Realistic

The practice room was too cold.

Not physically. Sure, the air conditioner might have been set too low, or someone might have forgotten to adjust it… but that wasn’t it. This wasn’t the kind of cold you could fix by changing the temperature or pulling on a jacket.

This was the kind of cold that settled into your bones. The kind that lingered.

The kind that came from silence stretching just a little too long... from words that should have been said, conversations that used to exist.. but didn’t anymore.

Kyomoto Taiga noticed it first. Or maybe he didn’t.

Maybe he had always noticed it. He had just been better at ignoring it before. Better at pretending it wasn’t there.

But now... he was the one who couldn’t.

His gaze drifted across the room without meaning to, like it always did. Like it had learned to do on its own, without his permission.

And it landed on Matsumura Hokuto.

Standing there with his back turned, head slightly lowered, eyes fixed on his phone as if the entire world had been reduced to whatever was on that screen. His thumb scrolled slowly, deliberately; like that was where all his attention belonged.

Detached. Untouchable. Like whatever he was looking at mattered more than anything else around him.

More than...

Taiga swallowed, throat tightening.

More than him. Like Taiga wasn’t even there. 

That part... that feeling was new. A lie. 

No... that wasn’t true.

What was new... wasn’t Hokuto looking away. Hokuto had done that before.

What was new was this —  Taiga couldn’t reach him anymore, even when he did look. The version of Matsumura Hokuto he used to know... the one who would eventually look back, who would always meet him halfway — that version felt out of reach now.

“Are we starting?” Morimoto Shintaro’s voice cut through the room. Too loud, too forced. Like he was trying to break something that refused to be broken. 

No one answered. It was like everyone had lost the ability to speak at once.

The music hadn’t even started yet, but something already felt off-beat.

Tanaka Juri clicked his tongue quietly, eyes flicking between Hokuto and Taiga. Sharp. Observant. As if reading something no one else wanted to acknowledge. 

Like he was watching a ticking bomb. Waiting to see when it would finally explode.

As the silence deepened, Jesse Lewis let out a small laugh, stepping forward with his usual energy, trying to inject something or anything lighter into the air. 

“Come on, what is this? Practice or funeral rehearsal?” 

It should have worked. It always did. Everyone had been living with his joke for years; laughing, teasing, sometimes even hitting him when it got too ridiculous.

But this time, the joke didn’t land. It hovered for a second... then dropped flat. Like something that had lost its weight mid-flight.

Even Kochi Yugo, usually the one who could brighten any room, couldn’t quite laugh. Or maybe he did, but it came out strained, more like a choke than anything real.

Because everyone could feel it.

This wasn’t just tension. It wasn’t just a bad day or exhaustion from work. Everyone knew it was something deeper. Something that had been built without anyone stopping it.

Whatever had broken between Kyomoto Taiga and Matsumura Hokuto... it wasn’t small.

And it wasn’t something that could be smoothed over with a joke anymore. 

Taiga exhaled slowly, rolling his shoulders as if he could physically shake the feeling off. 

He couldn’t, unfortunately. But he had to. Because this was work. And he was professional; he had to be.

“Let’s just start,” Taiga said finally, his voice steady enough to cut through the silence. 

Across the room, Hokuto didn’t respond. He simply slipped his phone away.

And then — finally. He looked up. Looked toward Taiga’s direction.

For a moment... just for a moment, Taiga felt it. 

That familiar pull. Like Hokuto was really looking at him again. Like before.

And somehow... that made everything feel worse. 

Because this wasn’t the Hokuto who stayed. This wasn’t the Hokuto who meant it.

It only looked like him.

They took their positions. Back to work. Back to being professionals.

The music finally started. Feeling too sharp, too loud. Loud enough to fill the space that words no longer occupied. 

They fell into formation like muscle memory. Because if there was one thing that had never failed them — it was this.

Taiga hit every note like his life depended on it. Controlled, effortless, beautiful. Exactly what everyone expected from him.

He moved instinctively, body following choreography he had done a hundred times before. But his awareness, his attention... was somewhere else entirely.

Hokuto. 

It was always Hokuto.

And for a moment, Taiga felt himself being pulled back into memory. The kind he seemed to be the only one still carrying. 

There was a part in the routine; a small one, barely noticeable to anyone watching casually. A simple turn, a passing step. A moment where their paths crossed just close enough. 

That moment had never been written into the choreography. It wasn’t planned. But it had always been theirs.

A glance. Half a second, at most. Something unspoken that passed between them like a secret no one else could see.

Today... it came, just like always.

Taiga turned. Right on beat. Right on cue. And for a second — he allowed himself to hope. Just a little. 

Maybe... they were okay, they were fine. Maybe nothing had really changed.

But Hokuto didn’t look. Not even by accident.

He moved past Taiga like he was just another point in space. Just another position to hit. Just another member to avoid colliding with. 

Nothing more.

And just like that, Taiga missed the next step. Barely, just a fraction. 

But in a room like this, with people who had spent half their lives together — it didn’t matter how small it was. It was obvious.

The music stopped. But the tension didn’t.

Silence rushed back in immediately, like it had been waiting for its turn, like it belonged there.

“...Again,” Juri’s voice cut through it. 

No one commented on the mistake. No one pointed it out. No one needed to.

Taiga nodded once. “Sorry,” he said quietly. 

And he meant it. He hated that this — this had become his weak point. At work. Of all places. 

And Hokuto said nothing. Didn’t look at him. Didn’t acknowledge it.

It passed like it meant nothing. Like Taiga didn’t matter.

And somehow... that hurt more than being corrected ever could.

The practice continued, but not for long. The break came too quickly.

Or maybe... not quickly enough.

Taiga slipped out before anyone could stop him, the hallway outside blessedly empty.

And he couldn’t have been more grateful for that. Because he didn’t want anyone to see him like this. Didn’t want anyone to notice the way his breathing felt uneven, or how his chest refused to loosen no matter how hard he tried.

He leaned back against the wall, the cold surface pressing through his shirt. His fingers trembled slightly as he brought them to his lips, as if he could steady himself that way.

It didn’t work. Nothing did.

He tilted his head back, staring up at the ceiling like it might offer him something; an answer, a reason, anything. 

But he already knew. There was nothing there.

