweets, Jesse chose a few rice balls and a banana before bringing his selections to the counter.

He had been proud of himself on his walk back, clutching the plastic bag of food tightly in his hand. Jesse only needed the clerk to repeat their Japanese once, asking if he wanted a bag, and had been able to answer. Sure, he only said, ‘hai onegaishimasu,’ in return, but this was a victory! A Japanese victory! He could do this! 

Jesse had planned to leave a few of his snacks in case he woke up early again the next day, but he gorged himself on nearly everything he had bought. It had just been too delicious! The chocolate croissants were soft and the chocolate so creamy, and the rice balls he had chosen were heavenly. Jesse hadn’t been sure if tuna and mayo would taste good with rice, but it had been truly perfect. He wished he had bought the whole stock the convenience store had. Next time, he would get more than one and not choose a variety of flavors. By the time he was finished, Jesse could hardly move, and he didn’t think he would be able to for the next few hours. 

The phone on the side table next to him rang, and Jesse groaned. Who in the world could be calling his hotel room? He scooted across the couch, hand reaching for the handle of the phone, and groaning when his fingers couldn’t quite grasp it. He couldn’t move another inch, his stomach near bursting from how much he had consumed. When his fingers finally got hold of the receiver, he used every ounce of his grip strength to pull it to his ear, the cord tangling around his forearm. 

“Yes? Hello?” Jesse said, and cringed. God, he hoped it was the woman downstairs who spoke English or Jesse just made a fool of himself again. 

Thankfully, the same concierge as before’s voice slipped through the phone. “Hello, Mr. Lewis, is it? I have a Mr. Matsumura Hokuto here with me. He’s asking permission to be added to your reservation. We understand that he is the one paying for your suite, but he had you listed as the sole occupant. Do you consent to his request?”

Jesse blinked. Huh. What a strange and convoluted way to ask if Hokuto could come up to the hotel room. “Of course,” Jesse said, without hesitation. “Send him up.”

He hung up without hearing her response, laying back down in sweet bliss for a moment before he jumped up. Hokuto was downstairs. He was coming up to the room right now. Jesse was going to see Hokuto in minutes. Was he dressed alright? Jesse had never been the most fashionable growing up, just throwing on t-shirts or sweats unless he needed to get properly dressed up. He had never seen the point in needing to follow fashion trends, but what if Hokuto cared about that kind of thing? What if he couldn’t be with someone who dressed like a slob? 

Half the contents of Jesse’s suitcase were on the floor of the master when he heard the elevator door ‘ding,’ and he froze like a dog caught with a shoe it wasn’t allowed to have. Now he was in a messy hotel room, dressed like a slob, and Hokuto was approaching the master bedroom that he paid for. Things couldn’t be WORSE, and Jesse was cursing his improper packing technique for this trip. He should have known he would meet the hottest Japanese guy who turned his insides and decision making skills into jelly. This always happened in those romance movies his sister liked! 

Before Jesse could throw everything back into his suitcase, Hokuto was there, standing in the doorway looking like he walked out of the pages of a fashion magazine. He was in all black, a red stripe across his chest on his fluffy jacket the only color in the entire look, but Jesse had never seen someone look so beautiful. It took him a while before he remembered he was hunched over his suitcase on all fours with his underwear clenched in his hand.  

“It’s not what it looks like,” Jesse said, the words pouring from his mouth so quickly he would be surprised if Hokuto caught them all. He had forgotten to breathe before speaking. “I was just, you see, there was this cat—no not a cat—a bird! Yes, a bird! It flew in through the window and attacked my-”

“Do you want to come out with me today?” Hokuto asked, as if Jesse wasn’t fighting for his life to explain the hurricane of clothes currently occupying most of the floor. He felt absolutely faint from the lack of oxygen making it to his brain. “I thought you might want to take it easy since it’s your first full day here. We can go to Tokyo Tower, maybe the Imperial Gardens, and get a late lunch or early dinner depending on how hungry you are?” 

Jesse had to compose himself, the urge to shout his response back in full unadulterated joy far too strong. Of course he wanted to spend the day with Hokuto! He wanted to spend every hour of every waking moment of his time in Japan with him. If it hadn’t been weird, he would have asked Hokuto to stay over, so they wouldn’t waste a single second, but Jesse held back. A single concern coming to him.

“Is that alright?” he found himself asking, memories from the previous day coming back to him. Hokuto’s manager had said they needed to go over the schedule for this week. “Don’t you have to work?”

But Hokuto waved Jesse’s question away. “I’m rescheduling everything, so I can take time off. The only thing I want to be doing this week is spending time with you.”

Jesse’s heart was doing backflips in his chest, and it was taking every bit of strength he had to keep his jaw closed. He was going to spend so much time with Hokuto that he could feel his very cells turning to butterflies beneath his skin from the joy. How did he get so lucky?

“Are you sure?” Jesse asked, his voice coming out as barely a wisp. “I mean, I’m just…” he waved a hand in front of his face, still clutching the underwear, “this! And you’re…” Jesse trailed off, afraid of the next word that his mouth would choose.

“I’m sure. Take it as another apology if it makes you feel better,” Hokuto said, taking slow steps backwards towards the door. “I’ll give you a second to straighten up but don’t take too long. I want to get out and explore the city with you…”

Jesse had the room clean in fifteen seconds flat. 

Hokuto had the concierge call them a car, a sleek black one pulling into the hotel’s parking lot to pick them up. Jesse slid in behind Hokuto, their fingertips brushing and making Jesse’s head feel like static until Hokuto pulled his hand away. The conversation between Hokuto and the driver was too quick for Jesse’s ears, only able to pick up the words ‘Tokyo Tower,’ before the driver was off, cruising through the city streets. 

Tokyo passed them by in peaceful silence, Japanese houses and tall apartment buildings surrounding them before the car entered the highway. Jesse found himself staring at the world passing him by before his attention was drawn back to Hokuto. 

He looked so beautiful in the back of the cab, eyes drawn to the city around them, and it made Jesse so curious about the other person occupying the car with him. Who was Hokuto? Where had he come from? There were so many layers protecting him that Jesse wanted to peel back to discover what lay beneath. 

“So, uh, what do you do for work?” Jesse asked, breaking the silence between them. His fingers clutched the fabric of his jeans, trying to keep his voice even.

Hokuto turned, his eyes so powerful and strong, and Jesse regretted bringing up the topic. How could he have a decent conversation with someone that tore him apart with a single glance?

“I’m an idol,” was Hokuto’s simple answer.

“WHAT?” Jesse shouted. “Wait, you mean—you’re an idol? Like…a god?!”

That oddly made sense. Jesse could understand why so many people in Japan would worship someone who looked as if he stepped from the pages of an ancient text.

He was halfway into a bow when Hokuto’s laughter that broke Jesse’s from his thoughts, the sound so musical to Jesse’s ears. “Not like that. An idol is a job here in Japan.” Hokuto put a hand on Jesse’s shoulder, pushing him so he was sitting up straight. “It means I can sing and dance as well as act. It’s a job that requires being a well-rounded individual, so I can bring happiness to everyone that comes to watch me.” 

“That sounds so…incredible,” Jesse breathed out, and it meant it. Being a performer sounded like such an interesting job, and it struck a memory that Jesse had pushed out of his mind a long time ago.

He had wanted to be a singer when he was young, often taking every opportunity to perform for his family every chance that Jesse got. If Jesse hadn’t been so concerned with saving for his trip to Japan, he could have risked packing up after college and going to Hollywood to pursue singing. But Japan had come first, and he had to let go of his silly dream to tour the U.S. In another life, he would have loved to pursue Hokuto’s career.

“It was something to fill my time,” Hokuto said as his gaze drifted, finger dragging along the cushioned seats, and Jesse could see a faint smile clinging to Hokuto’s lips. “I feel like I’ve spent my entire adult life just…waiting. Waiting for something interesting to happen. Waiting for someone to come and sweep me off my feet. Being an idol helped pass the time, but I felt so hopeless waiting for someone to capture my attention the way I needed.” Hokuto’s eyes returned to Jesse’s. “Then I saw you in the airport yesterday, and I just knew. I’ve been waiting all of this time for you.” 

Jesse was stunned. How could he ever possibly hope to convey his emotions in such beautiful words? There was so much longing in Hokuto’s voice, the weight of years hanging onto his every word, and here was Jesse lusting after the other man in the car. There was nothing poetic about how Jesse was feeling, the sense of a lifetime dictating what he did with his time until his purpose had appeared before him. Jesse only felt guilty for how lust driven he had been since meeting Hokuto in the airport less than 24 hours before.

“I hope that I can live up to your expectations,” Jesse said, but Hokuto just shook his head at Jesse’s words.

“I don’t have any,” Hokuto said as the driver exited the highway, and Jesse could see Tokyo Tower peaking between the buildings surrounding it. “Not a single one. I only want you to be yourself, and I’ll be myself in return. That’s the only thing that I ask.”

Hokuto had been the one to pay for their tickets, insisting that Jesse save his money for souvenirs and other purchases he wanted to make. Jesse had tried to switch at least his own ticket to his own funds, but the ticket clerk’s lack of English proficiency and Hokuto’s master of the Japanese language won. Jesse had stepped aside and let Hokuto lead him to the elevator

The ride up hadn’t taken long, a few minutes at most, before they arrived at the observation deck, and Jesse’s jaw dropped at the view. He could see for miles in every direction, tall buildings erected at what he guessed to be every major station in the greater Tokyo area. There was a huge patch of green space to the north, high walls erected blocking his view of what lay beyond. 

It was so different from what Jesse had experienced back home. Las Vegas was like a carnival walking down the strip, one never-ending party that followed you no matter where you went. The city was bright and colorful and alive, beating a rhythm that remained within the heart long after you had left. 

But Japan…Jesse felt the history of the city gazing upon it, leaning over the wooden railing that kept guests from leaning too far forward and putting their hands upon the glass. There was a mixing of old and new, classic and current, that took Jesse’s breath away. He could see temples scattered across the city, the ancient buildings one would think would be at odds with the new construction sprouting up, but everything fit so beautifully. It was a marriage of styles that Jesse knew he would never tire of looking at. 

“I used to come up here every year on my birthday when I was a trainee,” Hokuto said, settling next to Jesse. He leaned in, their shoulders brushing, and Jesse swore he saw stars dance across his vision from the small embrace. “I thought that if I was up high enough, the world could see me, and I would finally be loved.” 

Jesse couldn’t speak, couldn’t find the words. What was Hokuto talking about? Of course he was loved! He had to have friends and family that adored him, those that cared about him throughout every day of his life. Not to mention he was an idol! He had to have thousands of adoring fans who loved him and supported him in his career.

“I know you probably think I’m crazy.” Hokuto let out a weak laugh. “I would too if I was in your position, but when I was a teenager and even in my early twenties, all I craved was having someone by my side that would understand me.” Jesse watched as Hokuto’s gaze was focused on his hands, playing with his fingers. “I’ve had to put on a mask my whole life and pretend to be someone I’m not. 

“With my family, I had to be the perfect son. I needed to achieve the highest grades and get into the best university while pursuing stardom. With my friends, I needed to be the perfect support system, always giving my all and sacrificing parts of myself to make sure they could also succeed.” He heard Hokuto sigh, his head hanging low. “And with my fans, I have to pretend to be someone else. I have to play the part as someone mysterious and sexy, and, whenever I let my true personality slip through, it gives the scandal sheets ammo to try and shoot me down.” Hokuto’s gaze rose, looking at the city before them. “Just once I want someone who will love me for my soul and the person I am deep inside.” 

Deep down, Jesse could understand those sentiments. All of his life he wanted people to stop looking at his exterior and get to know him for who he was. The kids he had grown up with were so concerned with Jesse’s features, how different and strange they were, and didn’t care to get to know the person he was beneath the surface. 

It was frustrating how cruel the world could be, how focused it was on outward appearances. Even in dating and love, you had to put on the perfect exterior to attract a partner. It was only when trust and love were budding did the walls finally come down and allow you to truly see the person behind the impeccably crafted façade. Jesse couldn’t imagine the social pressures bearing down upon Hokuto in such a difficult line of work.

Jesse felt Hokuto grip his jacket, his hand so firm on Jesse’s forearm. Jesse’s gaze shot to Hokuto’s eyes, the barest amount of worry clinging to his eyes, and Jesse hung onto every word that passed from Hokuto’s lips. “Jesse…can I be myself with you?” Hokuto asked, his hand slipping down Jesse’s jacket so he could thread their fingers together. “Can you accept the real me?”

His entire world shifted in a moment, a scene coming to Jesse’s mind and filling his vision that hadn’t been there before. It was him and Hokuto, standing just how they were, their hands threaded together, but they weren’t in Tokyo. No, the buildings around them were far from that style. It looked like they were in Europe, England maybe, a cobbled street beneath Jesse’s leather shoes. Horse drawn carriage clopped by, a warm breeze on his skin, but the only thing Jesse saw was Hokuto’s smiling face looking up at him.

As quickly as the vision had come, it disappeared, and it took Jesse a moment to reorient himself. What…what had just happened? Was it a dream? No, it couldn’t have been. It felt too real, but that wasn’t possible. There was no way he could have been in Regency era England because he wasn’t hundreds of years old. He had grown up in Las Vegas, played in baseball tournaments, and went to McDonald’s after games. It had to be a weird vision that had randomly surfaced the moment Hokuto touched his hand. 

“Let’s go,” Hokuto said, tapping Jesse’s shoulder. A distant smile was on his face. “I want to show you the Imperial Gardens as well today. I think we’ve spent plenty of time up here.” 

Hokuto walked away, heading back towards the elevator, and Jesse followed after him, trying to push the strange dream from his mind. He needed to live in the moment with Hokuto.

It had truly been the perfect afternoon. After leaving Tokyo Tower, they walked the streets of Tokyo, arriving at the Imperial Gardens just north of the tower. Though it was a bit too early to view the beautiful flowers in bloom, Jesse had still been struck by the elegance of the grounds. It made him wish that he had thought to ask his mother for her Polaroid camera. He would have loved to take tons of pictures to show his family once he returned home. Maybe he could purchase one from a store here in Tokyo. He’d have to ask Hokuto to take him to one.

They had lunch at a ramen shop Hokuto had recommended. It had been open for almost a hundred years and was quite the popular spot, the wait nearly taking forty-five minutes before they were ushered to a long counter. Hokuto had been the one to hand over their order in the form of paper slips he had purchased from a vending machine just outside of the restaurant. The food had been absolutely the most delicious thing Jesse had eaten in his entire life when it had arrived not long after, but the moment they had stepped from the shop the only thing he had wanted to do was sleep, the weight of the day hanging upon him harder than he had anticipated. Hokuto called a taxi company from a nearby payphone, giving their location of where the driver should pick them up, and they waited patiently until their cab driver turned the corner.

But all further ideas and plans evaporated as Jesse climbed into the taxi, the seat feeling as if it was the softest thing in the world. The second Jesse’s head touched the window he was asleep, the sounds of Hokuto’s Japanese lulling him into a dreamless sleep until he was gently shaken awake upon arriving back at his hotel. 