He hated this. He hated how it felt like he was suffocating just by being in the same room. Hated how Hokuto could stand there, breathe normally, move normally; like none of this mattered.

Like they didn’t matter.

And what he hated most... was how much it still mattered to him.

“...You’re running away again.”

Taiga froze. His eyes slid shut for a brief second. He didn’t need to turn to know who it was. He would recognize that voice anywhere. The same voice that once grounded him, always found comfort in it. Still did, maybe. Even now.

Of course Hokuto followed. Slowly, Taiga turned.

Hokuto stood a few steps away, hands tucked into his pockets, posture relaxed in a way that didn’t match the weight in the air between them.

His expression was unreadable. Always unreadable.

It used to be something Taiga loved. Because he had known how to read him. Between every pause, every flicker, every breath Hokuto didn’t realize he was giving away. 

But now... it felt like staring at a wall. A wall he kept trying to break through with bare hands, only to end up hurting himself over and over again.

Because Hokuto — felt like a language he used to be fluent in... but now he had forgotten how to understand it anymore.

“I’m not,” Taiga said. But even to his own ears, his voice lacked conviction.

Hokuto tilted his head slightly. “Then what is this?”

Silence stretched between them. Too long. Too heavy.

Taiga let out a soft, humorless laugh. “You really want to do this here?”

“Do what?” Hokuto asked, like he didn’t know. Like he couldn’t feel it.

Taiga gestured vaguely between them, the motion weak, unfocused. “This.”

Hokuto didn’t move. Didn’t look away.

“...Where else?” Hokuto replied quietly. “We don’t talk anywhere else anymore.”

That landed too cleanly. Too painfully.

Taiga’s chest tightened, something sharp twisting inside.

“Whose fault is that?” he shot back, sharper than he intended.

Hokuto didn’t even flinch. “It’s not mine.”

And that… that was it.

Something inside Taiga snapped. Not loudly, not dramatically; but in a quiet, irreversible way.

“Of course,” he whispered, voice thin. “It’s never yours.”

Hokuto’s brows furrowed, just slightly. “Don’t twist this.”

“I’m not twisting anything,” Taiga said, voice rising despite himself.
“You’re the one… who just decided one day that we’re nothing outside of work.”

“That’s not what I said.”

“It’s what you did.” The words hung between them, heavy and suffocating. Taiga could feel his own heartbeat now, too fast, too loud — like it was trying to break out of his chest. 

Hokuto exhaled slowly, like he was already tired of this conversation. Like… Taiga was exhausting.

And that hurt too.

“I’m just being realistic,” Hokuto said finally.

Realistic.

Taiga almost laughed.

“Realistic?” he repeated softly. “So everything before this was what? A mistake?”

Hokuto’s jaw tightened. “I didn’t say that.”

Taiga scoffed, the sound breaking at the edges. “You didn’t have to.”

There it was. The truth neither of them had said out loud. Not when it started. Not when it grew into something more. And definitely not when it ended.

Because it had ended. And that's how Hokuto had made sure of that.

“We’re idols, Taiga.” Hokuto said, the words came out quieter now. Firmer. Final.

“We don’t get to be selfish.”

Taiga stared at him. And for a moment, he didn’t recognize the person in front of him.

This wasn’t the Hokuto who stayed up talking to him until sunrise.

This wasn’t the Hokuto who looked at him like he was something precious. 

This wasn’t the Hokuto who —

“Loving you isn’t selfish.” The words slipped out before Taiga could stop them. Raw. Honest. Like they had been waiting. Like they had been forced down for so long they finally broke free on their own.

Silence.

Hokuto’s expression cracked. Just for a second.

But Taiga saw it. And that made everything worse. Because it meant Hokuto knew.

He knew… and still chose this. Which meant Taiga had been fighting alone this entire time. A battle he didn’t even realize had started. A battle he never had a chance of winning.

“Don’t,” Hokuto said, voice low. “Don’t say things like that now.”

“Why?” Taiga demanded, stepping closer. “Because it’s inconvenient? Because it doesn’t fit your ‘realistic’ life?”

“Because it doesn’t change anything!” Hokuto snapped.

The words echoed down the empty hallway. Sharp. Loud. Wrong.

That was the first time Hokuto raised his voice at him. After all these years. And that hurt more than everything else combined. 

Both of them frozed.

Hokuto’s breathing was uneven now, control slipping in ways he clearly hated.

“We can’t be that,” he said, quieter. “You know that.”

Taiga shook his head slowly. Disbelief settling in like something heavy and immovable.

“No,” he said. “You decided that.”

Hokuto looked away.

And that… that was the answer. The one Taiga had been searching for. The one he had been dreading.

Taiga felt something in his chest cave in. Not shatter. Not explode. Just… collapse. Like something that had been barely holding itself together for a long time finally gave up.

“…Okay,” Taiga said softly.

Hokuto’s head snapped back toward him.

“Okay?” he repeated.

Taiga nodded. A small, empty smile tugged at his lips.

“You want realistic?” he said. 

“Fine.” His voice didn’t shake anymore. That scared him more than anything.

“I’ll give you realistic.”

He stepped back. Putting space between them.

Drawing a line that hadn’t existed before.

“You’re right,” Taiga continued. “We’re just members.”

Each word landed like a quiet cut. Deliberately. Careful. Like he was carving them into himself as he said them.

“Colleagues.”

Another step back.

“Nothing else.”

Hokuto stared at him. Like he wanted to say something. Like he should say something.

But he didn’t. He stayed silent. And in that silence — Taiga felt his world finally, completely break.

“Got it,” Taiga said. Then he turned. And walked away.

Because walking away was easier than staying somewhere he was no longer wanted. Even if every step felt heavy. Even if it felt like he was dragging something behind him — something that refused to let go.

Taiga kept walking. Because he had to.

Behind him, Hokuto didn’t move. Didn’t call his name. Didn’t stop him. Didn’t have the courage to.

But if Taiga had turned around… just once — he would have seen it.

The way Hokuto’s hands were shaking. The way his composure had completely fallen apart the moment Taiga was out of sight. The way he pressed his sleeve against his eyes like it could hide the damage. Like it could undo what he had just done.

But Taiga didn’t turn around. And Hokuto didn’t call him back.