He had thought they would part then, Hokuto going to his home and Jesse returning to his hotel room to sleep like the dead, but Hokuto followed him inside, waiting for Jesse to find his key card for the hotel elevator. Jesse didn’t understand why. It wasn’t like Jesse could do much when the only constant thought in his head was the desire to sleep. 

“I need to make sure you stay up for a few more hours or you’ll never adjust,” Hokuto murmured, tugging at the extra fabric of Jesse’s jacket hanging around his elbow. “At least until six.” 

At the moment it was four o’clock and waiting another two felt like absolute torture to Jesse. He could barely keep one foot in front of the other at this rate. How in the world did Hokuto think he could keep Jesse up for at least another two hours? It felt like an absolute miracle in order for that to happen. 

The elevator door dinged once it reached the top floor, and Jesse stumbled out, almost tripping over one of his own feet, but he managed to catch himself at the last second. “Stupid shoes,” he muttered, kicking both of them off and not caring where they landed. He caught a bit of concern on Hokuto’s features, his gaze burning into Jesse’s skin, and Jesse felt himself flush.  

He shed his jacket, dropping it to the floor, and his exhausted brain could have sworn he heard Hokuto pick it up and laugh. Maybe. Jesse wasn’t sure. His pants were feeling far too tight, and he needed to get out of them. He flicked the button open, undoing the zipper in a single swoop, and balanced himself on the doorframe to the master, so he could push them over his hips and to the floor in one motion. He managed to not make a complete fool of himself stepping out of his pants, only stumbling a little, and promptly crashed onto the king sized bed.

Jesse ran his hands over the sheets, wiggling his body until he was warm and embraced under the covers. He had never felt a bed so soft in his entire life, as if it was made of clouds. It would be so easy to drift off and fall asleep, jet lag be damned. He could wake up at 2 a.m., and it would be worth the beautiful dreams that were dancing the edges of Jesse’s mind, coaxing him to fall deeper and deeper.

“Jesse…” 

Hokuto’s voice cut through the fog, and Jesse mustered the energy to lift his head and found Hokuto hovering by the entrance of the master bedroom. One of his hands was gripping the other tightly, as if he was holding himself back, but Hokuto couldn’t mask his emotions from reaching his eyes. The dark lust was so boldly painted across his face that even an exhausted Jesse could tell what it was.

Jesse’s own desire took over, an impulse that he couldn’t shake. He found the energy to sit up, strip off his shirt and deposit it on the floor, and he saw Hokuto gasp as Jesse revealed his chest, the muscle he had carved through many years of working out. It was one of the things about himself that Jesse took pride in. Jesse kept himself in excellent shape, and he knew that Hokuto liked what he saw, that little tongue darting out once more. The need to capture it in a kiss was the only thought flowing through Jesse’s mind. 

“Jesse…I…” Jesse shifted up on the bed, the bedding that had once covered him falling further and he could feel the sheets pooling around his hips. Something dark flashed across Hokuto’s face before he washed the lust from it, replacing it quickly with sorrow. “I can’t. I’m so sorry, but I can’t do that with you yet. It’s too soon.”

He felt himself deflate, bitter embarrassment at how forward Jesse had been. Of course. There were probably societal differences between Japanese and American people. While Jesse was so willing to sleep with anyone pretty, Hokuto probably had grown up being careful of his image, selecting his partners after getting to know them. Not to mention his career being in the public spotlight! More than likely, he couldn’t run around with just anyone. What if someone took a photo of them together and sold it to the papers? Hokuto’s entire career could be ruined because of fleeting desires.

“No, it’s my fault,” Jesse said, regretting having dropped his shirt on the floor. He felt far too undressed now compared to Hokuto, only the sheets and his underwear keeping him from being completely naked. He started picking up the edge of the sheets to cover himself. “I shouldn’t have—I must have misread things and-” 

Hokuto’s shout stopped the words from flowing from Jesse’s mouth. “No!” Hokuto crossed the room, stopping at the opposite side of the bed from Jesse. “I want to. You have no idea how badly I want you, but I can’t let this happen just yet.” Hokuto’s fingers were digging into the soft sheets. “I…We need to get to know each other better. That needs to happen first and then...” 

Hokuto trailed off, but Jesse’s mind filled in the blanks. The images of Hokuto laid on the bed under him, moans filling the air. Jesse would have done anything to make that happen.

He saw Hokuto straighten, eyes darting to the door. He was starting to inch away, small steps that got him closer and closer to the doorway. Jesse knew the next thing out of Hokuto’s mouth before he heard the words. “You need rest. I should-”

“Tell me a bedtime story,” Jesse blurted out, his cheeks burning, and Hokuto took a step back, his eyes widening. Jesse couldn’t believe he had made such a childish request. His mother hadn’t told him a bedtime story since he was five, but he didn’t want Hokuto to go just yet. He patted the bed next to him, his eyes pleading. “Please, don’t go. I don’t want you to leave just yet.

Hokuto looked through the doorway towards where the elevator was, biting his lip as Jesse saw Hokuto silently debated with himself. Jesse couldn’t breathe as he waited, silently pleading to every god he had ever heard about that Hokuto wouldn’t go. He swore and promised and prayed that he wouldn’t do anything stupid if Hokuto stayed. He’d lay there in bed, listen to Hokuto’s story, and he wouldn’t move a single muscle the whole time. If Hokuto remained by his side, he would be on his best behavior.

The bed shifted, Hokuto climbing onto it. He peeled each of his shoes off with his hand before laying down on the covers, his head resting on the other pillow on the bed. There was a soft smile on his face, one that made Jesse’s heart flutter. Hokuto felt too far away, leagues separating them despite it being hardly a few feet, but Jesse remained loyal to his promise. He didn’t scoot forward to close the distance between them. He pulled the covers up to his chin, curling beneath them as he readied himself to listen to Hokuto’s tale. 

“I’ll tell you one story, and then I’ll go.” Hokuto’s voice was so soft, the sound of it the sweetest melody. “It’s not long, but it’s my favorite. 

“A long time ago there were two princes, the Prince of Day and the Prince of Night. They were fated to never meet, for as the Day Prince went to sleep, the Night Prince would rise. But one day, as the Night Prince was returning to his resting place, he stumbled upon the Day Prince’s.” Jesse felt himself clinging onto every word, Hokuto’s voice slipping into his mind and imbedding itself into Jesse’s very being. He had never heard this story before. It must have been one native to Japan. “The Night Prince had never seen someone so beautiful, and he resolved himself that the two would meet face to face.

“The next time the Night Prince woke, he built himself a resting place within the Day Prince’s domain, so he would not need to travel so far for his own rest,” Hokuto said, hand stroking the sheets rhythmically as he spoke. “He sat and waited, the hours ticking by until the Day Prince awoke, finding the Night Prince waiting for him.” 

“What did the Day Prince think of him?” Jesse asked, his voice hardly a whisper.

“I’m getting there,” Hokuto laughed, the sound so magical. Jesse knew he would never tire of hearing Hokuto’s laugh. “But to say it was love at first sight would be an understatement. The two connected in a way that paled in comparison to even the greatest love stories. It was as if the two princes were two halves of the same coin, forever tied together. They didn’t have long together every day, for one prince could hardly stay awake while the other reigned, but their love bloomed over their small time together.

“But their love could not last. Their parents, disappointed in their choice of who they loved, did not approve.” There was something in Hokuto’s voice, something that hadn’t been there before, that Jesse’s exhausted brain couldn’t pick up on. Was that sorrow? Anger? He couldn’t tell. The longer he listened, the more tired he became, and Jesse was fighting to keep his eyes open. “Their parents relinquished the Day Prince and the Night Prince of their immortal bodies, and they entered the mortal plane as human. Though they were scared of the future and what it held, the Prince of Night swore on his father’s beating heart that no matter what happened to them, no matter where their travels took them, he would always find the Prince of Day.”

Jesse’s eyes were so heavy, the strength to open them slipping from his grasp. He wanted to tell Hokuto all of his thoughts about the story, how bittersweet it was that the two couldn’t love each other for eternity. How he could understand why Hokuto loved it so much, true love and romance something that Jesse craved in his lifetime as well. There was so much that Jesse wanted to express, but the words refused to come from his mouth.

“I hope they lived happily ever after,” he managed to murmur, feeling sleep drag him further and further into its dark depths. The sweet embrace of his dreams surrounded Jesse in a warm embrace as visions of two princes danced behind his eyelids.

He felt something trace his hair, Hokuto’s hand perhaps, but he couldn’t be sure. It could have been a figment of his imagination, a wish or dream, but he was too tired to try and figure out what it could be. The only thing he knew was the touch felt oddly familiar to him. He heard Hokuto murmur something, Jesse craning his ears to listen, but he was too far gone. Sleep claimed every inch of him, and then all Jesse knew was darkness.

The streets surrounding Sensoji Temple were vibrant and alive as Jesse wandered through the stalls in front of the temple. There were far too many interesting things to look at, little charms and accessories that were handmade by each shopkeeper, and he felt himself getting distracted at every little detail. It was positively overwhelming with so many things in front of him, but Jesse had time. Hokuto had slipped away for a moment and had made Jesse swear up and down that he wouldn’t move from the area. If Jesse left, it would be near impossible for the two of them to meet, and Jesse wanted to make sure he was easy to find.

Jesse took his time searching through everything that caught his eye in the little shops, trying to find souvenirs to bring back to his family. He had debated a few things, running back and forth between stands as he tried to decide what the best gifts could be. In the end, he purchased a sake cup for his father, a few traditional hair accessories for his sister, and a beautiful necklace for his mother. 

One of the shopkeepers had been kind and given Jesse a plastic bag for his purchase at her shop as well as the other things he had bought and was clutching in his hand. He was grateful for the offer because he hadn’t thought to bring a bag with him when he left his hotel that morning. Now he would have something to keep all of his gifts safe!

There was only one problem: the woman who offered him the bag was impossibly long winded. She had somehow catapulted into a story about a time from her youth when she had taken a trip to an onsen in the north and was nearly attacked by a monkey. It was only because of her dog running the animal off that she was saved…or she was discussing how much Jesse looked like her nephew. Maybe both? Jesse wasn’t sure. Her Japanese was so heavily accented that his brain was filling in details that he didn’t understand. 

He was left awkwardly standing there, listening to her rattle on and on about her story. He could feel a line forming behind him, impatient customers waiting for Jesse to move on, but Jesse wasn’t sure how to counter this woman’s rambling. Was it rude to interrupt your elders in Japan? Was it better to sit and wait for her to finish, even if the other customers in the shop became increasingly more impatient? Jesse really should have read up more on Japanese customs before booking his trip. 

Finally, the old woman took a deep breath in, and Jesse took his chance. He stuttered out a quick ‘thank you’ in Japanese and ran out of the shop as quickly as he could, nearly running into a display near the exit but avoiding it at the last second. It wasn’t until he was halfway down another row that he stopped, clutching onto his plastic bag full of gifts, and laughed. 

He wasn’t sure why it was so funny. Perhaps it was the absurdity of it all? Back home, he had to practically beg to get an ounce of attention from elders, their cruel eyes so heavy on his shoulders. It was nice to have one person who didn’t care about what he looked like.

But another part of Jesse warmed at the memory, his brain already choosing the words and phrasings of how he would retell his experience. He couldn’t wait for Hokuto to return to him, so Jesse could fill him in on everything. He wanted to see Hokuto’s smile, wondering if he would laugh as hard as Jesse did. But even more, Jesse wanted Hokuto to praise him for managing to make so many purchases with his limited Japanese abilities. That thought made Jesse feel toasty from his cheeks all the way to his cold toes in his sneakers.

A stall near the end of the aisle caught his eye, advertising freshly made soft serve ice cream that looked absolutely delicious despite the chilly weather. There were flavors Jesse recognized like chocolate and vanilla and strawberry as well as something called ‘kurogoma’ that he had never seen before. Resolving to try new things, he bought himself one, nose crinkling when he was handed an unappealingly grey colored ice cream. He stood just outside of the shop, following the lead of others who had also purchased ice cream there, and crossed his fingers. He’d give it a taste, a single lick, to test the flavor. Hopefully it was good. 

Jesse’s eyes lit up as the ice cream covered his tongue, a flavor akin to peanut butter taking over his senses. It was absolutely delicious, the kind of dessert that Jesse favored back home, and he could sense his impulse to buy two or three or even six more cones to enjoy. Kurogoma had to mean peanut butter in Japanese. It felt so obvious now that Jesse knew what the flavor entailed, but he felt a bit silly. He should have tried something else in that case. Peanut butter was something he was familiar with after all. 

Before he could devour the rest of his cone and line up once more to order a second one, Jesse felt a hand on his shoulder, a growing familiar dark and musky scent filling his nose, and he felt himself smile. It was Hokuto.

“That looks incredible,” Hokuto said. He was holding onto his own plastic bag, some kind of box hidden inside. Jesse was curious about what he had bought, but he didn’t want to interrupt Hokuto to ask. “I love black sesame ice cream so much. Can I try a bit?” 

“Sure,” Jesse said, holding his cone for Hokuto to take, and feeling oddly relieved. He had chosen a more traditionally Japanese flavor after all! Black sesame just tasted like peanut butter. “If you want more than a few bites, don’t worry. I was planning to get another-” 

Any other words Jesse wanted to say flew from Jesse’s mouth the moment Hokuto’s fingers lightly curled around the edge of Jesse’s cone. The world seemed to turn to slow motion as Hokuto leaned in, his tongue long and flat as it started at the base of the ice cream and licking to the very tip. Jesse felt his blood rushing through his veins, his mind wandering and imagining where else he wanted that tongue to lick. 

But Hokuto, that cursed Hokuto, struck Jesse even further. He watched as Hokuto closed his eyes for a moment, that second lasting an eternity inside of Jesse’s mind, and Jesse felt his heart come to a stop. When Hokuto opened his eyes, his gaze was locked onto Jesse’s, and it took every ounce of Jesse’s power to suppress the groan that threatened to pass through his lips. Those hooded eyes awakened all of Jesse’s senses, and his breath quickened watching Hokuto’s tongue curve ever so slightly before bringing the ice cream into his mouth to enjoy.

Jesse felt frozen standing there in the cold winter air, his mind and body unable to function after witnessing that positively erotic display. How did Hokuto do that? How did he completely unleash that sexual side of himself when they were surrounded by hundreds of people? How were there not tens of people begging for Hokuto to use his magical tongue on them? Jesse certainly wanted to drag Hokuto off to somewhere private. There was a part of his body that desperately needed attention after what Jesse had witnessed. The only thing that kept Jesse rooted in place was the knowledge that Hokuto didn’t want to engage in anything sexual just yet. 

“That’s amazing,” Hokuto said, Jesse following the way Hokuto’s Adam’s apple bobbed as he swallowed his little treat. “If you don’t become addicted to black sesame after that cone, I’ll take you to a place that has the best desserts made with it. You’ll never want to leave Japan after eating them.” His tongue darted out, seeking any possible remaining ice cream, and Jesse had never wanted to kiss Hokuto so badly in his entire life.

This was absolutely unfair. Hokuto had to know what he was doing, the kind of effect he had on Jesse, and Jesse couldn’t do anything about it. He needed to respect Hokuto’s wishes despite the emotions brewing between the two of them, but it was becoming harder and harder with every passing day. It was as if every cell of Jesse’s body was calling out to Hokuto, desperate for some kind of touch or affection, but he couldn’t get it. Jesse felt trapped between doing what was right and being an asshole, and there was no way he could choose the second path. He didn’t have the cruelty to force himself on another person, and he hoped he would never be that type of monster.

For now, he filed Hokuto’s teasing tongue into the recess of his memories, a small memory to use when he was alone in his hotel room. He hoped and prayed that, by the time he left Japan to return home, Hokuto felt comfortable enough to let Jesse into his bed. If not, Jesse would continue to respect the boundary that Hokuto had drawn between them.

“So, uh, what did you buy?” Jesse asked, focusing his attention on his ice cream so he could distract himself. Maybe if he ate it quick enough, Hokuto would believe the redness of Jesse’s cheeks was because of a brain freeze and not the improper thoughts he was shoving back into the deep recess of his mind. 

“Oh!” Hokuto said, perking up a moment before reaching to dig into his bag. “I noticed you didn’t have one of these earlier, and, since we’re seeing such a famous temple, I thought you would want to make some physical memories of your trip.” 

It was a new, sleek Polaroid camera, and Jesse nearly dropped the last remaining bite of cone that he had in his hand when he saw the shiny, brand spanking new box in Hokuto’s hand. He had wanted to ask Hokuto about where to buy one yesterday, but the thought had slipped his mind with how busy the day had become. Hokuto was truly too sweet, thinking so much about Jesse and how to make this trip special as possible for him. Jesse didn’t think he had ever had a partner that was as proactive as Hokuto.

It was almost too much for Jesse to handle, each act stacking on top of each other on Jesse’s shoulders and threatening to topple over the more time passed. Hokuto had come to meet Jesse at his hotel each morning, had paid for their cars to and from each location they visited, and also covered Jesse’s food costs. The only thing Jesse had spent his money on was early morning convenience store breakfasts, the souvenirs for his family, and his ice cream. His cash was burning a hole in his pocket, begging to be spent on something, but no matter how he tried, Hokuto always denied him the opportunity. The more of Hokuto’s wallet Jesse saw, the more an itch was developing between his own fingers. Jesse wanted to treat Hokuto as well!

Near the end of lunch that day, before they had gone to Sensoji, Jesse had thought he had found the perfect opportunity to repay Hokuto for everything that he had done over the past few days. Hokuto hadn’t gotten up from the table since he had run to the bathroom shortly after ordering, so Jesse had taken his chance. Jesse had snuck off under the guise of also using the bathroom only to find that the bill had already been taken care of.  

 “I want to take care of you,” Hokuto had said when Jesse had confronted him outside of the restaurant, Jesse quickly zipping up his jacket when he remembered how cold it was after being in such a warm restaurant. “As long as we’re together, what’s mine is also yours.” 

The sentiment reminded Jesse of married couples, the joining of houses and finances in order to better support each other. A part of Jesse was flattered that there was someone who cared about him enough to want to cover all of his expenses. The other part of him was confused. Yes, he had spent almost every waking hour by Hokuto’s side, slowly discussing their lives and learning about each other, but no matter how attracted Jesse was to the other man, two days did not make them a couple.

Hell, they hadn’t even kissed despite how many times Jesse had looked over and seen Hokuto staring at his mouth over the course of the day. Hokuto’s words and his actions were so at war in Jesse’s head, and he couldn’t make sense of why someone could want him as much as he wanted them and not act on those emotions. It didn’t make any sense to him, and he wanted to find out why Hokuto was teasing him so much. Jesse just hadn’t figured out the right way to ask yet.

“Hokuto, I can’t-” Jesse started, but Hokuto shoved the box into Jesse’s hands, digging around in his bag for the other smaller boxes in it.

“I also bought you a few things of film to start with.” There were three boxes of instant film in his hands. “I can teach you where to buy more if you go through these boxes quickly and want to take more pictures. I just…” Hokuto trailed off, his gaze drifting to the boxes in his hand. “I know you don’t like when I buy you things. I can see it on your face every time you see me pay, but I swear I only want to help. If it makes you more comfortable, I’ll lessen the amount of things I’ve been paying for.”

Jesse knew he should immediately agree. It was the right thing to do. As much money as Hokuto had to have from his career, it felt wrong to continue to accept so many gifts. The hotel. The cab fares. The food. If Jesse and Hokuto had been dating for two to five years, Jesse knew he would have felt more comfortable with Hokuto spoiling him so much. It would make him feel more like a man whose boyfriend made an insane amount of money and less like a man with a sugar daddy.

He popped the Polaroid box under his armpit so both of his hands were free, softly grabbing onto the instant film boxes with his now free hands. “Let me finish,” Jesse said, keeping his voice soft and a smile on his face. “I wanted to say this: I can’t believe how thoughtful you are, Hokuto.” Hokuto’s gaze shot upward, and Jesse could have sworn he saw Hokuto’s cheeks turn red. “This is a really sweet gift, and I would love for you to show me where I can buy more film once these packs are finished.”

Hokuto’s eyes were positively shining, the smile on his face making Jesse’s chest feel light as a feather within his own body. “Really?” he asked, his voice so soft.

Jesse nodded. “Really, really, but I do want to treat you from time to time as well. I don’t want to be the only one receiving things, so can I cover lunches?” Jesse paused, a thought coming to him. “And maybe buy you a few things that you want? I want to spoil you like you’ve spoiled me.”

Hokuto’s lips parted, his eyes never dropping from Jesse’s, and Jesse felt as if the world around them melted in an instant. It was only the two of them, the hustle and bustle of Sensoji Temple receding into the background. Time stood still, and Jesse never wanted it to move again. He didn’t want Hokuto to look at another person like this, like Jesse was his very reason for living and breathing. Those kinds of gazes should only be reserved for him.

“I think that’s a fair compromise,” Hokuto said, the world around them coming back into focus. He tugged the spare film from Jesse’s grip, returning it back to the plastic bag. “Let’s open your camera, so you can start taking photos.”

Jesse went through a box of film in half an hour, pausing to snap pictures at everything that caught his attention. He even coerced Hokuto to model for him as he stood before the temple itself, the film developing in a few minutes. It was a stunning photo that Jesse couldn’t stop staring at. He tried to give it to Hokuto, but he refused. 

“I don’t need any photos of myself. I can look in a mirror if I ever want to see my face,” Hokuto said, a teasing lit to his voice that had Jesse’s face cracking into a smile. Hokuto motioned for the camera in Jesse’s hand. “Let me take a picture of you, too, so I can always have you with me.” 

Jesse handed it over, going to stand where Hokuto had not long before. He wasn’t sure what to do, where to put his hands. How did people know how to pose so well for photos? This felt so awkward, but Jesse didn’t want to deny Hokuto his request because of a little discomfort. Jesse ended up throwing up a peace sign as Hokuto held the camera up to his eye, the strap hanging around his neck. 

A moment later, Hokuto lowered the camera, his eyes squinting as if something was wrong. He let the camera hang from his neck, closing the small distance between them until he was looking Jesse in his eyes. Jesse didn’t even have enough time to worry that something was wrong. Hokuto was already reaching up.

“Your hair is a little messy,” Hokuto said, fingers brushing the skin of Jesse’s forehead to adjust his bangs. “I want it to look just right for the photo.” 

Jesse felt his mind shift, the world around him changing in an instant. He was surrounded by towering columns, fine-grained white marble taking over his peripheral vision, but the only thing that mattered to him was the man before him. The two of them were adorned in some kind of ancient dress, Hokutos accented in black while Jesse’s was red. They were in a dark corner of the temple, the sounds of a party and celebration occurring just out of range. The smell of delicious cooked meat swirled around Jesse’s nose, reminding him of how hungry he was, but there was nowhere he wanted to be more than by Hokuto’s side.

Jesse felt how Hokuto adjusted Jesse’s hair under the circlet he was wearing, making the smallest changes. It had fallen off, and Jesse had thrown it back on in a rush so as to not lose it in the crowds outside. His hair must have been too messy for Hokuto, the need to fix it enough to warrant a quiet moment alone. Not that Jesse minded. He would have traded the rest of his life if it meant another second by Hokuto’s side. 

They were so close in their little hidden spot, Hokuto’s breath too hot in the already warm summer air, but Jesse did not want him to move away. They were nearly flush against each other, the barest amount of space separating them that Jesse longed to close. If they hadn’t been amongst the public, he would have already kissed his lover’s lips and taken him in this holy place.

As if sensing Jesse’s inner thoughts, Hokuto spoke, a teasing tone to his serious words, “We must be careful, my light. I do not wish to offend Athena nor her followers during the Panathenaea. I do not think she would appreciate us desecrating this holy temple.” 

Jesse tried to speak, to ask what in the world was happening, but the scene around him disappeared too quickly for him to say a word. He knew what he saw, the togas seeming familiar, but his brain was having a harder time reconciling where he had been. He had seen pictures of the Pantheon of Athena in his textbooks growing up, the ancient and dilapidated Greek structure a place he had always wanted to visit, but the image in Jesse’s mind hadn’t matched the one he knew so well. In his vision, the Pantheon had looked almost brand new. 

“Everything alright?” Hokuto asked, taking a step back from Jesse. There was worry clinging to the corner of his eyes.

“Did you…did you see that?” Jesse asked, forcing the words out. He had to know if he was the only one who had experienced that vision as well. It had felt so real, like Jesse had somehow been transported through time and space to thousands and thousands of years ago, but it couldn’t be. That sort of thing wasn’t possible.

Hokuto cocked his head to the side. “Did I see what?”

There was something strange happening with Jesse’s mind, and he wasn’t sure what to do. His brain was pulling impossible tricks on him that shouldn’t be possible. Maybe it was a brain disease, dementia being common on his father’s side of his family tree. He could be insanely unlucky, and the onset was occurring particularly early for Jesse. It was the only explanation for why everything had felt so real. 

Or maybe…maybe it was just the effects of jet lag. Jesse hadn’t done much reading about it, but the only other reason he could piece together was that jet lag caused weird visions when you were tired. And the reason why Hokuto was pulled into them as well? That was because every part of Jesse’s body craved him so wholly that even his mind wanted to plague Jesse in every second of weakness. Yes, that was it. That made sense.

Jesse felt relief wash over his body now that he had come up with a reason for everything he had seen. No wonder his parents had been so against an international vacation! They knew the effects of jet lag and wanted to spare Jesse from these horribly realistic visions. If only they had been honest with him from the very start. He would have taken a second more of consideration before booking his flight, maybe even researched possible remedies to avoid such side effects from occurring.

“Ah, don’t worry about it,” Jesse said, waving the remainder of his panic away. Now that he was calmer, he wanted to focus only on Hokuto and their time together. “I think I’m just tired. Come on, come on! Take my picture, so you can always have a piece of me with you.”

Hokuto’s picture came out just as perfect as the one Jesse had taken of Hokuto. Hokuto had clung so tightly to the little frame, checking it every few seconds until the film had finished developing. When the picture was clear, the way Hokuto held onto it was too precious to Jesse’s mind, Hokuto’s fingers gently holding the edges so as to not even brush the image and risk damaging any part of the photo.

“Is there anything else you recommend in this area?” Jesse asked. He could feel his mind starting to slip a bit, exhaustion already creeping up behind him, but he wasn’t ready to go back and go to sleep yet. He wanted to stay up until the sun had long set and see what the stars would look like hanging around Hokuto’s hair.

“We can get melon bread?” Hokuto offered. “There’s a famous shop not far from here that’s incredible.” He was peering deep into Jesse’s eyes, searching once more for something that Jesse couldn’t comprehend nor had the guts to ask. “You should also go back to your hotel soon. You look absolutely exhausted.”

“Will you come back with me again?” Jesse asked, hope seizing his heart in a tight grasp. If Hokuto returned with him, maybe he could force himself to stay up for another hour or Hokuto could tell him another story. Jesse had loved the tone of Hokuto’s voice as he recounted the tale of the two princes.

But Hokuto had shook his head. “My manager doesn’t like that I’ve taken so much time off. He’s scheduled a TV job this evening that I need to go to.” Hokuto sighed. “This isn’t how I wanted today to go. I would spend every hour of the day with you if I could, but I can’t risk missing this work. I’m afraid my manager and agency would drop then blacklist me from the industry if I don’t do what they ask.”

No matter the logic and reasoning, Jesse couldn't help the disappointment that took over him. It made sense, and he didn’t want to be the reason that Hokuto lost his job and his livelihood, but it was far too soon. It wasn’t enough. They needed way more time. Why wasn’t it possible to pause the clock and let them exist at Sensoji for as long as they wanted? Jesse wanted to hang onto this moment for forever, surrounded by the stalls and smells and people of Sensoji, and have Hokuto to himself. Jesse wanted to have Hokuto by his side for the rest of eternity.

“We can skip the melon bread if you need to get to work,” Jesse said, trying to keep the disappointment from his voice. “I don’t want you to be late for this job or anything. I can figure out the trains back to the hotel, so you don’t even have to worry about getting me a car either! It shouldn’t be too hard to figure out train fare and which trains to take.”

He felt Hokuto grab onto his jacket, the little spot by Jesse’s elbow that he was beginning to associate with him. “I have time. The studio is in Odaiba, and I don’t need to physically be there until six at the latest. So!” Hokuto curled their elbows together, linking them together. “Let’s get melon bread. Afterwards, I’ll take care of the car back to your hotel and give the driver instructions on how to get you back. Once I know you’re on your way safely, I’ll head to the studio for my job. How does that sound?”

It sounded like absolute perfection to Jesse’s ears. Though it wasn’t as much time as Jesse wanted, it was enough for now.

They chatted the whole way to the shop, Hokuto telling Jesse about some kind of stage show that he wanted to bring Jesse to the next day and had already procured tickets for. Though Jesse was present and engaged for the conversation, listening to Hokuto ramble about the show and what it entailed, a part of his focus was elsewhere, namely how perfect and right it felt to have Hokuto’s arm linked with his.

Jesse had never felt so underdressed in his life. Sure, there were people around them in jeans and dressed down, but sitting in such a beautiful and historic theater, he had felt as if he was disrespecting its long and ardent history. He should have asked Hokuto to take him shopping before their show. Jesse wouldn’t have bought anything too extravagant, maybe a nice button down to pair with his jeans. It would have been much better than anything that he had found in his suitcase, and he would have felt more at ease, especially after the insanity that had occurred that morning.

The fourth day of his trip had begun in momentary bliss, Jesse having woken up at eight and mildly celebrating as the alarm clock’s numbers had swum into focus. It finally had felt as if he was starting to adjust and jet lag was no longer going to affect him in the same way. Now that he was able to stay up longer and wake up later, maybe those strange visions were going to finally stop affecting him.