Because some choices, even when they hurt like hell… aren’t meant to be taken back.

Days passed. One after another. Blending into each other until it became difficult to tell where one ended and the next began.

Schedules continued. Rehearsals. Recordings. Performances.

Everything moved forward exactly the way it was supposed to.

As if nothing had happened. As if there was nothing to fix.

Nothing to question. Nothing to break.

And maybe that was the worst part. Because no one said anything. No one acknowledged it. Not directly.

They just...  Adjusted. Carefully. Subtly. Like people learning how to move around something fragile without touching it.

Even when the air turned sharp, when the silence stretched just a little too long, when it felt like something might snap if anyone pushed too hard; they still slipped back into place the moment work began.

Like it was second nature. Like it was survival.

Performance after performance came and went. And every single one of them... was perfect. 

Of course it was. They were professionals. They were idols.

And idols... were meant to be perfect. And idols didn’t get the luxury of falling apart where people could see.

Taiga smiled at all the right moments. Every expression polished, every glance timed just enough to feel real. He knew exactly; where to look, when to laugh, how to stand just close enough without it meaning anything. He did everything right. Because he had to.

Because if he stopped, even for a second... Everything might come crashing down.

Hokuto, on the other hand... Was flawless. Completely.

His voice never wavered. His timing never slipped. Every movement; precise, controlled, untouchable. Like whatever had happened... Hadn’t reached him at all.

Like he had already sealed it away somewhere no one else could see.

Their timing?

Perfect.

Their chemistry?

Still seamless. Still convincing. Still enough to fool anyone watching. Still enough to make people believe.

Even if, underneath it all... It felt completely, utterly dead.

No one in the audience noticed. How could they? From where they stood, nothing had changed.

But backstage... That was a different story. It was impossible not to notice. Impossible not to feel it.

The distance. The silence. The way they never quite looked at each other unless they had to.

The way conversations shifted, carefully avoiding certain directions.

The way the others had started to notice... And didn’t know what to do about it.

The moment they stepped off stage, the tension snapped back into place.

Immediate. Sharp. Like a rubber band pulled too far for too long, finally settling back but never quite the same.

And today, it felt tighter than usual. Like something had finally reached its limit.

“Oi.”

Juri’s voice cut through the air, sharp. Controlled, but already laced with something dangerous underneath. 

No one moved. Luckily, they had the room to themselves. No staff. No managers. Just the six of them. Nowhere to hide.

Juri’s gaze moved between Taiga and Hokuto. Like he was piecing something together right in front of them.

And this time, he didn’t look away. He really looked. And whatever he saw... His expression darkened.

“... Are you two seriously going to keep this up?”

Silence.

Not the usual kind. Not the kind they had been living in for days.

This one felt heavier. More deliberate.

Taiga busied himself with removing his in-ear monitors, movements slow, deliberate; like if he focused hard enough on something small, he wouldn’t have to deal with anything else. 

Hokuto reached for a towel, dragging it across his neck, his face turned slightly away. Like he hadn’t heard. Like none of this concerned him.

That was it. Juri had it enough.

He stepped forward and grabbed Taiga’s wrist.

“Don’t ignore me.”

Taiga froze. His fingers paused mid-motion. The sudden contact pulling him back whether he wanted it or not.

“... I’m not,” he said quietly. But his face said otherwise.

“You are,” Juri snapped.

“Both of you are.” His voice pressed harder now, sharper, cutting through whatever thin restraint had been holding him back.

A beat passed.

“What the hell happened?” he demanded. 

The question landed heavy. Frustration bleeding through every word.

No one answered. Not Taiga. Not Hokuto.

Not even Jesse, who normally would have jumped in by now, throwing in a joke, breaking the tension, doing anything to stop things from getting this bad. 

But not now. Now, even he stayed quiet.

Shintaro shifted awkwardly near the wall, his weight moving from one foot to the other. He looked like he didn’t know where to stand, what to do; whether to step in and calm Juri down, or to stay back and let it happen. 

Because even he felt it. The frustration. The tension.

Kochi stood a little further back, shoulders slightly tense. His usual gentle presence dimmed. He looked like he wanted to disappear entirely, like he knew this moment had been coming for a while now. 

And still, he wasn’t ready for it. 

Juri let out a short, dry laugh. No humor in it.

“Unbelievable.”

He released Taiga’s wrist, his grip loosening like he suddenly realized it wouldn’t get him anywhere. 

“You think this doesn’t affect the group?” 

That hit. Of course it did.

That was the problem. It always would.

The air shifted. Thickened. Seconds passed.

“We’re fine,” Hokuto said finally. Too fast. Too clean. Like he had already decided on that answer long before this moment.

Juri’s head snapped toward him. “Don’t lie to me.”

“I’m not —”

“You are,” Juri cut him off, stepping closer. 

“I’ve known you for years, Hokuto. You think I can’t tell when you’re full of it?”

Hokuto’s jaw tightened. But he didn’t respond.

Because there was nothing he could say; that wouldn’t make it worse.

“Say something,” 

Juri’s voice cut through the silence again, sharper this time, turning back toward Taiga like he wasn’t going to let him slip away. 

Taiga shook his head slightly, gaze dropping. 

“There’s nothing to say.”

“That’s bullshit,” Juri snapped.

The word cracked through the room, loud, unfiltered.

“Juri,” Taiga said softly, almost tired, “drop it.”

“No.” The word was immediate. Firm. Final. Like he had already decided he wasn’t backing down.

Not today.

“I’m not dropping this,” Juri continued, his voice tightening, “if it’s going to mess with all of us.” 

The room went still. Completely.

Juri rarely pushed like this. But when he did... He didn’t stop halfway.

Taiga let out a quiet breath, something unsteady slipping through before he could catch it. 

“Then what do you want?” he asked, his voice thin but controlled. “You want details? You want a full explanation?” 

Juri didn’t hesitate. “Yeah.”

Silence fell again. Heavier this time. Suffocating. Pressing in from all sides.

Taiga closed his eyes briefly, like he was bracing himself for something he couldn’t avoid anymore. 

“... We ended things.” The words were simple. Too simple.

Too small for something that had taken so much out of him.

But the moment they left his mouth... They landed like a bomb.

Jesse blinked. “Ended...?”

Kochi’s eyes widened slightly. Shintaro froze completely, his body going still like he hadn’t processed it yet.

Juri didn’t move. Didn’t react at first. It was like the words hadn’t fully registered.

Or maybe they had, and he was choosing how to respond.

Then slowly, he turned toward Hokuto.

“... You?” he asked, disbelief laced through the single word.

Hokuto didn’t answer. He didn’t need to.

The silence said enough.

Juri scoffed under his breath, running a hand through his hair, fingers dragging back harder than necessary.

“Of course.”

There was something sharp in his voice now. Something dangerously close to anger.

“Of course you did.”

Hokuto’s eyes flickered. Just for a second.

He knew Juri knew. He had always known.

“Don’t make this —”

“Make this what?” Juri cut him off, the words snapping out before Hokuto could finish. “Exactly what it looks like?”

“Juri,” Taiga said quietly, a warning, weak but there.

But Juri didn’t stop.

He stepped forward again, closing the distance between him and Hokuto, his presence pressing in.

“You really think you can just cut him off,” he said, voice low now, controlled in a way that made it worse, “and act like nothing happened?”

Hokuto’s composure cracked slightly.

“I’m not acting like nothing happened.”

“Then what are you doing?” Juri shot back immediately. “Because from where I’m standing, it looks like you’re just running away.”

Hokuto’s gaze wavered for a fraction of a second. But it was there.

“I’m being realistic,” Hokuto said, voice low.

Juri laughed again. But this time, it was harsher. Colder. 

“Realistic?”

He gestured sharply between them.

“This… this right here; is your version of realistic?”

Hokuto didn’t respond. Because deep down, he knew.

“Say it properly,” Juri pushed, stepping even closer. “Say why.”

He was already halfway to grabbing Hokuto’s collar, tension snapping at the edges. 

And that when Jesse moved quickly, stepping in and catching his arm before it could escalate. 

“Hey… hey, Juri —”

But Juri didn’t take his eyes off Hokuto.

Hokuto’s silence stretched.

Taiga looked away. He didn’t want to hear it again.

Not like this. Not in front of everyone.

Not when it already hurts this much.

“We’re idols,” Hokuto’s voice finally broke through the tension.

There it was. Again.

The same answer. The same wall.

And hearing it again with everyone in the room, it felt like everything Taiga had ever felt...

Was being reduced to something small. Something wrong.

Something inconvenient. Something that shouldn’t have existed in the first place.

Juri stared at him. For a long moment. Like he couldn’t believe what he was hearing.

Like he couldn’t believe Hokuto had the nerve to say that after everything.

“... You’re an idiot.” The words were quiet.

But they cut deeper than shouting ever could.

Hokuto flinched. Just slightly. But everyone saw it.

Before Juri could say anything else —

“Stop.”

The voice wasn’t loud. But it was enough.

Kochi.

He stood there, shoulders straight, expression calm; but only on the surface. There was something tight beneath it, something carefully held together. 

As the eldest, he had to be the one to stop this. Before it went too far.

“Juri,” he said again, softer this time, “that’s enough.”

Juri hesitated. His jaw clenched. For a moment, it looked like he might argue. But then he clicked his tongue and stepped back.

The space between them widened. But the tension didn’t disappear.

It just… shifted.

Settled somewhere else. Heavier. Quieter. More dangerous.

Kochi’s gaze moved. Landing on Taiga.

“…Come with me.”

Taiga blinked, caught off guard.

“What?”

“Just... come.”

There was no room to argue. No space left to refuse.

And maybe... Taiga didn’t have the strength to anyway.

So he followed.

The dressing room door closed behind them with a soft click. The sound shouldn't have mattered. It was quiet. Almost insignificant.

Yet somehow, it felt louder than Juri's shouting. Louder than Hokuto's silence. Louder than every word that had been said inside that room. 

Taiga followed a step behind Kochi. Neither of them spoke.

The hallway stretched endlessly ahead, washed in pale fluorescent light that made everything feel colder than it actually was.

Or maybe it wasn't the hallway. Maybe the cold had simply settled inside him and refused to leave.

Taiga’s body felt heavy. Every movement felt delayed, like he was walking through water. Like something unseen was pulling at his feet, trying to drag him under. As if the moment he stopped moving, he would be swallowed whole and left drowning in everything he was trying so desperately not to feel. 

The confrontation from earlier replayed itself anyway.

Again.

And again.

And again.

Like a broken videotape stuck on the same scene, replaying it over and over again. Except it wasn't a memory he wanted to revisit. It wasn't one of the good parts. It was the pain. Just the pain. Repeating endlessly until he could no longer tell whether it was a memory or his reality. 

"We ended things."

The words sounded foreign now.

Like someone else had said them. Like they belonged to another person.

Not him. Because even now, Taiga couldn't quite believe those words had come from his own mouth. He had said them. He remembered saying them. Yet somehow, they still felt unreal. 

Not the version of himself that had spent years learning every expression Hokuto made without realizing it.

Not the version that had memorized the sound of Hokuto's laugh.

Not the version that had once believed they could somehow make it work. Even during the times he denied it. Even during the times he tried to convince himself it wasn't real. 

But somehow... Against every rule. Against every expectation. Against reality itself.

His chest tightened. 

Reality. Realistic.

He hated those words now. Hated the way they sounded coming from Hokuto's mouth.

As if reality was something only Hokuto understood. As if Taiga had been foolish for wanting more.

As if loving someone had somehow become a mistake.

His footsteps faltered slightly. Only for a second.

But Kochi noticed. Of course he did. Because Kochi always noticed.

He slowed his pace without saying anything. Without looking back. Just enough for Taiga to walk beside him instead of behind him.

The gesture was so small that most people wouldn't have thought twice about it.

Taiga noticed anyway. And somehow, that almost hurt more.

Because kindness felt dangerous right now. Kindness made cracks spread. Kindness made carefully built walls collapse.

It was easier when people ignored him. Easier when nobody asked questions. Easier when he could pretend he was okay. Kindness just made pretending impossible.

The elevator arrived with a soft ding. The doors slid open. But neither of them moved immediately.

For a brief moment, Taiga caught their reflection in the mirrored walls.

Kochi stood straight beside him. Calm. Steady. Reliable. Like the way he always was.