He rolled over, already planning to tell Hokuto about what time he had woken up, and froze. He could only describe the Hokuto before him as an angel, eyes closed and a soft smile across his face as he dozed so sweetly on the other side of the bed. Jesse couldn’t look away no matter how he tried. How could he? He had thought Hokuto when he was awake was impossibly gorgeous, a god, but he was the grandest piece of art when he was asleep.

Jesse longed to scoot over and take his angel into his arms, to hold him close and protect Hokuto from any nightmares or bad dreams that could plague him. He wanted to be there through the good times and the bad and be the shoulder Hokuto cried upon when his job weighed too heavily on his shoulders. He wanted to curl up with Hokuto on rainy days, hear the quiet patter of rain against the window, and drift off to sleep, letting the soft waves of their dreams carry them away into worlds unknown. He was so desperate to know what his angel felt like in his arms, but he couldn’t force himself to close that distance. 

How had Hokuto gotten there? That single question flashed through Jesse’s mind, bouncing around the corners of his brain and returning to the forefront stronger each time. The last thing Jesse remembered was falling asleep while waiting for Hokuto’s TV job to start at eight. While they had been eating melon bread the previous day, a healthy serving of ice cream in the middle, Hokuto had filled Jesse in on the workings of the entertainment industry, particularly the TV side. 

Most TV programs these days were recorded a few weeks in advance, the episodes airing during set time slots just like they were back in the U.S., but there were also a few programs that aired live. Most of those were music shows, offering live music and vocals for viewers to enjoy. Hokuto had been on nearly all of them when he was promoting a new single or album, and it was the easiest work though the longest days. He arrived early for rehearsal, sat in the audience as he watched the other groups perform, and then sang his song. The show he had been on last night was a talk show hosted by a famous comedian that Hokuto enjoyed, though he always had to be on his best behavior. Recorded TV shows could be cut and edited, anything outside of the strict part he played for the public scrubbed away as if it never existed. For a live interview? There were no second takes.

Jesse had been too excited to see Hokuto in his idol persona, so curious how he differed from the Hokuto he had gotten to know, but he hadn’t made it. He had drifted off and specifically remembered the TV being on as his eyes grew heavier and heavier, and now it was off, the screen dark and black in the light of the morning. Had Jesse turned it off? Had Hokuto? Who had let him up to Jesse’s hotel room? Jesse didn’t remember the front desk calling and asking if Hokuto could come up like they had two days ago. He also wasn’t dressed in his clothes from the day before, so Jesse hadn’t sleepwalked in the middle of the night to let Hokuto in. Hokuto had somehow appeared in Jesse’s hotel room that morning, and Jesse had zero memories of it.

His mind was working in overdrive, coming up with fantastical and ridiculous theories as to explain why Hokuto was lying next to him. Maybe Hokuto was a bird? Maybe he secretly had magical powers of invisibility and had used them to sneak past the front desk. But that…that couldn’t work. If Hokuto could turn himself invisible, it didn’t answer how he had gotten the elevator to work. In order to get to Jesse’s hotel suite you needed a card, and Hokuto didn’t have one.

There were too many mysteries, far too many of them, and a small bead of worry began to lodge itself deep in Jesse’s mind. He liked Hokuto. He was impossibly attracted to him, and Jesse had felt himself start to fall for Hokuto the more they got to know each other. He loved the quietness of Hokuto, how he was so poised as they wandered the streets of Tokyo together, but he loved when Hokuto joked with him more. He loved his smile and his grace. Jesse loved that, despite how Hokuto had been forced to play characters his entire life, he hadn’t let the cut throat world he had entered affect him. He had been impossibly kind to Jesse despite the fact they had only known each other half a week. 

But was there more to Hokuto? Was this another role he was playing in order to gain the most favor with Jesse? Jesse was impossibly focused on Hokuto and everything he did, his attraction the initial force for him accepting the hotel room, and he knew the second Hokuto smiled at him he would do anything that was asked of him. He was positively whipped for the man, there was no denying that. There could be a thousand warning signs flying around Jesse’s head that he was ignoring because a beautiful, lonely idol was playing Jesse like a harp, knowing exactly which strings to pluck to get his desired reaction, and Jesse would be totally and utterly clueless.

Hokuto’s eyes opened at that moment, the smile sliding from his lips when he met Jesse’s gaze. The panic and worry must have been too evident on Jesse’s face, not having enough time to mask them before Hokuto noticed. That perfect smile disappeared from Hokuto’s face, his features turning to an emotionless mask before Jesse could take control over his own.

“I’m sorry,” Hokuto said, sitting up, and Jesse clambered to sit up as well. He noticed Hokuto’s jacket laying across the foot of the bed, the colorful sweater he was wearing so bright against the white sheets. “I should have waited in the lobby for you to wake up. I was too excited to see you when I got up this morning, and I came over right away.” He slid off the bed, his voice sounding more panicked as he explained himself. “I…You didn’t answer when the front desk called up, but they said it was alright. The ladies recognized me since I’ve been here the past few mornings, but I should have…I should have waited downstairs or in the living room.” Hokuto was stumbling over his words, the consonants coming out so quickly like a brewing storm. “This was wrong.” 

It was convenient, far too convenient. Everything aligned too perfectly, as if Hokuto had been concocting every detail for hours to get the scene just right. Jesse’s brain was screaming at him to run away, to get as far away as possible. It had been suspicious of Hokuto wanting to spend so much money on him from the very beginning, but waking up to Hokuto in his bed? That was a step too far. 

If only Jesse’s heart was as logical.

“Hokuto, wait,” Jesse said, he dove across the bed. He reached out for Hokuto’s hand but missed, Hokuto darting just out of reach. It stung Jesse’s heart, but he recovered. The most important thing now was soothing Hokuto’s panic. “It’s fine. Please don’t worry. I was just shocked to see you here this morning!”

“I shouldn’t have come here this early. We didn’t even have to meet until eleven.” Hokuto had already slid back into his shoes, wrapping himself in his jacket once more. “I’m crossing boundaries that I know I shouldn’t. I’m such a complete and utter fool.”

Jesse scrambled from the bed, trying to follow after the quick pace Hokuto was setting. This was not how he had imagined today going. He had thought they would get lunch before their show and walk around the city a bit afterwards if Hokuto didn’t need to leave for another last minute TV job. Maybe, if Hokuto was willing, Jesse would be allowed to kiss him goodbye when they had to part. Chasing after his stars had not been something he anticipated. 

Jesse stumbled, catching himself on the wall as Hokuto hit the elevator button to head back down to the lobby. A star—Jesse corrected himself. Hokuto was a star, not his star. As much as he wanted Hokuto, he didn’t belong to Jesse. Hokuto belonged to himself.

“Hokuto, please wait,” Jesse pleaded. If Hokuto went down that elevator, he didn’t know when he would see him again. Jesse didn’t have his phone number nor any way to contact him. Hell, he didn’t even know the theater they were supposed to see their show at! It felt like if he let Hokuto go, he would never see him again. “Everything is fine. I swear it’s fine!” 

“It’s too soon,” he heard Hokuto mumble, the words had been so distant to Jesse’s ears. “I’m being too careless. I know better than this. What if I ruined everything?” 

“Hokuto!” 

The elevator door dinged, but neither of them went to step in. Jesse had all but pinned Hokuto to the wall next to the elevator, his hands on either side of Hokuto’s head. He was breathing hard, struggling to contain all of the thoughts whizzing around in his head. It was increasingly easier to focus on how close they were instead of choosing which words to convince Hokuto to stay. All Jesse needed to do was take half a step forward and their bodies would be completely flush against each other, the thought of feeling Hokuto against him sending his blood rushing through his veins.

Hokuto was stunned, his lips parted, and looking up at Jesse as if he didn’t recognize who Jesse was. He was searching Jesse’s face as if he was looking for the truth, the disgust that he believed Jesse was masking, but there was none. Though his mind and his heart were at odds with each other, Jesse couldn’t doubt the way he felt. Whether it was through careful puppeteering or not, his love for Hokuto was real. He wanted Hokuto by his side, and he would prove it.

He shifted closer, bringing their bodies together, and Jesse couldn’t help but enjoy how right it felt. It was like the snapping of two puzzle pieces together, their bodies connecting in the most natural way despite the layers of clothing between them. Jesse could tell how muscular Hokuto was as well, a firmness beneath his jacket that made him crave removing the pesky coat. He wanted to slip his hands under Hokuto’s chest to explore and learn the firm muscles of Hokuto’s chest. Jesse wanted to learn every inch of the man before him. 

Hokuto’s gasp echoed through Jesse’s body, his hands reaching up to cling into the thin material of Jesse’s sleep shirt. He twisted his hands into the loose fabric, tugging just enough to let Jesse know Hokuto liked what he felt, too. Something flashed through Hokuto’s eyes, lust, desire, and need, before being replaced with an emotion that Jesse was feeling all too strongly: love. It radiated from every inch of Hokuto’s skin, the sweetest smile on his face as he leaned in. 

Barely a hair of space hung between their lips, and Jesse’s heart hammered in his chest. This was it. This was finally it. He would finally know how sweet Hokuto’s lips were, a sweet addiction that he knew he would never be able to part from. He had been staring at them far too much, mapping the shape when Hokuto wasn’t looking, and Jesse wanted to know if they were as soft as they looked. Their warm breath mingled, Hokuto’s scent invading his nose, and Jesse felt positively weak from it. He had never known himself to be so intoxicated from the smell of another person before.

“Are you…” Hokuto trailed off, his voice hardly a whisper, and Jesse hung onto every word. His head spun from Hokuto’s English, the intonation of his words the grandest poetry. He could lay for hours and never grow tired of listening to it, and he longed for Hokuto to keep speaking to him, to murmur words of affection as Jesse kissed him silly. He would worship every inch of Hokuto like he deserved if only Hokuto would lean in and finally claim Jesse’s mouth. 

Jesse nodded, the barest amount. He didn’t want to risk more. Hokuto should be the one to cross his carefully created boundaries first. “I’m sure. I’m fine. I swear I’m fine. I was only shocked that you were in my bed so early this morning.” Hokuto sighed, a sweet sound of relief to Jesse’s ears. “I apologize for my reaction. I didn’t mean to make you feel upset. Can we restart today and go back to the beginning?

Hokuto released his grip on Jesse’s shirt, drifting away, and Jesse’s heart dropped. No kisses today it seemed. “Of course, and I apologize for my…my reaction as well.” Jesse blinked, and there was a serene smile on Hokuto’s face once more. “I’ll wait for you to get ready. There are a few places I want to show you around the city before our show this afternoon.”

The rest of the morning had gone by smoothly. They had dressed and grabbed a quick breakfast at the convenience store before calling a car to take them to the Tsukiji Fish Market. They had wandered the market together, Hokuto translating and asking for permission for Jesse to take photos of the various stands. All of the fisherman agreed, some even posing or offering fish for Jesse to hold and pose with when Hokuto stole the camera from him to take photos of Jesse.

They ate an early lunch that Jesse paid for, a nice sushi place close to the market, and killed a little time wandering a bookstore when they had arrived at Shinbashi Enbujo a bit too early. Hokuto had picked up a few books, rambling about the plots and stories and how much he wanted to read them. He just didn’t have the time. Jesse had plucked all three from Hokuto’s hands and headed straight towards the cash register. 

“Wait,” Hokuto had said, tugging on Jesse’s arms before he gave the cashier a couple of crisp 1,000 yen bills. “I’m way too busy. I don’t think I could find time to read those even in the next few months! I can get them when things calm down later.”

“You could read them a year from now or two or ten or even a hundred, and I would be just as happy for you then as I am now,” Jesse said. “All I want to do is spoil you and see you smile, Hokuto. If these books would make you the slightest bit happy, I want to give them to you. What’s mine is also yours, no matter if we’re near or far.” Hokuto gasped at Jesse’s word, his grip on Jesse’s arm slackening enough to allow Jesse to pay. As they walked out, he couldn’t help but notice the smile that threatened to consume every inch of Hokuto’s face. 

The inside of Shinbashi Enbujo had been positively stunning, and Jesse had never seen such a beautiful theater in his entire life…Actually, he didn’t think he had ever been to a theater before. There were three levels of seating from where he could see from his seat in the back corner of the first floor, the barest hint of a third balcony in his vision if he leaned forward enough. There were traditional lanterns that hung on the wall of each level of seating, brightening the room along with the hundreds of bulbs on the ceiling. The seats weren’t the most comfortable he had ever sat in, the thin red cushions well worn, but Jesse didn’t mind. Hokuto was next to him, their shoulders brushing the slightest bit, and Jesse loved every time Hokuto leaned in, whispering in Jesse’s ear to explain the architecture and historical significance of each part of the stage as they waited for the show to start. 

It had been Hokuto’s idea to take Jesse to a traditional Kabuki performance. It was something that Jesse hadn’t considered when booking his trip, having no time for a sit down stage performance in his original schedule. Now that his days had been filled with Hokuto being his personal tour guide, so much had changed. The experiences and places Jesse had originally been dying to see didn’t seem so important anymore, and a Kabuki performance where he sat next to the only person who occupied his heart felt far more important than exploring Shinjuku or Tokyo Station or any of the others on Jesse’s list.

The performance started, the lights dimming until they were curtained in a blanket of darkness, and Jesse felt himself lean forward in his seat until he caught himself. They were in the last row, no chance of blocking someone else’s view behind him and he had the aisle seat, but he felt it was too rude to not properly sit in his seat. Jesse didn’t want to break any unspoken rules despite the small chance that someone would even notice.

The beginning of the show immediately drew him in, the acting of the performers so unlike the films and TV show actors Jesse had grown up watching. He had particularly loved the make-up some of the stage performers wore, the stark white make-up and powerfully painted black and red lines across the face so interesting. He wished it was appropriate to take photos to remember how it looked, but Hokuto had long ago warned Jesse to keep his Polaroid camera hidden away. The striking of the wooden clappers against the floor made his heart race, jumping in his seat every time the performer smacked them so loudly. Though he struggled to follow the story, the nuances of the tales so unfamiliar to him, Jesse found himself waiting in anticipation for what happened next. 

There was also a part of his brain that was wired to Hokuto next to him, the way that he would shift and change positions in his own seat. As the Kabuki’s story got deeper, Jesse’s brain became increasingly unwilling to follow along, and he imagined what it would be like to be back at his hotel room, a movie on the TV for him and Hokuto to enjoy. He saw how they would be cuddled up to one another, Hokuto’s head resting on his chest, and the subtle way Jesse’s fingers would run over Hokuto’s naked skin. How they would grow bolder, teasing Hokuto until he was a panting mess in Jesse’s arms, and the movie would, eventually, be long forgotten on the screen.

Hokuto’s hand traced along the cuff of Jesse’s jacket, and Jesse had to bite back a gasp. Was…was Hokuto initiating physical contact? He had only done it twice before, tiny little moments that hadn’t lasted long enough for Jesse to remember them properly. Holding hands in a dark theater was perfect for their growing relationship, a little skinship that would eventually blossom into more. If Hokuto became more comfortable holding hands with Jesse then maybe Jesse would be allowed to break through Hokuto’s boundaries from time to time as well! 