And next to him... Taiga barely recognized himself. He felt like he was looking at a stranger. Did he always look like this?

His smile was gone. The one he wore for cameras. For countless interviews. For their fans. For everyone.

Gone. Completely gone. Leaving behind someone who simply looked tired. Tired in a way sleep couldn't fix.

The elevator doors began closing again. Kochi quietly pressed the button to hold them open.

"Come on." His voice was gentle. There was no pressure in it, neither pushing. He was simply there, waiting patiently.

Taiga swallowed before slowly stepping inside, Kochi following after him. 

Somewhere deep down, he was relieved Kochi had made the choice for him. Because for once, Taiga hadn't known whether to stay or leave. He hadn't known what he wanted. What he needed. What he was supposed to do. So having someone decide for him felt easier. Following Kochi felt easier than figuring out where to go on his own.

When the cool night air hit him again, only then did Taiga realize they had made their way all the way to the car park. The breeze brushed through his hair. His gaze finally drifted toward Kochi, who was typing something on his phone. 

“We’re heading back first,” he said quietly, turning slightly toward Taiga. “I’ve already told the manager. We’re leaving.”

A pause before he continued,  “I asked Jesse to bring our things. He should be here soon.”

Taiga blinked. The words registered, but slowly. Like his brain was a step behind everything. He couldn’t form a proper response.

So he just nodded. That was all he could manage.

Like a spell breaking the silence, the sound of hurried footsteps echoed through the parking lot, growing louder with every second. 

Jesse.

He came jogging toward them, slightly out of breath, both of their bags hanging from his shoulders. 

“I packed everything,” Jesse said quickly, holding them out. “Hopefully I didn't miss anything, but if I did, just let me know. I can bring it later.”

Before Taiga could even reach for his own bag, Kochi stepped forward and took both. “Thanks, Jesse,” Kochi said, giving his shoulder a light squeeze. “Can you help watch over things while I’m gone?” 

Jesse nodded immediately. “Yeah, of course.”

Kochi lowered his voice slightly. “Just make sure everything stays okay. Maybe get Shintaro to take Hokuto somewhere for a bit. And...” He paused before sighing. “Go calm Juri down.” 

Jesse let out a small laugh. “Yeah, that might be the hardest job tonight.”

Despite himself, the corner of Kochi's mouth twitched upward slightly. “I'm serious.”

“I know.” Jesse's expression softened. “Don't worry. I've got it. You just focus on getting him home safely.”

As he spoke, a car slowly pulled into the parking lot, headlights cutting through the dim space before stopping a few meters away. Jesse glanced toward it. “That should be your ride.”

Taiga looked up. Really looked at him for the first time since all of this started. Jesse offered him a small, reassuring smile. Not a bright one. Not the kind he usually gave. Just something quiet. Careful. Like he wasn't sure how much pressure Taiga could handle before breaking apart completely.

Taiga tried to return it. The smile barely formed. 

Before he could get into the car, Jesse reached out. His hand landed gently on Taiga's shoulder. Just a brief squeeze.  Like a silent reminder of saying, You're not alone. 

The simple gesture nearly hurt more than anything else. Because Jesse knew. They all knew. And somehow, Taiga hated that they had to see him like this.

He swallowed against the lump forming in his throat. “...Thanks,” he murmured softly. Even that felt difficult.

Jesse simply nodded. Then gave him another small smile. The kind people gave when they didn't know how to fix something. But wished more than anything that they could.

Taiga looked away first. Then quietly climbed into the car.

The ride back was painfully quiet. Not the type of uncomfortable. But just heavy. The kind of silence that settled between people when there was nothing left to say.

Taiga didn’t even know where they were heading. His place, probably.

He didn’t ask. He didn’t care. All he wanted was to lie down. Close his eyes. And pretend today had never happened. Pretend it had all been a bad dream. Something he could wake up from. Something that wasn't real.

He stared out the window. The city moved past him in blurs of light and shadow. Cars passing by. Buildings sliding out of view. Streetlights flickering across the glass.

And people... People just everywhere.

A group of students were laughing as they walked home together. Still in uniform, bags slung over their shoulders, voices loud and carefree.

A family stepping out of a restaurant, talking over each other, the parents smiling as they guided their kids toward the car.

A couple walking side by side. Hands intertwined. Close and easy. Like being together was the most natural thing in the world.

Taiga's gaze lingered longer than it should have. Because for a while... That had been him and Hokuto too.

Quiet dinners after work. Late night conversations that stretched until sunrise. Unspoken understanding. Shared glances. Small moments that nobody else noticed. Moments Taiga had once believed would last much longer than they did. Moments he hadn't realized were already slipping through his fingers until they were gone. 

Taiga’s eyes burned. Warmth gathered at the edges, blurring his vision. He let out a small, bitter smile and looked away.

Because watching strangers have something he had already lost... Hurt too much.

Only then did he realize Kochi had been watching him. Quietly. Carefully. Like he had been the whole time. Kochi gave him a small smile. Didn't say anything. Didn't ask if he was okay. Didn't force a conversation.

Because sometimes comfort wasn't words. Sometimes it was simply staying. Sitting beside someone when they had nothing left to say. Remaining when everyone else would have walked away. Being there when someone no longer had the strength to hold themselves together.

Slowly, Kochi reached over. His hand rested lightly against Taiga's. A small gesture with no expectations, just warmth.

Taiga stared at their hands. Then quickly averted his gaze away. He didn’t trust himself to respond. Didn't trust himself not to break. So he closed his eyes. Pretended to sleep. Pretended he didn’t feel everything unraveling inside him.

And for the rest of the ride, he stayed like that. Because he didn’t know how to face Kochi. Didn’t know how to say any of it out loud. Because if he started talking... If he finally let everything out... He wasn't sure he would ever be able to stop.

Beside him, Kochi sighed quietly. After a moment, he withdrew his hand. He knew better. Pushing too much right now would only make Taiga shut down further. So he gave him space. Even if it hurt to see him like this.

He pulled out his phone and typed quickly.

[Kochi]: Everything okay?

The reply came almost immediately.

[Jesse]: Don’t worry. I’ve got Juri under control. Shintaro’s with Hokuto, I think.

[Jesse]: How’s Taiga? 

Kochi glanced sideways. Taiga’s eyes were closed, his breathing steady; but it wasn't sleep. He could tell.

[Kochi]: Not good. He’s not talking. I don’t want to push. 

[Jesse]: Then don’t. Just stay with him. 

Kochi exhaled softly and locked his phone. He hadn’t realized it had gotten this bad.

Before this, he had stayed out of it. He didn’t want to interfere in whatever was between Taiga and Hokuto. That was what he had always believed. Because he trusted them. Trusted that they would figure things out eventually. Because somehow, they always had.

He had even been happy when things seemed to get better between them after years of push and pull. After years of almosts. Almost saying it. Almost admitting it. Almost choosing each other completely.

Then, for a while... Something changed. Again.

Only this time, it was worse. Much worse. And now, it had come to this. To the point where they had ended things. To the point where the damage was no longer contained between the two of them. To the point where it was starting to affect everyone.

Kochi tightened his grip on his phone. He had told himself it wasn't his place. That whatever existed between Taiga and Hokuto belonged to them. That they would find their way back to each other eventually. Because they always had. Until now.

Now, for the first time, Kochi wasn't sure there was a way back at all. And that scared him more than he wanted to admit.

Taiga opened the door to his apartment slowly. “...Come in,” he said quietly.

Kochi stepped inside without a word. 

The apartment was dark except for the faint glow of city lights filtering through the curtains. The silence felt different here. Not heavy like the dressing room. Not suffocating like the car ride. Just empty.

Taiga kicked off his shoes and moved straight toward the couch. The moment he sat down, his entire body seemed to sag. Like he had been holding himself together with sheer willpower all day and had finally run out.

"The place is a mess," he murmured, glancing around half-heartedly. "I haven't really had time to clean..." 

Kochi followed his gaze. A few empty cups sat abandoned on the table. Clothes were draped over a nearby chair. A blanket had been left crumpled on the couch. Signs of someone who had been surviving rather than living.

Kochi shook his head gently. “It’s fine.”

They both knew that wasn’t the real reason.

Kochi sat down beside him. Close... but not too close. Giving space. But still there.

For a while, neither of them spoke. The ticking of the clock on the wall seemed unusually loud. 

Taiga stared at nothing. Kochi watched him quietly. Then finally,

“Why didn’t you tell us?” Kochi asked softly.

The question was simple. Yet somehow it hit harder than Juri's anger ever could. 

Taiga let out a small breath. “…There wasn’t a good time.”

The excuse sounded weak even to his own ears. A lie. And they both knew it.

Kochi sighed. “That’s not a reason.”

Taiga laughed softly. A small sound. Tired. Broken around the edges.

"...Maybe not." His fingers twisted together in his lap. "I just..."

The words died before they could form. Because what was he supposed to say? That he had spent the whole time convincing himself things would get better? That if he just waited long enough, Hokuto would come back? That he had kept hoping right until the very end?

"...It felt stupid."

Kochi frowned. "What did?"

Taiga looked down. "Talking about it." His smile returned. Small. Fragile. The kind that looked like it might disappear if someone breathed too hard.

"What was I supposed to tell everyone?" His voice grew quieter. "That I couldn't fix it?" 

That hurt more than he expected. Because for years, no matter how complicated things became between him and Hokuto, somehow they always found their way back. They always talked. They always understood each other eventually. Until this time.

This time they didn't. This time Hokuto let go. And Taiga couldn't do anything about it.

“You’re hurting,” Kochi's voice was steady. Not a question but a fact.

Taiga smiled again. The same practiced smile he had been using for weeks. The same one he wore backstage. On stage. In front of cameras. In front of everyone. “I’m okay.” 

Kochi's expression tightened immediately. "No, you're not."

And that was it. No pressure or force. Just the truth. And somehow, that was what broke him.

Taiga’s gaze dropped. His shoulders slumped. His hands curled into themselves. And suddenly, he couldn’t do it anymore. Couldn't pretend. Couldn't keep swallowing it down.

Everything felt too much. Too heavy. Too suffocating. He was so tired. Tired of pretending. Tired of holding it together. Tired of smiling. Tired of standing next to Hokuto and acting like his heart wasn't breaking all over again every single day.

Tired of lying. To everyone. To himself.

“…I tried,” His voice came out barely above a whisper. It trembled despite him. “I really tried.”

Kochi didn’t interrupt. Didn’t rush him. Didn’t even touch him yet. He just stayed. Right there. Letting Taiga feel that he wasn’t alone. Giving him room. Giving him time. Giving him somewhere safe to finally fall apart.

Taiga swallowed hard. "I really tried to be okay with it." His eyes burned. "I told myself it was fine."

A shaky laugh escaped him. "It wasn't." The words cracked. 

"So many times I told myself it didn't matter." His hands clenched. 

"That if this was what he wanted, then I should accept it." His breathing became uneven.

"But every time he looks at me..." Taiga stopped. His throat tightening.

Every time Hokuto looked through him. Every time Hokuto treated him like a stranger. Every time Hokuto acted as if none of it had ever existed. It felt like losing him all over again.

"But it's like..." Taiga whispered. His voice finally broke.

"...it's like he erased everything."

The silence that followed hurt. Because even saying it out loud didn't make it hurt less.

"He talks to me like I'm just another member." His eyes blurred.

"Like nothing ever happened." Like all those late nights never happened. Like all those promises never happened. Like Taiga had imagined all of it. His chest tightened painfully.

"And I have to stand next to him." His voice shook.

"Sing with him." Another breath.

"Smile with him." His eyes squeezed shut.

"Like I'm not —" The words refused to come out. Because saying them would make them real.

Kochi shifted closer. His hand rested gently against Taiga's shoulder. “...Like you’re not what?” he asked softly. 

Taiga shook his head. Tried to laugh. But failed, miserably.  “...Like I’m not still in love with him.”

The confession hung between them. Raw. Too exposed. Too honest.

For a moment, neither of them moved. Kochi felt his chest tighten. Because hearing it out loud somehow made everything feel worse. “...Does he know?”

Taiga didn’t answer. He didn’t need to. The silence was answer enough. 

Kochi exhaled quietly. “...Idiot,” The word slipped out quietly. Not directed at Taiga. Never at Taiga.

Because if anyone was an idiot here... It was the person who had convinced himself this was the only way.