The second Hokuto threaded their fingers together, Jesse’s mind was ripped away from Shinbashi Enbujo, the sensation painful to his mind with how quickly it happened. He was slammed down into the humid heat of the afternoon, head spinning from the quick change, and he would have stumbled and fallen if not for the solid body pinning him to the rough pillar behind him. A roar of cheers erupted behind them, but the passageway remained dark and empty, the crowds being drawn to their seats to watch the fights.

Jesse’s tunica was clinging to his skin, his breath absolutely ragged as if he had been thoroughly kissed to an inch of his life. Not that he minded. He would gladly die a thousand deaths if it meant another kiss from Hokuto’s mouth. He leaned in, wanting to claim another as blazing cheers surrounded them once more, but Hokuto placed a single finger to Jesse’s lips as if to stop him. It never could. It only encouraged Jesse to work harder to tempt Hokuto into another kiss. 

“You’re being quite the tempter, my light,” Hokuto said, but all Jesse saw was how dark and bruised his lips were, how his perfectly kept Hokuto was more disheveled than normal. Jesse was quite pleased that he had managed to make Hokuto come so undone in such a public setting. “I will have to punish you later for taking us away from the gladiator fights.” Hokuto’s arms curled around Jesse’s neck, pressing Jesse harder into the pillar with his toned body, and Jesse was pleased with the hardness he felt pressed against his hip. “I was excited to watch them, and now I fear we’ve missed the best of the best.” 

Jesse felt himself return to the theater for a moment, enough to take a breath. What was that? Why were him and Hokuto at the Coliseum? How were the two of them in attendance for gladiator fights? Those kinds of events happened hundreds of years ago! In modern times, the Coliseum was falling apart, the ancient seating and floor crumbling or near nonexistent from what Jesse remembered, but in that vision the Coliseum looked well kept.

Before he could process what he had seen, he felt a hand settle into his, and he was torn away once more. This time it was night, the slim fitted coat Jesse wore clinging to his skin due to the humidity. He had long ago unbuttoned his waistcoat, needing a bit of air. Jesse would have unbuttoned his shirt entirely to tease Hokuto, knowing how badly Hokuto was affected by his chest, but this wasn’t the evening for that. Tonight was special, and Jesse had dressed for the occasion, wearing his favorite outfit.

Jesse had chosen this location specifically for his little proposal. After the construction had finished on the Trevi Fountain, droves of people had come from all over to see the wonder of it. It wasn’t uncommon for visitors to frequent it at all hours of the day, some even at night to gaze upon its wonder in the moonlight. It was still a popular location, wall to wall crowds throughout the daylight hours, but finally it had calmed down in the dead of night exactly in time for Jesse’s plan.

Hokuto’s waist coast was undone, hair messy, and Jesse knew that in any other circumstance Hokuto would prefer to be as put together as possible. He grew up in a difficult household, his family putting impossible obligations upon him that were difficult to uphold. They had forbidden Hokuto and Jesse from seeing each other, for Jesse was only seen as an irritating distraction, but they pushed through the odds in order to be together.

Jesse always preferred Hokuto this way, when Hokuto wasn’t weighed down by the expectations of his life. He loved seeing Hokuto be himself, knowing that he trusted Jesse the most in the world to let down his carefully crafted façade he adorned when amongst the public. Only Jesse knew what Hokuto’s true smile looked like, what Hokuto’s laugh sounded like when he laughed from the deepest recess of his belly. Those moments were only for Jesse to witness, and Jesse was a far greedier man than he let on to those that surrounded them in their day to day lives. He refused to share them with anyone. He wanted Hokuto only for himself, and he knew Hokuto felt the same in return. 

“What did you want to ask me?” Hokuto asked. He was seated on the edge of the fountain, the massive architectural wonder behind him. He dipped one of his hands into the water, skimming the surface with his fingertips. “I hope it’s… it’s nothing bad.”

He took Hokuto’s free hand in his, holding it tightly. “I could never grace you with bad news on such a beautiful night,” Jesse heard himself say, his consciousness coming alive beneath his skin at the sound of his own voice. “Tonight is our anniversary, and I…it’s silly, but I wanted to ask if you’ll be mine for another year.” 

What in the world was going on? Jesse was listening to himself talk, that was certainly his own voice, but it wasn’t him! Jesse didn’t talk like that, all prim and proper and like he had been raised by royalty. He had been raised by a school teacher and a nurse. He worked at an office building in Las Vegas doing menial tasks, so he could make it to Japan. He wasn’t the type to wear fancy embroidered clothes and visit far off places like England, Greece or Italy. This wasn’t him!

He pressed against the recesses of his mind, trying to push through and gain control over the dream. If he could control what was happening, maybe he could force himself to wake up and go back to reality. He shouted and screamed, clawing at the internal cage that housed him, but nothing seemed to work. He grew increasingly tired, his consciousness growing weaker the more energy he put in to try and escape, and he could only lay within his own consciousness and watch through this strange Jesse’s eyes.

Hokuto laughed, the sound tearing at Jesse’s heart strings, and he wanted to cry from hearing it. It sounded just like his Hokuto’s. “Oh, my light, I never want you to change.” He felt Hokuto’s hand curl itself around the back of his neck, pulling them closer for a kiss. “Of course I will be yours for another year. I will be yours today, tomorrow, and for the next one hundred. I will be yours in sickness and health, in life and death.” Hokuto’s nose nuzzled Jesse’s, his smile so large that it took over Jesse’s entire vision. “I will be yours in this life and every other.”

He didn’t return to the Kabuki theater, his mind too weak to try and fight to return back to reality. The fountain scene melted and twisted around Jesse until it was replaced with him on a large bed. He was on his back, naked as the day he had been born, and all of his senses were consumed by the feeling of Hokuto straddling his waist. The covers were curled around them, their skin slick with sweat, and the scent of sex permeated the air. 

Jesse was impossibly turned on, Hokuto’s teasing having destroyed every remaining bit of his sanity. He had tried to understand why Hokuto was so focused on his pleasure that evening, tongue so hot and wet upon every orifice of Jesse’s body, but Hokuto hadn’t deemed him with an answer quite yet. Jesse had clung to the sheets beneath him, tugging and curling his hands to keep himself from being undone too quickly. It had been hours since Hokuto had begun his careful inspection of Jesse’s body, and they were quickly approaching Jesse’s ruin.

The worst was when Jesse had thought he would finally be free of Hokuto’s teasing, Hokuto sitting back on his heels to admire his own work. That moment of bliss came apart the second Hokuto straddled Jesse’s waist, slowly and rhythmically rolling his hips over the core of Jesse’s desire.

“You are mine, my light,” Hokuto said, his voice low and making Jesse groan from every word. He wanted to be possessed, to be owned, by Hokuto. He only wanted Hokuto. “I will take no other. I will love no other. I would follow you into the depths of hell for not even the lords of the underworld may claim you while I still breathe.” He watched as Hokuto raised his hips, taking hold of the part of Jesse that demanded the most attention in his firm grasp. Jesse wanted to roll his hips, to encourage Hokuto to go faster, but he knew that kind of movement wouldn’t work. He had tried once before, and Hokuto returned to mercilessly teasing Jesse with his mouth instead of progressing further. “You are the only one that I want until the day we take our last breaths.”

A little more. Just a little more. Jesse felt himself starting to crumble, the edges torn and frayed. There was something there, just out of reach. He raised his hand, meaning to claim it for himself, but he was pulled back to reality, the visions, or whatever they were, dissolving as quickly as they had appeared.

The people around him were standing, clapping and giving a standing ovation. Jesse could make out the performers on stage in between the swaying bodies, bowing and giving their thanks for all that had come to watch them. Was this reality? Or was this another impossibly long vision that he was watching? Jesse had no idea. His mind was swirling in his head, too many versions of Hokuto dancing before his eyes. It was too difficult trying to decipher which was real and what was fake. Maybe it was all fake. Maybe he was asleep in his apartment in Las Vegas. All Jesse knew was that he wanted the spinning to stop, and he could feel tears threatening to fall from his eyes.

His head felt like it was going to explode the more he sat there, the smallest of threads keeping Jesse from descending into insanity. He clung to it like his life depended on it, hoping and praying that it wouldn’t fray and destroy him. He didn’t want to lose this life, lose this one week with Hokuto by his side. Whether it was a dream or his true reality, if it was taken from him, Jesse didn’t know what he would do. He would certainly never experience something so wonderful in his entire life. 

A hand was on his shoulder, the scent of Hokuto filling his nose as his love kneeled beside him. “Jesse…are you okay?” His voice was so soft, but it cut through the thunderous applause that surrounded them.

Jesse could hear the worry in Hokuto’s voice, the tremble that threatened to take over, but Jesse’s stomach was heaving, threatening to unload the day’s food onto the theater seats around them. He wanted to warn Hokuto about what was going to happen, for it was a matter of if and not when, but he couldn’t speak. If he opened his mouth, everything would come out. He only shook his head, hoping and praying that Hokuto would understand. He was so relieved when Hokuto quietly linked their arms together and led Jesse to the nearest bathroom.

Jesse barely made it to the toilet before the contents of his stomach were emptied into the bowl, Hokuto hovering behind him and rubbing patterns into his back to soothe Jesse’s heaving. Each time he thought he would be able to stand up and leave, his head began swimming with tunica and toga and suits once more. The visions kept trying to consume him, attacking his mind when they believed Jesse at his weakest, but Jesse held them off the best he could. He kept clutching onto the toilet bowl, sobbing relentlessly as his stomach heaved, but he had nothing else to give. 

He felt broken and shattered laying there on the floor, the only comfort being Hokuto's calm words, promising Jesse that everything would be alright. Jesse hoped that it would be. He felt as if he would never be whole again, pieces of himself already lost in the chaos that threatened to take over him. He closed his eyes and prayed, calling out to any entity that cared to listen. Jesse begged and pleaded for the one thought that kept circling through his mind: the wish to return to himself in one piece.

Jesse didn’t do much on his last day in Tokyo, sticking close to his hotel and wandering the streets of Shibuya. Thoughts of the previous days still lingered in his head, threatening to come to the surface, but he shoved them down. Jesse couldn’t let himself think about them just yet. He had a few things he needed to get done before night fell, and, if he allowed himself to get distracted, he would never get anything done.

There had been so much catching his eye as he made his way through the tourist packed streets. There were colorful stores selling souvenirs and street fashion, pieces that Jesse never hoped in a million years that he could pull off. They were interesting and vibrant, but they weren’t the kind of clothes that he was looking for. He wanted the perfect outfit for dinner tonight, something fashionable yet luxurious, but nothing felt right as he sifted through the clothes at underground fashion stores. Jesse turned his attention to the tall department stores instead, hoping they held the perfect for the last time he saw Hokuto. 

He had found something in a fancy looking store, one with stark white walls and only one article of clothing per design on the rack. The shirt Jesse had bought was silky and flowing, the neckline low cut to show off the curve of his pecs. It was far more revealing than what he had ever worn before, but paired with skin tight black pants the sales clerk had recommended, Jesse felt attractive and dangerously hot. He hoped he looked as irresistible as he thought he did. 

The last stop he made was at the Tsutaya he had seen through his hotel window the past week, wandering the floors looking for Hokuto’s music. It didn’t feel right leaving without another piece of Hokuto, the little Polaroid photo of Hokuto he had taken protected and safe in Jesse’s wallet. That little photo was his treasure, something that Jesse would protect for as long as he lived, but he needed more. He always needed more.

Jesse had to ask the staff in Japanese where he could find Hokuto’s music, having no idea what the kanji was for his name. They took him to a small display on the third floor, the entire table dedicated to Hokuto and his singles and albums. There were photos and magazine covers decorating the space, those beautiful eyes piercing Jesse to his very soul. He grabbed far too much, one cassette of every release, and a few magazines that were too beautiful to ignore. 

His bags were so heavy as he crossed the street back to his hotel, Jesse’s heart far heavier in his chest. He didn’t want to go, not just yet. The idea of waking up before the city, wheeling his suitcase back to Narita Airport, felt so wrong. A week had felt like way too much time when he had originally booked his trip, and now he wished he was staying for two or even a month. He would need to make sure to look his best this evening to ensure this evening was perfect. When Jesse got back to his hotel room, he’d shower and style his hair so it looked soft and irresistible to touch. He wanted Hokuto to be unable to keep his eyes away. 

Jesse grabbed onto the shower knob and flicked his wrist, the spray of the shower coming down upon him hard and heavy. He had accomplished everything that he wanted to on his final day, but there was still a lingering worry clinging to the back of his mind as the skies of Tokyo darkened. The events from the past three days loomed over him, the wall holding them back crumbling now that Jesse was alone, and he felt himself get lost in all of the memories and turmoil Jesse had been ignoring all day.

He hadn’t seen Hokuto since becoming sick at Shinbashi Enbujo nearly three days ago, whatever he had been afflicted with only growing in severity the more time passed. Jesse hardly remembered the car ride back to this hotel that afternoon, his head a mess and unable to see straight. He could have sworn Hokuto had helped him get something in his belly, a warm broth that had soothed his aches for a moment, before burning him whole. He had felt so feverish and weak, hardly able to lift his head from the pillow as he had drifted in and out of sleep. 

Jesse had sworn he had felt Hokuto’s hand through his hair, a soft kiss placed on his temple, but was it reality or a figment of his imagination? His mind had been playing horrible tricks on him since Hokuto had taken his hand during the Kabuki show, and he no longer knew what to believe was real. The only thing Jesse knew for certain was the pain, like his heart was being ripped from his chest, and he never knew if the next time he would wake he would find himself in the afterlife. The forefront of his mind hoped he would die, the pain he felt coursing through his body was too much. The air was too difficult to breathe, his lungs not getting the oxygen he craved, and he pleaded for it all to finally end. Death would be a far kinder gift then allowing Jesse to exist in such misery.

But Hokuto stayed by his side that night. Every time Jesse deliriously woke, Hokuto was there. No matter the hour, the table lamps the only light in Jesse’s hotel room as the sky darkened to pitch blackness, Hokuto remained awake and alert. He soothed Jesse to the best of his capabilities, keeping a cool towel on Jesse’s forehead to fight the fever. His voice was a sweet escape from how Jesse’s body wanted to burn him from the inside out, low melodies of words that eased the pain. 

There was no rhyme or reason to Hokuto’s words, the sounds not making sense to Jesse’s brain. He could have sworn he heard Hokuto murmur the words, “Come back to me,” over and over, his fingers like ice on Jesse’s heated skin. Jesse wanted to open his mouth and tell Hokuto that he was right there, he was alive, but his mouth refused to work with him. The darkness swallowed his vision slowly, clawing at the edges of Jesse’s consciousness, before he felt himself be drawn back into its depths. He didn’t remember anything after that.

Jesse woke the morning of the fifth day of his trip feeling perfectly fine, as if he hadn’t experienced immeasurable pain. He felt as if he could go out and climb Mt. Fuji in an hour and still have enough energy to make the trip another two times, but he was also far hungrier than he had ever experienced. He had all but shoved his clothes on, heading to his now usual convenience store to load up on rice balls, sweets, chips and even a few lunch sets that looked particularly delicious. Jesse knew he looked like an insane man returning to his hotel with so many bags of food, but he didn’t care. He devoured near everything the second the elevator doors closed behind him and still craved more. 

When he had finished gorging himself on enough food to feed a family of four, it was only then he realized that Hokuto wasn’t there. He scoured the hotel room, searching for any sign of him, and found a single note scribbled on hotel stationary. Hokuto needed to work the next two days as well as the morning of Jesse’s last day in Japan. He would meet Jesse in his hotel room on the final night, so they could have dinner together. Though Jesse was disappointed, he understood. Hokuto’s job came first, and it was a foolish wish to hope that he would see Hokuto every single day of his vacation. He would have to use every second of their promised final dinner to get as much Hokuto time as he could before he left.

Without Hokuto by his side, Jesse had to force himself out of his hotel that day. His heart wanted to stay in the hotel room and wait for Hokuto’s inevitable return in a few days, but his brain knew that Jesse wouldn’t be satisfied with staying still for so long. He asked the train staff in broken Japanese the best way to get to Kawagoe, specifically the area of Little Edo. The man had been impossibly kind, writing down simple directions in chicken scratch English as well as using the station printer to print a map of the local area. He drew the path Jesse should take with a pen, and Jesse thanked him profusely in English and Japanese.

The warehouse district of Kawagoe had been beautiful, the traditional Edo era buildings so full of character that Jesse had run through the remainder of his film within an hour. He listened to the Bell of Time ring before getting lunch at a tiny mom and pop style restaurant. He bought countless sweets in Candy Alley for his family, sampling his fair share, and wandered the various shrines and temples in the area, staring up at the sheer beauty of them all.

The sixth day he followed the same structure, asking the train station staff on how to get to Kamakura and wandering the paths the Kamakura station staff recommended. Jesse had made sure to purchase a few extra packages of film the previous day and photographed everything that he saw. From interesting shrines and temples to the slow roll of the waves along the beach, he documented everything, so that he would always remember his week in Japan. He knew his family would enjoy every photo that he took and be grateful to see what Jesse had experienced on his vacation.

Though Jesse was enjoying himself, his days spent wandering and following any whim that passed into his brain, deep beneath the surface of his mind was utter turmoil. He felt physically fine, that much was for certain, but his mental state was fragile. If Jesse so much as let the wrong thought flash through his mind, he knew that he would shatter into a thousand pieces, the hope of being put back together nonexistent. 

And it was all because of Hokuto.

Jesse felt like he was nursing his sanity every time he closed his eyes, Hokuto slipping into his mind as quietly as a ghost. His clothing changed from modern to ancient beneath Jesse’s eyelids, and it took Jesse exerting the utmost amount of pressure to get Hokuto out of his head. It didn’t always work, the image of Hokuto lingering far too long, and in those times Jesse could feel the final bits of his sanity unraveling slowly. Whenever that happened Jesse had to completely shift the focus of what he was doing for fear of losing himself. By the end of each of his day trips, he felt so worn down from spending so much time distracting himself from thoughts of Hokuto that he crashed on his bed and slept like the dead.

It was truly terrifying, feeling as if he would completely lose himself if he gave into the temptation of Hokuto, and Jesse couldn’t allow himself to do that. What if something happened like it had in Shinbashi Enbujo? What if he became so incredibly sick that he collapsed in the middle of the street and couldn’t communicate what was wrong with him because of the language barrier? If he had been with Hokuto, it would have been fine, but he wasn’t. Hokuto couldn’t be with him, so Jesse forced every ounce of Hokuto from his brain, at least in the name of enjoying the last bit of his vacation. Jesse needed to make the most of it despite how his heart cried out, distressed by the lack of Hokuto in his life.

He knew that if he hadn’t spent so much time in public, Jesse would have broken down crying with how frustrated he was feeling. Why couldn’t he just feel normal? Why was he so all consumed by a single man? Why couldn’t he go a single hour without being distracted by the curve of Hokuto’s smile and be so desperate to remember what it felt like to have Hokuto’s hand in his? Jesse wanted to kiss the stars from Hokuto’s hair, to worship him like a god, but he couldn’t do that with how much distance was between them.

Jesse had never felt like this about any of his previous partners. Yes, he was attentive. Yes, he was always what he considered the perfect partner to be, giving everything within his power to support whoever he dated. He had loved so fiercely and with his whole being, but nothing compared to the love occupying his heart now. His very soul felt as if it would break if he didn’t see Hokuto again, but, at the same time, he couldn’t allow his thoughts to linger for too long or he felt as if his mind would splinter.

That was where Jesse felt the weakest, so utterly fragile he couldn’t find the words for the emotions coursing through him. He had gone through his fair share of tough times growing up, harsh and cruel words from his peers digging into his back and cutting him down slowly. He had managed to withstand their blows, keeping his head high, but it had never affected Jesse to this extent. If Jesse was touched in the wrong way, he knew that he would be destroyed. 

He was on the precipice of a mental breakdown, and Jesse didn’t know what to do. He was clinging to every surface within his mind, begging for it to continue to hold on for another day. Just another day. If Hokuto would be his destruction, Jesse would gladly accept it if it meant being able to see him for dinner that evening. On his flight back to the U.S., every vision and dream about Hokuto could overwhelm him then, dragging him into insanity. He just needed to survive this dinner and not make a complete and utter fool of himself in their final moments together. If Jesse could do that, it would be fine. He didn’t want to worry Hokuto with how fragile mental state was.

So Jesse kept a mantra flowing through himself, telling himself he was okay every time his brain started to feel fuzzy, the edges of his vision starting to swim. He whispered words of encouragement to himself, making empty promises that he was fine and that everything he was experiencing was normal. It was as usual. Jesse swore to himself that nothing out of the ordinary would happen that evening. The bad feelings coursing through his mind were only a figment of his imagination, and there was nothing to worry about. It was fine. Everything was fine.

If he told himself those words enough, it had to be true…right?

The shower water felt so nice on his skin, washing away a bit of the stress and worry that had built over the last couple of days. He massaged his shampoo through his hair, rinsing it thoroughly before lathering his body with soap. He wanted to rush his shower, to get as clean as quickly as possible, but Hokuto wasn’t due to arrive for another hour. Jesse deserved a little time to pamper himself, to stay under the spray and let himself relax. He would need every ounce of calm, so he could focus all of his attention on Hokuto that evening. 

Tonight it would happen, he resolved. Tonight would be the night that he finally kissed Matsumura Hokuto. If Hokuto’s eyes shone as brightly as Jesse remembered, practically begging for a kiss, Jesse would let himself make the first move. He didn’t think Hokuto would slap him or push him away for finally closing the distance between them, not with the way Hokuto’s gaze lingered on Jesse. The more time Jesse had spent with him, the more and more confident Jesse was that Hokuto liked him, not just Jesse’s physical appearance but who he was, and Jesse felt the same. Tonight…maybe…maybe it would be okay if Jesse closed the gap between them. 

God, did he miss Hokuto. It hadn’t been that long, but it had felt like an eternity since the last time the two of them had been together, the feeling of longing becoming even stronger knowing that the two of them would see each other soon. He missed the way that Hokuto laughed, the careful way he spoke. There was something so right about the feeling of Hokuto standing next to him, and Jesse couldn’t help but adore how they always decided what they would do next as a pair. He loved the way that Hokuto teased him, his sassy self coming forth so easily when they were together. Jesse would continue to do ridiculous things for the rest of his life if it meant hearing Hokuto tease him.

But that physical desire still lingered beneath Jesse’s skin, heating his blood with fiery desire, and his imagination ran wild. Jesse wanted to feel Hokuto’s hands on him, gripping his hips so tightly. His gaze would be full of Hokuto’s eyes, how loving they would be with desire curled around the edges. Jesse’s name would be the hottest thing coming from Hokuto’s lips, making Jesse desperate to hear Hokuto moan it over and over like a little prayer. He’d feel Hokuto’s wet jeans press against him, pinning Jesse to the wall of the shower and—

Wait, wet jeans?

Jesse blinked, and it took every bit of his comprehension skills to realize everything he had been fantasizing about was real. Hokuto was there with him, his hands on Jesse’s hips as he guided him to the shower wall, pinning Jesse onto the slick surface the best he could. Jesse felt like he couldn’t breathe, his heart racing as he tried to process what was happening. How hadn’t he heard Hokuto slip into the bathroom? Certainly his mind wasn’t that far gone that he hadn’t heard a thing.

“Hokuto, what are you-” Jesse tried to ask, but a finger on his lips hushed him before the words could fully escape. His brain turned to static under Hokuto’s touch, the images flowing through his mind ceasing from such a simple touch, but pain replaced it. It started at each place Hokuto’s hands were holding onto him, injecting itself into his blood stream, and flowed to the rest of his body from there.

“There’s not enough time. I can’t let you leave me like this,” Hokuto said, his voice firm and low, and the sound struck Jesse through the chest. In all of their time together, he had never heard Hokuto sound so commanding. It was as if everything had already been decided, and Jesse had no say in what was about to happen. It absolutely terrified him. “You’ll never return if I let you go.”

Jesse’s heart was thundering in his rib cage, Hokuto’s words not fully connecting to his brain. There was always the chance that he could come back to Japan. If he saved and budgeted properly, maybe he could return in another five years? Or if Hokuto was willing to pay for his flights, Jesse could come back even sooner. Just because he was leaving tomorrow morning didn’t mean they needed to cease all contact! If they exchanged addresses, they could write to each other.

Hokuto’s grip tightened on Jesse’s hip, and a flash went through Jesse’s brain, sending a pulsing pain coursing through every corner of it. Something was there, locked behind an invisible wall in his mind, and it was eager to come out. It wanted to be set free, was desperate to leave, and the sensation absolutely terrified Jesse. He had never felt something quite like it before, as if there was another beast within him that had been sleeping for so long.

It was wrong, his brain screamed at him. This wasn’t right. Whatever was slithering around in the back of Jesse’s skull shouldn’t exist. It was an absolute abomination that threatened to ruin the very fabric of his reality and should continue to be locked away. Sensations like this were what got people locked up in a mental hospital, and if he gave into whatever was lingering in the dark recesses of his mind, he would be the next. The shrieks of terror from his brain had to be right. He should shove Hokuto off of him and run away, for what kind of sane person broke into a hotel room to tempt him into insanity? 

His heart was far more quiet, coaxing words whispering into Jesse’s ears to make him see reason. Hokuto wasn’t a bad person, his heart whispered. Hokuto wasn’t there to tempt Jesse into ruin. What the two of them had was love, wonderous love, and it would be the biggest travesty in the world if Jesse separated the two of them. After so long they were finally close, as close as Jesse truly wanted Hokuto, and if he removed those last few layers, then Jesse could feel more of Hokuto. They could finally be together. All Jesse had to do was give in and let go of that final strand holding them apart.

Jesse wanted to take his head into his hands and scream and curse, to tear his hair out from pure frustration. He had never experienced his heart and mind so at odds with each other, and he didn’t know which side to believe. He wanted to turn off every thought and emotion within his body, so he could exist in sweet silence and peace for a moment. If Jesse had a little time, he could properly process everything going on.

Hokuto swooped in for a kiss, and Jesse panicked, turning his head at the last second so Hokuto’s lips landed on his cheeks instead. Images flashed through his head, a thousand cheek kisses from Hokuto consuming his brain. Some sweet, others hot and dangerous to Jesse’s heart, and he couldn’t stop the moan from slipping past his lips. He wanted to experience all of those kisses so badly, but he couldn’t allow himself. Not when he still had no idea what was happening to him and why.

“Jesse, please,” Hokuto said, his words so full of longing, and Jesse could hear desperate pleading behind each of Hokuto’s words. “I can’t lose you after waiting for so long. My life will be complete and utter misery if I have to wait for you again.”

“Tell me what you mean,” Jesse choked out, stumbling over his words far more than he would have liked. He rested his hands on Hokuto’s shoulders, unsure if he wanted to pull him closer or push him away yet. “Tell me everything, so I can understand what the hell is going on.” He was breathing too hard, his mind swimming and threatening to burst from so much physical contact. “How did you get into my hotel room? Who are you really?”

“You added me to your reservation, so I have my own key.” A memory flashed through Jesse’s head, a phone call from the concierge on his second day. That’s what that was? “As for your other question…” Hokuto looked like he was on the precipice of admitting something, the words barely contained behind his lips, but he shook his head, the simple movement enough to make Jesse weak at the knees. “I can’t. I’ve tried. I’ve tried so many times, and this is the only way things work in our favor.” Hokuto leaned in, nuzzling their cheeks together. “It has to be through your own choice, Jesse. I can only help guide you through our time together.”

Somewhere within Jesse’s brain and heart was the reason for why Hokuto was acting so strangely. He knew it was there, even if he didn’t know exactly how he knew. All of the clues surrounded him, piled around Jesse for him to sift through, but no matter how many pieces he picked up, he couldn’t find a single matching pair. It didn’t help that his brain was now threatening to explode, the pain so searing that his vision was turning white at the edges. He wanted to let go, to let himself float off into the afterlife and experience the sweet release of death, but he refused to. He kept clinging to the shattering pieces of his mind with all of his might. 

He was afraid, so positively afraid, of what would happen when he let the edges be free. It couldn’t be anything good. His brain wouldn’t be working overdrive to protect whatever had been locked away unless it would harm him. Jesse loved his life. He loved his family. He loved his job, no matter how boring it was. Everything that had happened to him had been building him up for this moment, this very trip where he was able to meet and fall for Hokuto. He couldn’t let whatever was hiding within him be set free.

Hokuto’s hands curled around Jesse’s face, forcing his gaze into Hokuto’s eyes. There was so much desperation in Hokuto’s beautiful timeless eyes. His voice was so desperate when he spoke, his words striking deep into Jesse’s heart with every word. “I need you,” Hokuto said, pressing their foreheads together. “I need you so badly that it hurts me to see you like this. I need you to come back to me.” Hokuto’s words lashed out, punching through Jesse’s mind and making him cry out in pain. “I can’t let myself love you when you’re like this. I can’t fall for a man who isn’t my heart and soul. I know you’re in there. I can feel you, so come back to me.” 

Jesse couldn’t move. He couldn’t do anything. He could feel his control slipping with every passing second, and it was only a matter of time before he couldn’t hold on any longer. He would lose every part of himself that made him ‘Jesse’ in the name of the hottest man in the world, and Jesse was stricken with worry. Who would he become when the final threads came undone? When he was an empty husk in the shower? Would he even like who he saw in the mirror? 

But at the same time…would it be that bad? He had already experienced enough hardships and setbacks in his entire life. Even if he never woke again, becoming a shell of his former self, it was something that Hokuto wanted. Could…could it really be that bad if Hokuto was pushing him to this one path? Would it be the worst thing in the world to set himself free of the one life he had ever known? Maybe it would be better for this to be his final moments on this earth, wrapped in the arms of a man Jesse loved so dearly. 

“Come back to me,” Hokuto whispered, the gap between them shrinking as Hokuto closed the distance between their lips. “Come back to me, my light.”