Slowly, Kochi moved closer. Then finally pulled Taiga into a hug. Like he was holding something fragile.

Taiga stiffened for a second, but then broke. Not loudly. No sobbing. No wailing. 

Just quiet tears. The kind that came from being tired. The kind that came after holding everything in for far too long. They slipped down his face one after another, disappearing into Kochi's shirt.

Kochi's hand moved slowly along his back. Steady and grounding. Never asking for anything. Just staying. Just letting him cry.

And as Kochi held him, he found himself wondering;

At what point did love become something that hurt like this? When did something that was supposed to make people feel alive... Become the very thing that slowly broke them apart?

Outside, the city carried on as usual. Cars passed. Lights flickered. People laughed somewhere in the distance. But inside that apartment, for the first time in weeks, Taiga finally stopped pretending he was okay.

The dressing room door clicked shut. It was a soft sound. Barely loud enough to notice.

Yet somehow, it echoed through the room louder than Juri's shouting had only moments ago. Louder than Taiga's quiet confession. Louder than Hokuto's own silence.

And the room was totally in silence. 

For a group that had always been known for being loud; for filling every room with laughter, teasing, and overlapping conversations; the silence felt painfully unfamiliar.

It didn't belong to their group. It didn't belong to them.

For once, the dressing room felt like it belonged to strangers.

Perhaps it was a blessing that no managers or staff were around to witness any of it. None of them would have known how to explain what had just happened anyway.

Hokuto hadn't moved.

Not even an inch.

He stood exactly where Taiga had left him, as though his feet had been nailed to the floor. Like if he moved even slightly, everything he had been desperately holding together would collapse.

His eyes remained fixed on his hands. They were still trembling. He curled them into fists.

Tighter. Then tighter.

His nails dug painfully into his palms until it almost felt like they might break the skin.

He welcomed it. Physical pain was simple. Physical pain had an end.

It was easier to focus on the sting in his hands than the ache crushing his chest.

Easier than remembering the look on Taiga's face. Easier than hearing those last words again.

We ended things.

Hokuto squeezed harder.

As though pain alone could force himself back together. Back into control.

Back into the version of Matsumura Hokuto who always made the "realistic" choice.

The version he had convinced himself he needed to become.

The steady hum of the air conditioner filled the room.

Until it was suddenly cut apart by a harsh, humorless laugh.

Juri.

"...Happy now?"

His voice wasn't loud. If anything, that made it worse.

Hokuto slowly lifted his eyes. Juri was staring straight at him.

There wasn't disappointment in his expression anymore.

Only anger. Raw. Unfiltered.

"You really are unbelievable."

The words landed one after another, each one heavier than the last.

Juri let out another bitter laugh, shaking his head.

"Realistic."

He almost spat the word.

"You keep hiding behind that like it's supposed to make everything okay."

Another step closer.

"You call this protecting him?"

Silence.

Juri's jaw tightened.

"...Or," he continued, quieter this time, "don't tell me you just don't love him anymore."

The question hung heavily in the air. Hokuto didn't answer. He couldn't.

Because no matter which answer he gave...

It would only hurt more.

A notification chimed. The sound felt strangely loud.

Jesse glanced down at his phone, reading the message before slipping it back into his pocket with a quiet sigh.

"Juri..."

His voice was calm. Gentle. "That's enough."

"No." Juri didn't even look at him. His eyes never left Hokuto.

Jesse walked over anyway, placing a hand lightly on Juri's shoulder.

"Look at him."

Juri frowned.

"What?"

"I said..." Jesse repeated quietly, "...look at him."

The room fell silent again.

Juri finally looked. Really looked.

Hokuto still hadn't moved. He hadn't defended himself. Hadn't argued. Hadn't even reacted.

He simply stood there, eyes now fixed somewhere beyond the closed door. It was almost as though he wasn't looking at the door at all.

But at the person who had just disappeared behind it.

The room remained quiet for another long moment.

Then Juri clicked his tongue sharply and looked away.

"...Damn it."

His voice cracked with frustration.

"Fine."

Without another word, he turned and walked out of the room.

The door slammed much harder this time.

Jesse watched him leave before rubbing the back of his neck with a tired sigh.

He knew Juri. Better than almost anyone.

Juri's anger had never come from hatred. It came from caring too much. From watching someone he considered family fall apart and being completely unable to stop it. That was how Juri loved people. Protect first. Think later.

Jesse quietly gathered the bags Kochi and Taiga had left behind.

His eyes drifted toward Shintaro, who had remained silent the entire time.

The two exchanged a brief look. No words were needed.

Shintaro gave the smallest nod. "I'll stay."

Jesse nodded back. "I'll catch up with Kochi first before their ride leaves... then I'll go after Juri."

Shintaro smiled faintly. "Got it."

A moment later, Jesse disappeared through the door.

And once again the room fell silent. Only two people remained. Shintaro looked across the room. Hokuto still hadn't moved.

"...You okay?"

No answer. Shintaro wasn't surprised. He took a slow step forward until he was standing directly in front of Hokuto.

"...Hokuto."

Only then did Hokuto blink. As if he had finally remembered there were still people left in the room.

The silence felt different now that everyone else had gone. There was no Juri's anger cutting through it. No Jesse trying to lighten the atmosphere. No Kochi's steady presence. No Taiga.

Especially no Taiga.

Hokuto was still standing exactly where he had been. He hadn't moved since Taiga walked out. His eyes remained fixed on the door.

Not really looking at it. Just staring.

As if some part of him was still waiting for it to open again. As if Taiga might come back. As if, somehow, he might hear his name. As if he could still undo everything if he was given one more chance.

But the door stayed closed.

Shintaro watched him for a while. He didn't say anything at first.

He knew Hokuto well enough to know that there were moments when words only made things worse. Hokuto had always been difficult to read for people who didn't know him closely enough. He could hide behind a straight face, a calm voice, a dry remark. He could make almost anything sound ordinary if he wanted to. 

But Shintaro had known him for years. And right now, Hokuto didn't look calm.

He looked empty. His shoulders were stiff, his breathing barely noticeable. His hands were still clenched at his sides, fingers trembling despite how hard he tried to keep them still.

Shintaro took a slow breath. Then he stepped closer. “You okay?”