The second that their lips touched, Jesse finally let go, releasing his hold on all of the shattered and fraying bits of his mind. A white ray of light filled his thoughts, washing away all of the doubt that had clouded Jesse’s mind since meeting Hokuto. It was like he had been living his life from behind a curtain, the heavy fabric finally raised, and he could see clearly for the first time in twenty-seven years. 

Thousands of years flashed through Jesse’s eyes in moments, thousands of reincarnated lifetimes experienced, as Hokuto kissed Jesse as if his life depended on it. There were the memories of Italy, of Greece and England. Of the two of them spending their lives together in the Americas, Africa, South East Asia and around the world. Jesse experienced their love and their joy, the never ending passion that coursed through his veins each time he woke to find Hokuto by his side. He loved and lost and grew into a person through so many years, but everything Jesse had experienced during his current life in Las Vegas, everything or everyone he had ever loved, never came close to what he felt for Hokuto. It never would. 

He understood now. He understood what Hokuto meant when he said Jesse needed to be the one to make that choice. The dichotomy of his brain and heart had been a warzone, the two halves of himself battling for dominance since he had met Hokuto in Narita Airport seven days ago. His brain had been falsely protecting him for so long, making him crave the mundane and normalcy of human life, when what Jesse needed was anything but that. He needed the person his heart had been calling out for since their fated meeting.

Jesse felt so foolish, so utterly foolish, as Hokuto deepened their kiss. Of course there was a reason why he had been attracted to Hokuto so quickly. Of course there was a reason why his heart always won its skirmishes with Jesse’s ‘logical side.’ There was so much trust built between himself and Hokuto over their lifetimes that Jesse hadn’t understood until he had finally followed Hokuto’s advice and let go. Their love was timeless, endless, and would exist in this universe as well as for thousands of years to come. Nothing could ever come between them, and Jesse would always put every ounce of himself into protecting his love.

Hokuto had been the one to break the kiss, tentatively leaning back to search Jesse’s eyes. He was hesitant to speak, his words hardly a whisper. “Are you…are you my light?”

Jesse didn’t use his words to answer. No. He preferred to show Hokuto through his actions, flipping their position so he was pinning Hokuto to the shower wall instead. He had always loved feeling Hokuto’s hard body beneath him, as if they were made for each other. Memories came flooding back to Jesse, all of the little spots that Hokuto enjoyed the most, how weak his neck was to Jesse’s kisses. They had always felt like teenagers whenever Jesse and his mouth found their way to that area of Hokuto’s body, Jesse incapable of not leaving a few marks to claim Hokuto as his own. He wanted the world to know that Hokuto was his, and he would always remind it no matter how many years passed. 

“You found me,” Jesse said between kisses, his lips trailing up Hokuto’s neck. “I’ve waited so long to see you again.” He reached up, relieving Hokuto of his shirt, and throwing it to the shower floor with a satisfying ‘plop.’ “To touch you again.” Jesse flicked open the button of Hokuto’s jeans, reaching for the hardness hidden within. “To please you.”

Hokuto gasped, his arms curling around Jesse’s neck to pull him closer. Shower water rained down Jesse’s back, reminding him that neither of them had cut the water off, but he didn’t care. Jesse only wanted Hokuto to come completely undone in his arms after spending so much time apart. 

“Say it again,” Hokuto moaned. His knees were already wobbling, the strength of Jesse’s body the only thing keeping both of them standing. “Say it again for me.” 

“You found me,” Jesse groaned, his hand stroking Hokuto’s length so firmly. 

“Again.” 

“You found me,” Jesse said, all too willing to follow Hokuto’s commands. Any request, any wish that passed through those lips, he would obey. If it pleased Hokuto, that was the most important thing. He lived to bring Hokuto to absolute ruin. 

Jesse sank to his knees, pushing the water-soaked jeans down Hokuto’s hips and fully exposing the part of Hokuto that Jesse ached to see. He looked up at Hokuto, finding his eyes clouded with lust and desire, and he knew their love making would be legendary. It always was, but this time Jesse knew it would be one for the history books. He would do everything in his power to let Hokuto know how loved and appreciated he was.

“You found me, my stars,” Jesse said, though Hokuto had not asked him to repeat the phrase again. His hands grasped onto Hokuto’s hips, keeping him steady and to stop Hokuto from rolling his body too much. “And I will always be yours. I belong to you.” 

Hokuto’s hands curled into Jesse’s hair, his moans egging Jesse on for more, and who was Jesse to deny his stars anything that he wanted? He could never tell Hokuto no.

The king sized bed was even softer now that Hokuto was curled up next to him under the covers, his head resting upon Jesse’s bare chest like a pillow. Jesse had dried them off to the best of his abilities, but their hair was still damp, Hokuto’s hair clinging to Jesse’s shoulder as if it wanted to belong to the both of them. Neither had seen the point of clothes, Hokuto’s only pair remained soaked on the floor of the shower, so they had only the sheets covering their most private areas.

Jesse stroked Hokuto’s shoulder, his mind trying to piece together the last things he had remembered. The two of them had been in New York in the late forties, the nuclear war being threatened between the U.S. and Russia making the two of them reconsider whether they wanted to continue living in the United States or move to a safer country to reside in. Hokuto had thrown out Japan, it had been a few millennia since either of them had lived there, and they had enjoyed their time in the peaceful silence of the mountains. Even with the end of the second World War hanging over the country, it seemed a far better place than in one where another war was brewing.

They hadn’t finished their discussion, for Jesse had preferred staying in the U.S. since his career was finally taking off after thirty years of bouncing from job to job, and New York had been one of his favorite places to explore. He had found the city so magical, Broadway and all of its glittering lights so fantastic. Not to mention the food! He hadn’t wanted to let it go quite yet. They had decided to table their discussion for when both returned home from work that evening, not wanting to make the wrong decision without both of them being on board. Jesse had gone to work via the train, Hokuto always took a cab. He had gotten on at their local station, gone a few stops down the line, and then…nothing. No memories existed after that point. 

“It was a train derailment,” Hokuto answered after Jesse found the words to ask what had happened, his voice so quiet. “It was all over the news at the time. No survivors. I blamed myself for the longest time.” There were tears in Hokuto’s eyes, and Jesse wiped them away with his thumb. “I thought maybe if I had agreed and hadn’t asked for us to pack up and leave, you wouldn’t have left so late for work that morning. You would have been on a safe train and come back to me in the end.”

“You couldn’t have known,” Jesse murmured, pulling Hokuto closer to him. He pressed kisses along Hokuto’s temples, peppering Hokuto’s skin with affection. “It wasn’t as if we fought. We only had a small disagreement. If I hadn’t died, I would have come back to you and kissed you as strongly as I had any other day.”

“But what if that disagreement was why we had been separated by so much distance in this life?” Hokuto asked, clinging to Jesse as if he would disappear if he let go. “We’ve had so many lives together, so many reincarnations I can’t even count them anymore, but we’ve always been on the same page. What if…what if it happens again?” Hokuto buried his face into Jesse’s chest. “What if in the next life you’re even farther away? I don’t want that to happen, my light. I can’t live without you for so long again.” 

Jesse placed his hand on Hokuto’s chin, leaning down to capture his lips in a chaste kiss. He knew that he couldn’t imagine an entire lifetime without Hokuto as well. Never being able to wake up with Hokuto in his bed, never able to pepper Hokuto with the love he deserved. Jesse’s heart would break if he never was able to experience a love like this, and he pitied those who spent their entire life searching for what he and Hokuto had. Their time together was so easy, one balancing the other in perfect harmony and giving every bit of their hearts to see the other’s smile.

He was so grateful for how easy their love was now, how the two of them existed in pure bliss. Jesse remembered how it had been thousands of years ago, when his life was so different from how it was now. The sun had always been his commander, telling him to rise and rule under his parent’s guidance for centuries. Jesse had always done what had been asked of him, following the rules dictated upon him. He knew nothing outside the realm of his duties and had been content with what he had been given. 

Until he had woken to find the Prince of Night in his place of rest.

He still remembered all of the emotions that had coursed through him upon laying his eyes on Hokuto for the first time. He had never seen anyone more beautiful in his entire life, Hokuto’s eyes glittering like starlight in the rising sun, and Jesse knew he had fallen in love the moment he heard Hokuto speak. His voice was the sweetest melody, a music that Jesse knew he would never grow tired of.

As the days grew to weeks and to months, there was no one who set Jesse aflame the way Hokuto did. There was no one that understood him the way Hokuto did. Jesse had lived his entire life carefully following the rules of his parents, but he found himself skirting around fate, defying destiny to be with the one man he loved more than anything in this world.

Jesse had never seen his parents so disappointed when they discovered his secret love. Jesse’s mother hadn’t been able to look him in the eye, and though Jesse felt ashamed for betraying the most important rule his parents had instilled in him, he couldn’t understand why it was so important that he and Hokuto remain apart. Yes, Jesse was to rule over the day, Hokuto the night. Their paths had been structured so they could never meet, but why was this so horrible? Why was it bad that they had convened during the twilight hours, their love blossoming during those precious moments when the dark met the light. Their one crime had been their love, and Jesse would gladly have made the same choice to be with Hokuto over and over if it meant feeling this wonderful.

It was decided that both of them would lose their immortal bodies, forced to live on the mortal plane. It was their punishment for choosing love over duty, and their thousands of years of reign would be wiped from the history of the world. It had been horrifying, needing to learn the way of man in order to assimilate and blend in. The work had been hard, the pay so little, but, with Hokuto by his side, their lives were finally open. They could be with each other not for an hour each day but for as long as they wanted. Their first night together, under the glittering stars in the sky, had been magical, Jesse taking his time to learn and enjoy every inch of his partner’s body until he was begging for release. 

“It won’t happen again,” Jesse said, pressing soft kisses onto Hokuto’s cheeks, forehead and hair. He wanted to make up for so much time, so many missed opportunities. “I swear we will never be separated by so much distance again. I’ll be by your side from the very beginning if the fates allow it, so your smile is always the first thing I see.”

In all of his lives, every moment he had awoken from the stupor of humanity, it had always been Hokuto before Jesse. It had always been Hokuto in his arms, raining kisses upon Jesse’s lips when he realized Jesse remembered everything. It had been Hokuto leading him to the truth, never Jesse awakening Hokuto.

“How do you do it, my stars?” Jesse asked, thumb brushing across Hokuto’s lips. He was already aching to kiss Hokuto again. “How are you the one that always finds me? I think I would break watching you not recognize who I am.”

Hokuto was quiet for a moment, his eyes drifting from Jesse’s. He had to strain his ears to hear Hokuto when he finally spoke. “It’s because I swore that I would.”

Jesse…Jesse had never heard Hokuto say anything like that before. They loved each other, that was for certain, and through all of their years together, Jesse had never faltered once they were reunited. He had tried to love mortals before he remembered his love for Hokuto, but nothing even came close. The affection Jesse had for his mortal partners was hollow in comparison.

“It was our first night together,” Hokuto said, his eyes so far away. “You had gone to sleep, arms holding me so tight, and I made a promise to the night sky.” Hokuto’s arm curled around Jesse’s chest, pulling the two of them closer together. “I swore on my father’s beating heart that no matter what happened to us, no matter where we traveled or where we lived, I would always find you. 

“I…I think our parents intended for us to realize that mortal life was more difficult than we believed,” Hokuto continued, still clinging to Jesse as if he believed Jesse would disappear if he let go. “I can’t be certain, but I know my father. He expected me to realize my love was nothing upon losing my immortal body and to return to him to beg for my old life back. He didn’t think I would swear my love for you while he reigned, so he placed what he believed to be a curse upon us. He gave us countless lives together to test whether my commitment to you was true, or if the pressure would eventually be too much, and I would admit that I had been wrong in my affection for you.” 

Hearing Hokuto’s theories only made a blind rage course through Jesse’s veins. He would never understand why it was so important to keep the two of them apart. Yes, they had been fated to never meet, but was it so bad when their love was so pure and beautiful? Could their parents not see the wonder that happened when day and night met? Jesse’s life had been so empty until Hokuto had stumbled into it, a new addition that brought color into a colorless world.

“I found you in every life, my light,” Hokuto said, stroking Jesse’s bare chest lightly. “I learned over time the best way to awaken your memories to make the process easier for you. One week was the best timing. Through small touches, the walls protecting your memories would deteriorate and remind you of our time together, but it always needed to be your decision to let the final wall come tumbling down. Once you were free of the mortal life you had built, we could be together. I could finally be with you.” Hokuto leaned up, claiming Jesse’s lips in the sweetest of kisses. “I couldn’t bear to be with you when you were…were a stranger,” Hokuto murmured against Jesse’s lips. “I tried. It wasn’t the same.”

Jesse didn’t think he could do it either. Being with his one true love, his stars, and not having Hokuto know everything about him, the little things that drove Jesse insane…it would feel as hollow as any of Jesse’s mortal relationships. He didn’t blame Hokuto for holding back, for not giving in when Jesse had wanted him so carnally in this life. It must have been so difficult to be so close to true love yet so far. 

“But how do you do it, my stars,” Jesse asked, nuzzling their noses together. “How do you remember our lives when I’m not by your side?”

“I…I think it’s part of the reincarnation process, though I’m not sure,” Hokuto said, laying his head back down upon Jesse’s chest. “Every year on my mortal body’s eighteenth birthday, everything comes back to me: our lives, our memories, our past. I remember it all, and it’s like…my heart calls to you. I felt you so far away this year, all the way in North America, but this time I couldn’t leave to find you like I have in the past. I was a trainee here in Japan, and if I left the country, my career prospects would disappear. I was so close to being able to fund our lives, and I couldn’t throw it away so easily.” He looked up at Jesse, tears in his eyes once more. “It pained me, but I couldn’t leave Japan, my light. I had to hope and pray that you would come to me or I would tire of this life of entertainment first. I’m sorry that I took too long. I would do anything to change the course of this story if I could.” 

Suddenly, everything in this life made sense. Why Jesse had an intense desire to come to Japan when he was a high school student. Why he had been so desperate to travel to Japan despite his family’s lack of interest in going together on a family vacation. His heart had sensed Hokuto remembering their lives and had wanted to seek him out as well. It had taken far too long because their mortal lives demanded attention over the next stage of their love story.

Another thought occurred in Jesse’s mind, one that made his heart start to burn bright. It wasn’t fair that Hokuto was always the one to remember. It wasn’t fair that he had so much on his shoulders, so much pressure to guide Jesse to his memories. If it was possible, Jesse would have sought Hokuto’s father out to get him to change the rules of his little game. Hokuto deserved to be found just as much as Jesse did. 

Jesse rolled them over, pinning Hokuto’s hands to the bed. He leaned down, hovering over Hokuto’s lips. “I will make this promise to you, my stars,” he said, his voice a low rumble in his chest. “I will make it to you, the heavens, and the very stars in the sky. I make it upon my own father’s heart and this very kiss I will place upon your lips: I will find you in our next life. I will find you and help you remember your love for me, and we will have the grandest love story that will be told for generations.” He looked into Hokuto’s eyes, those wonderful timeless eyes that Jesse loved so much. “I swear it.”

He brought their lips together in a crushing kiss, their bodies flush together as the sheets drifted off of them from Jesse’s rolling hips. There was so much still to figure out in this life, how Jesse would tell his mortal parents he was moving to Japan. How he would need to figure out all of the logistics of shipping his important belongings and move out of his apartment. That would all come in time. At least for now, the only thing Jesse was concerned with was letting Hokuto know how loved he was.

Jesse was slumped in a corner of the practice room, a pout already across his lips as he grumbled words that were unintelligible to his own ears. It wasn’t fair. He hadn’t been that loud and who wouldn’t be excited learning that they had been cast in a drama? It was his first one after all! He should be allowed to express a little joy. 

He had been honing his skills for so long too, six long years of dance practices and singing lessons to get to this point. His dream had been to be a singer ever since he was young, and though he hadn’t been placed in a group just yet, there was something magical about the cast for this drama that made him excited. Jesse had talked to most of the other guys who had been chosen at other jobs, and he liked everyone he had the chance to meet. Over time, he hoped that a strong friendship could form between all of them. 

One of his cast members slid down the wall next to Jesse, his knees knocking with Jesse’s on the way down. “The director is a dickbag,” Shintaro grumbled. His hair was sticking up at all sorts of angles, thoroughly messed up from running his hands through it too much on top of the obscene amount of hairspray he had used to style it. “He didn’t need to pick on you. We were all being loud.” 

Jesse knew the reason why he had been singled out. He had spent his entire life being bullied and picked on because he looked so different from the people around him that he recognized when someone hated him because of his genetics. He was half-Japanese, half belonging, but he was also half an outsider. His American genes were the only thing people saw when they noticed his face, claiming that was the reason for when Jesse wasn’t a model member of society. He had received his fair share of rude words growing up, kids not able to reconcile the fact that he wasn’t fully like them. He had thought things might be different when he entered the entertainment industry, but the staff around him were equally as cruel as those he had gone to school with.

He was grateful that Shintaro seemed like a decent dude. The first time they had met, a few years ago now, Shintaro had come up and asked Jesse if he wanted to get McDonald’s once practice was over. Jesse had readily agreed, and the two of them had been glued at the hip ever since. It was nice having someone to laugh and joke with, testing new gags on Shintaro before Jesse spread his jokes to a wider audience.

“At least we’ve got some pretty cute people in the cast,” Shintaro said, waggling his eyebrows at Jesse. “I can’t believe they chose Kyomoto Taiga for this project! God, he’s so pretty. And that hair! It’s like he’s a-” Shintaro cut off what he was going to say when he noticed Taiga glaring at them from across the room, Shin giving the older boy an awkward wave. “Well, you know what I mean.”

Taiga was pretty, his voice like an angel. He stood on stage with a mic in his hand like he belonged, and Jesse had never heard someone sound so beautiful when singing. Taiga could sing the phonebook, and people would line up for miles just to hear a single note. In any other circumstance, Jesse knew he would try and put a move on Taiga. His fiery nature exploded forth whenever anyone insinuated he was as pretty as a girl, and part of Jesse liked that. At the same time, there was someone else that drew Jesse’s attention more.

“Shin, if you’re interested in him, go for it,” Jesse said, rolling his eyes. “You don’t need to ask my permission every time-”

But Shintaro wasn’t listening anymore, exclaiming a loud, “THANK YOU,” before scurrying across the room to all but tackle Taiga to the floor.

Jesse let out a loud exhale, shaking his head at Shintaro’s antics. They were best friends, as close as Jesse had ever been to someone, but Shintaro really was so one track minded. Not that Jesse wasn’t. Someone in the cast had been running circles around his mind since the first day Jesse was aware of his existence. Jesse searched the room, trying to find the object of his affection, and his heart fluttered when he met those timeless eyes.

Matsumura Hokuto was perhaps the most beautiful person Jesse had ever laid eyes upon in his sixteen years of life. He had heard the way some of the Juniors had spoken about Hokuto, muttering and grumbling that he was far too scary to ever be an idol. One glare had the elementary and junior high school kids scurrying away, running away with screams from their lips, but Jesse hadn’t agreed with them. He was drawn to Hokuto so completely, every little thing about him taking over Jesse’s heart until the only thing he could do was think about Hokuto.

Those little angry expressions of Hokuto’s were impossibly cute, and Jesse wanted nothing more than to make Hokuto pout. His already round cheeks became even rounder then, and Jesse longed to poke them and see if they were as soft as they looked. He didn’t know whether Hokuto would glare more or smile from the shock of being touched, but Jesse hoped it was the latter. He wanted to know what Hokuto looked like when he smiled so badly and how light Jesse’s heart would feel after having that smile turned in his direction.

The more Jesse was aware of Hokuto’s existence, sensing him every time Hokuto walked into a practice room, the more Jesse wanted to know everything about him. Jesse had a feeling once the pair of them connected, they wouldn’t be able to stay away from each other, but finding a reason to get close was way too complicated. How did Jesse ever approach people he thought were cute? The pick up lines that came to his mind felt too cheesy, not good enough for someone that set his heart off like a firecracker. It had to be the right thing, the right reason, but no matter how Jesse had searched for it in the past, the words wouldn’t come to him. Why was being a teenager so hard?

It had felt like a blessing when Hokuto had arrived that morning, the chosen six from their agency being told they were cast in a drama called Bakaleya High School. Jesse would now be able to strike up a conversation with Hokuto without worrying too much if it was silly or not! The drama was something the two of them could bond over, a diving board towards deeper topics, so Jesse could learn everything that he wanted to about Hokuto. And there was a lot he wanted to know. 

He wanted to learn what Hokuto’s favorite snacks were, what he liked to do on the weekends. Jesse wanted to know where Hokuto liked to go now that he lived in Tokyo as well as his favorite spots back in his hometown in Shizuoka. Jesse wondered with his whole heart if Hokuto would let Jesse hang out with him on the weekends because Jesse would spend every hour of every day with him if he could. But more than that, more than anything in the world, he wanted to kiss Hokuto so badly Jesse’s chest ached. 

Jesse jumped up from his place on the floor when he saw Hokuto adjust his bag, his eyes darting for the door. He had been watching Hokuto from the corner of his eye long enough to know it was his signal that he was preparing to make a quick exit. Jesse scooped up his own bag, skirting across the floor until he jumped right in front of Hokuto’s exit path, blocking him from leaving. 

“Hey!” he shouted, making Hokuto jump. The shocked expression on Hokuto’s face was too cute, the urge to lean in and kiss Hokuto already too strong. Every ounce of air was washed from Jesse’s lungs in a moment, and he had to take a breath to calm himself before he continued. “I’m Jesse! Jesse Lewis.” He thrust his hand out, giving Hokuto his best smile. “I wanted to introduce myself since we’ll be working together from today.” 

Hokuto stared at Jesse’s hand as if it was an alien. “I…thanks?” Hokuto said, and Jesse swore he could have seen Hokuto’s cheeks turn a little pink. “Now if you’ll excuse me.” 

He made to move around Jesse to leave, but Jesse stepped in front of Hokuto’s path once more. He wasn’t letting him leave so easily. Not when Jesse had been trying to work up the courage to talk to Hokuto for nearly a year. “I was hoping that we could be friends. I’ve been watching your dancing, and I think-”

“I’m…I’m not interested,” Hokuto said, his gaze drifting away. He rubbed his cheeks, but it didn’t stop Jesse from seeing how red they were becoming. “I don’t have time. I have to study, and I have so much to practice if I want to debut.” One of his hands slid down, holding onto the bicep of his other arm and squeezing it tightly. “I’m not great like you or Kyomoto-san. I don’t have any natural talent…” 

Jesse was flabbergasted. What in the world did Hokuto mean? Jesse loved listening to Hokuto sing, and his favorite thing was going to singing lessons with the other Juniors when Hokuto was also present. Jesse usually hated when they had the strict lady instructing them, the one made them sing solo six times in a row. She was always critiquing something Jesse’s ears couldn’t tell was wrong before moving on to her next victim. But when Hokuto was there, he found himself not minding her instruction that much. It meant he got to listen to Hokuto’s singing more often than when they had the nice old man who called all of them perfect even when they messed up half the song.

And his dancing! Oh god, Hokuto’s dancing was Jesse’s favorite thing in the world. He always hoped their instructors never put them in the same practice groups when they were learning new choreography. Jesse preferred being on the sidelines, having his full attention on Hokuto when it was his group’s turn to show their progress. If they had been put in the same group, Jesse knew he would have been too distracted to learn the moves. 

“What are you talking about? Hokuto, you’re amazing! You’re—shit,” Jesse swore, switching to English for that single word. He hadn’t meant to be so familiar with Hokuto and call him by his first name. It was just so easy talking to him, even if their conversation was so basic. Jesse knew he was making a huge mistake by crossing that boundary so early, and he hoped Hokuto wasn’t offended.

But when he properly looked at Hokuto, daring to really look at him, Jesse felt his heart stop. If he had thought Hokuto’s cheeks were red earlier, they were even more so now, the blush extending down Hokuto’s neck. It was impossibly cute, and Jesse hoped he could see Hokuto blush like that again. 

“I…thank you,” Hokuto managed to choke out. “And…sure…” He held out his hand, the gesture making Jesse smile. “We can be…we can be friends.” 

“Hell yeah!” Jesse shouted. He clapped their hands together before squeezing Hokuto’s hand tightly. “We’ll be the most bestest friends in the entire-” 

Jesse’s entire world shifted in a moment, his mind ripping him from the present and into a place that felt so oddly familiar to him. Someone was under him, someone that looked exactly like an older version of Hokuto. A low rumbling voice came from Jesse’s mouth, a voice that sounded exactly like his just more mature. 

“I will make this promise to you, my stars,” he heard himself say, the man who looked like Hokuto looking so lovingly up at Jesse. It was as if this Hokuto only needed Jesse in his life, nothing else. “I will make it to you, the heavens, and the very stars in the sky.” 

Jesse’s mind pulled him backwards, hundreds of years passing him by in a moment. He saw him and Hokuto in Greece and Italy and North America, their clothing and hair changing depending on the time period. They twirled around the dance floor at fabulous galas, rode in horse drawn carriages. Thousands of experiences danced across Jesse’s eyes, each one more fabulous than the last. 

“I make it upon my own father’s heart and this very kiss I will place upon your lips,” his older voice said, the words striking at invisible walls within Jesse’s mind. He felt them begin to crumble with every word. “I will find you in our next life.” 

They were always together, always by each other’s side. No matter how many years passed, no matter how old or young they were when they met, it was always him and Hokuto. It was his hand in Hokuto’s, curled around each other as if they were two halves of the same soul. Their love was so beautiful, their faces so full of pure adoration for the other. It was the kind of love Jesse knew he craved and would always crave no matter how old he was. 

“I will find you and help you remember your love for me, and we will have the grandest love story that will be told for generations,” Jesse heard himself say, the words echoing around his head and making it ache.

His brain tried to fight what was happening, to make Jesse see sense and reason. These memories flooding his brain had to be false, but every thread it tried to pull at, every piece of evidence for why Jesse shouldn’t believe what he was seeing, felt so hollow and illogical. Jesse let the walls his brain was trying to protect continue to crumble, feeling a swirling sensation take over his senses that made him feel sick the more visions he witnessed.

He closed his eyes, trying to calm the strange feeling that was taking over his brain. He felt himself being pulled backward still, a soft surface forming under his back. The smell of sunshine took over his nose, little notes of something dark and musky slowly taking over his senses. When he opened his eyes, he found Hokuto before him, dressed in a dark princely cloak. The fabric looked so expensive, flowing around Hokuto’s wrists and adorned with beautiful jewels that glistened like stars. Jesse had never seen someone so beautiful in his entire life. 

“I swear it.”

Jesse blinked, and he was back in the practice room, Hokuto’s hand still in his. His brain felt like it hurt so much, the visions he had seen so powerful. There was a little lingering doubt, small whispered words from his brain not to trust the images Jesse had seen but…but had Hokuto seen them too? Had it been something that the two of them had experienced together? 

“Did you…” Jesse began but he trailed off, unable to find the words. How did he put everything he had seen into a single question? It felt utterly impossible

“I…I did.” Hokuto nodded his head the slightest bit, his eyes as wide as Jesse’s. “Does that mean…are we…” 

The edges of Jesse’s reality were continuing to lift in his mind the longer their hands touched, the memories and visions of his past lives becoming even stronger. It had felt so ridiculous at first, so unreal, but with every passing second he became more and more sure of the things he was seeing every time he closed his eyes. The final bit of doubt that clung to his brain disintegrated, and Jesse’s heart slowly took over, promising everything he experienced was true. Him and Hokuto were in love, had been for thousands of years, and Jesse had never felt so certain about his feelings in his entire life. It was as if every decision he had made in his current life had led to that very moment in the practice room.

Hokuto’s grip tightened on Jesse’s hand, drawing his attention. Hokuto was fighting back tears, and Jesse’s instant reaction was to find whoever had hurt his stars and make them pay. No one made Hokuto cry and got away with it. 

“You found me,” Hokuto said, his voice wavering, and Jesse wiped away the tears forming in the corners of Hokuto’s eyes. “Jesse, my light,” he whispered, a secret for only the two of them to share, “you kept your promise. You found me.” 

The words from the vision came crashing down on Jesse, the realization of what he had promised consuming him. He had. Oh, gods, Jesse had. For the first time since they had been cast out of their immortal bodies, Jesse had been the one to awaken both of their memories of their past lives. He had kept his promise from their last lifetime in Tokyo, and Jesse wanted to shout out his joy. He had taken the heavy burden from Hokuto, and he had never felt so happy in his entire life. Maybe now, maybe finally, they could share in the journey of seeking the other out.

Jesse struggled not to crush their lips together, something that was so inappropriate for the time and place they were in. To the people that surrounded them, the two of them were having a conversation for the first time. It wouldn’t be right to suddenly kiss Hokuto out of the blue. He settled for pulling Hokuto into a hug, squishing Hokuto so tightly against him with all of Jesse’s might. 

A new life for them had begun, one that Jesse couldn’t wait to explore. They were still so young, much younger than they had been in their previous lives, but it gave Jesse the thing he always craved: more time. Though they were at the start of their next reincarnation, Jesse’s mind was already spinning with possibilities of all of the things he wanted to do with Hokuto in this brand new time period.

First, they would make one of the greatest TV shows together with the chosen cast as well as the production staff. Jesse would find a way for the two of them to continue working together and eventually debut together. They would experience all of the things that the 2000’s had to offer, and when they had conquered it all, becoming the greatest stars known throughout the world, they would grow old together as they had in so many of their previous lives.

Jesse would do everything in his power to make sure that Hokuto was happy, that he felt fulfilled in their everyday life, and Jesse would not let the universe tear them apart before their time was up. He would fight tooth and nail to keep Hokuto by his side for every hour of every day in this lifetime. As he held Hokuto close, Hokuto’s hair brushing his nose and Hokuto holding him tight in return, Jesse’s brain was already making plans on how to make this life as perfect as possible. He loved his stars too much to let anything keep them apart.