Hokuto didn't answer.

Shintaro waited. A few seconds passed. Nothing.

“You don't have to say you're fine,” Shintaro added quietly.

Hokuto's fingers tightened.

“I'm fine.” The answer came automatically.

Shintaro almost sighed.

There it was. The same answer everyone always gave when they didn't want anyone to look too closely.

“Right,” Shintaro murmured. He didn't argue. Didn't tell Hokuto he was lying. Didn't ask him to explain. Instead, he stood beside him.

For a while, neither of them moved. The air conditioner hummed quietly above them. Somewhere outside the room, footsteps passed down the hallway, distant voices fading almost as quickly as they came.

Life was still moving. People were still going home. Staff were probably already cleaning up. The world hadn't stopped. Only Hokuto felt like he had.

Then, finally, he lowered his gaze. His eyes landed on the floor. And somehow, that was worse.

Because the moment he stopped looking at the door, there was nothing left for him to pretend he was waiting for.

Taiga was gone. He had walked away. And Hokuto had let him.

That thought came back again.

You’re right. We’re just members.

Colleagues.

Nothing else.

Hokuto's chest tightened. His throat burned. He swallowed hard, but the feeling refused to disappear. 

He had wanted Taiga to say those words. Hadn't he?

He had wanted him to accept it. To understand. To stop asking for something Hokuto believed they couldn't have.

He had wanted Taiga to finally stop looking at him with those eyes that made it impossible to keep pretending. 

So why did hearing it feel like someone had reached into his chest and torn something out with their bare hands? 

Why did it feel like he had just watched the most important person in his life walk away from him… and he had been the one who told him to?

Shintaro glanced at him again. “Hokuto.”

No response.

“You know you can talk to me, right?”

Hokuto closed his eyes. For one brief second, his face finally betrayed him.

Pain. Raw and immediate. The kind that had been carefully buried beneath every controlled expression, every measured answer, every excuse he had repeated to himself until he almost believed them.

Then it disappeared again.

“I know.” His voice was barely above a whisper.

Shintaro looked at him for another moment. He wanted to ask.

Wanted to know what had happened between them. Wanted to understand why two people who had spent years orbiting around each other had suddenly become strangers standing in the same room.

But he also knew this wasn't the moment.

Whatever happened between Taiga and Hokuto was too fragile to pry open in a dressing room that still carried the echoes of what had just happened.

So Shintaro only nodded. “Let's go.”

Hokuto didn't move. “Go where?”

“Home.” The word sounded strangely heavy.

Home.

A place where there would be no cameras. No staff. No members. No music. No choreography to hide behind. No reason to smile.

Just himself. And everything he had been trying not to feel.

Hokuto finally nodded. “...Okay.”

They began gathering their things in silence. Hokuto moved mechanically, picking up his belongings one by one without really looking at them. His mind was somewhere else entirely. 

His fingers stopped when they reached for his phone. The screen lit up.

For a moment, he stared at it. Nothing.

No new message. No missed call. No notification from Taiga. Of course there wasn't.

Why would there be?

Hokuto locked the screen again.

Then, almost as if the thought had slipped out before he could stop it, Shintaro spoke.

“...You should go after him.” 

Hokuto froze. His heart seemed to stop for half a second.

“No.” The answer was immediate.

Shintaro looked back at him, “Hokuto...” 

“No.” This time, the word was quieter. But firmer. Final.

Shintaro frowned slightly. “You really mean that?”

Hokuto’s jaw tightened. He wanted to say yes. He wanted to say he meant it. That this was the right thing. That Taiga would be better without him. That everything he had done was necessary. That he had made the difficult choice because someone had to.

But Taiga’s voice came back to him instead.

Loving you isn’t selfish.

Hokuto closed his eyes. It hurt. God, it hurt.

Because for one terrible second, he wanted to open that door.

For one horrible second, he wished he had done something different.

Anything.

Called his name. Reached for his hand. Stopped him before he walked away. Told him the truth. Told him that he was scared. Told him that being realistic had never meant he stopped loving him. That he never could.

But then reality came crashing back. The reality he was too afraid to face.

Everything they had built. Everything they had worked for. Everything that could be taken away if they weren't careful.

And, most frightening of all, the possibility that Taiga could be hurt even more because of him.

Hokuto had thought about all of it. Over and over. Until the fear had become louder than the love.

So he had chosen the only thing he thought he could do.

He had cut Taiga off. He had made himself cold enough. Cruel enough. Distant enough. He had pushed Taiga away until Taiga would have no choice but to let go.

At least... That was what he kept telling himself. That was the story he had repeated every night. That hurting Taiga now was better than destroying him later. That making Taiga hate him was better than letting Taiga lose everything because of him. That walking away was an act of love.

But standing in that empty room now, with Taiga’s words still echoing in his head, Hokuto wasn't sure he believed any of it anymore.

“I can't.” His voice was barely audible. 

Shintaro’s expression softened. “You don't have to explain it to me.”

Hokuto opened his eyes.

“But...” Shintaro hesitated. 

He looked at Hokuto carefully. “...you know you hurt him, right?” 

The words were quiet. There was no accusation in them. No anger.

And somehow, that made them hurt even more. Hokuto looked away. His throat tightened.

“I know.”

The answer came out almost soundlessly.

Shintaro stood there for another second, as if he wanted to say something else.

But he didn't. Maybe there was nothing left to say. Maybe Hokuto already knew everything he needed to know.

Shintaro picked up the last of his things and walked toward the door. His hand rested on the handle. He glanced back once.

Hokuto was still standing there. Still staring at nothing. Still carrying the weight of a decision he had made alone.

“Take care of yourself,” Shintaro said quietly.

Hokuto didn't answer.

The door opened. Then closed.

Click.

And this time, there was no one left in the room to witness the regret on Hokuto's face.

No one saw the way his shoulders finally dropped. No one saw the way he pressed a trembling hand over his mouth, trying to keep the breath that escaped him from becoming something more.

No one saw his eyes close. No one saw how desperately he wished he could take back the last hour.

But the worst part wasn't that Taiga had walked away.

It wasn't even that he had let him. It was knowing that when Taiga had given him one last chance to tell the truth...

Hokuto had chosen to lie.

And now there was no one left to convince him that it had been the right choice.